Cider Season
By the time I arrived at Sweet Apple Acres, I was astonished, and a little distressed, to find a huge line of ponies extending from the barn all the way across the hills. Well, I should say that I would have arrived at Sweet Apple Acres, but the end of the line was about a mile or so away from the start. Shading my eyes, I could just see a small wooden stand, similar to a lemonade stand, set up near the barn, and a towering pyramid of wooden barrels. I could barely make out a spot of pink at the head of the line. So Pinkie had made it to the front after all. I wondered how early she had had to get up to make it there…
“There you are! Come over here!”
I turned. Twilight was waving me over. Rarity was standing in front of her, and she in turn was standing in front of Spike, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash. Rainbow was looking bad-tempered.
“How did you all end up way back here?” I asked, coming over to stand behind the grumpy pegasus. “I thought you’d be getting up early to be at the front of the pack.”
“We would have been,” grumbled Rainbow, “but Rarity held us up.”
“I already told you, Rainbow Dash,” retorted Rarity, “I was up late finishing a V.I.D. for a V.I.C.”
“A huh for a whuh?” asked Rainbow, confused. She wasn’t the only one bewildered.
“A Very Important Dress for a Very Important Client,” said Rarity, wearily. “It’s boutique lingo. Anyway, I refuse to waste a single hour of my beauty sleep…”
She held her head loftily, and I heard Rainbow give a low, disgruntled growl.
“Well, from the look of things,” said Fluttershy, briefly fluttering in place, “there’s a lot more barrels than last time.”
“Well, good!” said Rainbow. “Maybe we’ll get a chance to get some this time.”
From across the stretch of land between us and the cider stand, I heard Applejack’s voice, magnified by a megaphone or something.
“Attention, all! Cider season is now officially open!”
Slowly, very slowly, the line began to jerk forward, one pony at a time.
“Is Sweet Apple Acres cider that popular?” I asked.
“Of course it is!” said Rainbow. “It’s only available one week a year. You gotta get it while it’s hot!”
“Besides,” said Twilight, “cider sales help the family through the winter. A lot of customers means another good winter for them.”
“Ahh, I see. Well, I guess it’s good to have such a huge line, then, from Applejack’s perspective.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Rainbow consented, grumpily, “but that doesn’t help the fact that I’ve hardly ever been able to get any cider. Pinkie always takes more than her fair share.”
“But she promised she was going to limit herself to one mug this year,” I said. “She told me herself.”
“Did she?” asked Rainbow, sounding relieved. “Well, good. Pinkie never goes back on her own promises.”
The line continued to jerk slowly forward, and I could see all of the ponies already served milling around the area, taking deep drinks from the wooden mugs they had been given. Must have been tough to use hooves to carry them. As we got closer, I could see the stand a bit more clearly. A large barrel was connected to a tap, which Apple Bloom was operating. Granny Smith was supervising, wearing a green visor cap, and standing by a small treasure chest that was already brimming with bits. Occasionally, the tap would splutter, meaning the barrel was empty. Big Macintosh then came forward, removed the empty one, and replaced it with one from the stack.
As we got nearer, however, the stack of full barrels grew smaller and smaller. Several ponies were still ahead of us when the last barrel was brought forth, and we were the only ones at the back. Everypony else had been wise and had come earlier.
The last in front of Rarity was Berry Punch, who gripped her mug and, as she was walking away, spotted me.
“Oh! It’s you!” she said, in a genial tone. “How are you?”
“Hi, Berry,” I said. “I’m doing all right. You?”
Berry suddenly looked rather embarrassed.
“Oh, not bad,” she said. “I, uh…never had the chance to properly thank you for helping me last week. I kinda get a little loopy when I’m…testing my brews. Did I do anything…weird?”
Her purple cheeks were tinged with a red that rivaled that of the strawberry on her flank.
“Nothing too weird,” I said. “A few random phrases here and there, maybe, but nothing too bad.”
I didn’t dare mention the fact that she had tipsily kissed me; it might have made her die of embarrassment. She looked immensely relieved.
