• Published 30th Jun 2012
  • 1,405 Views, 32 Comments

An Engineered Friendship - Engiminer



A human arrives in Ponyville at the beginning of the first episode, escaping from zombies on Earth.

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Chapter 1

“Oh thank GOD!!! The teleporter worked! Now, um… Where am I..?”

I slowly picked myself up off the ground, alert for any threats. A murky forest surrounded me. It seemed strangely familiar. “Oh, no. Don’t tell me I just teleported to another part of the planet…” My voice trailed away as an overgrown path catches my eye. It bent away from my field of vision in both directions. I decided to go right. I kept my right hand on my holster, where my magnum was held. Call me paranoid, but a few years of surviving the zombie apocalypse have kinda made me suspicious of dark, dank, muddy forests in which the canopy blocks out half the light. After fifteen uneventful minutes (not even some small animals to hunt), I rounded a bend and was startled to see a small home carved into a tree.

“Whoa. Why do I have a sudden feeling of déjà vu? I haven’t seen any place like this on Earth. Why can’t I shake the feeling that I know this place?” My stomach rumbled. I was starving; the teleportation had taken more out of me than I realized! I smelled something cooking inside, so I knew I could count zombies out of the equation. I pulled out my magnum and pictured it as a Tranquilizer pistol. It was difficult to do in my starved state. All I could think of was food. The magnum slowly turned into a suppressed Tranquilizer pistol. The refuge with food inside seemed too good to be true, and I had long since learned that that gut feeling was right 99% of the time. I cautiously approached the house, quickly, quietly, and crouched low to the ground, FBI style. I sneak up to a window and peer inside - and fall back flat on my ass in surprise.

There was a zebra in there! Mixing something in a cauldron! “That’s… That’s impossible…”, I whispered to myself. I couldn’t tell if I should be laughing out loud like my hunger hallucinations were telling me to do, or if I should be scared out of my wits because of where me teleporter took me. “That’s not Zecora. That can’t be Zecora. If that’s Zecora, then I’m in Everfree Forest! If I am in Everfree Forest, then I am in Equestria!” Wait, I thought. Is that such a bad thing? Should I go knock on the door, or head the other direction to Ponyville? I decided to go to Ponyville instead. At least there I have some idea of what to do. I turn tail and hoof it in the other direction for 25 minutes. I began to hear shouts, laughs, and calls from Ponyville, so I knew I was getting close. I creeped up to the edge of the forest and looked over the bushes to the wonderful town.

The sound coming from my stomach presently sounded like a friggin’ manticore. I needed to lay low, so I pulled out my DS flipped it open, turned it on, and pressed a few buttons. A bright light shined out of the DS and into my mind, where it read the picture inside. The light engulfed my entire body. When it dimmed, the DS turned off. I looked down and see powder-blue hooves. I looked up and see a light blue horn. I looked at my flank and found my cutie mark: a shield with a pickaxe crossed over a spanner wrench.

I grinned. "Sweet." I focused some energy through it. A translucent blue pickaxe slowly materialized. Then my stomach growled again, and the pick fizzled away. God, I need something to eat NOW. Damn, I don't have any sort of Equestrian money on me, and it feels REALLY wrong to filch something in freakin' EQUESTRIA. I mean, this place is almost specifically geared towards morals! ...I guess this means I should work on my swearing, too...

I walked out of Everfree Forest towards Ponyville, getting used to the fact that I have four legs. I sneaked in through an alleyway between two houses. I approached the town square, then froze as I heard a loud gasp to my left. I quickly look for the source of of the gasp, trying my best not to look like a fugitive. I relaxed when I saw (holy crap!) a confused Twilight Sparkle watching a pink blur (HOLY CRAP!) speed away.

"Well, THAT was interesting," I heard Twilight tell Spike. Jeebus, did I go back in time when I teleported? Paging Doctor Whooves, paging the Doctor... Wait. If my memory serves me correctly, Twilight is about to be introduced to the Apple family. I'm also new around here. I'm sure they will let me sample some goods too. I am certainly new around here... I tailed Twilight and Spike to Sweet Apple Acres, still getting used to this new mode of transportation and memorizing my way around town.

I waited for about a half minute after Twilight and Spike enter the form before walking under the arch myself. Just in time, too, because Twilight was reluctantly taking her seat when I called out, "Hello? Is this the Apple Family Orchard?" A question with an obvious question, I know, but would any new arrival NOT ask that question?

Applejack trotted over to me. Wow. They look a lot prettier in person. Stunning, in fact. This terrain may be more difficult to traverse than I thought. Applejack greeted me with her predictable southern hospitality: "Why, yes it is! This 'ere is Sweet Apple Acres, home to the tastiest apples in all of Equestria! We were just about to introduce Twi' here to the Apple Family!" Ho, boy... "Mah name's Applejack. What's yours?"

"Engiminer," I reply, after a short pause. No need for false names here; it's not like anyone knows about humans, except Lyra.

"Engiminer?" she repeats. "All righty then, take a seat next to Twi' over there and we'll get started!"

I sat down as best as I could next to "Twi'" and the introduction began. "Mah name is Applejack, and this here is Apple Fritter, Apple Cobbler, Apple..." I tuned her out after that. I was too busy getting used to the fact that I was sitting so close to freaking TWILIGHT SPARKLE and freaking APPLEJACK. I mean seriously, who GETS that kind of opportunity?! More importantly, I was trying not to drool at all the delicious food being piled up in front of me. "...Applebloom, Big Macintosh, AAAANNNNNDDD GRANNY SMITH! ...Granny Smith, wake up! We got guests!"

Granny Smith snorted herself out of her sleep. "Eh? What?"

"Well, this is all very nice, but I really need to get going," said Twilight, searching for a way out of staying for much longer.

"You're not even gonna stay for brunch?" I looked down and saw Applebloom with a look that would have convinced a starving man to part with the last cookie on Earth.

Twilight sighed. "Fine." Everypony cheered. She started eating. I was just about to dig in too, when my stomach let out the loudest growl yet. I froze with my mouth wide open as everyone looked around for the monster attacking the farm. One by one, those two dozen pairs of eyes settled on my gut.

Granny Smith cleared her throat. "If you like," she offered, "you can as much of that home as you can carry."

"I just might take you up on that offer." And with that, I ate till it hurt, ate a little more, then loaded up a couple baskets with the leftovers and set off towards the edge of Everfree Forest. I used force fields to fell some trees and refine the wood. I used the planks to lay the foundation for the house. The bark I used for the outer walls. I did this while drawing up the blueprint for the house on paper. Suddenly, I noticed a sudden change in sunlight. "That's weird. It was cloudy just ten seconds ago." Then I smiled, realizing Rainbow Dash had just completed Twilight's challenge. I continued building my house. Naturally, the new construction attracted quite a crowd, but half the population appeared to be attending a party at the library. I chuckled, knowing exactly what Twilight was thinking: "Confound these ponies. They drive me to insomnia!"