• Member Since 29th Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

johnnyomon21


E

"Ever heard the expression kids grow up fast these days. Well, that's well that's a underestimation for Spike if I ever heard it!" it has been three years since Spike moved to ponyville and he's now 13 years of age! Fully teen and turning many heads! while he is celebrating his birthday he is hurt by the one pony he never thought would hurt him. So Spike does the unthinkable and tries to leave his world for the human world. But while he does so he gains something spike needed all along he gains a brother. But after both find them self in a romantic situation they are not ready for! what will happen? Stay tuned!

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 49 )

that's better. The last time i read this story in fanfiction.net, the paragraph are so close, i barely read anything

8340082
Sorry about that. Have been trying for three years to get this up. But finding an editor was tuff for me. I have mental problems, so editing and Grammer are one of my weaknesses. But I am not going to use that as excuses. I finally made it, and I love my story. But thanks to you all saw my description it was bad, and I am glad I was able to fix it up a little.

what does sfw images mean? triedto upload a pic of spike for my story. but cloudn't. can any one help?

8341149
welcome. keep it up. i do love your story

When is the next chapter?

8396254
soon my friend i am waiting for my editors to finish.

hi sorry for the many mistakes that were my bad. but I got them fixed. and I am so happy to be able to finally put some chapters up!!! i what to thank my editor BLANKS for this fine job well done. i will try to get more out soon.

That's better! And i'm guessing it was Sombra, some left over dark magic that stayed dormant and finally came out.

hahahahahahahthank you very much and you will have to wait and see. stay tuned!!

i want to thank BLANKS my editor for all his help.

there if there is any more mistakes i will work on it this weekend.

There I believe I too care of those Citizens that just kept running on with some spacing will flee now it doesn't look like a run . on sentence I want to thank readers for point those flaws out I am to starting off on this story I'm doing the best I can I only tried to play the best quality I can give

8933201
I do hope you can fix these errors, I'm enjoying this story but it's still getting negative views on it.

Good luck Spike:rainbowlaugh:

I am sorry to tell you this, but it means that out of 37, 16 liked it and 21 disliked it and not the way the author note said. Though I think your determination is good because continueing to write even with some who dislike the story, is a sign that you won't give up any time soon.

Oh thank you and I will. Continue thank you for support.

8934363
Well, that might be because it still has a host of issues.

The pacing is on steroids. I get lost all the time because there's no time given to anything, everything's rushed. Every character reads like they're screaming at the top of their lungs, and after having too much coffee. More than two exclamation points kinda create that effect. Then there's how everything seems so construed solely to glorify Spike (he killed Sombra? Special dragon powers? Heir to the kingdom? A harem because of course everyone lusts after him? In the first four chapters?!)

I will say this though, at least this story didn't just turn one of the girls into a horrible bitch so Spike can angst. It did so with Sombra as the source. Better that way, yes. Then again, there's still this ironic need to have everyone ganging up on Twilight, hitting her, screaming at her, loudly demanding an explanation but not giving her time to actually give one. Oh, and about that: There is one(!) sentence about Spike's reaction to hearing that what happened wasn't really Twilight's fault (a petty reaction, but I'm going to count that as a flaw of his), and I missed it the first three times I read that chapter because it's buried in between all the harem stuff.

Here is some honest advice I would give the author:

Slow down. Don't rush things. Drama isn't a NASCAR race.

Especially if you have so much happening at the same time. Spike Harem, human coming to Equestria, Twilight possessed by Sombra, that leading to a falling out between Spike and her... every single one of these could be a story in its own right. I'm not saying they have to be, but I am saying squashing everything into as few words as possible is a lot like getting a multi-course meal served in one bowl.

A personal pet peeve, but still: Shilling Spike. It's a tad much. I'm guessing the girls won't, for example, take Spike aside to tell him holding a grudge against Twilight for something she had no control over is not helpful, unhealthy, and also unfair. For that matter, I wonder if they will apologise for all the horrible things they said to her when she was clearly deeply regretful of what Sombra made her say to hurt Spike.

There's also some little things, like typing out numbers. Anything below one hundred should, at the very least, be typed out, not doing so often comes across as lazy to readers. And in dialogue, writing conventions are to put a comma before the name when characters address one another, to avoid confusion. Here's an example why:

"I'm going to clean up Twilight!"

versus

"I'm going to clean up, Twilight!"


Despite all the criticism above, please don't think I want anyone to stop writing. Far from it. Maybe some of what I wrote will be helpful, maybe it won't. The most important part is not to stop trying.

Thank you for your advise I will take it and try harder😁

9033163
Well I like it want to see more of it. Whens the next chapter.

great story so far hope to see more soon

So when do you plan on releasing the next chapter

OMG, so this story is AMAZING😃. When's the next chapter please. 😊

9031840
indeed sir however there are many more people like this story then they are disliking the story.:pinkiehappy:
:moustache:

8341602
I was going to give a dislike, but I retracted it because I admire your tenacity. I just think you need to pause for a moment, go back to each chapter, and rework the pacing and dialogue. It's all too fast, and the things the characters say don't sound like things everyday people would actually say

Did you create this whole cosmic war or is it from somewhere ? It is just so wierd and out of the blue ! It is really confusing !

When is the next chapter coming it’s a huge cliffhanger

Liking the story so far especially John so can't wait for the next chapter take ur time on it

Can I ask when the story will be updated?

9883219
Soon iam working with my editor to get uploaded soon. Hopefully there will be two uploaded.

Hi :) first i would like to ask when you will update this story, on your fanfiction account you already have few more chapters updated but they are not edited, and if you don't want to edit it yourself i would be willing to make some editing of your fanfiction chapters and then send it to you. Because i think its shame that it wasn't updated in here :/// its really good story and its really hard to read on your fanfiction account ://

YES. Finally, another chapter. I've been waiting for this for a while. Thank you Johnnyomon. This is a great story you've made. Keep up the great work.

hello!! everypony!!!!! i am back with my new editor! i can thank him enough. BladeSwift900 with out this being I would not have do this also I don't own any of characters. or the art work they are they right of the peoplehttps://www.fimfiction.net/user/400607/BladeSwift900 who made them. here's his link
chapter 10 coming up soon.

10508458
i dont know found this picture one day on deviant art.

10508725
no lol just was hard to find an editor. and going through somethings.

But, isn't the blue dragon in the picture a girl?

Another great chapter Johnnyomon. Can't wait for the next one.

hey to all my readers i am trying to add images i did it with chapter 9 but that was a fluke. i need help. so i can make it the best it could be. i have tried imgur . but it doesn't work. please any pony i need help

10508541
Its actually princess luna turned into a dragoness.

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