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Damaged


Just a pon who likes writing. (Patreon)

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If it weren't for a group of young mares, saving the day with luck and intuition, Equestria would fall. Chrysalis finds this absolutely unacceptable. For the love of ponies and their carefree way of life, the changeling queen takes a stand. Will she survive? Will Equestria?

Whoa, buckle up everypony, this one promises to be another big story!

The art is once more done by the amazing Vavacung, please show them some love and appreciation!

Chapters (36)
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Comments ( 798 )

We begin. Welcome one and all to the story of a changeling queen who cares so much about ponies that she would do anything to protect them.

I present your Queen, Dorkalis. :twilightsmile:

Vavacung is one of my favorite artist. :heart: :raritywink: I am very interested to see what this fic is about. :pinkiehappy:

Wow, she is almost like a second Twilight only... more dorky and affectionate. Her interactions between Shining and Cadance were especially amusing. Definitely looking forward to seeing more!

Hey, couch-changeling? Do you get to keep any bits that get lost between the cushions, or does it go into a general hive fund? :pinkiehappy:

This seems cool, just found it in new stories. Feature worthy, even!

Interesting and more rational take on the changelings. Added to my tracking shelf. Interested in seeing where this goes.

Very interesting premises. :pinkiegasp: Looking foward to the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

7639042 Another 3700 words queued up and ready to publish. And got another 1600 words that need expanding. I want to push through the prologue and get that up, then I can move in on the meat of the story.

7638837 I hope to be worth the read. A lot of thought has gone into the plot of this, including making certain things that happen be more believable than the show made them.

7638675 Oh my, might get on there.

7638635 Nah, but she gives you the bits back and then drinks down your thanks.

7638475 More is on its way!

7638212 This is my second story to feature Vavacung's work, I am absolutely blown away with everything they do, hope to get more for future stories!

For those wondering, the "fan name" of this particular variant of Chrysalis is "Dorkalis" and, after seeing her in a few places, I was instantly in love. I bet she is the most well fed changeling ever.

Very interesting premise, I think I'm going to fall in love with this version of Chryssie, she's just so adorable.

Hey, lamp-ling, how bright are you?

Well, that escalated quickly. Not that I can really blame her. I'd love to see a situation blow up in Celestia's face for a change rather than her scraping by on dumb luck.

Interesting, though the obvious timing issue with Shining being the captain of the guard...

I was hoping she would get to build a friendship with Twilight first before things blew up like that.

7639050 Heh, I wish I could feature it. But I'm not a mod.

So does Vavacung do requests?

7640330 Her commissions are closed at the moment, but you can always ask her if she can squeeze something in.

Well, that escalated quickly. But it makes sense, she's an outsider, so she's not blinded by the ponies' devotion to Celestia and she clearly sees just how hinged on dumb luck the whole thing is.

Snrk, I just imagine Chryssie having hours long discussions with the eggs.

It is weird that I want to hug this version of Chrysalis? Please tell me I'm not the only one.

I hope chrysie shows Celestia how dumb luck shouldn't be relied upon.

Please, don't let this be a canon with few details changed. Derail the whole thing!

7640912 I promise you much derailing. INFINITE derailing. *




* Infinite is valued at 80%

I'm vaguely imagining Chryssi here as a cartoonified and immensely-bored version of the Alien queen. :rainbowlaugh:

liking so far .. i like seeing chryssi in a noble intention light. it is not done enough.

As the words sank in, particularly the ruler hinging the entirety of Equestria on one little group of young mares—as Chrysalis realized just how deluded the idea was—her hope broke. She gathered up the book she had been using and carefully returned it to the rack.

And this is the breaking point. Oh Tia, you don't know what you have started. A little more forgiveness would have gone a long way.
Big 'D', was a little hesitant at your original blog on this one, but it is turning out far better than expected, shall read on with relish...and mustard...and pickles...make sure the doggy is Castlemaine, they have the best hot dogs.:pinkiehappy:
sunshinesmallgoods.com.au/shop/images/Sunshine_Smallgoods_%20KR_%20Continental_%20Franks.jpg

Huh, wasn't expecting that development. Scoots is gonna be like Chryssie's right-hoof filly?

Chryssie will call her... Mini-me!

Huh, that's an interesting development. I like it. It should allow Scootaloo to fly much more easily.

I foresee that she'll manage to keep it a secret from the other two Crusaders for exactly 15 seconds.

this is a perfect scoot-a-dopt scenerio f/5 stars

Well, that was unexpected.:twilightoops:

The pacing seems a bit fast at parts, but the way you write Chrysalis and her changelings redeems it for me. I'll be watching this one to see where it goes.:raritywink:

Ehm...This feels like setting up for everything that happened in the episode...Are you sure it is derailed?

7642823 This is the prologue, leading up to the real story. Things are slowly deviating, setting up for the characters that the actual story will be about. But honestly, you don't see where things are going? Even with the picture provided?

