• Member Since 30th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Monday

Cookie_Girl


Gone.

T
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Years ago, Elfangor found Luna on an alien ship as a foal. He raised her as his own.

Now she must protect Earth with her new friends; Jake, Marco, Cassie, Tobias, and Rachel. They can trust nobody, not even their own families.

This is a crossover with the book series The Animorphs.

Inspired by Tatsurou.

Art by Votederpycausemufins.

Warning: the gore tag is applied for a reason. If you have read the books, you understand.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 20 )

Animorphs? Awe man... Childhood right there!

Interesting start. I wonder how she will react when she finds out about Tobias being her brother? Also will you be explaining why Lina can use thought speak instead of using her normal voice? Onwards to the next chapter!

7619835 thought speak is actually a side effect of the morphing power. All of the Animorphs can use it in human form, this was confirmed in one of the early books but they dropped it and explained them not using by having them say it was wierd. Luna has grown up with it and is accustomed to it, so she finds it perfectly normal.

I must say this is quite entertaining.

Am I assuming correctly that Luna has that bio-tech translator chip in her head that all members of the Andalite space forces have that allow them to understand spoken languages? (Revealed and explained in book one of The Andalite Chronicles.)

Okay, okay, wow. I'd have never thought a crossover like this could happen, but it is, and oh lawd am I tickled. It's an interesting and potentially great idea, and I can't wait to see how beings like the Ellimist or Crayak are going to react to a creature like Luna.

So, apart from a few nit-picky spelling and grammatical errors, if there's one complaint I have, it's that you seem to rush through the narrative rather fast. While not dragging on for so long that the reader soon gets bored- something of which I myself am guilty- is definitely a good thing, moderating your pacing is something you should work on. The Animorphs series was quite descriptive, and while you've managed to make it dialogue-heavy (as were the books, which really helped with characterization), what of the story isn't dialogue goes by way too fast. Write more about what happens when they aren't speaking, like where they are, who is around them, or what they see/hear/feel/smell/taste, e.g. "Jake heard the loud, repetitive CLACKCLACKCLACKCLACK of the Taxxon's legs on metal flooring before he saw it peek its red, gelatinous eyes around the corner. He could tell it had just eaten; greenish blood dripped from its maw, the stink of it so strong he could even taste it in the air." Not only does it help the reading pace, it also gives a much better idea of what's going on, and makes visualization both easier and more vivid.

Know this, I'm not saying your work is bad, I'm just trying to help you improve. Just because you're good doesn't mean you can't get better, hm?

A point of curiosity is whether or not you're going to write it in first person, as essentially the entire series was. Being that this is a "Chronicles" story, maybe it could, beyond this first chapter, switch between which character's point of view it is for each chapter?

*Screeches and flails.* Another epic crossover? I'm planning on doing the same thing, but with an even larger series.

I went through and found some errors, I can message them to you if you'd like?

Edit: Also, I was thinking it was Trixi instead of Luna because I didn't pay enough attention to the cover art x') This is gonna be great :D

7620123 I had actually forgotten about that.

7620137 thanks. I'm always looking to improve, but I've been out of sorts for writing lately. I've never wrote in first person before, so I'm going with limited third person that follows Luna. I will eventually try out some Luna pov when she tells them about her childhood.

Thanks again for the tips. Moving the story too fast has always been my biggest problem, I'll try to slow it down in the future.

7620179 you can post it here.

7620196
So I'm not nearly the greatest at grammar, but these are what stood out to me.

". . . opened fire, they took. . ."
^ ". . . opened fire and they took. . ." though I'm not 100% positive on this one.

Blood that was still fresh.
^ this paragraph I think should be split into three? It makes it feel more disjointed with her thoughts and a little more into disbelief that this could have happened to her father.

Elfangor held a seven fingered hand to her head.
^ Maybe flip those two lines? Something like "Luna looked up sharply as she felt Elfangor hold a seven-fingered hand to her head"? Or "held [it] in a seven-fingered hand"? It just seems a bit odd to me, but I tend to be a bit flowery myself =\

< . . . time I can>
^ Punctuation at the end? Hyphen for it being abruptly cut off or interrupted or a period to end the statement.

Luna replied bluntly.
^ Search phrase. Her speech should have a comma and a period, respectively, to go with the thoughtspeech.

7620292 I'll see what I can do. Thanks.

One of my favorite child hood series getting the PWNY treatment??? Sweet. Poor Luna, loosing her dad sucks. Of course, when she finds her uncle Ax later I can see her doing a flying tackle glomp on him.

Hmmm, will Luna get a human morph??? And will she overreact to taste??? At the very least she should have a favorite food.

Oh wow. A crossover between MLP and Animorphs?! This is most DEFIANTLY a first! I'll have to read this later, when I have the time. Hope it's as good as that series was. ^^

7622659 actually, this is NOT a first.

Here's a fun surprise for you~ Go to my groups list on my page, and click the blue cube.

7622664 Oh, I mean a first for me. I've been on this site for a few years and never ONCE seen such a crossover. I actually can't wait to read it. I grew up on Animorphs and now, I find a story that combines two of my favorite series together.

7622676 I'm trying to be fun when I tell you to click the blue cube. It's an Animorphs fan group.

7622697 Whoa whoa whoa :pinkiegasp: A FAN GROUP!!?

7622701 yes. You can find a link in the blog I just posted OR....look in my groups list and touch the cube. It's a bit more fun if you touch the cube.

Oh wow, Animorphs is one of my favorite book series, and now it has best princess? Definitely going to track this.

Also now I feel like reading the entire series over again.

Was super excited about this, but I hope everything works out for you. Be safe out there.

I blame the Yeerks for this being canceled wgen i found it, I so rarely find things or people who remember that wonderful book series.

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