“Oh, good,” she said. “And thanks for getting rid of those empty bottles. I really needed to get off my lazy rump to do it myself, but I’m glad you helped me.”
“It was no big deal,” I said, confident that, as a teetotaler, I wouldn’t have to put up with what she experienced.
With a smile, Berry joined the pack of chatting cider drinkers.
My attention was diverted by a savage growl from Rainbow Dash. Rarity was standing at the counter, and the tap had given out on the last barrel. She and the others looked disappointed, but Rainbow Dash was looking livid.
“Now, don’t you start getting saddle-sore,” warned Applejack, who came up. “Did y’all think Ah’d forget?”
She whistled to Big Macintosh, and, from behind a thick tree, he rolled out a hidden full barrel. The look of animosity on Rainbow’s face instantly vanished, replaced with one of rapt anticipation.
“AJ, you’re a lifesaver!” she said, as she received her mug in turn.
“Think nothin’ of it, Rainbow,” said Applejack.
At last, as the last in line, it was my turn. I dropped in my two bits, and Apple Bloom shoved down on the tap lever, filling the wooden mug below it with golden apple cider.
“This is gonna be yer first taste of cider, isn’t it?” asked Applejack.
“Yep,” I said, picking up the mug.
“Well, enjoy, sugarcube. Apple Family cider is always made with time and care.”
“Then I’ll bet it’s extra-delicious,” I said, earning big smiles from the Apples, and I went to join the others.
Everypony was drinking happily, but Rainbow Dash was chugging deeply from her mug, a dreamy look on her face. I looked down at my own mug, gazing at the gold-colored brew within.
“Well, bottoms up,” I said, and took a sip.
…
It was as if my tongue had exploded.
My entire head seemed to be set alight by the tart, sweet flavor invading my mouth. I could taste two, three, no, four different types of apples, all blended into a delicious, fruity, wonderful concoction! Oh, now I saw why it was so sought after; it was heaven in a mug, a celebration for the taste buds!
“Wow!” I managed to exclaim. “This stuff has some kick to it!”
“Doesn’t it, though?” asked Rainbow, a spot of foam dotting her lip.
“Hey, Dash,” I said, “You got a little somethin’ right there.”
Rainbow clumsily wiped at her snout, laughing. She seemed to be slightly tipsy. With a shrug, I drained my mug.
In an instant, a warm, pleasant feeling seemed to fill up my head from my chin to my scalp, as if it was a goldfish bowl being filled. The feeling became a blissful euphoria, and the world began to look bright and cheerful, more so. I hiccupped, and even laughed to myself, without really knowing why.
I wasn’t quite sure what was going on with me. I’d never drunk alcohol before in my life, nor had I ever wanted to. Too many health education classes had pounded what drinking could do to a person into my brain. Still, I wasn’t entirely sure if I really was drunk or not. Sparkler had told me cider wasn’t too strong, yet was not for foals. Spike was just a kid, but then, maybe dragons were made of tougher stuff than young ponies. But still, having never been drunk before, I didn’t know if this euphoric sensation was drunkenness, or just a giddy happiness the deliciousness of the cider had introduced into my brain. Whatever it was, it felt good. I felt like I could do anything: break into a dance, sing at the top of my lungs, anything!
In fact…why not?
“You know,” I said, loudly, drawing attention from the ponies around me, “I’m suddenly reminded of an old song. It’s a kind of silly song, so I dunno if you’d all wanna hear it, but-”
I broke off, not really sure how to pursue the statement. Many ponies laughed politely, while others, Rainbow Dash among them, urged me to go on. Clearly, they didn’t care if the song was stupid.
“Well, all right,” I said, “you’ve been warned.”
And I began to sing, and as I did, I began to dance a little as well. I must have looked stupid, but nopony seemed to mind. I really wasn’t paying much attention as I went. The lyrics weren’t exactly as they were supposed to be, but I think, looking back, it worked out better that way.
I feel witty
Oh, so witty
I feel witty and happy and bright
And I pity any man who isn’t me tonight
I feel charming
Oh, so charming
It’s alarming how charming I feel
And so witty, that I hardly can believe I’m real
See that witty man in that mirror there?
