• Member Since 28th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen 29 minutes ago

Kevinltk


Hello, I am a graphic designer who enjoys MLP. Drawing, writing, and proofreading are the main things I like to share with others.

T

Natalya, fastest griffon in Griffonstone, finally made it to the Equestria Games. This was her chance to show everyone that she was the best flyer in all the lands.

Or so she thought.

When Natalya sees the flying skills of a pegasus named Rainbow Dash, she begins to wonder if she had finally found someone that might actually be as good as her. Unable to get the lingering thought out of her mind, she decides that she must meet Rainbow Dash and race her.

Natalya is soon going to find out that a simple race is going to be the least of her problems.


Mostly takes place after the events of The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone


Featured on 12/6/2018

Chapters (23)
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Comments ( 161 )

Enjoying how you are introducing Natalya's character.

BTW, found a pic of Natalya stretching before the race. Art by Magister39

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/9e/d2/44/9ed244a214add9e0fcc5ca49f9dd1674.jpg

7638281
Yeah, I've seen that pose before. It was in the Rainbow Falls episode when everyone was arriving for the tryouts.

Look out Rainbow, Natalya's coming for you? :trollestia:
Let her down easy Rainbow.:rainbowlaugh: seriously, don't get her hopes up.:ajbemused:

Good thing Dash has a griffon fetish.

Haha! That's right Rainbow! Show her how them Ponyville athletes do it!:yay:

Nice I love stories that combine Gilda, Dash, and Pinkie. They have a fun dynamic before and after they all became friends. I hope Pinkie has a big part in the story as I think she was very important in redeeming Gilda and it will be interesting to see how that plays out with Gilda (already it seems it has worked very well).

Interesting premise. Waiting for the future chapters :rainbowdetermined2:

If Natalya was voiced, what would she sound like?

Yep -- more fun than a barrel of monkeys for Gilda.

7652733
To be honest, I haven't put any real thought into it.

I love how Pinkie is sort of taking charge. I hope she continues to be a big part of all of this.

Pretty sure you need pony magic for a boom to work.

Yeah Rainbow! Kick that Griffon's ass!:pinkiegasp:
:pinkiehappy:
Haha.:yay:

This is an amazing story.:raritystarry:

What could go wrong -- the most dreaded 4 word phrase.

Oh Pinkie you are great.

I also enjoyed this rendition of the dozens.

Hell yeah, Pinkie-- Show that grumpy griffon how to have some fun! :pinkiehappy:

How will they kiss? She has a beak. No lips.

7638397 You mean how Rainbow does it. She might have been a bitch about it but Natalya was right about one thing; Fluttershy and Bulk Biceps were far and away the worst fliers on the field. If the Ponyville team was made up of Rainbow Dash and two of the weather team rather than Flutters and Bulk (arguably the worst fliers in Ponyville) then she would have probably made first place rather than second.

I realize that episode was about sticking with your friends/teamwork/good sportsmanship and how it pays off in the end yadda yadda, but that doesn't change the fact that Rainbow was the only professional athlete on her team. (I don't count Bulk Biceps since he is a bodybuilder who is probably on some type of steroid to get that big, not a racer).

Nonetheless, Rainbow had been doing it for a long time, so she might as well give it a shot and see if it does anything for her. At the very least, she was going to experience something new tomorrow.

Hopefully not "ragequitting after lack of satisfactory immediate results due to conveniently forgetting the 'doing it for a long time' bit" :unsuresweetie: (love this theory of Natalya, doubly so if it happens to be right :raritystarry:).

And cue the countdown to Natalya realizing the Sonic Rainboom is magical in nature and can't be replicated by normal training.

Corrections offered without malice.

Assuming my teammates don’t screw up

up.

stop giving me things for me to criticize about,”

criticize,”

hurdling them into the jagged rock walls.

hurling
OR
sending them hurtling

everyone else before you sure seem to

seems
OR
seemed

over there,” she added

You weren't using quotes for thoughts elsewhere; italics ending will suffice.
So, uh…I guess the Friendship Express/Equestrian Railway does not do regular stops at the train station in Griffonstone, if there's this much to-do about finding Ponyville. Ponyville requires a transfer at Canterlot, by the map, and wends around Equestria before getting there, so…not as surprising. (I thought it was, like, Griffonstone-Trottingham-Manehattan-Ponyville, for some reason.)

I like the idea of the grausam¹ gryphon being hung up on the polychrome pegasus.
¹yes, I know, but sacrifices may be made in the name of poetics and humor.

one of her other friends tried to study Pinkie and ended up catching on fire or something

That is a wonderful summation of "Feeling Pinkie Keen" told through RD and Gilda.

“That doesn’t sound creepy at all,” Natalya murmured.

“Why would it?”

Perhaps she feels kin to lions and eagles.

“Can’t I just give her a bunch of bits instead?”

Aaaand that confirms a trait pushing Natalya beyond a combination of three existing characters.

Gilda having been possessive and mean at Flight Camp to Fluttershy makes perfect sense.


Nitpicks/suggestions:

a sound that sounded like a groan and a sob mixed together

"an anguished wail" seems like a good fit.

your stinking race, which I should remind that I beat you so badly.”

your stinking race, which I should remind you I that I beat you so badly at.”
(yeah, "at which" would be better grammar, but that's not how she speaks.)

