Chapter 9: Unwelcome Outsiders (Edited)
Chapter 9: Unwelcome Outsiders
Edited by: Cosmic Flash
“Cadence please wait up.” Shining calls as he and two guards are trying to keep up with a pink colored Alicorn up front.
It has been at least a week or so of constant travelling through the cold and barren north to reach a city which had been lost to time and the current source of Cadence every growing fears and anxieties. Unburden by the supplies which her companions where carrying.
“I can’t Shining, we are so close to finally reaching our destination. So, what is the point of wasting more time when we are this close to our goal?” Cadence shouted back as her eager hooves carried her up the very last hill that would separate them from finally seeking a first ever glimpse of the empire off in the distance.
Shining simply groaned as he gave his guards a quick look over his shoulders before forcing his tired, sore hooves to keep up with his partner.
With one final push she eventually made it on top of the hill and immediately gasped out loud at what she sees.
Cadence was expecting a lot of things, and she meant a lot when she finally made it to the top of the hill, ranging from a dark depressing looking city all the way to a desolated wasteland cloaked in shadows. Especially when it took her and her husband so much time to even prepare for this trip in behest of her aunts wishes and warnings. Wasting a lot of precious time.
What she didn’t expect though was seeing a crystal city shining and shimmering in all its glory, with a very distinct magical dome encasing it and its surrounding lands shielding it from the harsh elements surrounding it. A sight that could only be possible by the re-activation of the legendary Crystal Heart. Which in turn should have been impossible if Sombra was still sitting on the throne.
Something was majorly wrong here; this is NOT the sight what she was expected to see when Celestia told her all about the last time she had seen the Empire herself.
Something is seriously not adding up here. Was her aunt misremembering things somehow?
“Ugh…finally, we made it to the top of the hill…I swear the last couple of steps are always the ha…” Shining armor tried to say in between huffs until he noticed that his wife is standing on top of the hill, frozen in place.
He was about to ask her what was wrong when his sees it as well, seeing what she was seeing and being just as surprised as her. It was the same with the remaining two ponies as well, though they were more looking at this scene in awe and amazement rather than in shock.
“…This…this isn’t right…something…something is very wrong here and I just know it.” Cadence muttered to herself as she continued to watch the relative peaceful looking city in the distance.
Shining could only nod as his eyes slowly started to harden. “Your right, this is far from what we have been told. Something must have happened while we were still on our way.” Shining commented as he freed himself from the hood covering his head to get a much clearer view. The famed and also feared crystal mountains dominating the horizon right past the crystalline city.
“We are too late, I knew that we were too late.” Cadence said out loud in a bit of a panic as she suddenly began to gallop off down the hill and towards the crystal city in front of her.
“No Cadence, WAIT!!!” Shining tried to call out but sighed as he realized that his calls were received by deaf ears.
“Come one you two, let’s quickly follow her before she gets too far ahead. I have a really bad feeling about this.” Shining announced to the other two guards before galloping after her as fast as his already tired hooves could carry him. The two guards just quietly grumbled to themselves before reluctantly trying to keep up. All four of them racing across the open fields that separated them and the city at the distance.
“…a really bad feeling about this.”
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“…and this is why we are tasked with patrolling the inside borders of the crystal shield private, outsiders from just trotting into the empire while we are still trying to recover from Sombra’s Rule. Which is why our borders are closed now. The last thing we need is another Pony like Sombra to just appear out of nowhere and cause chaos like he did. Do you understand it?” Sergeant Hard Kick explained to the private next to him as the two continued their patrol along the border of the crystal shield surrounding the city.
The private just murmured in responds while keeping her head low. Truth be told she would rather be back in the city and take part in the festivities of crystal fair then being out here. But duties were duties, and as a young member of the crystal guard it was part of her duty to protect her nation in such a vulnerable time and to be trained and tutored by older veterans such as Hard Kick over here to be ready for any serious emergencies.
But knowing this didn’t really made it any easier on her conscious that she is forced to be out here along with her younger colleges instead of having fun like the rest. She could even hear the happy music and fireworks going off from all the way out here which just filled her with even more envy.
The private sighs which Sergeant Hard Kick notices as he placed a hoof on the Guard mare’s shoulder.
“I know what you are thinking Glimmer, it really has been years since the last time the crystal empire had the opportunity and freedom to follow its traditions. But don’t worry, our replacements will be here in about half an hour, then you can have your turn at the crystal fair. Just be patient” Hard Kick assured her.
Glimmer in return gave her superior a small smile as she repositioned the spear on her hoof. Her armor clanking audible as she did so.
“Well what about the Emperor?” Glimmer finally asked, mostly to get her mind off of the crystal fair.
“What about him?” The sergeant asked back.
“Well…” She began while collecting her words. “Isn’t he an outsider as well? I mean some ponies say he just came straight out from the frozen wastes surrounding the city.” She asked back.
Sergeant Hard Kick rubbed his chin in thought before looking back at the private. “Well true, but at the same time he is one of us, a crystal unicorn no less. A race of crystal ponies we previously thought had all been eradicated during Sombra’s great purge during his reign.” Hard Kick explained which immediately made him shiver at the end, remembering those days quite well.
Same for Private Glimmer as she sported a somewhat haunted look as these memories returned to the forefront of her mind. All those screams and fires, she can never forget those, nor the friend she lost at that day. She never even had the chance to shed a tear for him, in fear of getting punished by just doing so.
She shook her head, hardening the grip on her spear as a look of determination formed on her features. Outsiders so far in recent memories have only caused trouble.
“What about this weird bat-winged mare who accompanied the emperor?” She asked once more.
