Sunset's Descent
“This is the biggest mistake you’ll make in your entire life.”
That was the last thing she said. Those were the last words she told her mentor before defying everything they’d worked so hard for over the years. Sunset Shimmer had never been close to her family, plucked out of her nest at a younger than usual age when her brilliance in magical abilities was discovered.
Princess Celestia was the only one she had, and that bond had been broken the moment she stepped hoof into the magic mirror.
The young adolescent immediately swerved forward, head dizzy as she blinked her way back to consciousness. Slowly but surely, the blackness in her vision faded and was replaced with an unfamiliar surrounding. Looking around, she discovered a school building looming over her. Where am I? She remembered reading briefly about the portal opening to another world, before her former mentor had interrupted her.
Gritting her teeth in frustration, Sunset surveyed her surrounding again. It was dark, maybe close to midnight. Several leaves lay fallen around the courtyard. Autumn. Just like home. Sunset then noticed a piece of paper on the ground beside her. Maybe it has some information about this world. Curious, she tried to levitate it closer.
Nothing happened.
Again.
Sunset was beginning to panic. My magic… doesn’t work here? What does that mean for her? Sunset bent closer to lift the paper with her mouth, but what she noticed next sent her heart beating out of her chest. The preteen shakily lifted her hoof into her line of vision to see something entirely different. Instead of the flat surface, she now had five smaller legs growing out of her hoof. They weren’t quite claws; she’d never seen something like these before. Sunset impatiently began surveying the rest of her body that was available to see without looking into her reflection.
The first thing Sunset realized was that her front and back legs were vastly different. Both were skinny, though, that was for sure. Her hind legs were much longer than her front, and her tail was completely gone. Sunset tentatively used her new hooves to grasp the piece of paper lying before her and sloppily hold it up to her face.
CANTERLOT HIGH SUNDANCE. CHS YEARBOOK.
I’m still in Canterlot? How? Sunset shook her head. Of course she wasn’t still in Canterlot – the book itself said that the mirror was a gateway to a completely new world. It seems to have transformed her biologically to match whatever new kind of species that reigned here. Yet… How? She looked up at the looming building once more. Is this Canterlot High? There wasn’t such a school she knew of back in Equestria, so the mirror world must take components from there and rearrange them into something unique.
“Well, well, this is an interesting development…” I guess. Sunset Shimmer finally tried to lift herself into a standing position. She studied enough about bipedal animals at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns to know right away that her body was no longer meant to walk on all fours. Though her mind screamed at her to keep all of her hooves grounded, she hoisted herself up to a vertical position while using the mirror as leverage. Stumbling a bit at first, Sunset quickly positioned herself comfortably. That’s’ right, the mirror! Gulping, she turned herself towards the mirror and gasped at what she saw.
What was she? She still looked like herself, but not. Aside from the obvious biological changes, she was now covered in strange clothing. Her gaze softened when she caught familiar sight of her cutie mark, somehow stitched into her shirt. Her skin was bare, aside from the fiery mane that fell fully from around her head. Her ears lay at the sides of her face, no longer pointed. Her muzzle was flattened. I’m so ugly was all she could think.
At that moment, Sunset realized how tired she’d become. It was late, and she was only 144 moons old in a strange new world. Sunset needed to find a place to stay for the night. One step at a time, Sunset took her first steps away from the mirror and into the open. Walking wasn’t so bad.
---
In what felt like no time at all, the fire-haired girl found herself in the middle of a bustling city, lit up mainly by streetlights. Sunset wasn’t sure where to turn to next. Finding a home wasn’t hard at all for her in Equestria, and she’d never been on her own before. She was never close with her parents when she lived with them, and left for Celestia’s School at a very young age. She had everything handed to her on a silver platter from then on out. Sudden realization hit her that without magic, without Celestia, she was nothing.
No. She was better than Celestia. Stronger than Celestia. Smarter than-
“Sunset Shimmer?” An all too familiar voice sounded nearby. Sunset spun around, heart pounding. Celestia?! Did she follow me here? Swiftly, Sunset shrunk down and pressed herself into the shadows of the night. She saw a tall woman with multicolored hair standing a couple hundred feet away. Was Celestia coming to take her back? Was she really that stupid? Rage burned up inside her again. She didn’t need Celestia.
