Night Will Last Forever
Trigger warning for attempted suicide
There was a box in Luna's room, it was only small and it was often hidden behind a photograph of a very young Luna in her father's arms. It was a box that held a few reminders, memories of a time long passed. A past Luna wished to forget, yet knew it was better to remember, to recall the strength she had found.
As she lay on her bed, Luna heard the strains of a tune picked out on guitar. Sunset was playing, in her room from how close the music was. It was not a cheerful tune, but there was a kind of cleansing melancholy to it. Laid back on her bed, Luna remembered.
-*-
School was far from Luna's favourite place. Although she loved to learn, to study facts and read of places real and fictional, to corral numbers into equations that mapped out the universe... Her peers made it impossible to enjoy. Their treatment of her was actually making it difficult for her to enjoy anything. Inside or outside of school.
Though she had solace in music, her art, works of fiction and the stars, it was hard to keep the darkness out of her heart. She was far from the norm amongst the other students, naturally quiet and withdrawn, it had been easy to keep to herself and hobbies. However, every heart yearns for company and her small attempts had drawn mocking words and jeering tones.
So far different from her sister who shone like the sun. Celestia was older by three years, a popular senior who did not deign to notice the shy and dark teen who shared a name. Upon leaving the house each morning, it would be as if they didn't know each other at all.
Walking down the hallway, Luna held her books close, a shield from the world she hoped. Though words always got through. “Hey Look, it's Gloomy Moony.” A voice Luna dreaded spoke out. Skate had a group of friends who had plenty of fun picking on those lower down the food chain at school.
Keeping her head down, Luna ignored them and walked on. Once, not too long ago, one of his group had pretended to be her friend. Slot's family owned an arcade she used to go to and had an interest in the games. Or so he had said. After too short a while he had brought along the others and then the name calling and not-so-accidental jostling started.
The memory hurt her, but Luna focused on her goal, the physics classroom where Miss Astrid taught. The one teacher on staff who allowed her sanctuary. (Her own mother, Principal of the High School could not, for fear of “preferential treatment”).
Something spherical was under her foot and Luna fell, sprawling on the floor as her books scattered. “Oh no, Gloomy's fallen over.” Sneaker clad feet reached her line of sight. “Let me help with that...” Cola poured onto the books. “Oops, silly me. I done forgot I had a soda!”
There were cackling laughs but a door opened down the hall and the boys scattered. “Luna. Here.” Miss Astrid had found her. A hand helped her up and the books were picked from the ground. “We can try and clean these up in the classroom. Come on, there is still twenty minutes of lunch.” Luna nodded and followed the science teacher.
Risking a glance up, Luna wished she hadn't, Celestia was there. Only a ways down the hall at her locker. The guilt and conflict on her face made it clear she'd seen it all. Seen it all and not tried to help. Luna scowled, mostly to herself. This was how things went.
-*-
Her school day had not improved, despite the teacher's assistance in cleaning the books. Gym had been an embarrassing nightmare, one of the girls had suggested that Luna looked at her too long a time. Not the first such accusation. Her disinterest in finding a boyfriend, despite being only fifteen, had labelled her as pretty much all the derogatory terms for a lesbian. It didn't help that she had the hint of an inkling that maybe it was the case.
Then in English class, someone had made the suggestion that she too was like the character in a book they were studying. A character who had perpetrated a school shooting. This was not the only time. Luna had stopped wearing her favourite jacket after the not-whispering around her last semester. It had also become ill-advised to wear her hood up either. Grim Reaper was one of the nicer names.
At the end of the school day Luna had made her way to walk home. Her mother drove them all to school, but she worked late most days. While Celestia had after school clubs to attend, Luna did not. She had tried the roleplaying club, but the boys had not wanted her to join in. Fair or not, they had been a club since grade school and were playing a campaign as friends for nearly as long, they'd not had the 'space' to allow a newcomer. Even an experienced gamer.
So, not wishing to take the bus with her fellow students, Luna walked the two miles home. It kept her fit anyway, and gave her time to listen to music on her Walkman. A safe distance from school, with a CD loaded and earbuds in, Luna began her solitary walk home.
-*-
“See you tomorrow Chance!” Celestia called and waved to her team-mate. Lacrosse had gone great today and her friend had given her a ride home. Mom was working late still, which left her home alone with Luna for the evening. It wouldn't be too bad, she had the TV most of the time anyway as her creepy little sister preferred the basement to the family room.