Sergeant was about to reply to her when something off into the distance suddenly caught his attention. He stopped, prompting Private Glimmer to do the same as he began to squint his eyes in order to make out who or what he was seeing past the barrier.
“What is It sir?” Glimmer asked as she looked at him.
Hard Kick didn’t answer, but instantly gave off a loud whistle out of his mouth and pointed a hoof towards another patrol nearby.
Glimmer still somewhat confused watched as five more crystal guards quickly rushed over to the sergeant's call, all of them saluting except for the one the private identified as Sergeant Hawks who immediately began to look in the direction Hard Kicks was pointing.
“Ponies, 4 of them, Equestrians judging by their looks and the golden armor two of them are wearing underneath their cloaks.” Hawks casually summarized which made Glimmer to look at him wide eyed.
“Wait…you…you can make all of that out from THAT distance sir?” Private Glimmer asked, to which Hard Kick nodded.
“Hawks over here has some of the best eyesight around here.” He simply answered before switching his gaze back to the other ponies behind him. “Alright, all off, we got outsiders inbound and rushing towards the barrier. Take your formation and keep your spears and swords ready. Same for you Glimmer.” Hard Kick ordered out.
“Sir, yes sir,” All of the guards including Glimmer nodded as they take their positions, holding their spears and swords at the ready after re-clipping there muzzle guards back into place.
“Equestrians huh. The last time their where here they trapped us along with that Tyrant Sombra for who knows how long, or so I heard. Let’s see what our southern neighbors have sent to us this time.” Hard Kick thought to himself as his stoic impression gave away more to a small frown.
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“This is the vault portal your highness.” A crystal guard gestured with a hoof.
Both Ruby and Thera have followed The Emperor down into some of the deepest reaches of the city.
To say that these old catacombs and halls are well guarded and or hidden from the public would have been an understatement. The amount of door and secret doors and passage ways they had to go through was almost crazy. With half of these having expended and excavated by Sombra’s direct orders when he was in charge. Making sure that all of his wealth and spoils would be have been impossible to reach and or to be recovered after his death. The reason why this one guard knows of its locations was because he was one of the poor souls who was under direct control by Sombra’s magic as part of his personal body guard. What happened after his death is pretty much self-explanatory and he still remembers it all.
The Emperor felt quite impressed by this level of security down here and the old kings paranoia. Since this was easily the second most heavily protected vault he ever had the pleasure of walking through it. With the first being the secret vaults and archives back in Palamecia of course.
“Guards! Unlock these gates for his royal highness.” The guard ordered out to the other two crystal guards that accompanied him.
They just nodded as they both pulled out a pair of heavily enchanted crystal used as keys and inserted them into their respected locks on each half of the metal doors. Runes started to appear on its surfaces, casting the room in its earie glow as loud clicks and thuds could be heard coming from the other side. The doors eventually opened forcing all of those standing in front of it to shield their eyes as a bright golden hue dominated the hall.
What both Thera and Ruby saw afterwards caused their jaws to hit the floor.
“Well what do have we here, the lost legendary treasure of King Gilgamesh Himself? All of this would be far beyond sufficient to get this city back on its heels while also funding all of my future projects and ideas.” The Emperor commented out casually as he made his way into the golden vault to have a better look of the mountains of gold and other valuables stored within this underground dome.
“No wonder the city is in such a poor state, all of its funds have been locked up in here never to be seen outside these walls.” The Emperor thought as he walked up towards the closest pile and picked up a particularly large ruby from it.
“I always knew that the King was hoarded up treasure like a complete madpony. But this? I never would I have imagined that he had this much. It is ridiculous.” Ruby Quill said in complete awe as her, Thera and the guards accompanying them stepped into the massive vault themselves. Marveling at the sheer size of the underground cave and it's mind-blowing content of precious metals and stones.
“There has to be enough gold in here to rebuild the city three times over.” Ruby called out as she picked up a random coin from the ground.
“It’s actually four times judging by my calculations.” The Emperor voiced out from the other side of mountain of gold which made Ruby drop the coin and face the direction of his voice with even wider eyes.
“That’s…that’s even WORSE.” Ruby shouted out. “A quarter of this treasure belongs to the citizens up above.” She quickly added.
“Indeed, which is exactly what I was planning to do in the first place.” The emperor answered as he continued to walk along the edges of the vault, observing its granite walls and enchanted crystals imbedded in them.
Thera steppes to Ruby’s side as she picked up a beautifully crafted silver blade caught her attention. A Well-crafted sword with runes etched at its blade with near perfect precision and spacing with large dark blue crystal imbedded right above its guard.
“Well just make the best of it I guess. I personally have no interest in gold or jewelry.” Thera comments as she gave the sword on her hoof a few test swings, and noticing that the gem was suddenly giving off a soft blue glow the moment she touched it. Along with the runes etched on the blade itself.
Thera smiled at this as she looks back at Ruby next to her. “But I do love to collecting old weapons swords and unique artifacts such as these. Especially one’s whit magical properties. Does anyone here mind if I keep this sword for myself?” She asks out loud.
But before Ruby could answer the sudden appearance of a new guard stops her. He immediately began to look for and spotted the emperor before making his way over to him before saluting.
“Your Highness, I have come bearing news.” The guard announced in between huffs which got everyone’s attention.
The Emperor gave the stallion a sign to go on to which the stallion nods before collecting both his breath and thoughts.
“Fist off, a group of guards have discovered another vault hidden deep below the remnants of the old arcane Crystal Academy on the north western part of the city. A Vault filled with old magical artifacts and enchanted crystal made by the crystal unicorns that used to reside there.” The crystal guard explained before taking a few breath and continuing. “And second, a group of guards have intercepted a group of outsiders at the cities borders. The guards are currently awaiting further orders of what to do with them while they keep them contained there.” The guard finally finishes.