Who can that handsome boy be?
Such a witty face
Such a witty eye
Such a witty smile
Such a witty me!
I feel stunning
And entrancing
Feel like running and dancing for joy
For I feel like a witty, wonderful boy!
As I paused to take breath, I could have sworn I heard two other ponies joining in, and I recognized them as Berry and Rainbow, sounding just as elated as I did.
Have you meet our dear Dave, the human
The craziest boy on the block
You’ll know him the minute you see him
He’s the one who is in an advanced state of shock
He thinks he’s a laugh, and it may sound vain
He is quite a laugh, but also insane
It could be the heat, or some rare disease
Or too much to eat, or maybe it’s fleas
Keep away from him, he’s contagious
His behavior is quite outrageous
Modest, polite, and lovably kind
Cautious, unsure, and out of his mind!
There was laughter all around me, and even I joined in. It was all made in jest, after all, so I dove into the next verse.
I feel witty
Oh, so witty
That this ditty is my masterpiece
A committee would be honored with me, at least
I feel dizzy
Oh, so dizzy
I feel dizzy and fizzy and fine
And so witty
That the comics can just resign
See that witty man in that mirror there?
(What mirror, where?)
Who can that handsome boy be?
(Which one, where?)
Such a witty face
Such a witty eye
Such a witty smile
Such a witty me!
I feel stunning
(He feels stunning!)
And entrancing
(And entrancing!)
Feel like running and dancing for joy
For I feel like a witty, wonderful boy!
I held on the last note for a big finish. There was applause all around as I concluded, as well as some more laughter. At the same time, the goofy, tipsy feeling in my head faded away, and I suddenly felt heavy in my limbs. Wherever I was, I flopped onto my back, I heard somepony scream, and then, everything went black…
***
“…Is he gonna be all right?”
“I had no idea he was such a lightweight.”
“Hush! Don’t say that! Besides, you were rather tipsy today.”
“Shut up! I was caught in the moment!”
“Look! I think he’s coming around!”
The voices around me seemed to be coming through a long tunnel, and, as I opened my eyes, I only saw a blurry mishmash of distorted color all around me.
“Dave! Can you hear me? How many fingers do you see?”
The blurb that most resembled Spike held up his claw, but there was a sea of innumerable swirling fingers in front of me.
I shut my eyes, shook my head, which was aching, and reopened them. Twilight and her friends were leaning over me, looking down at me with concerned faces. As I sat up, I looked about. I was still on Sweet Apple Acres, but it looked otherwise deserted.
“What happened?” I asked, groggily. “Why does my head hurt?”
“Well,” began Twilight, delicately, “you, uh…how do I put this?”
“You went on a wicked cider bender,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Rainbow!” snapped Twilight.
“Bender? But I thought cider was harmless.”
“Well, that’s mostly true,” said Applejack, “but some brews can turn out just a wee bit stronger than others.”
“But-but you girls drank from the same barrel, and I don’t see any of you still sprawled out on the grass!”
“That is because we are more or less used to it,” said Rarity. “Although, on reflection, perhaps it just has a different effect on non-ponies. Or non-dragons, for that matter,” she added, glancing at Spike.
“Maybe,” said Twilight, interested. “Maybe Equestrian cider works differently on humans! Fascinating!”
“Fascinating?” I asked. “Try bizarre. I felt really weird after drinking that stuff. All I remember was an old song coming into my head, but not much after that. Did I do anything…embarrassing?”
The ponies and Spike looked at each other, warily. It seemed to confirm my fears. Rainbow and Pinkie, however, both looked highly amused.
“All right, spit it out,” I groaned, braced for the worst. “What did I do?”
I was honestly hoping that I hadn’t done anything like parade around with my pants at my ankles, or said anything rude or offensive.
“Nothing too weird,” said Pinkie, still fighting back giggles. “All you did was sing and dance around.”
“It was a very catchy song,” admitted Fluttershy.
