• Published 27th Jun 2012
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Living in Equestria - Blazewing



A young man finds himself in a world beyond his wildest imagination...

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Dinner with the Pies

We’re going to the rock farm
The rock farm
The rock farm
We’re going to the rock farm
To see my family

My parents and my sisters
My sisters
My sisters
My parents and my sisters
And don’t forget Grammy

It was afternoon, as there weren’t many trains heading for the rock farming community that day, and it was the closest we could get. The train was rattling along the track at a comfortable rate. However, its speed was immensely superseded by Pinkie’s. She was hopping all around the carriage, singing at the top of her voice to the tune of ‘Follow the Leader’, drawing every eye onto her. It was rather embarrassing, as they looked over at me, too, since she was my travel companion. However, I just kept my mouth shut and eyes averted, hoping no one would say anything.

At last, Pinkie stopped and plunked herself down beside me, smiling widely.

“Pinkie,” I said, wearily, “at this rate, everypony and their maiden aunt’s gonna know where we’re going.”

Pinkie tilted her head, looking innocently puzzled.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” she said.

“Well, I’m not saying it is,” I said. “I just meant...Ah, never mind. It’s great that you’re so excited, but maybe you ought to tone it down just a bit.”

“Ohh,” said Pinkie, comprehending. “All righty!”

She scooted herself so that she was right up beside me, and simply sat, humming to herself. I couldn’t believe she’d actually listened. I’d also expected her to pull something like singing again in a lower pitch, to prove she could ‘tone it down’; it would’ve been exactly the sort of thing she’d do. But no, she subverted my expectations, and I couldn’t help wondering if she knew that. Now that the show was over, the other passengers returned to whatever they’d been doing beforehand.

“Does your family even know I’m coming?” I asked.

“I told them to expect a guest besides me,” said Pinkie, “but I didn’t say who it was going to be. I wanted to keep that a surprise!”

“And we all know that there’s nothing worse than a spoiled surprise,” I said, grinning.

“You’re learning,” said Pinkie, with a grin of her own, speaking as if I was her pupil in party theory.

“And you’re sure they won’t mind it being me?” I asked.

“Of course they won’t,” said Pinkie. “Trust me, Davie: my family’s gonna love you. Marble and Limestone like you, and I’m sure if Maud met you, she’d like you, too!”

She threw her forelegs around me, raising herself so that her cheek rested against mine. I couldn’t help smiling as a feeling of warmth went through me. It had suddenly struck me just how many of these ponies treated me like members of their own family: the Cakes, the Hooves’, the Apples. Would I be just as good as an honorary Pie, too? I could only hope.

“Soooo,” said Pinkie, “who’s ready for another round of ‘Would You Rather’?”

“I guess I am,” I said.

“Yay! Ok, let’s see. Would you rather...never be able to speak again, or always have to say everything on your mind?”

“Aww, jeez, Pinkie, that’s just evil,” I said, half-amused, half-frustrated.

Pinkie merely stuck out her tongue goofily, while I tried to decide on my answer.

***

It was early evening by the time the train pulled into the station. I was once again momentarily stymied by the odd appearance of the stone-hewn, almost prehistoric-looking building, but I supposed it only made sense when the land was devoted to rock farming. As we stepped off (we were the only ones who did at this stop), I noticed somepony standing in the shadow of the station roof. They stepped forward, revealing Marble Pie, a warm smile on her face at the sight of us. Pinkie let out a joyful cry and pounced on her twin, grabbing her in a hug.

“Look who it is: the bestest baby sister in the world!” she said, nuzzling her so fervently I swore I could hear their cheeks rubbing together.

“Pinkie, please,” muttered Marble, looking embarrassed, though she still smiled and gave her a one-legged hug all the same.

When Pinkie finally let her go, she approached me, beaming up at me.

“Pinkie never told us you’d be the one coming, Dave,” she said.

“I hope that’s alright,” I said, grinning sheepishly.

“Of course it is!” said Marble.

She reared up and gave me a much gentler hug than one of Pinkie’s.

“Everypony’s going to be so glad to see you! Come on, you two.”

And, with Marble leading the way, the three of us departed from the station, heading off towards Pinkie’s fillyhood home.

***

“...Sick with the flu for a week!”

“No!”

“Yeah. Luckily, Grammy’s Stone Spice Soup made him feel a lot better. Dad’s so stubborn, though. He kept saying he didn’t need anypony fussing over him, but Mom made him take it.”

“Heehee! That’s just like him.”

