He who overcomes shall inherit all things.
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A snapshot of the millennial lives of a young Celestia and Luna, as they prepare to do battle with Discord and fight to keep the Harmony they have only so recently mastered, and learn lessons they will struggle with all their days. In a journey that has no end, what matters most is who walks beside you.
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Dammit RedSquirrel, you master wordsmith!
Very beautiful story.
RedSquirrel, have I ever told you you are one of my favorite authors?
Well... that was just beautiful, emotional, deep....and above all a joy to read. Have all my Internets!!!
Beautiful, simply beautiful.
Also, something I noticed, this story had a bit of a Game Of Thrones feel to it, with the whole Five Kings and stuff.
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I'm writing fics and you can't stop me!
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And a beautiful comment.
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And I love you, random citizen!
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I'm not sure I'll be able to hold them all, but thank you!
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Hmm! Not really what I was going for, but I guess I can't avoid the comparison and it's not a bad one to make anyway. I was mostly just going for "vague yet epic backstory." Thank you for the comment! I eat them up like pizza.
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y'know what, I'm going to keep adding this to relevant groups until it get's the recognition it deserves. Not all at once though, just once every few days so it hits a larger audience.
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That'd be totally awesome! Thanks!
This sharply reminds me of LotR, in the sense of vastness of the world that the story inhabits, and the scope of the story itself. Your writing style is something mind-bending. I reckon you enjoy writing this more than we readers enjoy reading this, which is quite a measurement, for I alone enjoy this to no end, and I believe others love this at least as much. Keep it up.
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Ah, the act of creating a story I really believe in is a joy I never get tired of, it's true. Thank you for such a wonderful comment. I hope my other creations are just as stirring.
By the way, a typo, in case you want to correct it:
"Every point of light in the sky that circled the globe of the was represented here"
WHY AREN'T PEOPLE READING THIS!!!111111 Seriously though, I'm going to try and get this some recognition. Not to the point of spamming mind you.
Very very beautiful and well-writen story!!!!
The end part makes my eyes teary.
Great job and well done!!!
I'm not a fimfiction regular, but I had to make an account just to once again say:
Incredible job. The pacing, language, and execution were very well pulled off. I particularly enjoyed the transition to the 'dream' state, noting the serious tone but innocent and 'young' syntax. And, the climax to the nightmare's destruction still gets me emotional, no matter how many times I read it. (Luckily I'm not narrating :D)
If you recall, me and my team had asked to do a dramatic presentation of this. If you'd like to see any progress, I'd be happy to send you images of artwork stills/after effects renders/small samples of the WIP audio. :3 I'm hoping we'll be done within a month.
>I read stories a month late and don't even care
I enjoyed the first two-thirds or so of this a great deal. You have a real knack for creating a sense of the larger world in which your narrative takes place; from the tantalizing hints of the Sisters' battle with Infernus to little things, like the statue near Sharrazalka's abode, you fill your tale with unspoken hints of history and stories yet untold, and I just love it.
That said, I have to admit I wasn't as happy with the ending. Celestia confronts Luna, who at the last moment is pulls herself from the madness of grief for her subjects (a scene which, in and of itself, was incredibly powerful. When Luna enumerates the burdens she's born which Celestia could not, you perfectly captured the volatile mix of power and helplessness which drove her to such straits), but from there you're held back by the fact that the central conflict is already resolved. The whole sequence with Luna following that lacks drama because, although her fate may still be in doubt, the central tension which drives the story has already been addressed. Coupled with the unorthodox decision to switch to Luna's POV after using Celestia as the focus character exclusively prior to that point, I'm afraid I didn't find it particularly effective.
Still, I don't want to give the impression that I didn't enjoy this story, because I definitely did. Thumbs up from me, and thank you for producing such an interesting piece of work.
A very interesting and well-written story. It certainly deserves more views and thumb-ups.
I particularly liked the differences of character between your Luna and Celestia. Generally, the whole approach to their personalities was what drove the story on, and methinks you pulled it off quite nicely.
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I would love any and all updates you care to send my way. I'm honored you're even doing this!