Reaching the door to the house she frowned, there were strange black smears on the handle and near the lock. Avoiding the substance as best she could, Celestia unlocked the door and walked into the house.
The sound of running water came from the upstairs bathroom, frowning again, she went up to see what was going on. Stood over the sink, scrubbing at her hands, was Luna. “What the heck have you been doing Luna?” She asked, a little scorn slipping into her voice. Once her sister had spilled weird model paint all over the place, so it wasn't like she didn't bring things on herself.
She couldn't help gasping a little when her sister turned to face her. Black was spread across her face, ink or paint possibly, there were the slightest tear tracks letting the usual blue show through. In her hands was a scrubbing brush, still her fingers were black stained too. “I didn't see them. Someone threw water bombs filled with ink at me.” Luna's voice was small, fragile almost.
On the floor, the hooded sweater Luna liked to wear was in a pile, the indelible stains of ink clear to see. Her book bag was dark coloured, but a darker patch was a sign of another stain. “No idea at all?” Celestia asked, a little annoyed. Mom would get upset by it and probably insist that Celestia walk Luna home or something.
“No, it was some students on bikes. They had the school jackets on but that's all I saw.” Luna turned back to scrubbing her hands. “It's not like I can think of anyone who wouldn't do it, either.”
“You know, if you tried having a sunnier attitude then more people might like you.” Celestia said. “Brighter clothes, less Wednesday Adams, a little more, Cher.” She shrugged.
“I like my clothes and its hard to be positive when no one wants you around.” Luna replied the slightest hint of argument in her voice.
“Okay, try joining a proper team or club, not one about those freaky books or old music.” Celestia grinned, that was a great plan. The soccer team needed more players and Luna had played in grade school for a while.
Luna turned to face her then, more tears brimming in her eyes but an angry expression on her face. “Dad gave me those books. I listened to that music with him! Why do I have to be just like you?” She shouted that and Celestia rankled. “So you are all popular and everyone loves you right? That means I have to be a little clone huh? I don't want to look like a total airhead bimbo!”
“Yeah?” Celestia was angry now. “You don't want to be like me then?” She glared across the bathroom. “Keep going like this then and you'll be just like dad!” She shouted it, hardly realising just what she was saying until it was too late.
Luna looked stricken, like she'd taken a body blow. The scrubbing brush fell to the floor. Silent, she fled the bathroom, the sink still running. Celestia heard a mutter as her little sister passed. “Maybe that's what you want then?” But she had no right to chase her sister after saying what she did.
Keeping quite, she turned off the water and put the brush back in its place. She hung the sweater from the shower door, maybe it could be salvaged or she could track down a matching replacement. Deciding it was best to leave them both time to cool off, Celestia decided to go about her usual routine.
-*-
Her room was dark, the curtains were drawn and the blinds were down. Luna didn't like the daylight to intrude on her sanctuary. Tears ran down her face as Celestia's words rolled around her head. Ending up like Dad. It was always going to happen wasn't it?
There was something special under her bed, saved for just this moment. Luna pulled out the box. This would be for the best. Her Dad would be waiting for her.
Though, she cast her glance to a notepad, the rest of her family deserved something, a goodbye at least.
-*-
Celestia sat in her room at her desk, trying not to look at the photograph of two little girls and two adults smiling from some past time in a happier place. She still felt guilty for her flash of anger and cruel words to her little sister.
The first advice had seemed good, a sunny attitude and a smile worked for her. Calling her a bimbo was uncalled for, but Luna had already been emotional, upset and probably frustrated. Getting her favourite sweater wrecked would have been really bad for her mood. The other kids at school were jerks for no really good reason. Luna was already a little withdrawn and an easy target... Maybe she had been harsh to her sister, with what she had said in the first place.
Instead, sticking up for her at school would probably help. Maybe including her a little when they were on lunch so that the younger girl had company. That made Celestia feel bad too, she didn't have much to do with Luna in school. Distancing herself even.
Then she had said those horrible things. Her anger could flare up and then her words came faster than thoughts. But Luna never deserved those words.
Celestia looked at her clock. It was getting past time for dinner and Mom was still out, working late became working later too often these days. “Pizza.” Celestia decided. “Pizza diplomacy, and maybe Luna will talk to me.”
Fetching the phone so she could make an order with Luna's input, Celestia knocked the door with the crescent moon stencilled onto it. “Lulu, do you want to order in pizza?”