Ruby immediately took in a slightly worried expression while Thera on the other part simply looked intrigued.
Same with the Emperor who was more interested at the news of these outsiders. Finding it a bit odd that more of these ponies would suddenly just appear from the harsh and unforgiving Tundra’s outside the city.
“Do you know who those outsiders are?” Mateus casually asked which made the guard nod in confirmation.
“Yes, I do your highness. According to reports these outsiders seem to be Equestrian in origin. Four of them, three guards and one princess if the reports are correct your highness.” The guard reported.
“Wait, Equestrians you say?” Ruby began. “The last Equestrians that came into the crystal empire where both Sombra and his followers, and the two equestrian princesses who defeated Sombra before we all got trapped into this time less limbo.” Ruby explained before a look of realization suddenly crossed her features as she looked at the Emperor.
“You can’t let these Equestrian in your highness, they have been nothing but trouble for us in the past. We don’t even know what their intentions are this time.” Ruby quickly pleads.
“Is that so?” The Emperor began as he rubbed his chin in thought.
“Once again, I need to study this world’s history to get a better idea on what is going on here.” He mentally noted before refocusing his attention back to the guard in front of him.
“Escort them in, but don’t keep them out for your sights. I shall await them in the throne room to personally assess them myself.” The Emperor orders out.
“Immediately your highness.” The guard saluted before quickly turning around and hurrying off out of the vault to relay his message.
Ruby immediately stepped in after the guard has left. “Your highness, are you sure that this is a wise course of action letting three Equestrian guards and a princess into the city, even after everything I have just explained?” Ruby asked with a lot of concern in her tone, a reaction the Emperor can understand from her sometimes timid personality.
“I am perfectly aware of the risks here Ruby Quill. Even if they are true, it would still be seen as dishonoring to not allow entry of a fellow representative of a nation when the environments outside the barrier are far from ideal for anyone not naturally adapted to them. Which I doubt ponies are.” The Emperor explained before he started to make his way out of the vault himself.
“Besides, you also need to remember that the empire is currently in no position to handle possible hostilities, (not yet at least) so I would love to avoid such incidents when possible.” He quickly added before he exited the vault and into the underground corridor outside of it.
Ruby sighed before quickly following the emperor's hoof steps followed by a few guards, leaving Thera and two other guards alone in the massive space.
“Sooo…I guess this silence means a yes then.” Thera happily announced to no one in particular as she secured her newly acquired ice sword onto her belt before making her way out of the vault herself.
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Cadence was prepared for a lot of things since she and her three escorts were sent off towards the crystal empire, ranging from Sombra attacking them the moment he saw them, from evil and horrifying monsters summoned by said unicorn, to seeing a completely broken and shattered empire, with its streets covered in the bodies of…crystal ponies.
But never, never was she ever prepared or even expected to being held back by the ends of spears by the same ponies she and her husband came to help and liberate. Let alone actual hostility from them as well, something she could tell easily by looking at each and every glare she was receiving told her that she was far from welcome here.
“I will only repeat this once more equestrian. The borders of the crystal empire are currently closed to outsiders, unless getting confirmation from the Emperor himself you and your escorts are prohibited from even setting a hoof beyond the magical barrier, any attempt to not uphold to our rules will be meant with force, possibly lethal as well if you and your companions have only come here to cause trouble.” An orange coated crystal guard threatened.
Cadence on the other hoof was utterly flabbergasted by this sudden turn of event as she continued to stutter with her eyes sometimes looking down to the razor sharp spear tips closely pointed to her chest.
“Bu-but…but…I…I don’t…” She continued to stutter on before both of her two guards and Shining finally caught up with her.
Shining immediately grabbed Cadence shoulder, getting her immediate attention afterwards and giving her a look that invisibly told her to just drop it. “Leave it Cadence, we are obviously at a disadvantage here. Let me do the talking from this point on sweetie.” Shining suggested, and with a defeated sigh and a nod Cadence agreed before stepping back to let Shining do the diplomatic work here.
One of many things that he was required to do as an equestrian guard captain.
“May I enquire the reasons as to why the borders are closed?” Shining calmly asked, again one of the many traits he had to learn in his years serving at the royal guards. Staying calm in both diplomatic and more importantly serious situations. And this was clearly one of the more serious once, given the fact that the other side was heavily armed and armored with barely any fur sticking out besides their ears, eyes and tails.
Shining had to mentally admit to himself that he was utterly in awe at the beauty and sheer complexity at the crystal guards armor design. Clearly meant to be used on an actual battlefield compared to the more ceremonial role which the Royale guard’s use. How each and every piece moved, bend and slide onto one another with each movement the pony underneath would make, as if it was actually its second skin instead of just armor.
He had read a lot of about the sheer talented craftsmanship that the crystal ponies had when it came to smithing, and everything else related to metal and crystal work alike. But actually, seeing it for himself is something entirely different all together.
He was in no doubt that if things would ever go south with both Equestria and the crystal empire…somehow, that the crystal ponies would be the much better equipped army. With Equestria having the sheer numerical advantage and better magic
A cough from the guard leader roused him back from his thought to which he gave the heavily armored stallion a sheepish smile in return.
“Oops sorry there…I…I kind of zoned out there for a second.” Shining sheepishly replied before he quickly regained his composure despite feeling highly embarrassed for his unprofessional slip there.
The stallion in front of him simply nodded, pretending as if nothing was amiss as he cleared his throat a second time to answer his question.