The two sisters chatted as we went along, walking side by side while I kept to the rear. Despite how unbelievable it was that they were really twins, it was heartwarming to see how well they got along. In fact, from what I’d seen, siblings in Equestria got along a lot better than what I was used to seeing back home. Usually, when one thinks of older brothers or sisters, what comes to mind is the image of the aloof, jerkish elder sibling, or the rambunctious, pesky younger one. While I didn’t doubt familial relationships here weren’t always smiles and laughs, it was still nice to see evidence of such close bonds.

At last, we came in sight of the Pie farm, the farmhouse lights already aglow. In the dimming light, I could see the enormous, egg-shaped rock known as Holder’s Boulder. Pinkie had told me to stay away from the Boulder, as Limestone Pie was very protective of it, so I gave it a wide berth. Speaking of Limestone, she was standing at the front door to greet us.

“Hi, Limey!” said Pinkie, grabbing her up in a tight hug.

“Hey there, little sis,” said Limestone, smiling and patting her on the back. “Good to see you. You too, Dave,” she added, looking at me.

“Hello, Limestone,” I said, genially.

She held out a hoof, and I grasped it in a warm handshake.

“Your timing couldn’t be better,” she said. “Dinner’s just about ready. Come on in.”

Pinkie let go of her, and the four of us walked inside, whereupon I found myself inside the Pie household for the first time.

It was simple, yet it had a cozy feel to it. A fire was crackling in a fireplace on the far wall, in front of which lay a circular rug. A bookshelf holding dishes and knickknacks stood to the side of it. Framed, sepia-toned photographs lined the walls, depicting the Pies of the present and, I presumed, the past. A long dining room table sat in one corner, while a door near it led, I supposed, to the kitchen. A door on the opposite side showed the beginning of a staircase leading to the upper floors.

Igneous Rock Pie was sitting in an armchair before the fire, his eyes closed. He looked exhausted. He must’ve had a busy day. Pinkie bounced over to him and pecked him on the cheek, whereupon he awoke to find his second-youngest daughter beaming at him.

“Hi, Dad!” she chirped, throwing her forelegs about him.

“Hello, Pinkamena,” he said, smiling and patting her mane. “It does mine heart good to see thee again.”

He looked up and saw me. Pinkie released him, and he stood up, walking over to me and holding out his hoof.

“And you, Dave,” he said. “Welcome. May our humble home offer thee the comfort thou needst.”

“Thank you very much, Mr. Pie,” I said, shaking his hoof gratefully.

I was glad he didn’t bring up what happened last time. That was all water under the bridge now. A light clattering noise made me look ‘round. Cloudy Quartz and Grammy Pie were just finishing setting the table with what looked like a great pot pie, as well as a loaf of bread and a slab of butter. Both looked up to see Pinkie and me, their faces splitting into smiles of welcome.

“Hi, Mom! Hi, Grammy!” said Pinkie, bouncing over and pulling both of them into a hug, one on each side.

“Hello, dearie,” said Grammy, patting her head affectionately.

“So good to see you, Pinkamena,” said Cloudy, nuzzling her.

Pinkie let them go to give me room to approach. I gave both older mares a bow.

“How do you do, Mrs. Pie and Miss Pie?”

I hoped that sounded right; it sounded weird to me when I said it.

“Very well, thank you, hun,” said Grammy, inclining her head. “Good to see you again. And please, do call me Grammy.”

“Er, right. Thank you, Grammy.”

“Welcome back to our little farm, Dave,” said Cloudy, kindly. “We hope thy trip was well and good.”

“Very much so,” I said. “Being with Pinkie has a way of making the hours fly by.”

Pinkie grinned broadly.

“Well, come along, then,” said Grammy, brightly and briskly. “Come and get it while it’s hot. You two have impeccable timing.”

The Pies all crowded around the table. I sat myself between Pinkie and Marble, and waited as Grammy doled out great big slices for us, and about two or three slices of buttered bread each. It was indeed a veggie pot pie, but, unless I was mistaken, there also appeared to be pebbles mixed in. I shouldn’t have been surprised; this was a rock farm, after all. It was just, with the baked goods Grammy had made and sent along with Applejack, I hadn’t really given much thought to the Pies using rocks in their cooking.

(Well, I’ve tried dragon gem cuisine with those crystal candies. This can’t be too different, can it?)

“Something wrong, Davie?” Pinkie asked.

“No, not at all,” I said. “I’m just, er, admiring the pie.”

“Why, thank you,” said Cloudy. “Tis our special Pebble Pot Pie. The recipe’s been in the family for generations.”

