Night Flight

by Alphamon_Ouryuken

So many apples, so little time...

"Now this is the life!" The cyan Pegasus sighed as she soared across the sky, letting the cool breeze flow through her rainbow-colored mane as she dive-bombed into a soft cloud. Turning over she took some time to marvel at the beauty of Luna’s magnificent display, her moon shining brightly, her stars glittering in the sky…

‘If Twilight were here, she probably start naming all sorts of constellations… none of which I’d actually recognize... Rarity would start rambling about a new dress design based on one of them… and then Pinkie would probably start asking if there were any cupcake constellations…’ The cyan Pegasus mentally chuckled as she turned over, looking at the town below. Apparently she got so lost in the moment she didn't notice that she had ended up right above Sweet Apple Acres. “Too bad everyone's asleep right now… it'd be nice to hang out and watch-what the?”

Rainbow Dash snapped out of her thoughts when she noticed something… or somepony flying past the Crusaders clubhouse... somepony was sneaking into the Apple Orchard!

“Well, well, looks like I'm getting a little workout in!” She smirked as she spread her wings and dived off her cloud, ready to take down whoever was stupid enough to try and steal from her friend's farm!

...plus, maybe she could get a barrel of cider as a sweet reward after she caught them!

Licking her lips, she swooped down and glided just above the trees, making sure to followed the figure at a safe distance, whoever it was their figure was unmistakably that of a mare's. She seemed to be avoiding any parts of the forest that had openings in the trees, Rainbow narrowed her eyes. ‘Nice try, but I didn't take those night training courses for nothing!’ She thought proudly as she dived beneath the branches, continuing to tail her.

After a few minutes the figure stopped near one of the taller trees and landed on a branch, Rainbow Dash quickly hid behind one of the trees and watched cautiously. ‘Ok, nopony else around. She's definitely here alone… I just gotta get the drop on her…’ She thought as she snuck towards the opposite side of the tree and flew up, landing in her own branch just above the mare, who had started munching on some apples. Flexing her wings she dived down towards her, intent of taking her by surprise...

...only for her target to dart out of the way at the last second, Rainbow quickly veered to the left to avoid crashing into the branch. Recovering quickly, she darted toward the figure and tackled her to the ground and quickly pinning her wings down. “Alright buddy, you've got ten seconds to tell me what you're doing here before I-”

However at that moment one of the clouds obscuring the moon was blown away, allowing the moonlight to shine down upon the two, revealing the face of the mare she'd caught.

“Wait, FLUTTERSHY?!”

However, she immediately realized her friend had gone through a very familiar change, her bright yellow coat was paler than usual, her pink mane was disheveled like she'd just gotten into a fight, her normally feathered wings were now replaced by two bat-like ones.

“W-What happened to you?! I thought Twilight fixed this-WOAH!” She quickly got off her friend as she tried to bite her. “Jeeze Flutters! I'm sorry for tackling you but-”

*HISSS*

However her friend didn't listen and hissed at her before taking a few steps back, spreading her wings menacingly… however as she glared at her, her eyes widened as she tucked her wings back in, giving her an odd look.

Rainbow arched eyebrow and took a step forward, and her friend mimicked her action.

“Uh, Flutters? You… you still in there?” She asked hesitantly.

*HISSS* Her friend snarled in response.

“Ok so… can't talk… alright, I can work with this…” The cyan Pegasus sighed as she picked up a still-ripe apple and slowly handed it to her. “Do you… understand me?”

She quickly withdrew her hoof as the creature immediately bit into the apple, she watched in a mixture of fascination and fear as she quickly drained the fruit of all its juices, leaving it a shriveled prune.

‘OK, I do not want to be next on the menu!’ She thought to herself that she took a hesitant step back… only to notice something interesting.

The creature… her ears seemed to flatten as she backed away… almost as if it was hurt by that action. Curious, she took two steps forward, the creatures eyes immediately shot up as it suddenly smiled at her!

The cyan Pegasus felt small spark of hope, she seemed much more comfortable around her than anyone else, maybe there was a part of her friend still in there somewhere!

“OK, let's see… Fluttershy, I-”

*HISSS* The creature retorted, her eyes narrowing.

“-alright, you don't like that name…” She mumbled. “But I gotta call you something… Flutter-”

*HISSS*

“-bat?”

The creature briefly snorted before making its way towards her, Rainbow Dash slowly spread her wings in case she decided she’d make a good midnight snack… only for her to take to the air and land in another one of the trees.

“Flutterbat it is…” She sighed as she flew into the tree. “Look Flutterbat, you need to-OW!” She rubbed her head as she picked up what was thrown at her." Did you seriously just chuck a rotten apple at me!?”

Flutterbat let out a noise that sounded like a cross between a snarl and a hiss… and it took Rainbow Dash five seconds to realize she was snickering at her!

“OK, that's enough!” She snapped before charging at her. “You're going to Twilight and getting cured right n-WOAH!” She yelped as Flutterbat quickly evaded her and wrapped her tail around her waist, hanging her upside-down.

