• Member Since 8th Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen 38 minutes ago

RuinQueenofOblivion


Dashite forever!

E
Source

A decade and a half after the Cutie Mark Crusaders got their Cutie Marks, they come together in Manehattan for a reunion to celebrate and reflect. At the same time the children of the Crusaders come to get to know each other, and things go from there as history starts to repeat itself, hopefully for the better.


Made for Cutie Marked Crusaders Contest #4: Our First Cutie-Anniversary

Set in the same universe as Scootaloo's Life

Cover Credit Goes to its creator

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 3 )

Well, I can't say anything bad about the story itself. Overall it was enjoyable read and the characters were greatly written :twilightsmile:

Two things I reckon you should focus at:
1. Keep all the verbs in one tense. You have there "says" and "said" next to each other. That doesn't make any sense.

2. Try to use the verb "say" a little less.
For example:

"No, I've got her tomorrow," Scootaloo said.

Why couldn't it be:

"No, I've got her tomorrow," Scootaloo smiled/winked/grimaced.

This helps you to inform the reader in "non-violent" way how does the character feel, plus it reduces the amount of that nasty verb...

Good luck in your writing!

Hng! That's cute. Still writing Scootaloo. Y'know, you could probably write the Scoots fic to end all scootafics if you put your mind to it. You have a couple of missing commas and you should write out numbers. I never thought to see Scootaloo as a cop, but it does make some sense. She's the most adventurous and physical of all her friends. I could see her following Rainbow Dash into some kind of security service. I always wondered what happened to the CMC's when they grew up, and I like seeing what some think of as being their fates. Also interesting was the fact that their children are facing the same late bloomer issues that their parents did. I notice that Scootaloo is a single mom, but that's not important to this fic; it does, however, free you from having to explain where she came from. Nice going for using background pony names on the OC's you needed to generate for this, for it adds a touch of credibility to this story as a possible future for the characters. I give this story a well-deserved upvote.

This is so adorably cute

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