“A meal most befitting an honored guest,” said Igneous, in a stately voice.

I knew he meant it in the best of ways, but anyone else hearing that when about to be fed something full of rocks might have taken it ill. However, as Pinkie’s friend, and as an ambassador for the Council, I was not about to be rude and say I couldn’t partake. With a gulp, I scooped up a big forkful, braced myself, and stuffed it into my mouth.

The hearty taste of vegetables masked the presence of the pebbles, but my teeth met with some resistance as I chewed. With effort I honestly hoped wasn’t easily discernible to my hosts, I tried to crunch the pebbles up, but it wasn’t easy. It was like trying to eat breakfast cereal made of Gobstoppers. It was lucky there were so small, but now the taste and texture was more pronounced in my mouth. I swallowed hard, aware that the eyes of every Pie was on me, awaiting my opinion. Smiling as well as I could, I said,

“Well, I can honestly say...I’ve never tasted anything like it!”

All 6 Pies beamed at me for this, although Pinkie was giving me a rather shrewd look, as though she had seen what they hadn’t. I wasn’t exactly lying; I hadn’t tasted anything like it before. Still, I felt a nagging tug at my conscience.

The rest of the meal passed amicably after that, with Pinkie’s parents asking me about what I’d been up to. They were keenly interested in the news about the Crystal Empire, especially Limestone, who had extensive knowledge of crystals and ores from working her mine. As for the Brimstone Lounge, Igneous took off his hat in reverent respect, saying that he was glad ponykind could finally give back to the dragons, after what they’d given us.

I was puzzled by this, until Limestone explained that Holder’s Boulder had been found by their ancestor, Holder Cobblestone, in a dragon’s nest, and the farm had been built around it. If not for that, their way of life might not have come about until much later, or possibly not at all. I was astonished; how little we appreciate the tiniest happenings that change the entire course of history. I was soon jerked out of this, however, by dessert being brought in: a pineapple upside-down cake, courtesy of Grammy (and thankfully free of rocks), and who can think complexly with such food to concentrate on?

***

At last, the plates were empty, and everypony was sitting back comfortably in their chairs. Pinkie was still licking her plate. Limestone had excused herself, saying that she needed to finish up some work in the mines before bed. Marble, looking as though she was fighting to stay awake, went with her, unbidden.

“Excellent meal, Mother,” said Igneous.

“Yeah, thanks very much, Grammy,” I said.

“Oh, it was my pleasure,” said Grammy. “I haven’t had an excuse to whip out that old recipe for ages.”

Finally, Pinkie removed her face from her plate, licking her lips in satisfaction and patting her stomach.

“Pinkamena,” said Cloudy, “why not show Dave where he’ll be staying, let him get settled in for the night?”

“Ok, Mom,” said Pinkie. “Follow me, Davie!”

She hopped from her chair, any sign of post-food lethargy imperceptible, and I stood up, too, taking up my loaded saddlebags as I did so. I turned to the three Pie elders.

“Good night,” I said.

“Good night, Dave,” said Igneous.

“Sleep well,” said Cloudy.

“And don’t let the earth mites bite,” said Granny.

Earth what?

“Come on, Davie,” said Pinkie, with a giggle at my confused expression.

“Oh, honestly, Grammy,” I heard Cloudy say as we left the room.

The doorway led into a hallway with a staircase leading to the upper floor. Three rooms connected off of this hallway, presumably bedrooms and a bathroom. Pinkie, a lit candle in her hoof, led me up the stairs, and I soon found myself in an attic bedroom. It was surprisingly well-kept for a room that was generally untidy and full of miscellany. A chest of drawers stood opposite the stairs, and a single window with purple curtains looked out upon the farm, which was now dark and empty-looking. Four bunk beds occupied the left and right-hand walls, with ramps set up to reach the upper bunks.

“Looks comfy,” I said, approvingly. “Do you all sleep here?”

“Yep,” said Pinkie. “It’ll be like a big sleepover! You, me, Marble, and Limestone! It’ll be so much fun! I just wish Maud was here to meet you, too, but she’s still at school. Don’t worry, though, Davie. I’m sure you’ll get to meet her one of these days.”

“I hope so,” I said, “given how much you’ve been hyping her up.”

Pinkie looked all about her, as though making sure no one was listening. She then motioned with her hoof for me to move closer, so I leaned down to her head level. She whispered, with a rather smug look on her face,

“You can’t eat rocks, can you, Davie?”

I felt my face go red, and a hot sweat broke out on my back. So she had noticed.