“So catchy that Dashie and Berry joined in!” said Pinkie. Rainbow shot her a pointed look.
“And when you got to the end,” said Rarity, “you went to that tree-” she pointed out the tree behind me, “and sort of clung to a branch with your foot on the trunk, and then you just plummeted and conked out.”
I felt a rising burning feeling in my cheeks. That did sound stupid to witness. I didn’t dare ask what song I had been singing…
“Don’t worry about it, Dave,” said Applejack. “We’ve all done some stupid things after our first mug.”
“Not me!” said Rainbow, abruptly.
“Oh yeah?” asked the farm mare, giving Rainbow a singular look. “Ah seem to recall a certain pegasus claiming she could punch a hole in the moon after her first taste of cider, and ended up with her head in a beehive.”
Everypony laughed, while Rainbow glared icily at Applejack. As embarrassing as that was, I supposed it was some comfort to know that my reaction to the cider wasn’t completely alien. Still, it wasn’t something I’d want to repeat.
“Applejack,” I said, “your cider was delicious, but I’m not sure if I’d be too keen to drink it again anytime soon, if it’s going to do that to me.”
“Ah understand, sugar,” said Applejack, kindly. “The important thing is that you tried it for yerself. You ain’t the first who decided it wasn’t fer them.”
“Well, good,” I said. “I guess I’d better head home, then. Later, girls.”
I got stiffly to my feet and gave the ponies a wave by means of farewell as I walked off.
“Bye, Dave!” they called.
“And thanks for the entertainment!” added Pinkie, chortling.
“Pinkie!” snapped Twilight and Rarity together. I just rolled my eyes and kept on walking, the pain in my head having receded slightly, but my brain still befuddled.
***
As I drew near home, however, I found a very unwelcome sight waiting at my doorstep…
Ironmane.
He was looking disgruntled, and was carrying a small bag in his telekinesis.
“You are late,” he said, tersely, as I approached.
“Late for what?” I asked, puzzled in spite of my loathing of his presence.
“Your stipendiary allowances are to be issued every Monday,” he said, crisply. “It gives you a fresh start for the week ahead. I have been waiting here for nearly an hour.”
“Sorry,” I apologized, “I was attending cider season.”
“So I gathered from the ponies returning from Sweet Apple Acres,” said Ironmane, a faint sneer on his lips. “You apparently made quite a scene after drinking only one mug. Dancing and singing as if it were New Year’s Eve.” He shook his head with an amused sort of smile. “Dear me, not even a full day as a resident of Ponyville and you’ve already managed to make yourself the talk of the town again. I trust there will not be a repeat of this. It would not look good on your record as a member of the Round Table.”
“It was only my first mug!” I snapped, heatedly. “Have you ever had cider, Minister?”
“I have,” said Ironmane, “but in more reasonable moderation. I won’t lie, Apple family cider is quite refreshing, but to think it would cause such an effect on a non-pony. I regret that I did not see it for myself…”
He was still smiling unpleasantly at me, and I felt a great desire to grab him by that beard of his and yank it right off his chin. All I could do, however, was to keep my eyes focused on his, fists clenched.
“In any case,” Ironmane went on, holding the bag out to me, “your allowance. You’ll find it should secure a reasonable amount of provisionary groceries, but try not to spend it all on...intoxicants.”
The blood pounded in my ears as I accepted the bag, but I willed myself to say,
“Thank you.”
Ironmane’s expression did not change, but, with a sweep of his cloak, he strode off without a word.
Of all the nerve! That insufferable, condescending, uptight son of a-
It was an extreme effort of the will to keep myself from shouting expletives into the open air. If this was what it was going to be to have that miserable sneering old bat popping in every Monday...Thank God I had Pinkie and her friends, or it might prove unendurable...
I looked into the bag. The contents were pretty meager, but I supposed I could still stretch them to make them work. With that in mind, I made for the Ponyville marketplace to do some grocery shopping.