There was no answer, so Celestia knocked again. “Lu, pizza? Do you want to split a large or get two of the medium?” Luna often gave her the silent treatment after an argument. Hammering at the door Celestia shouted. “Luna! Pizza! I need your order now or I'll just get the four cheese!” She huffed, and kicked at the door.
No answer.
By this point, Luna would have at least thrown something at the door, or shouted something at her. A cold stone of worry hit her stomach. “Luna?” Celestia called. “Luna!” Finally, Celestia grabbed the door handle, but the door was locked.
“Luna, unlock the door. This isn't funny anymore...” Celestia gathered her thoughts. Their doors didn't have locking handles, just a simple bolt a little way up the door, screwed in at the door and a slot screwed to the frame.
She was the lacross team captain. She was varsity wrestling. Knocking some screws loose from a bolt latch would be easy, the door-frames were simple pine. Hopefully Luna and Mom wouldn't be too mad.
Pushing down the door handle and drawing back, it only took two hard body-checks to get the door open. Fully expecting to be screamed and shouted at, Celestia was horrified by the silence. She looked around, the fear that her sister had run away was resolved by spotting a shape on the bed.
The relief was short-lived.
Why didn't her sister say anything? Luna couldn't have slept through the door being smashed open! “Luna?” There was no response.
Carefully, Celestia approached. Luna was lying on the bed in the gloomy room, she always had her curtains shut. Stepping through the room, Celestia's foot impacted with a bottle that went rolling away, a glass bottle. There was a strong smell of alcohol and she frowned. Had her younger sister been drinking?
“Come on Luna, it isn't funny anymore. I'm sorry I was a jerk...” Celestia began, shaking her sister by the shoulder. The movement dislodged something but Luna did not wake. In a panic, Celestia leaned in only to hear terrifyingly shallow and spaced out breaths. Pill bottles, all empty, were strewn across the duvet. “LUNA!” Celestia screamed, she hurried out to the hallway to grab the phone and call 911.
It took an age for anyone to answer, she sobbed out the story, her address and what few observations she could make. All the while she clutched her little sister close, she'd rushed back to her with the phone as the call connected, and whispered her name and begged for her to be alright. “Just hang on Lulu, please... Please stay.” Celestia said, her tears dripped onto paled skin.
As she held Luna she spotted a note, the writing scribbled and the paper tear-stained. A missive made out in a state of dark emotion.
My life is just a nightmare now. I have no friends to turn to and I don't deserve your love, I've driven you away, I know that. Please know that this is for the best. I love you both. But I can't keep going. I need to just sleep, just lie down and sleep and escape the nightmare. So that's what I am going to do.
I'll lie down now and my night will last forever.
Goodbye
Luna
“No, no... I love you so much Luna. I can't lose you.” Celestia cried, the ambulance was coming, it had to arrive soon. They had to save her sister.
This was her fault.
All her fault.
-*-
The waiting room was not a nice place to be. Celestia was watching the beige walls, not seeing anyone walking past her, not hearing what was going on around. She had been brought in the ambulance with her sister. They had arranged for the police to inform their mother.
“'Tia! Oh god...” Mother had arrived, she grabbed Celestia close. “They won't let me in.”
“It's my fault.” Celestia said softly. “I said such awful things to her... It's all my fault.” Her mother hugged her.
“No, no... Its me. One is tragic, two is negligent.” Mom said softly, sadly. “I never expected to lose your father so soon, but I drove myself into my work and neglected you both...” She almost broke down and they held onto each other. “I can't lose Lulu the same way.”
They sat holding each other for what felt like forever.
“Mrs Sonen?” There was a nurse in front of the bereft little family. “She's stable, she'll recover.” The pair grasped the statement eagerly. “I'll take you to her.”
“Thank you.” She spoke so gratefully for both of them, Celestia was mute with relief. Her sister was still alive.
“It is going to be a long process, mentally.” The nurse said. Her words were lost on Celestia though, she still had a sister and that was all that mattered right now. Luna was not gone.
-*-
Luna opened her eyes. She was in a white room, she felt numb. Emotionally numb. She thought she should have died, but it was obvious that her attempt had not worked. She should be sad, or angry, or happy for being alive or something. Instead, she just didn't care. Her mind was giving her a universal shrug.
Someone was holding her had, she turned to find her mother asleep sitting up, her head pillowed on the bed rail. Across the room, Celestia was sleeping, curled in a spare chair, a blanket over her. Seeing her family, Luna still wasn't feeling much. Listless maybe. Confused? She moved a little, it woke her mother.