7643048 Well, Chrysalis is wearing Celestia's regalia and Twilight is bowing to her, that kinda implies Chrysalis won and holds the throne. That is where things really diverge and when "chapter 1" will begin.

There was a reason I got custom art for this story, I didn't want any confusion. :twilightsmile:

Well, considering Cadance is a capital-P Princess right now, one of three, her knowing Chrysalis Chryssi and witnessing that Chryssi discovered Nightmare Moon's return ahead of time should be more than enough.

Yeah, right :ajbemused:

chrysalissssss, why are you so gosh darn adorable in glasses?

"Uh, yeah. Just dropping a book off for Twilight Sparkle." Chrysalis slid the fake hook out a little.

book
OK story canon officially derailed!

I'm happy that I've caught this story at its beginning.
Now I'm not only loving it - I could see as it progress thought derailing stupid "luck should do it" plans!
10/10

It's amazing how Celestia can make enemies without even trying. She's just lucky that Chrysalis is intent on doing this FOR the ponies, even if it's a little bit of a misguided intent.

See Celestia, your security sucks :rainbowwild:.

I wonder how much time Chrysalis will spend ruling once she takes over, and how much time she'll spend gloating to Celestia about being a better defender of the realm.

And now we reach the end of the prologue. Chrysalis has prepared for the invasion, her intent is not only strong but pure. Each of the major characters of the story has been seen by the queen and now their stories can begin.

Thank you for sticking with me as I try to make sure at least one of my stories has a solid beginning. :twilightblush:

Chocolate rain brought to Equestria by Discord, courtesy of Tay Zonday. :derpytongue2:

7644593 I am always worried with portraying Discord, he is... complex. A little mix of 4th wall breaking, insight into what Chrysalis should be, and treating the main "show" story line as an actual play that he is just a character in... I hope it works.

7644618
I think you did a fine job writing him. The only thing that could be better would be if it were animated and we could see all the visual puns and gags that accompany his speech.

Perhaps, before she invades Canterlot, Chrysalis can go back to the castle as Chryssi just to ask Celestia who that spirit of Chaos was, since it clearly couldn't be Discord since Celestia was quite firm about his prison being strong enough to keep him trapped.

Or maybe she can just mention it to Celestia after she has the pony princess stuck in a cocoon, if she does that in this story.

Huh, well, I wonder how many times can they be so lucky.

Scootaling!

Nice chapter, though the pacing might be bit fast in places.

"I can't take any more of this, if anypony asked, I left you two love-birds sitting apart and not even able to look at each other."

this. If
asks,

She poked her head past her faithful drone and saw Princess Celestia, accompanied by a bunch of young mares and.

Not quite sure what punctuation is called for here, but I'm certain a period isn't it. A dash is probably the best choice.

"Oh, uh… probably not. I was just flying past with my, friends…"

my or my...

Both mare's felt their hearts soar at the idea.

mares

You really have a thing for changelings, don't you? Then again, all your stories I enjoyed prominently feature changelings, so what does that say about me?

Hey Chryssi, how did you, Shining, and Cadance meet?

Chrysalis stepped in and, despite herself, had to smile. "This day has been just… perfect. I am totally going to have to get my things."

img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130405221911/mlp/images/e/e1/FANMADE_Luna_I_see_what_you_did_there.jpg

"My Queen?" Braced was first to her side, shedding his disguise as her chest of draws.

I suspect you meant something different there.

"My Queen, we are almost all together, what is your command?" Braced was puffing out his chest, feeling his mother as more a queen now than ever before.

was?

Celestia isn't completely stupid, she sees something in Twilight… she must be going to grow, or become something big."

Awkward phrasing. she must have potential to grow, or to become something big." might work better.

I need to think about this, but not here."

"I

"The first, of many."

The comma isn't necessary, but I'm of two minds on whether it needs to go.

7645372 This one was sparked as an idea I had been kicking around, but neglecting because it seemed "bad". Basically, Chrysalis takes over and is evil-nasty tyrant who just doesn't care so long as she and her drones are fed. It was a bad idea, without any fun or twist.

Then I found Dorkalis, and I realized the story was hers.

Also, post the question on the latest chapter so I can find it when it comes time to publish the next. :twilightsmile:

"I can. I can't believe she was keeping the elements here, they aren't tied to her anymore."

Elements

"Hi there," Chrysalis grinned a mile wide, "and to who do I have the pleasure of speaking?"

whom

"Maybe you could come and wait for me, for the train to return?"

with

7645516 I know it's "whom", you know it's "whom", Twilight would likely correct her to "whom"... but Chryssi is saying "who" :twilightsmile:

Thanks for the fixes!:twilightsmile:

"What… what happened? Did we do something wrong?" Scootaloo looked up at the nice mare, the only adult who had not only understood her, but had welcomed her. "We didn't meant-"

mean-"

Her heart ached that she had left the nymph behind, but she had been so adamant about being a "Crusader" still. "How goes the plans?"

go

edit: (copied from first chapter) Hey Chryssi, how did you, Shining, and Cadance meet?

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