I passed by many ponies I knew by sight as I went along, most of which muttered as I passed, and stifled laughter behind their hooves. It seemed my little stunt was still fresh on their minds. Then again, why wouldn’t it? It only happened that morning. Still, the way they were all gazing at me, laughing secretly, it made me feel like they were devoting the same kind of attention as when I had first arrived, only much more unpleasant…Even ponies who I was really friendly with, like Lyra and Bon Bon, were gazing at me and then smirking to each other. I didn’t like it…
In the time after cider season had ended for the day, it seemed, Big Macintosh had taken over operating the market apple stall. Gratefully, I headed over to purchase some apples.
“Hey, Big Mac. Did you happen to see what happened during today’s cider sale?” I asked, warily.
Big Macintosh tilted his head quizzically.
“I, uh…kinda made an idiot of myself in front of the others,” I admitted.
“Ah,” said Big Mac. “Eeyup, Ah saw that. You were pretty funny.”
“Er…”
“First time drinkin’ cider?”
“That easy to spot, huh?”
Big Mac chuckled. “Ah know a greenhorn when Ah see one. No offense.”
“Oh, none taken. I don’t drink, normally. It’s just I was told that stuff was tame.”
“It’s tame for ponies, usually. ‘Course, we always keep a store of hard cider for other occasions.”
“Hard cider??” I asked, flabbergasted. “If regular cider did that to me, hard cider would outright kill me!”
Big Mac chuckled again. “It is pretty strong. We’ve gotta keep Rainbow Dash from trying to sneak a bottle every cider season.”
“She really loves that stuff, doesn’t she?”
“She’s missed a lot of chances at gettin’ it, so she grabs whatever chance she can. Heck, everypony jumps at the chance when cider season rolls around.”
“That stuff is good,” I admitted, handing over a small handful of bits for some apples, “but I don’t think it’s for me. Well, thanks, Big Mac. I’ll see you later.”
“Eeyup.”
***
Milling around the marketplace, I didn’t think I’d get much with my allowance, and while it was rather normal stuff that I ended up buying, I don’t think it went too badly. In the end, I had to settle with apples, eggs, bread, butter, cheese, carrots, corn, and milk. Not exactly worthy of a feast, but it would get me by. Big Mac and Golden Harvest had been kind enough to give me slight discounts, though I would have been comfortable to pay full price. I didn’t always feel comfortable when people played favoritism with me.
I headed for home, arms laden with shopping bags, and not really in the mood to walk around Ponyville some more if I was going to be gawked at. I shut the door behind me and drew the curtains. It made me feel like a shut-in, but at the moment, all I wanted was peace and quiet and an undisturbed lunch. I wondered if the talk would ever die down.
To my surprise and relief, the kitchen seemed to already be stocked with a good supply of cookware: pots, pans, utensils, plates, the works. They had either been left by the previous occupant, or else somehow put there as part of my stipend. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about purchasing my own set. I was prepared to settle down for a meal of buttered bread and apple, not exactly glamorous, but it was a start.
“Wonder how the rest of the Round Table would see me,” I muttered to myself, setting up. “Their first human member, stuck at home eating bread and apples for lunch…Well, I suppose you have to start somewhere.”
There was a knock at the door.
Curious, I got up and opened it to find Derpy standing there.
“Hi. Dave,” she said, smiling.
“Oh. Hi, Derpy,” I said. Then, remembering the secretive whispers and laughter everypony had been giving me today, I added, “If you came to laugh, guess we’d better get it over with.”
“Laugh?” asked Derpy, puzzled. “Oh! If you’re talking about what happened at Sweet Apple Acres-”
“Yeah, I am,” I responded, a bit angrier than I really felt. “I get it, I was being a complete buffoon. There’s no need for everypony to rub it in my face!”
“I wasn’t,” said Derpy, in a slightly hurt voice. “I would never…I just wanted to see if you wouldn’t mind coming over. Sparkler’s gone back to work, and the kids are at school, so I have the house to myself. Perhaps we could have lunch.”
My brief surge of anger faded, leaving a very guilty feeling. I had just snapped at Derpy, when she never did anything wrong. Besides, lunch with her would be a lot more fulfilling than the paltry meal I was going to put together.