“Well to answer your question why the borders are closed, it’s because the empire is still in its long process of recovering from the damage and chaos King Sombra has caused. Basically, still licking its wounds if you may. So that is why visitors are not yet welcomed here.” The stallion explained which immediately caused Shining to raise his eyebrow after the previous mentioned King Sombra.
“Wa-wait a minute.” Shining began. “The way you mentioned Sombra’s name and title back then…would suggest that he is no longer the king of the crystal empire. Is that correct?” Shining asked carefully which immediately drew the attention of both of the two guards and especially his wife as her ears perked up.
“Well actually Sombra is dead.” The stallion casually replied which had the immediate effect of causing every eye and jaw to open up on the other side.
“Wait…he is WHAT??!!” Cadence shouted in disbelief as she pushed herself in front of her husband out of reflex, until she was quickly stopped by a wall of spears pointed towards her once more.
Shining was about to say something himself when the sudden appearance of another pony running down a nearby cobblestone road caused everypony to pause momentarily as the newcomer quickly stopped and saluted while panting.
“Sir Hard Kick, I bring answers from the Emperor, just as requested.” The crystal guard pony reported in which the lead guard nodded before giving a hoof sign for him to continue on.
The stallion in question nodded back before dropping his salute to continue with his message. “The emperor has personally requested that these outsiders should be escorted to the throne room immediately. He wishes to see and speak with them himself and eventually decide if they are allowed to stay or not” The stallion reported as another set of four guards immediately came marching down the same road the stallion took before stopping and taking position behind him.
“I see.” The lead guard casually replied before looking back at the 4 Equestrians next to him with both of the two guards and Cadence sharing nervous glances with each other while Shining simply kept his cool.
“Alright then.” Hard Kick began as he gazed over at the four newcomers. “You four search the Equestrians and confiscate any illegal items and weapons on them.” He ordered out in which the selected four immediately went on their task in searching the four ponies and demanding to give up all of their weapons and equipment.
At first the two guards were hesitant, but a closely pointed spear and a nod from their captain quickly remedied that as they reluctantly began to hoof over both their weapons and armor to the crystals guards, followed by their captain. Cadence was the last one to get searched, she was obviously reluctant herself but quickly realized that she was in absolutely no position to say otherwise as she was forced to watch the guard search through her saddle-bags and blushing embarrassingly as the guard eventually found something that he probably wished he didn’t before closing the bag up quickly, electing those who have been watching to give these two some strange looks. Especially a guard mare who silently chuckled to herself.
With the search done and everything confiscated Sergeant Hard Kick instructed the Equestrians to keep themselves in a two by two line with a trio of guards flanking them on either side before starting to move, past the magic barrier and onto a cobblestone road leading into the city. With him and a violet guard mare next to him.
As the group of both ponies and crystal ponies made their way closer and closer towards the crystal city, the distinct sound of ongoing festivities and music could be heard in the distance.
The Equestrians were immediately in awe the moment they entered the city proper, marveling at the glimmer and shimmer of the crystal made streets, building and overall unique architecture the city had. Especially for Cadence as all she had ever seen or heard of the famed crystal empire were both from her aunt and the extensive history books and notes she read about them…which was quickly ruined when she felt something jab her flank with the butt of a spear, causing her to yelp in surprise and bring her back to the reality of their situation.
“Keep in line Equestrian, as instructed.” A guard mare beside her ordered as she moved her spear back.
“Just keep moving dear, we can marvel at the city at a later time after this whole mess has been cleared.” Shining whispered next to her as they continued to make their way through the surprisingly empty streets of the city with only a few citizens here and there giving them curious looks as they passed by.
“Strange I wonder where all the crystal ponies are?” Cadence wondered to herself as they continued to move closer and closer towards the massive crystal palace in the center of the city as both the music and sounds of festivity began to grow even louder.
Her questions though where swiftly answered as her and the rest of their group finally made it to what all of them guessed was the main central plaza surrounding the crystal palace.
What they saw left all of the Equestrians both surprised and somewhat confused.
“Another reason why the borders are closed is because the annual crystal fair is currently being held as you can see.” The same guard mare who poked Cadence earlier explained to them as a few crystal guards began to move forward in front of them and carving out a path for them within the sea of both on going crystal ponies, stalls and event stages.
Crystal ponies all around them, were happily drinking, laughing, chatting, dancing, and playing games, and other activities that many nearby stalls and close by shops provided.
A lot of happy going citizens nearby promptly ceased whatever activity they were doing as the Equestrians lead by the crystal guard passed by them. Some of them simply giving them curious stares while other actually acting more suspicious, mostly parents as they pushed their foals behind them in an attempt to keep them away and out of sight.
“Mommy who are those guards escorting?” Cadence could hear one of the foals say, a filly judging by its voice as murmurs from the on watching crowd started to erupt around them.
“I do not know, Lilith, sweetie but if the crystal guard is involved with them then I guess they can’t be good.” Cadence could faintly hear as they continued their trek towards the massive palace in a much quicker paste.
A pair of another two guards greeted them as they approached one of the four massive legs keeping the entire structure of the palace suspended off the ground, forcing them to momentarily pause once more to marvel at the architecture as the guard leading them exchanged a few words with them, with Cadence completely unable to make what they were saying thanks to the still ongoing festivities going on in the background.
A ruby coated mare suddenly emerged from behind the gates, approaching the lead guard and exchanging some words with him as well, looking at Cadence and her group from time to time as the exchange continued.
“Do you know what will be happening to us sir.” One of the royal guards behind her asked. Nervousness clearly audibles in his tone which caused Shining to look over his shoulder.