“Oh, hey Principle Celestia!” Another figure stepped out beside her former mentor. Sunset stared in horror as she realized she was watching nopony other than herself. Her mind, for the first time in her young life, was blank. She felt as though she was in a paranormal movie. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
‘Principal’ Celestia chuckled. “And I you. May I ask what my top student is doing up so late at this hour? You know it’s not safe to be wandering around the streets at night.”
Sunset Shimmer’s doppelganger smiled sheepishly. “I stayed later than usual helping out at the Animal Shelter. We got a new girl there, so I’ve been helping her get settled in.” The strange girl waved her hooves about as she talked up to her teacher. “She’s a natural! I’d expect soon there wouldn’t be any animals left if she stays on board.” She broke out into a yawn. “That’ll be… great…”
Celestia placed a hoof on her shoulder. “Why don’t I walk you home, at least part of the way? I’m headed down to Joe’s to grab a cup of coffee for Vice Principal Luna. She’s such a night owl, who would’ve guessed?”
The girl nodded in sleepy agreement. “Sure, that would be nice.” Chattering some more, the two familiar strangers continued down the street together. Sunset Shimmer, still aghast at the situation surrounding her, decided to follow them. Maybe she can learn something useful… If she could get past what she was watching. It pained her to see this world’s Sunset and Celestia getting along so well. We used to be like that… Sunset hesitated. Was it worth it staying here? Could she go back home, apologize, and start over?
No. It was Celestia who needed to apologize, not her. Celestia was wrong. Celestia didn’t see her true potential. Celestia feared her. She feared for herself. She didn’t want to see Sunset as an equal because she knew. She knew Sunset was already better than her as a mere Unicorn. If Sunset ascended, Celestia would have seen the end of her reign. As she should.
“This is it.” Lost in her thoughts, Sunset hadn’t realized how far they’d walked. Hiding, Sunset peered to see an all too familiar donut shop on the corner across the street. Celestia continued, “I’ll see you at school tomorrow, my prized student. Don’t stay up too much later.” She waved her hoof and continued off into the shop.
The doppelganger, however, kept moving forward. Sunset bit her lip, crossing the road. I used to be your favorite student. Technically, she still was, but it wasn’t the same. It was nowhere near the same. If Sunset could start over again in this world, maybe… just maybe, she could grow even stronger. Stronger than this world’s Celestia, strong enough to take Princess Celestia down. But how…
Then it snapped. Sunset looked down at her hooves, bending her extra legs open and closed. I could… Could she do it? Could she stoop to that level? She peered through the shop window, watching Celestia exchange a conversation with the familiar face of Donut Joe. Her brows furrowed. It doesn’t matter if I can do it. I have to do it.
Sunset shivered, and caught up to the other Sunset while leaving a safe distance between them. By now, they were farther out from the city, and the streetlights had all but died out. She felt her knees beginning to grow weak at the thought of what she was about to do. She reached into her saddlebag and gripped the woven material inside. She could feel her breathing grow heavier. Calm down, Sunset. You can do this.
Suddenly her doppelganger stopped walking and tensed. Shit. Sunset knew she had to act fast before getting caught. With a deep intake of air, she charged, whipping the knife out of her saddlebag and swung towards her enemy.
Pain flashed its way into her jaw when she felt something hard slam into her. Sunset fell to the ground, losing her grip on the knife. She looked up to see a foot ram itself into her gut, immediately winding her. “Who are you?” Her doppelganger spoke, grabbing her by her hair. “What do you want-” Her threat was cut off by a terrified gasp, and she dropped Sunset back onto the ground.
She backed away. “W-What are-” she yelped, tripping over a crack in the ground, and fell onto her bottom. “What-?”
Sunset took this to her advantage. Ignoring her own pain, she powered through. She grabbed the knife again and ran forward again. Still not used to her new body, Sunset tripped in the process. She grabbed the copy’s leg and pulled herself towards her, while she still lay whimpering in shock. Without a second thought, Sunset plunged the knife into her side with as much strength as she could muster.
The doppelganger cried out, cut off by another pierce of the knife. Sunset laughed maniacally. Oh, Celestia, if you could only see me now! Sunset stabbed again. “Look at how strong I am!” She screamed. “Is this what you wanted?!” Now panting, Sunset took another lunge, again, and again.
After a few more attempts, Sunset finally stopped to see that the girl beneath her was already dead. She stared down at the doppelganger, gasping for air. I… I did it. She laughed again, feeling a new swell in her throat as tears clouded her vision. I did it! She dropped the knife, shaking more than she ever had before. I killed Sunset Shimmer.