“Oh. Derpy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap like that. I’m just still a little sore about how I behaved, and it’s already going around like gossip. Of course I’ll join you for lunch.” I added, kindly.
Derpy smiled again, and led the way as I followed, locking the door behind me.
***
Lunch with Derpy consisted of sandwiches, hot chocolate, and, of course, muffins, this time corn, which actually was one of my top favorites. She was still amused about how I had acted after drinking, but was being good-natured about it rather than insulting, like Ironmane. Speaking of him, Derpy brought him up as we ate.
“Who was that pony standing at your door earlier?”
“Which one?” I asked, wiping muffin crumbs from my lips.
“Kinda pale brown, gray mane and beard, wearing a cape.”
“Ah. That’s Ironmane, Celestia’s minister of foreign affairs.”
“Foreign affairs? But what would he want with you?” asked Derpy, sipping her cup of cocoa.
“Well, since I’m not native to Equestria, I’m technically his responsibility,” I said, grimly. “He’s going to deliver my stipend allowance every week. It’s not going to be much, since I’m on-call.”
“Oh, I see. Does he at least treat you with respect?”
I gave a hollow laugh.
“If you can call constantly being called ‘human’ respect.”
Derpy frowned, her wonky eyes aligning correctly as she did so, and I felt her hoof on the back of my hand. I couldn’t help but detect a hint of Mama Bear-ish-ness in her, which I totally respected.
“It’s his professional courtesy, I think,” I said. “He deals with foreign creatures all the time, and has to be on his toes about anything they could potentially do. I don’t exactly take kindly to such a coarse treatment, but I don’t have to deal with him much…only once a week.”
“It’ll be fine,” said Derpy. “He’s at least helping you by giving you your weekly allowance.”
“I suppose, although it’s not much help at the moment. I can’t really buy much food or other commodities.”
“Oh…” said Derpy, sympathetically. “Well, why don’t you take some food home with you?”
“Now, Derpy, I couldn’t-” I began, feeling a rush of embarrassment.
“I insist,” said Derpy, firmly.
It was exactly the same tone Rarity used whenever I came upon the subject of paying her for her material kindness. I was slightly cowed at hearing it, because it made me imagine her using the same tone on her children.
“Well, if you insist,” I muttered, and her kind smile returned. I decided to change the subject. “So, do you enjoy working as a mail-mare?”
“It’s great!” she said. “I used to work delivering much larger packages: pianos, anvils, heavy-duty stuff.”
“Whoa.”
“Yeah. Unfortunately, there were a few…accidents,” she said, delicately, “so I was transferred to the daily post. It’s a lot easier, of course, but didn’t pay as well. Still, I’m not complaining today. Sparkler’s in the jewelry business, and Scootaloo’s still working her paper route. In fact,” she added, reflectively, “you might be getting the paper she delivers tomorrow, now that she knows you’re living in that house.”
“Cool! What is it?”
“The Ponyville Express,” said Derpy. “It’s not exactly as juicy or exciting as the Foal Free Press used to be, but-”
“The huh-what?” I asked, confused.
“The Foal Free Press. It’s a school newspaper, run by the little foals at Cheerilee’s school.”
“Aww, that sounds cute.”
“Well, it wasn’t for a while,” said Derpy, darkly. “It was put under new management, and it started churning out a nasty gossip column: Gabby Gums. It was funny for a while, until…”
“Until you see yourself in the paper?” I asked.
“Exactly. ’Pinkie Pie Is an Out of Control Party Animal!’ ‘Fluttershy Has Tail Extensions!’ ‘The Drama Queen Dairies: Rarity’s Deepest Beans Spilled!’ And worse!”
“No! They never!” I said, scandalized. Pinkie was a little out of control, but Fluttershy having tail extensions? Rarity’s innermost secrets publicized? How dare this ‘Gabby Gums’!
“Do you know what it wrote about me?”
“What?”
“‘Derpy Hooves: Older Than She Looks?’! It was all about making me look like an old maid when comparing me with Sparkler! Now, I’ll admit, I’m not exactly a spring chicken,” she said, rather ruefully, “but of all the nerve!”