“Was it that obvious?” I muttered.

“To me it was,” said Pinkie. “I don’t think anypony else noticed, but I could just tell from the look on your face. You had this ‘I can’t eat rocks’ look on it.”

I sighed.

“Pinkie, I’m an ambassador,” I said. “A representative of the Equestrian Foreign Relations Council. How would it look for me to tell your family, to their faces, that I couldn’t eat their cooking? I mean, with that pie, it was fine. I could swallow those pebbles; it wasn’t easy, and I’ll bet it’s not going to feel pleasant in a while, but I managed. Even so, I couldn’t just up and say I couldn’t eat something they offered me, when they put all that effort into it. Besides, I wanted to start off on the right foot with them.”

Pinkie continued to give me that smug little smile, but then it relaxed into a warm one.

“That’s really sweet of you, Davie,” she said. “I’m glad you at least gave it a try, for their sakes. I’ll have a talk with them about it, though. Don’t worry; rocks aren’t for everypony. They ought to understand.”

“Thanks, Pinkie,” I said, gratefully. “No offense, but I think I came close to breaking a tooth. Minuette wouldn’t have been happy with me if I went to her about it. Or would she?” I added, pondering. “Does a dentist feel happier when there’s worse tooth problems for them to fix, or do they prefer not having problems to deal with at all? But if they didn’t have anything to fix, they’d have no job to do, and then…”

I stopped, and clapped a hand to my forehead. That was making my brain hurt. Pinkie giggled.

“You big silly,” she said.

I grinned sheepishly at her. Come to think of it, that felt like the kind of thing she would do when stuck on a thought. She was really rubbing off on me.

“I’d better go change,” I mumbled.

I grabbed my pajamas and toothbrush from my saddlebags, and went downstairs to change in the bathroom and brush my teeth. Once that was taken care of, I came back upstairs to find Pinkie already settled in an upper bunk, hind legs crossed and forelegs behind her head.

“I forgot to ask,” she said, “are you a top bunker or bottom bunker?”

“Definitely bottom,” I said. “Of course, if you sink through the mattress and fall on top of me, it won’t be my fault,” I added, jokingly.

Pinkie snorted.

“I’m not that heavy,” she said, sounding more amused than offended, despite her mattress already sagging a bit beneath her.

“I know,” I said. “I was only kidding.”

I clambered into the bunk underneath Pinkie. The mattress was very comfortable. I could hear Pinkie sigh contentedly to herself above me. Then, with a creaking of bedsprings, she leaned over the side, so that she was peering at me upside down. I raised an eyebrow.

“Yes?” I questioned.

“Hi,” she said, simply.

“Hi,” I replied. “Was that all you wanted?”

“Yep!” said Pinkie, before she disappeared from view.

All I could do was shake my head and chuckle, then I lay back on my pillow, closing my eyes. I immediately opened them, however, when there was the sound of hooves coming up the stairs. I could see a light coming, illuminating a pair of ponies ascending. Next second, Marble and Limestone appeared, looking exhausted, Marble carrying another candle in one hoof.

“Hey there,” said Limestone, spying me. “Just a bit of a heads-up. There’s still stuff that needs to get done around here, even though it’s winter. I might be a little scarce, but I’ll do what I can to be here for you when you want to do something. Sound good?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Good,” said Limestone. “In any case, you’ll have Pinkie and Marble to keep you company. They’re way better with guests than I am.”

“Oh, Limestone, don’t put yourself down like that,” Marble said, reprovingly.

“Just saying it like it is, little sis,” said Limestone, shrugging. “Now, let’s all get some shut-eye. I have a feeling Mom and Grammy are gonna break out the photo albums tomorrow, or Dad’s gonna lecture you about rock farming, so be ready.”

“Heh, duly noted,” I said.

Limestone climbed up the ramp of the other bed, flopping down on her own mattress and stretching. Her joints cracked audibly. Marble set her candle down and climbed into the bottom bunk opposite mine. She smiled sweetly at me once she was settled in, and I smiled back.

“Night, Marble. Night, Pinkie. Night, Dave,” Limestone said, turning over away from us.

“Good night, Limestone,” said Marble. “Good night, Pinkie. Good night, Dave.”

“Good night, Marble!” said Pinkie. “Good night, Limey! Good night, Davie!”

“Good night, everyone,” I said.

Marble leaned down and blew the flame out, so that the only light inside came from through the window from the moon. I settled more comfortably beneath my blankets, and in a few seconds, I began to drift off, despite Pinkie just then beginning to snore.

Monday, February 18

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