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I can't believe I didn't connect that you're the guy who wrote The Truth About Pokey Pierce and the guy who does the 6-star review site. Shows how much I pay attention. You give some of the most awesome reviews out there, I can't wait to read the rest of them when they come!
And thanks for the criticism! I don't necessarily agree the central conflict is resolved right before the sequence with Luna... that whole dream sequence is the conflict resolution. At that point Celestia has begun reaching out, but Luna still isn't sure Celestia honestly cares about her. I don't know what to tell you about switching to Luna's perspective, but either way thank you for giving me something to think about! I'm glad it was still worth a thumbs up.
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Characterization was essential to this story, so I'm glad you liked the way I did it.
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Thank you for reading!
Reading your work is like reading my own, except for the fact that is... well... better. Seriously, the style, the head canon, it's all so freakishly similar. Good lord this was awesome, haha. The depth of the world building, the vividness of the description... all awesome.
This story is criminally underrated at the moment. That makes me sad. :(
Keep up the amazing work!
Just amazing, man.
Hmm, not bad, not bad. You did a very good job of world-building, here, and I do thoroughly approve. There were some minor irks I had with the style you use here, as it felt as being not quite a rich as the tale deserves... again, minor.
However, I have to agree rather soundly with the following.
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The following sequence is a conflict resolution, but it's a different conflict. It's already clear that Luna has made her choice and the object shifts to whether or not she can reverse the consequences of her earlier choice.
Additionally, Celestia's sell to Luna didn't strike me as quite enough, given what you'd shown us prior. Luna could just as well closed Celestia off at that point, treating her words as 'pontifications and petty promises,' I felt. Otherwise, everything you did with the characters throughout the piece seemed to work in its own way.
Still, a great and touching read! +Thumb
Oh, hey! I read this in a google document, after one of my editors recommended it to me. I didn't know it was on fimfic! This is, without a doubt, one of my personal favorites. It deserves so much more recognition than it has.
I won't do a full on review, but I'll have you know, you did an excellent job balancing world-building and actual story, so much so that they're often hard to tell apart. Luna and Celestia's sisterly interaction is just grand; it's just really believable and touching. Also, the weird, experimental dream sequence was neato bandito. It got a little muddled and hard to read at times, but it really did a good job of driving home the feeling of a huge, frightening, otherworldly presence.
Thanks for sharing your work!
Recommended here by Raven's Dagger.
Hope I'm not disappointed (though not likely).
That was great. I loved the worldbuilding and the hints at something greater, and your characterisation of Luna is different from what I've seen before – more suitable than what she normally gets, I'd imagine, for a mare who would go on to become NMM.
Liked, faved, and it's a real oversight on my part that I wasn't already watching the author of Sword, Hammer, Stallion and My Little Metro before today.
Damn. I feel like I've said this a lot over the last few weeks, and maybe it just goes hand in hand with the amount I'm learning about writing and storytelling, but...
The initial build-up to the conflict between sisters was well handled, and going side-by-side with very colourful exposition and world building gave it a lovely subtlety that made it less obvious than it might have been. After that, however, it didn't really feel like the characters learned anything, so much as got told something. It had the feel of the author pushing the resolution, not the characters. It just didn't feel that authentic, even though I loved the underlying concepts behind it all. Part of that, as Chris highlighted, was that the conflict resolution was handed to them in a rather unsatisfying way. Hard logic might dictate that the real fight was yet to come, but shy of a surprising twist, we assume they work things out because you're writing the character's history and we know key points of the outcome.
I'm not sure if I was just missing something, but the whole altered reality section didn't work for me at all. I kept feeling like it was supposed to mean something, and thus that I was missing some kind of relevance. That destroyed any sense of involvement in the story for me, at the point I probably needed to feel most involved.
In summary: I loved the mythos. I loved the characterisation, I liked the writing (if not always the style), but the emotions felt a little to forced to really tie it all together. I'm sure that would be less irked by that if it wasn't the only genuine issue I had with it, but I felt frustrated because I wanted it to work so much (which in itself, is to your credit).