That did sound very rude and personal, especially as it was a slam against such an innocent mare.
“Who was it?” I asked, hotly. “Who was the little sleaze who was spreading the gossip?”
Derpy flinched at the word ‘sleaze’, and I saw a trace of tears in her eyes.
Suddenly, a suspicion, a guess, hit my brain with an unwelcome thud.
“…Derpy,” I said, quietly, shocked. “It wasn’t…it couldn’t have been…Scootaloo?”
“…Not just Scootaloo,” said Derpy, “but Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom.”
“W-What?! Those three?? No! They can’t have! They’re so sweet, so innocent!”
“I know, I know, but I’m also certain they would never behave like that intentionally!” said Derpy. “I suppose they were just caught up in the excitement of finding something they were good at.”
“Something they’re good at…” I muttered. “It’s a scary thought to think of writing slander as your born destiny…”
“I know…I won’t deny we were rather angry with them for a while, but they published a full apology for everything that had said and done, and…well, we couldn’t stay mad at them for long. They’d done stupider things in the past, though perhaps not as hurtful. They’re only kids, after all.”
“Yeah.” I allowed myself a small laugh. “I wonder what they’ll drag me into when they decide to take me Crusading.”
Derpy laughed as well, then looked at the clock.
“Oh, goodness! Look at the time! I suppose that’s what happens when you go for a later lunch.” She got to her hooves. “I’m sorry, Dave, but I need to pick up the kids from school soon. I’ll just be a minute.”
She laid a fine cloth out on the table and began putting in a few fresh corn muffins and one of the sandwiches left over. She tied it up neatly and handed it to me.
“Thanks, Derpy,” I said, accepting it.
“You’re welcome,” said Derpy, kindly. “Don’t be a stranger now, neighbor.”
“Oh, I won’t be,” I said, “trust me.”
She giggled and saw me out the door back towards my house. As I stopped by my own door, I saw her lock her front door and take off toward Ponyville, waving to me as she did so. I returned the gesture, then headed inside.
It still felt a little awkward accepting favors from ponies when I lacked what I needed, but at least today I had gotten a start in managing my own affairs. I still wished my allowance could have been a little more. Then again, I could still do some odd jobs around Ponyville for some extra bits. It was something to think about, anyway.
The rest of the day passed blissfully as I remained inside, ensconced in my room and with the books Rainbow Dash had gotten me sitting on my bedside table. When I had drawn them from my saddlebags, however, I noticed another book inside that I hadn’t seen before. On the cover was Daring Do, gazing at a silver goblet, while an ominous, bird-like shadow loomed over her. The title read, ‘Daring Do and the Griffin’s Goblet’.
Puzzled at how it had gotten into my bag, I opened the cover and found a small note written in very precise, neat lettering.
“I thought you might like to read this one since you enjoyed the first so much. Enjoy! -T.S.”
I smiled.
“Thanks, Twi,” I muttered, and decided to read it first.
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funny and amusing chapter
my headset broke
so I'm trying to find a different headset quick to continue recording
Dave better get a job on the side. Clearly being in the civil service doesn't pay
*inhale*
2361715
Hmm? What does that mean, if I may ask? Excuse my naivete.
2362552
*inhale*
*Screams for joy*
My opinion here: I feel like you overused the word tipsy. I know you didn't want to use the D to the R-U-N-K work, but it felt like that to me.