“Oh Lulu, baby girl. You scared me so much.” She had been crying a lot it seemed. She smiled and pressed a kiss to Luna's forehead. “I just can't lose you.”
“Sorry Mom.” Luna felt it was the right thing to say. It sounded so hollow though. Her mother was still smiling, but it didn't look too real.
“Don't worry Lulu, we'll get this fixed up.” Mom said softly. “I love you, okay? Never forget that.” Mom hugged her tight and Luna didn't pull away.
“Luna?” Celestia was awake now, she sat up in the chair, but was out and beside the bed quickly. “I'm so sorry Luna. I said awful things.” She hugged her little sister. The blankness of Luna's expression, the lack of emotional reaction, it worried her. But Luna was still with them. It would work out.
-*-
Luna had been in hospital a few days. The doctors had been keeping an eye on her, she was apparently no longer at risk from the pills she had taken and there were no side effects. Though Mom and her doctor had mentioned that someone would be helping her with her depression.
They had spoken with her, Mom and the hospital doctors, about her low moods and bad feelings. About her Dad and what happened, about what made her think of taking all those pills. They had diagnosed depression, they had spoken about treating it. Luna didn't mind really, she was not finding it easy to feel much at all at the moment.
Still sat in her hospital bed, Luna was measuring time by what meals they brought her and when Celestia came to visit. Right now Mom was sat beside her, reading aloud from a book. A knock at the door disturbed them.
Someone new walked into the room and Mom looked pleased to see her.“Hello Luna, I'm Doctor Clover. I'll be looking out for you and helping you over the next few months.” The woman was pleasant enough and friendly. She looked at Luna with a smile and stood near the bed.
“I see.” Luna inclined her head in greeting.
“Once we've got you discharged from this hospital, we'll be going to a slightly different one.” Doctor Clover had a chart in her hand. “Now your body is better I'm going to help you heal your mind.” She smiled and put the chart down. “You probably don't care much right now, but we'll get you back to feeling good and enjoying all those things you love just as soon as you are ready.” She put the chart down. “If that's okay with you.”
“What do you think Luna?” Mom asked.
“I, I want to feel.” Luna said quietly. “This is a good thing to do right?” She asked, Mom nodded along with Doctor Clover. “I'll go.” She looked at Doctor Clover and her Mom, getting a hug in return.
They went to the other hospital that day. It was on nice grounds and had a comfortable room for her. Luna was content to stay there for now.
It was several months before she could have visits home, longer still to become an outpatient. But Luna was getting better.
The melancholy tune came to a natural end and Luna rolled over in her bed, to look up at the ceiling. It had been a long road to recovery, one she still walked in a way. As it sounded like Sunset had finished playing, Luna decided on a more productive way to spend her time today. Something to improver her mood, possibly both their moods.
Leaving her room, she knocked on Sunset's door. “Come in?” Sunset replied and Luna looked around the door. She found Sunset sat on her bed with her guitar on her lap.
“Hi Sunset, I was wondering if you wanted to, maybe, listen to music? I wanted to share what our father used to listen to with us.” Luna still had every LP, single, cassette and CD her Dad had bought. Sunset wouldn't know him, but she would get an idea about the man. “He pretty much laid the foundation of what I like, there's some real classics.
“That sounds cool.” Sunset put her guitar down.
As they sat in the living room, listening to the record player, Luna was glad things had ended up working out okay. She'd met many interesting people and was part of a growing family. Now she had a niece to support and share understanding.
Life was good.
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It would probably be best to mark this chapter with an attempted suicide trigger warning.
7828193
Yeah. I forgot some people can be pretty sensitive. I've put something on it now.
7828215 That being said, you handled it well, and the realistic nature of the aftereffects actually adds to the emotional nature of the chapter.
man what a powerful chapter!it was heart breaking and very emotional,truly beautifully written!your story is truly one of the finest on fim!! well done to you,and have a happy and safe new year!
I love this story. Great little snippets into their lives as a family. As always, keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more.
I would love to see Celestia reflect more on this and the warpath she probably tore to avenge the near loss of her sister. Cause I bet during the Anno-Miss scandal they both kept an eye on Sunset, just in case.
When I was younger I almost committed suicide twice but became too afraid to do it. Looking back I realize that if I had done it I would've been hurting not only myself but my family and friends in the process.