“I have no idea, but what I do know is that we are simply being treated as suspicious outsiders rather than straight on enemies. So just remember your training and keep a cool mind soldier.” Shining responded which made the guard nod, followed by his companion afterwards, and just in time too as the previously unknown mare made her way over towards them with a surprisingly friendly look on her features.
“The Emperor is waiting for you in the throne room, if you would be so kind as to follow me I can lead you all to him.” The ruby mare instructed with again a rather friendly and welcome tone.
“Oh and…I also would like to personally apologize for the extremely strict behavior of the crystal guard. Safety is first after all, especially in times of vulnerability and slight disarray within the empire.” The mare added with a sheepish smile which made Shining offer a more genuine one in return.
“That is alright miss…uh”
“Ruby Quill, just Ruby Quill. No need to be formal since I am just the emperor’s personal assistant and record keeper.” She replied to which Shining nodded.
“Well yes Ruby Quill, as I said it’s quite alright and understandable, especially given the recent liberation of your nation from the brutal tyrant…or so I heard from the crystal guard that escorted us here.” Shining politely responded in which Ruby quill confirms with a nod.
“Well it is true, we have to thank our new emperor for the tyrants quick and easy demise.” Ruby Quill confirmed which caused Shining to raise a curious eyebrow.
“Wait…your Emperor was the one who has slain the unicorn king?” Shining asked which again was answered with a nod from her.
“He did, I was actually there when it all happened as well. I was part of King Sombra’s…personal…selection of mare prisoners when the emperor and his companion casually trotted into the….Ahh what am I doing? I sure the emperor would do a much better job of explaining the event then I ever could. I was too busy getting blinded by flashes of magic at the time to heave really gotten a clear picture so I don’t really know much of the details.” Ruby Quill explained as she once again sported a rather awkward looking smile on her face at the end.
Shining on the other hoof was feeling slightly suspicious about all of this. Call it a simple hunch if you will. But for some reason he could already tell that this…Emperor might had trouble written all over him before he even met him.
A random and completely unknown pony doesn’t just appear out of nowhere and allegedly slay one of the most powerful and most ruthless unicorns who has ever lived and then gets crowned the emperor.
This concept alone was bugging him to no end and he was sure going to get to the bottom of it. With the first step being in meeting this new Emperor of course.
He shook his head as he focuses back on Ruby Quill. “Well we are ready to have an audience with the crystal empire's monarch if you are? I would personally love to meet the pony who is responsible for the defeat of one of the most dangerous characters in history, and alleged savior of the crystal empire.” Shining politely stated with a smile, mostly to just mask his suspicion he was feeling about this guy.
Ruby Quill simply smiled and nodded before beckoning them to follow her with a hoof sign as she led the way past the gate and into the palace proper, which the Equestrians did while still being watched and flanked by six heavily armed guards.
“Let’s go get a closer look at this so called Emperor first shall we?” Shining thought to himself as the sound of hoof hitting cobblestone got swiftly replaced by crystal instead as he and his group were escorted into the interior of the crystal palace to meet its new ruler.
“Also what the hay did Cadence actually bring with her on this journey? I have never personally seen her packing her bags.”
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If this is anything like other stories of it's kind then Cadance is going to do something stupid and fuck everything up.
dam you would end it there, please update soon
7773932 Of course, he ends it there, he is being mind controlled by the Lif Hang the God of Cliff Hangers.
Oh man, it goes down next chapter. I have SOOOO been waiting for the meeting, and I can't believe it's just one chapter away. Great job all around!
7773924 She always does doesn't she?
7763677 He just won't shut up!
7774091 I am well aware of this cliche about CANDY. But i am planning to have her close to her canon type character in being on of the most levelheaded individuals.
7774097 Really? Now I'm interested in seeing how she reacts, although I do love to hate stupid Cadance.
Shining is half right, but goddamn i bet this idiot will screw things up for them all.
Another good chapter, overall. But both yourself and your proofreader need a bit of work on some things.
One is pacing via commas, but that's a less important issue compared to others.
One, missing appostrophes on some words. Another, consistent misuse of grammar on a number of words:
there/their/they're
your/you're
then/than
where/were
it's/its
quiet/quite
Not all of those were problems in this specific chapter, but it seems the misuses of most are pretty common in chapters so far. But, that's understandable. They're words that many people online make mistakes with. Just like loose/lose. I find just doing a personal refresher on reading up on some of those helps more than you'd expect.^_^
Oh, and though the chapter is overall good, I have some other complaints as well. Namely, how you're having Cadance, along with some misinformation in regards to Sombra. She may not be strictly trained military wise, but you're making her act like a child. She was raised since she was young to be a princess, after her unexpected ascension early on. She should be better able to handle diplomacy. HOWEVER, since she's not had militaristic training and this has really thrown her for a loop, I can forgive it slightly as it just being her 'off her game' as it were.
And as for Sombra... he's NOT Equestrian. It's been revealed that he's a different type of 'outsider'. He was raised in the Crystal Empire, but was adopted when found at the edges of the kingdom. His body was actually an artificial one, one used to force him out of a seal that was placed on his kind: the umbran ponies, ponies that were rather wraith-like shapeshifters that fed on fear, as the comics have shown in good details. HOWEVER, this is also semi-forgivable. Since, as said, he wasn't a crystal pony, and he DID come from outside of the kingdom. It's understandable that there'd be assumptions made by the general populace by those not in the know of him and what he did to the former ruling princess, whom is widely assumed to be related to Cadance but this is unconfirmed.