2364391 3 sheets to the wind – 80 – act – annihilated – arseholed – ass out – battered – beer goggles – bender – bent – blaze – blitzed – bombed – boozy – broken – busted – buttered – butt-toast – buzz – buzzed – cabbaged – clocked out – crossfade – crunched – crunk – DADS – D.D. – dead – drunk – faced – faded – fit-shaced – fizzucked – flap out – fly – forshnicked – f*cked up – full as a tick – gassed – gattered – hammed – hammered – hellafied – hosed – housed – hurt – hurt up – in the horrors – Jimmy's talkin – juiced – keyed – kootered – krunk – lagered up – lambasted – legless – lifted – lit – loaded – loose – lubricated – mangled – moellered – mounted – munted – off (one's) tits – on the razzle – out of (one's) tree – perve – perved – pickled – pie-eyed – piflicated – piss ass drunk – pissed – plastered – polluted – poo-pooed – rat-arsed – rat-assed – retarded – ripped – roasted – sassified – sauced – saucy – scarred – schmammered – schnockered – schnookered – schnuckered – schwacked – shellacked – shit-canned – shit-faced – shitty – shmacked – shnockered – shwasted – sideways – slaughtered – slizzard – sloppy – sloshed – smashed – smoked – snookered – soup sandwich – soused – spanked – spins, the – splifficated – spun – steaming – stewed – stick a fork in – stinky – strunk – stuck like chuck – swilled – tanked – tanked up – three sheets to the wind – throwed – tight – tiltered – tipsy – toasted – toasted oats – toasty – toddy stricken – toes up – toe up – tore back – tore up – tore up from the floor up – torn down – tor up – tossed – trashed – troubled – twisted – wacked – wasted – wavey – waxed – wet – wetted – wreck – wrecked – zoned – zonked – zooted – zosted
RAWR! I AM
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2371208
I may have to excavate my skull for any remains of dynamite, because you, sir, just blew my mind.
2371458 Darn. Oh well, guess we'll have to find someone else to finish the story.
Derpy is a really great mother.
I really could find myself in Dave's shoes. It all feels so realistic. Me fragging gusta!
Please tell me that someone gets fed up with Ironmane's attitude and finally chews him out. I'm getting fed up with his attitude and him getting away with it.
I never really got the whole "the cider Applejack sells is HARD CIDER, NOT APPLE CIDER because (no reason given)" thing (yes, I realize they said the cider wasn't hard cider, but sorry, regular cider doesn't get you drunk, which actually makes mentioning the difference even worse). Especially since, in the show, you WATCH them go through the process of making apple cider, with no fermentation at any point. We have cider season where I live. The local mills sell it (they also sell cinnamon donuts, the two things combined are DELICIOUS). The fermented components of hard cider can be fermented in vats for a widely varying amount of time, depending on preferences, and so hard cider doesn't even have a "season". The only way it could be more explicit is if Applejack turned to the camera and said "this is apple cider, not hard cider" in a deadpan voice.
Every time it comes up I wonder if the author just doesn't know that apple cider is a thing that exists.
2371208 holy crap that's a lot of phrases :o
2685187
You have some strong feelings about this. Although I totally agree with you on this MLPFIM writers are always making that mistake. I have accepted it as a fan-fiction-fact. It is more fun if the cider is tipping in a story even if it would be impossible in real life. Besides who are we kidding this is not real life.
2371208 Holy freaking bloody hell, that's a lot of say your drunk!
My mind is now blown. I like sassified. That one's funny. Ha, sassified... he. 
Random moustache!
You actually managed to work "I Feel Pretty" into an MLP fanfic.
*bows*
You're... awesomazing, to quote the other main character in this.
Thank you!
Note to self: acquire a barrel or two of Apple family cider.
I feel pre-tty , oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and briiiiiiiight, oh so pretty.
Just thought, maybe Trixy can be Mr. Davie's roommate.
4402758 nu.
4107522 My god, good sir, you're in every story I know!
While I hoped he wasn't suddenly good at everything in a way it happens all the time in such stories, him being.a drunken idiot was something I hoped could be avoided.
I think there is no shame in to not being used to alchohol, but it totally destroyed him by the looks of it.
huge thanks to ExpressVPN for sponsoring this video!
2685187
You are an EYE-OPENER for me! Thank you!
I'd have never thought of cider as of alcoholic -- until I had that explained to me. Until then I was stumped by commenters, who saw the cider ponies drank as alcoholic. How indecent would that be of ponies to booze!.. And now it appears, North America uses "cider" in a different sense, to mean "apple cider", which is "not quite cider, but rather apple juice yet unfiltered"
!
So much for thinking global
...