This was painful, but good. Or good but painful. There is something of a difference between those. Looking forward to the next chapter, though, love me some fluff.
so im guessing luna's father commited suicide
7828235 Couldn't have summed it up better
I kinda wanna see what happens at the School after Luna's Suicide attempt. I'm wanna see Mrs.Sonen going to hell with being called out on Nepotism/Favoritism in to punish the students who helped drive Luna to this point, while also having to punish Celestia outside of school for her part as it happened as home as well as it would help to deflect those allegations, and I am sure with how Celestia is took it back then would be in agreement with such a thing.
love this chapter, it gives us more insight about Luna's past and introduces her and Celestia's mother. this chapter also shows how much alike Luna and Sunset are. So the light shipping will either be between Celestia and Discord or Luna and Chrysalis, looking forward to the next chapter.
I'd sue for telling my life story if it wasn't for the fact that it is the life story of so many people. Growing up isn't easy when you don't fit in with the popular people. What makes it worse is you are often the one to get in trouble by being pressured to react to violence with violence. Because you are the troubled teen, you must be the one who started the fight/prank/rumor. My issues were with the school's football team. They never got in trouble because they were a winning team.
You either have had issues in the past or know someone who has to write the experience this well. Excellent chapter, brought tears.
Once did a pony who shone like the sun
Look out on her kingdom and sigh
She smiled and said, "Surely, there is no pony
So lovely and so well beloved as I"
So great was her reign, so brilliant her glory
That long was the shadow she cast
Which fell dark upon the young sister she loved
And grew only darker as days and nights passed
Soon did that pony take notice that others
Did not give her sister her due
And neither had she loved her as she deserved
She watched as her sister's unhappiness grew
But such is the way of the limelight, it sweetly
Takes hold of the mind of its host
And that foolish pony did nothing to stop
The destruction of one who had needed her most
It does make me wonder if Celestia and Luna's mom will be getting her own chapter when she finally meets Sunset? Plus I think that Princess Twilight did promise some people a trip to Equestria.
I really enjoy your Sunset Shimmer stories. They strike a cord with me. Thank you very much for sharing them with us.
7903052
This is a Snicker
snickers.com/Resources/images/share/snickers.jpg
I'm British my lovely, so words we use do slip in from time to time. Here's the Dictionary Definition . Not sure what I need to change really.
Though things have been bad for me, I've never considered suicide.
That's stupid. I know for a fact that there are people worse off than I was, even as a kid.
Plus, you know, my faith helped.
Can you do where Celestia goes to Equestria with Sunset please?
Her eternal night was DEATH! This fic has stolen all of my feels right now, all of the feels.
7903962 So... would you call Luna's basement or her mental-recovery center "The Moon"?
Not gonna lie, right after the suicide note, I heard this song playing in my head without my realizing it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AsaZwT6xB4
Not gonna lie...but...after re-reading this chapter I was literally brought to tears from it...Bravo to you who was able to draw on your own dark experiences in life to tell such a tale of a lonely outcast who's only wish was to be heard....
When I started reading this I was not expecting to take a ride on the feels train. Boy was i wrong. But now that I'm here I'm staying on this train until the last stop. Onward!
Honestly this is the chapter I find myself rereading the most i'd even call it my favourite (hope that doesn't sound as bad as I think it does). You really out did yourself here it's really well written and i think you really captured the emotion of this kind of situation. I can also see the similarities between teen Celestia and pre reformed Sunset. All in all well done.
Nice music.
I bet Doctor Clover was really clever.
Well... That felt real. I wish I could say I didn't know that from experience. The lack of emotion, the 'I don't care anymore,' even having your door broken down to be checked on. I rarely leave comments, but this got me. Well written.
I'm guessing you're writing from either first- or second-hand experience, because this sounds eerily familiar to phases two of my siblings have gone through. This felt way too real to have been anything else.
Although I've never been that low i know how Luna feels here, i have major bouts of depression and, as you have lovingly stated in every chapter, help was there for me.
Thank you
I feel for Luna
How mean of him!
Ok that is just going too far!
Ok whoever thought Luna is related to that character must be an idiot since she'd never do a school shooting.
Ink in a water balloon, that's just f'd up.
She really screwed up way to far this time.
Well looks like she's running away.
Ok nope, it's worst than running away!
I was for some reason expecting her to be pissed and yell at her but what she said earlier makes sense now.
Despite her recovery took sometime at least she'd doing better now and has a niece as well.
I never realized how much of a darker meaning the words "the night will last forever" could have when they aren't said by someone who controls the moon.