Though, also in regards to Sombra, he made, as Mateus noticed as a common thing for him, a rash mistake. When Sombra took the Crystal Empire with him... he didn't spread it far enough to include the gateway to the sealed umbran ponies with him. It lied slightly outside the border of the empire, though the gate led to their prison located beneath the empire, which still seemed actively imprisoned with the empire. Though how much is known about said prison is quite limited.
From what is shown though, Sombra could regenerate as long as a part of him, like his horn, remained. Doubt that'd be an issue in this story though, considering that it seems he was completely eradicated. Though, he was actually a lot smarter as well than what was shown here. But... smarter didn't stop him from being rash. Seemed to me that, when given time to plan, Sombra can be quite brilliant. But... he wasn't exactly the best at controlling his emotions. This rash irrational control of his emotions was his downfall, not his intellect.
Anyways, that's enough of a rant from me. Still loving the fic, and eager to see more.^^
7774307 Don't you dare make me feel guilty and force me to rewrite everything. Let me craft my own shit, isn't this what fanfcition is all about?
Yay~ more ^=^
7774334 You have the AU tag for this story, so you can make sombra a crazy pony who escaped from a circus if you want. You just keep doing things your own way.
7774604 *Gasp
Finally...someone who understands me. 
Thank you for your input.
Awesome work, keep it up.
7774334 Well. That or writing ridiculous Mary Sue-esque self inserts and/or hard gay lemon wish fulfillment, both of which are rendered nigh illegible by the sheer cloud of errors the writers make, most of which are produced by barely pubescent teens (especially girls) with more hormones than good sense.
Ah, fanfiction. Truly a land of wonder. And speaking of lands of wonder, I'm going to pillage and/or burn my way through this particular one to point out minor errors that most people won't even notice. Because that is also in the spirit of fanfiction.
So just to be fair: I will include reasons for why the thing I'm pointing out is wrong, not just a suggested change. If you don't know why it needs to be fixed, you'll never improve.
Also, I'm assuming you know none of the rules for English explicitly when dealing with your errors. I find it easier that way.
But here's a more immediate suggestion. A thesaurus is your friend. It'll let you find words that have the same meaning as other words, letting you condense multiple descriptors in a sentence down to a single word.
Also I apologize for the length of this in advance.
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Should be 'surrounded' and 'had been'; both of these were past events, so the past tense should be used.
'where' is a location. 'were' is the word you were looking for.
She was too distracted; 'too' means either inclusive, as in "it can be used like this, too." or as an indicator of surpassing a set amount. Such as "too many words".
'Eventually' is unneeded (and contextually incorrect) here; the 'final' indicates the end point, and connotes abruptness. 'Eventually' also indicates the end point, but dragged out over a long period. It can be dropped without issue.
Also the 'on top' could be changed to 'to the top' to be more seamless. But that's more nit-picking then not.
Over emphasis here; the 'and she meant alot' could be dropped without issue. If you must include it, remember to close the secondary thought 'and she meant alot' with another comma. Otherwise it can be read 'Cadence was expecting alot of things. And she meant alot when she finally made it to the top of the hill' which sounds silly.
Bit of a run-on sentence, here. Suggest changing the comma at 'hill, ranging' to a period and changing 'ranging' to 'Anything'. Also change the comma at 'dark shadows, especially' to a period.
There are a great many different words that can express the thought 'only' more cleanly than 'straight out'.
The first word I suggest is, in fact, the word 'simple', although 'extreme' and its many synonyms could also be used.
'You're' is the correct word there; 'Your' is possessive. Shining is saying 'The right side of Cadence this is far from what we have been told." the way you have it currently.
'You're' is the contraction of 'you are'.
The phrase "cried out in panic" is far more emotive. And generally smoother.
'fell on' or 'fell upon' instead of 'were recieved by'. Again, less awkward.
"
The first 'and this is why we are tasked with patrolling the inside borders of the crystal shield' can be dropped because of the inclusion of 'Which is why our borders are closed now." Again, redundancy like this is unneeded.
Since it's a statement, use a period here, not a question mark.
The festivities are understood to be part of the Crystal Fair; you could easily say 'take part in the festivities,' or 'take part in the Crystal Fair'. (Also the Crystal Fair is a proper noun, and needs to be capitalized.)
'serving' is redundant. We already know what kind of day it is, as the previous portion of the paragraph explained in detail. Also 'more daunting' means 'even more difficult/unpleasant to face'. You probably meant 'less daunting'. Suggested fix: 'make this day less daunting'.
'of them during his reign' is unnecessary. 'during Sombra's great purge' tells us exactly what happened already, and explaining that it happened during his reign is redundant, as context indicates this already.
"in fear of being punished for doing so' works better here than the current phrasing.
The entire phrasing here is clunky and awkward. Suggest using 'hardening the grip on her spear as she glowered determinedly ahead.' 'Glower' meaning to look angrily, scowl
Badly mangled syntax here. "harder" instead of 'more hard'. 'behind her voice' is nonsense, and should instead be 'tone of voice' or 'tone within her voice'. ... I won't bring metaphor into this yet.
'something off in the distance'. 'into' is the wrong word.
Lower case it. This particular 'it' is not a pronoun.
If you must be sure every reader understands he's using his mouth to whistle, then you can indicate how he whistles. "pursed his lips and whistled loudly" is a thousand times less awkwardly phrased.
"Still somewhat confused, Glimmer watched as the" is the proper syntax for that sentence. Or put commas between Glimmer and still, and between confused and watched.
This is both entirely redundant, and makes no sense to be included here.
'there' is a location. As in "that hill over there." 'their' is plural possessive, as in 'that group of ponies moved onto that hill, now it's their hill.' It helps if you remember that 'where' and 'there' are spelled based off the word 'here'. Which is very definitely a location.