Sunset Shimmer rolled over onto her back, still laughing. She could feel tears edging their way down the sides of her face, dissolving into her mess of hair. She wiped at her eyes, surprised to feel her skin grow even more wet. Sunset forced herself into a sitting position and looked down at her hooves. Blood.
Slowly, she forced herself to turn and look at the girl beside her for what felt like the first time. She lie still, eyes closed, mouth left in a horrified grimace. Sunset saw her body and clothes soaked in blood. She’d known what to expect, yet she couldn’t help but feel sick at the sight. I did that.
Sunset knew she had to act fast. Still shaky from her encounter, Sunset dragged the body further into darkness until she - luckily - came across a pool of water. With a grunt, she heaved the body into the lake, turning away as soon as she heard it splash. Sunset limped away until she found herself enclosed in nature. She sat herself down, pulling her knees into her chest. She could never go back home now. Not after what she did. How could she? Sunset looked down at her hooves… her hands, full of the blood she had shed tonight. She killed someone. She was a monster. Yet, she couldn’t help but smile.
I killed Sunset Shimmer.
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Can you make a Sequel, say after the Fall Formal, after the truth on Sunset is revealed some of the others will want to know what hqappened to the Orginal, and hwo will Sunset deal with her sins brought in a new light thanks to the rainbow.
If that's the case, given that minotaurs are a thing in Equestria, shouldn't she be able to recognize hands when she sees them? I mean, maybe she'd think of them as claws, but saying that she'd never seen anything like them sounds like a bit of a stretch. Sorry for nitpicking like that, but that's something that's always bugged me and I felt like being picky because there's not much else to complain about.
Other than that ridiculously minor complaint, pretty good job. In some ways, I could actually see pre-reformation Sunset doing something like this and I would be very interested in seeing a follow-up of some kind. I think there's some good potential for angstiness if the rainbow gives her a new perspective on things, and I'd also be interested in seeing how Principal Celestia handled her favorite student spontaneously turning into a conniving bitch.
7649477
Thanks for the critique! I can see where you were coming from, but i decided to play it safe because IIRC... after Twilight came back home telling everyone "Sunset was in good hands", they didn't know what hands were. It's quite possible Sunset did actually learn about them, or was supposed to learn about them and skipped over it because she thought she didn't need it. Plus i imagine Sunset was very young when she left, around 12-14 (due to being in EQG world early enough that she existed at least a while before the freshman faire), so it's also possible she slipped up because she is still just a child, regardless :)
Thank you so much! If I get my creative juices flowing again, and if many are interested, I might try out a sequel in time
7649067 Maybe one day! thank you
Well that's over way to handle a plot hole
All in all, this was a good story. A very dark take on pre-reform Sunset, which I like. Echoing the others, I'm also curious what thoughts she'd have about this after her reformation. I can imagine it haunting her for a long time, not to mention causing problems beforehand as well. Trying to step into someone's life when she doesn't understand the world itself yet, let alone have any of her double's memories, has got to prove to be difficult. Not to mention water logged bodies float, so a criminal investigation is all too likely.
Not sure if you're at all interested in continuing this, but it could prove interesting. This works as a one shot, but it could also lead down some very interesting paths
Well this story certainly earned its dark tag. I'd be interested in reading a follow-up where the body or skeleton is dredged up out of the water and DNA testing or dental records identify her as Sunset Shimmer. Or the body might not even need to be discovered to arouse suspicion. The people in her life would be suspicious once she revealed she's from another world.
This is quite thoughtful, and the murder is dramatic, but how Sunset got to a murderous state of mind could be shown more vividly. I get that seeing an idyllic relationship between Celestia and herself hurt her, that's a great idea, but there could be a more emotional sense of growing insanity, from her previous troubles, until she snaps at that point. The mention of Fluttershy was a very nice touch.
7651819
Thank you for the critique! I'll admit I don't really have an excuse other than wanting to get the story done before i went to bed for the bit of rushed writing/Sunset's quick-to-take actions, hahaha. I never really intended it to be more, but if I ever have time I might see about revisiting this in the future :P
Not the first time I've seen the idea proposed, but definitely the first time I've seen it acted out in such grisly detail. I'd expect pony Sunset to tail her counterpart a bit longer to figure out where she lived, but she's at her most desperate right now. Brilliant portrayal of her absolute lowest point.
The rawness of her morals cracking is frightening. Well done.