Nice Scootaloo byplay. :scootangel:


on mine’s…

on mine…

princess of magic then?” "Nope, friendship."

but…friendship is magic…

friendship jail cell.

My money's on Friendship Kindergarten.
…is she gonna loot the Friendship Castle Room? She is, isn't she.

She's growing on me.


Corrections offered without malice.

delicious as is were,

delicious as it was,

“I already blocked that part of my mind

part from my mind

“Aww, that’s a nice… sorta nice thing to say, Rainbow,” Pinkie cooed.

She's responding to Natalya speaking, not Rainbow…?

“Rainbow… I’m going to… She

“Rainbow… I’m going to…” She

a pegasi city

pegasus
(You'd say "Canterlot is a unicorn city" not a "unicorns city")

naive

naïve

7859984
insert hard objects between soft objects. (It's not like normal muzzles are more flexible, either, so "tilt, open, and press open edges together" stlil works…and with Equestrian Gryphons having teeth, that suggests that their beaks are less sharp.)

Rainbow clucked as she got up on her hind legs and hooked her forelegs around so that they touched her sides. As she strutted around the cloud, she flapped her forelegs around like short wings while continuing to cluck.

But…she has wings. :rainbowhuh:

"So…it's magic."
"Also? You got no hooves. You're smashin' soft bits against a tree, and you ain't got Earth Pony power backin' y'up."
"Well…I could cut the apples off. I mean, it's not like any aren't ripe; you get all of them with one buck…"
:ajbemused: "Don't you lay ONE TALON on our treebark, y'hear?"

part from my mind

Actually, it's fine as is. It's like she shoved the idea into a corner of her mind and then walled it off.

naïve

Can be written either way.


Everything else, I fixed, and I greatly appreciate them. Glad to see that you've been viewing my other fics after Change In Fashion, and I hope you enjoy them all.

Man you think AJ and Dash are close you should see Dash and Pinkie when they really get going.

Perhaps it is time for Natalya to go find Pinkie and Gilda.

I feel for you girlfriend. Griffons are meant to fly and pounce on prey. Not run after them.

“So you want me in a hoof race… with you two…”

"A three-way!":pinkiehappy: "You gonna tell them about the time Twi outlasted you both, in the one with the whole town?"

8134597
I can't help it lol. You can see that my two other big romance fics are quite long, and this one is looking like it's going to reach over 100k words as well.

Corrections offered without malice.

gracefulness

grace

[t]that

not sure what's goin' on here

weaved

wove

Those stuff are

Those things are
OR
That stuff is

inconvincible urge

invincible, maybe? Incontrovertible, less likely?

After all, it was the first time I ever been in a hoof race.

I'd
(RD likewise leaves off a had)

by adding as much danger and challenges to her training

by adding as much danger and challenges to her training as she could


turned into a sort of stunt competition. They would take turns doing stunts, and their opponent would mimic it, adding some sort of flair or trick to make it better.

Just, y'know, playing HORSE.

I'm surprised she doesn't protest that she hasn't any hooves for a hoofrace nor protest that there isn't anyPONY in griffonstone at all.

8135952
Thanks for the fixes! Also, 'weaved' is actually right because there are two definitions of the word. 'wove' is the past tense of working with cloth, while 'weaved' is the past tense of the moving around version. English is fun.

You know what I love about this story? It's tagged romance, it's about someone who's a big jerk, and 11 chapters in, there's not even a hint of anything past the remedial amount of friendship Natalya is capable of sustaining. It's so refreshingly reasonable!

8180363
Make yourself comfy. There's still plenty more things left on this ride, and I'll try not to make waiting too long between each chapter.

Twilight will make her write an essay

Wow, this Natalya griffon is awesome. I like her. Funny description Rainbow gave considering that's exactly how she use to be.:rainbowlaugh:

Okay, I don't care what anyone says, this is the best griffon story I have ever seen. 10/10 this is getting it's own folder just for it. You my friend have earned my respect as a fellow writer with this story you've made.

Oh, Scootaloo... Way to make someone feel awesome to smite it down so quickly. Oh, to be young and naieve of the feelings of others.

And there's the turnaround. Good job making this nice and gradual. If you'd tried to rush it it wouldn't have worked.

OMG, that yo mamma scene was the best. I love yo mamma jokes, as long as it's done in good fun.:twilightblush: Rainbow almost crossed a line by using it as a baited insult of sorts.
Yo, mamma's so fat she eclipsed the sun!
Yo mamma's so fat she tripped on walmart and landed right on target!
Yo mamma's so fat she used the train rails as a belt!
Why no yo mamma's so stupid jokes though?

8248822
Well, the 'dumb' ones could easily be 'stupid' ones as well. I just thought 'dumb' was a bit less mean than 'stupid', if that makes sense.

8248865
Yeah that makes sense. I thought of it afterwards myself. Honestly though it was nice. :twilightblush: Once I catch up I look forwad to the next update. I just read the "pear" chapter. Funny considering the most recent episode that was released. Thank you Australia.

8248900
I know. The newest episode ruined our headcanon of Applejack's pearphobia!

Wow, that was really nice of Applejack. I like the idea of how applebucking works with you. Earth pony magic, and just pony magic in general. Good explanation. I thought it was going to be because griffon paws aren't with tick hooves and horseshoes so they couldn't hit hard enough. Your explanation was much better.:scootangel:

That last line AJ said about Apple Bloom and Rainbow. Priceless. I can already see the meme faces because of that.

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