-Scott
God damnit. Not often does one come forth, with true words of story, who dares forge a true tale that moves the soul and clouds the eye. Not often is one so bold to take elements of what has already been written and weave a real story, not filled with childish jokes or immature fantasy fulfillment. You sir, have my respect. Because it is not often, or for no good reason I am moved to such manly tears.
I would write something meaningful here, but all my meaningful leaked out with my tears.
Absolutely incredible, and I literally applauded after reading this!
This was really enjoyable to read.
RedSquirrel... thank you so much for this excellent tapestry of the very beginning. The world of Equestria has just expanded tenfold. If I where you... I'd send this to the great and powerful Faust.
“If we fought Discod now,” Celestia reasoned quietly, “we would lose.”
...
It truly is a rare thing to see such a well written, articulate and eloquent piece of fiction nowadays on this site. A magnificent piece of writing, this is. Amazing; words are literally beyond me. You're an incredible writer, RedSquirrel.
Fantastic story! I didn't expect this to be as excellent as it was. A very well written, well thought out and emotional story. Fantastic!
I... I'm going to be completely honest here. I let this sit in my read it later list for the past month. I just now got around to reading it. I... regret not reading it right away. I'm kicking myself for not doing so, and likely will be for a while. Have a watch, fave, thumb, and i'm downloading this to read whenever i want.
Other than the very few ('If we fought Discod now' is one, i remember, there may have been maybe two more.) errors... RedSquirrel... you've crafted a masterpiece here. While i wish there was more to read, it feels complete. Thank you, truly, for writing this.
Truly wonderful. This story was absolutely amazing. You crafted such an interesting and unique backstory to this world. I love lore fics, they are usually very rare, this one was just fantastic! It really deserves more attention. It saddens me that people don't pay much attention to Celestia's and Luna's past. It's (in my opinion) the most interesting and dramatic part of the lore. I hope more people get the opportunity to see this story.
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Because of your comment, I sat down and read this story right away. I'm glad I did, this story was amazing for all the reasons that have already been stated.
How on earth did I never read this until now? Sir, you are a master of this art.
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This is a very good story, Squirrel. Well done.
This was absolutely beautiful. This hit close to home in a number of ways and for that I can only say thank you. This really touched me, and for that I'm truly grateful.
This is beautiful. This story is one if those wonderfully rare stories that's larger than itself, with the hints of stories that are over and of more stories to come while being entirely self-contained. Thank you, thank you so much for this story. Please never stop writing.
I finally got around to reading this, and holy crap was it good. Seriously. All that lore was built up very well. And you managed to do what few can: I want to know so much more about all the lore you gave us glimpses of, but I'm also very satisfied with what you did give us. I normally find myself wishing for more without that sense of satisfaction.
Very nicely done, sir.
Holy crap my name is in the title! I have to read it.
That story gave me many things to think about, as such it was an amazing story. The emotions it caused are just icing on the cake. And what a sweet cake it was.
Love... love is a choice,
-Very very true... and I needed reminding of that fact.
I am finding it difficult to express myself, having read this. At the very least, I can say that while I have read works on this site that are poems telling an epic story... this is the most 'epically poetic' story that I have come across, if that makes sense.
The past trials of the sisters, their turmoil in the face of inaction, the conversations with Sharrazalka, the existentialist assessment of Discord, the struggle within the mountain... All are beautifully written and utterly compelling, and leave me wanting to learn more about this world (or context, at least) that you have constructed, especially regarding the ponies and Discord himself. I confess, I was saddened to see that there is no sequel or tie-in to alleviate the tension of the all the tantalizing mystery you have established. However, I know that this ambiguity is integral to the story's charm, bittersweet as that may be.
Instant favourite, without question. Beautiful work, sir.
I read through this on my phone from the epub version, and the colors didn't come though. However, even without that the writing styles used were distinct enough between Lulu, the shadow and Celestia that I was able to follow along with the "dream" sequence. Now that I'm reviewing the story on the site, I can get the original effect, and I thought the touch of "I love you" mingling the colors was quite excellent.
Thank you for writing this!
Holy shit.
There's a lot of things I want to say about this story that can only really be summed up as, this right here is very good for the soul. Good story, good show, good night.
Loved your story. Found it in the Pony Fiction Vault.