The extra is an extra word; it doesn't need to be there.
awkward phrasing here. "The Emperor was mildly impressed" perhaps works better.
Respective, not respected. Respected means 'looking up to, in reverence of'. Respective means 'pertaining to a single individual'.
The rule when referring to multiple people individually is 'Does this word work on its own'. For example "She and I are going shopping" is "she is going shopping" spliced with "I am going shopping", and is therefor correct, as both components are correct. "Her and me are going shopping" is wrong because 'her is going shopping' and 'me am going shopping' are wrong. Easy way to remember it. In this specific case, you want 'she, Thera, and the guards'
You want 'could answer' here.
You should use 'before making his way over to him and saluting' here, as the context means that the salute would come after the soldier reaches the emperor.
"began to look worried" "made a worried expression" "took on a worried look" those are alternate sentences that work better there... taking in an expression of any sort isn't usually a phrase used in english.
I believe you meant 'intentions' here.
The word "disobey" means 'go against rules/commands/laws' and would fit here in place of 'not uphold our rules' quite well.
'begun' is the correct tense usage here.
This entire sentence is unnecessary; not only does it slow the pace of the conversation, but it seems odd to say to a potential enemy.
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Still a lot of errors; I'm tired and I haven't finished going through this with torch and hatchet yet, but I know I began to miss errors before this, and I figure this is enough for now.
This and the others like it would most likely be hush hush when it comes to outsiders, because it basically tells them "We're weak, conquer us!".
I like the story still. It's just that some dialogues here seems a bit unreal. A veteran or high ranking soldier will surely keep the state of their nation classified especially when it's in a disadvantage. Also, I do look forward, or suggest, more backstory and lore into these ponies. Right now Ruby is just a red mare who's the emperor's assistant.
.......... You know, I kind of hope Cadance bonks her on the head for that.
In basically everything canon; comics, books, and show; the Equestrians have had to bail your sorry asses out of many situations. Equestrians were your go to fix your problems. This sort of made sense since the Crystal Empire didn't seem to have a large standing army, but still. You're basically Belgium to their England. Stop bitching at the people who kept having to save you from outside forces.
Just had to say it. Now it's not unrealistic that the Crystal Ponies might feel that way. There are countries that do have this 'arrogant' feeling towards other countries. {Like China in claiming they beat Japan single handedly and the US did nothing.} Hope Cadance and the new Emperor work things out. I also like how you're not making Cadance OOC. A lot of authors just go the way of 'Cadance is an idiot and she's thrown out' or something to stir up needless conflict. So thanks.
7774764 The "Alternative universe" tag is there for a reason. Screw books, comics or the show I am making my own shit.
7774307 Yes, Nava has a distinct lack of comma in his texts, as a proofreader to some of his chapters on Misadventures of Nava, i can say, but i do add them on occasion to not make a whole paragraph sound like a single line or just make dramatic pauses, If there's anything reading Thus Spoke Zarathustra taught me, is how to properly make a story sound like a narrative.
7774763 well, canonically speaking ponies in general tend to be stupid, and as the emperor himself noted few chapters back, innocent.
Love what you're doing here, can't wait for the magitech goodness of FF to hit the crystal ponies, love them battleships from XII.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/12/e2/10/12e21035508116df5972b111d0cf4976.jpg
It's probably years away though, realisticly speaking, and matheus isn't even from that game, but still, just a hoverbike at least.
7774763 I guess you are right, but the excuse I have for this is because it really doesn't make a difference for the Sergeant if he tells them or not. The Empire is currently undergoing into isolation, even if the ponies now know what is going on he knows that they wont make it out of the city if again their intention are ill to begin with, unless the emperor says so otherwise. Plus even if they make it out and get back to Equestria to inform the princesses about the current state of the empire, an invasion of it would actually be difficult or even out right dangerous given the empires location and creatures surrounding it such s the snow worm infestation that currently exist around the snow plains, and it is already clear thanks to Shining that Equestria knows this problem.
So right now the empire is safe from outside invaders, thanks to both the weather and the monster surrounding it.
Yes that also includes flying races as well. The weather being to cold and stormy to fly over.
7774849 Well with his genius I am sure magitech will be part of the Crystal empire military faster then you think.
The emperor knows that the crystal empire has a massive disadvantage when it comes to man (or pony) power alone, so the best way to remedy this is going the whole "Israel" approach. Being technologically vastly more advanced then its neighbors and also well better trained.
Also...that is ship? Why does it have so much air in between its parts? It looks extremely lose and fragile because of it.
Keep up the good work nava!
Just a quick question, does Mateus plan on going total war on the surrounding nations?
7774904 Well he will at the end achieve his goal of total supremacy over the knows world. How he achieves it and when will stay a secret for now.
7774839
Okay.... Well I thought the alternate universe was more for the fact of The Emperor taking the Empire instead of Cadance. Although, it still stands that the Crystal ponies are unjustly blaming Equestria for things outside their control. It's like the Germans blaming Austria for Hitler {since he was Austrian, or I could use Stalin who came from Georgia (the country)}, or the French blaming the Allies for causing collateral damage while ousting the Germans.
Sombra acted on his own accord and wasn't an Equestrian and the princesses were not aware that Sombra could curse the Empire like he did when they tried to oust him.
Or in Comic book terms, it's like the Civil War comic where a villain who's power is exploding, explodes and kiss people for it... and the heroes are blamed.
Now this isn't to say it's unrealistic for the Crystal Ponies to think like this. People don't like to admit their own faults and usually pin the blame on other races, countries, or even species to either shift the blame or just focus their hate. It's a sad fact, but it's something more that kinda needs to be addressed. If it isn't, Equestrians who come to visit the Empire might find themselves on the receiving point of bigotry and possibly violence for a perceived 'you did this' mentality.
