• Published 2nd Oct 2016
  • 896 Views, 68 Comments

Joffrey Baratheon in Equestria (A Create Your Own Adventure Story) - Deneld the Unspooked



You play as Joffrey Baratheon, who has been summoned to Equestria for a special purpose after brushing with death..

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"Twilight Sparkle, I choose you!"

You turn to look at those five ponies, considering your choices. First, there is the aptly named Fluttershy, who would be so much fun to abuse behind closed doors. Second is Applejack; there’s nothing interesting about her so far. Rarity is the most regal one here — more regal, in fact, than the so-called Princess. (Really, is it this kingdom’s custom to grab the most uncouth paupers in the land and give them royal titles? Why isn’t she a Princess?) There are also Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, both of whom look very much chipper and spry — all the better to break them.

Yet, none of them are ideal. You are royalty. Being a peer to some common peasant is utterly beneath you. And besides that, you should at least have a look at this kingdom’s royal court, if not have a place in it. Get some friends in high places to help you get the power you rightly deserve. Then betray them as desired.

And what better to help you get your foot in the door than a Princess?

“I choose… Princess Twilight Sparkle.” You turn to the Princess with a grin on your face.

The Princess’ eyebrows shoot up; her maw goes agape. “What? M-... me? But why?”

“Because I feel like we both got off to a bad start. You spat in my face, after all. Not a good way to treat your royal guests. But then I slapped your friend like a bitch. We’re even enough to start over, don’t you think?”

“Ugh. No! I will not spend an hour alone with you.

“Come now, Your Highness. If you don’t do it, then…” You chuckle. “... the yellow one will.”

Fluttershy’s breathing goes heavy before she swallows something in her mouth.

Twilight growls at you. “You are a sick person.” She draws a long breath. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

You smile sweetly at the Princess. “Thank you, Your Highness. Is there a chance we can do this over a drink?”

Twilight looks down for a moment, then sighs. “Sure. I’ll get Spike to get us some mint tea.”


You look down at the gray granite table below you as you sit across from the Princess on a cushioned leather chair. A white porcelain cup stands there, filled with a green tea whose steam filled the air with minty aroma. On the other side, the Princess takes a sip out of her own cup before setting it back down, then looks to you to speak.

“Why don’t you start? I’m not good at small talk.”

You let on a smirk. “So, how’s the weather?”

She shrugs. “Alright, I guess.”

She wasn’t kidding, it seems. You try something else: “So, where’d you get this tea? It’s really good.”

“Got it at the store.”

You take a sip of your tea, trying not to wince at its overbearing sweetness. “You go to the markets yourself? Don’t you have someone to do that for you?”

She lets out an exasperated sigh. “No, I don’t.”

“Not even that lizard? Your servant?”

With a scowl on her face, she slams a hoof against the table, spilling a bit of her tea on the table. “He’s not my servant!”


A pause. “Are you alright, Twilight?”

“No, I’m not alright! You know why?” She takes a breath. “Because I saw. I saw what you did in Westeros, I saw what you did to Fluttershy, and I saw what you were about to do to me! And you expect me to just... sit here and have tea with you like there’s nothing wrong? Are you serious?”

You shrug. “What else is there for you to do?”

Twilight lets out a groan. “This was a really, really bad idea.” She looks down at the table, then mutters, “But I don’t want to disappoint her.”

You lean back in your chair. “Disappoint who? Princess Celestia?”

She nods.

“She means a lot to you, doesn’t she?”

She nods.

“You’d do anything for her approval, wouldn’t you?”

She sighs, then nods.

“I had someone like that back in Westeros. You know who, don’t you?”

She shakes her head.

“I guess you didn’t see everything, then.” A pause. “My father. Robert.”

Twilight looks back up to you. “Robert? Who was he?”

“The king.”

“But… I thought y-... oh. Oh.

You nod, looking at her with a somber expression. “Yeah. He died in a hunting accident. I watched him go.” You mimic the Princess’ choking up. “That’s when it all happened, you know. When he died, I was devastated. In fact, I was so devastated that I could hardly even think straight. That’s why I was so cruel, you know. It was my way of lashing out at the world for taking my dad away from me.” You watch as tears well in the Princess’ eyes. “There was always a part of me that said, ‘Stop it, Joffrey. This isn’t what dad would’ve wanted. Be a good king.’ But with my mother there egging me on, and with how Westeros tends to treat good people to begin with…” You sigh.

Twilight looks up to you with her teary eyes. “J-... Joffrey. I… I had no idea. I didn’t see that part. All I saw were the parts where you were mean and cruel.”

“I understand. If I could take it all back, I would.”

“You would?”

“I would.”

Twilight’s lips curl up to the sweetest smile you’d ever seen. “Joffrey! That’s the first step!”

You cock an eyebrow. “The first step to what?”

“To reform! Aww, come here, you…” Twilight nudges herself off her seat, then trots around the table to your side. When she comes close, she stands up on her hind legs and wraps her forelegs around you in a warm, tight embrace. “It’s okay, Joffrey. You’re not in that horrible place anymore. You’re safe here with your good pal, Princess Twily.”

You put your own arms around Twilight, holding her and feeling her rub her cheek against your neck. A devilish smirk stretches across your face. It worked. That sentimental sob story actually worked! These tiny horses are so gullible. I’ll be king of this place before my eighteenth name day.

“You know,” Twilight says, “I was going to have you sleep in the dungeon. But you don’t have to anymore. You can have the guest quarters. And you can go anywhere you want in the castle, too, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Alright. I’m glad you’re here, Joffrey.” She gives your back a hearty pat before breaking the hug, standing on all fours once again. “I think that’s enough for one day. I need a couple hours to plan out your first friendship lesson, alright? I’ll come get you when I’m ready."

"And where should I go?"

"Go wherever you like. Spike tends to stay in the courtyard. I also have another friendship student who tends to stay in the library, so if you go there, you’ll likely run into her.”

You smile and nod. “Alright. Sounds good.”

“See you later, Joffrey.”

You watch as the Princess turns around and leaves the room, then draw your gaze back to the table. She had left her tea behind, her cup half-full. Your own tea has barely been touched. You take one more sip of it; the sweetness is ever so slightly less overbearing. Maybe by your eighteenth name day, you’ll be halfway to stomaching the stuff.

But that’s quite some time into the future. For now, you have the castle to explore.

It might be wise to mingle with the residents of the castle. The castle servant is always good to have in your pocket, as one could easily slip a fatal drop into a drink before serving it — as you learned the hard way. This other student could also be of value, especially since she’s apparently a bookworm. She might know some things you don’t, and even if she’s not there, the books, themselves, could be handy. There’s probably a lot of other useful places in the castle as well.