Lastly, given the size and area of the Empire, I would think that they would be heavily reliant on Equestrian goods since the Empire can't produce so much in such a space. I mean, I'm sure they can feed themselves but given their size and how everything around the city state is so in hospitable, I don't think the population would climb anywhere more then 10,000-40,000, roughly the size of Greek City states of old.
good chapter once again you have my attention, all through out the chapter (on the edge of me seat). this chapter is beautifully crafted just as the chapters before it i eagerly await the next one.
7774334 This is true enough. In the end, it's your call what you write, eh? Just was pointing out the things I've noticed and such. As said, the complaints I did make could be excusable in various ways there, as I pointed out along with the complaints, and they're mostly just nitpicks by me anyways, eh? XD
Edit: How the heck? Just noticed there was an unread chapter in there. Must have been uploaded before I put your story in tracking, while I was reading the chapter before it, or something. Ah well. I'll be fixing catching up on that today then.^^
7774608 I have a question (or two) but first about current chapter of story.
. As for Sombra, I don't have any probleme with his origin (Firstly, this story has AU tag, secendary his origin are a secondary cannon [from MLP comic]), as for Cadance and way she acts, I have a simple explanation,but first my mentioned earlier question:
seems like perfect solution on that.To put things short i was wonder if you are planning to somehow assimilate them(Thestrals) with Empire not as mercenaries but as citizens.
if they are good[mostly
] or neutral), they can be used as a counter-measure to unicorns or as special unit (spies). So something like this: Crystal ponies- Earth ponies, Thestrals-Pegasuses, Unicorns-Changelings.
.It's naturally that she will be simply knock out of her balance.
....it was really good chapter
How do you plan to develop relationship between Crystal Empire and Thestrals (or at last these from Gladed Blades clan). Because, it's seems that Crystal Ponies even if they have a really good heavy cavalry/infantry, they lack counter-measure to the mobility of pegasuses unit and having Thestrals as light cavalry/infantry or skirmisher unit
Also, i was (in similar way) wonder about Changeling.Are you planning to include them in story as citizens of Empire (Somehow I like those little bastards
7774307
7773924
I think that her behavior is just result of stress.Because even if she was trained to be a princess, now she suppose to face an ancient evil that even her aunts couldn't (completely) defeat ,then journey in extremely harsh conditions,camped in a cave with a corpse (and everything with sense that every second is on price of someone/somepony life).And now she finally arrives to the empire and everything looks/acts...just wrong(we do not need you here, why are you here ect)
And as the most important, we must remember that Cadence is still relatively young(she is probably just 25-30 year olds), so she don't have a thousands years of experience as her aunts.I think these are causes responsible for her acts/behaves so strangely.
I love it when people thinks the world revolves around them or their country. "He's a random person because I've never heard of him" is what I got from shining's thoughts.
7775013 I have my reasons onto why they distrust equestria as a whole, i can all give you a rough list as to way if you want.
7775238 MAGITECH will be the answer to the crystal empires short coming, robotic machines from Final fantasy 6 and airships and plane like machines from Final fantasy 12.
Also sure, I have plans in getting the Thestral nation involved in the emperors schemes. About changelings, will have to see, I was originally planning that in the end parts of the story, Equestria would be surrounded by enemy nations from all sides from the newly formed Crystal EMPIRE and its allies. But its somewhat to early to think of this now since that part of the fic is still FAAAAAR away.
Also you seem to forget about the crystal unicorn. Not all of them died under sombras rule.
7776097
will be loved it).
MAGITECH huh....I've always thought that the best way is combine both: magic and technology(
I hope that we will also see some spider tanks.
)
)
img11.deviantart.net/076f/i/2010/191/b/9/spider_tank_by_sabrinadblood.jpg
Changelings.....I kinda wish that they appear sooner rather than later.(Small Hive can appear earlier as steampouk hive, that will help with the construction of that machines and equipment.[like Phoenix's Roost from For the Hive]I can hope
And as for the Crystal Unicorns I thought that remained too few of them to participate directly in the battles.I see them more in role of scientists or craftsmen.(until their number will increase
7773924 We still don't know what's in her bags...
A gun? lol
Written evidence of Celestia telling her to take over the empire after getting rid of the current king?
Maybe some evidence of intent to commit treason and possible regicide?
Maybe she'll screw up by just saying "You can't rule, you aren't an alicorn!"
Like, bitch, calm down!
You aren't our god, you aren't our friend and you aren't even crystally!
Why should we let you rule when all we know about you is that you have wings and a horn?
You sayin' you gotta be a certain race in order to run an empire?!
Have you actually done anything for us recently?
Anyway, bloody cliffhanger!
Just before the bit I've been looking forward to as well!
Great update! Can't wait to see the Emperor deal with those upstarts.
Ruby Quill? More like Exposition Quill! Well, at least she confirms that the Crystal ponies know they were stuck in a timeless void...somehow.
I don't really think Cadance would have been packing any 'personal effects' that would be embarrassing a guard when going out on a journey to a land with an evil king. That's just me. It seems off-kilter as a comedic bit in this story. Also, would the Crystal ponies really know off-hoof that Cadance is a Princess, or just automatically assume alicorn = Princess of Equestria, even if she's not Luna or Celestia, who are known Princesses?
Cadence I know your the princess of love but come on, this is a rescue mission to save the crystal empire from sombra (before meteus arrived), whatever you brought better not be what I think
Hail the emperor of man
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this is not warhammer btw