Rainbow glared at her transformed friend as she proceeded to snicker at her again. “If you're expecting a "hanging around" joke, you should know that I'm above that.”

Flutterbat casually went back to draining another apple of its fruit juice. Rainbow scowled as pulled herself free. “K, fun’s over, we need to get you to Twilight and fix this-”

*HISSS*

“OK, that's just getting annoying.” Rainbow grumbled before an idea popped into her head.

As Flutterbat began to feed, Rainbow Dash smirked as she snatched the apple out of her hoof. The batpony snarled and went for another apple, only for it to vanish in a rainbow blur before she could grab it. She glared back at Rainbow Dash, who was casually juggling the apples she snatched. “Sorry Flutterbat. You wanna eat? You gotta catch me!” She taunted as she took to the sky.

At first, Flutterbat simply scoffed and tried to take another apple, only for Rainbow to speed by and snatch another one. Realising that she wouldn’t let her feed unless she followed, she immediately flew after her.

‘Good girl…’ Rainbow giggled as she darted through the forest, slowing down enough to let her keep up, but flying fast enough to stay out of her range…

Or so she thought...

*HISSS*

“WOAH!” She yelped in surprise as she dodged out of the way just as Flutterbat swooped down towards her. “Oh, so you really want it huh?” She smirked as she speed up. “Bring it then!” She shouted before darting above the trees. Flutterbat snarled as she continued the chase. She quickly dived-bombed towards her rainbow-maned target, her fangs extended and ready to bite into her prize... and at the last second Rainbow made a sharp turn to the right, letting her pink-maned friend bite into nothing but air.

"Too slow!" She taunted as she flew past Applejack's farm, earning another snarl from Flutterbat as she continued to give chase. "You're chasing a mare who could do a Sonic Rainboom in her sleep! Bring your A-game!" She shouted, not hiding the excitement in her voice.

As the game of cat-&-mouse continued, Flutterbat was still hot on her tail. Rainbow made her way into Ponyville, zigzagging through the alleyways to tire her out a bit and slowing down just enough to keep her from losing sight of her. Upon reaching Sugar-cube Corner she stopped right in front of the doors and tossed the apple into the air. As she rounded the corner Flutterbat saw the delicious juice-filled fruit and made a bee-line for it, completely ignoring her rainbow-maned target...

"Psych! Gotcha!" She laughed as she darted towards her friend and snatched to apple just before she could sink her teeth into it, sending her spiraling through the air. Not wasting any time she zoomed past the restaurant before finally luring her into another alleyway.

Looking around, Rainbow found herself a few blocks away from Twilight’s Castle. Smiling, she quickly flew towards the top balcony… only to be tackled just before she reached it, sending her spiraling through the air… and right into a cloud.

The moment she regained her bearings, she realized the cloud she’d been tackled into was pretty hollow, big enough to fit the two of them with some room to move about, yet small enough to pass as a normal cloud.

As she got up, she noticed Flutterbat picking herself up, proudly holding the apple in her mouth. “Well, well, well, looks like you're faster than I expected…” Rainbow smiled as she caught her breath. “I actually put in… at least twenty percent more effort than I usually did when flying with you…”

Proud of her accomplishment, Flutterbat sucked the apple dry and spat out the dried-up remains. For a moment the two of them stared at each other, panting and sweating.

Flutterbat smiled.

Rainbow Dash smiled back.

The Batpony started snickering, with the Pegasus soon following suit.

The two of them then collapsed on the cloud in a fit of giggles.

“All right then, now that that's over with You wait here and I'll head over to-” She began as she tried to get up, only to find herself wrapped up by Flutterbat’s wings as she pushed her back down. “Oh for the love of, let me go!” She groaned as she struggled to make the Batpony let go, but that only encouraged her to hug her tighter.

“Seriously Flutters, now isn't the time for this!”

Flutterbat simply yawned as she gave her a peck on the cheek, causing the cyan Pegasus to blush.

“I'm stuck with you all night, aren't I?” She sighed.

Flutterbat nodded enthusiastically.

“Do I HAVE to sleep like this?”

Another nod.

“...great.”

As if sensing her discomfort, gently snuggled against her chest. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes… and hugged her back. “If you say anything about me cuddling you to the others… I'm gonna withhold all those Neighponese manga you love so much…”

A cute snore was her only answer...

Comments

[Llyander]

Way, way too much 'cyan pegasus'. You call her that three times before actually giving us her name. Just call her Rainbow Dash, otherwise how are we to know who you're talking about?

Other than that, a cute lil story!

[aceina]

cute story thoe an explanation of what happened would be nice

[Harmony Pie]

Just to let you know, this is is below the limit for word count to enter the contest

[cogwheelbrain]

Some comments:

* I see you're submitting to the latest FD contest, just so you know minimum word count for that is 1750, you're currently at 1648. (I know this rule because I was working on my own contest submission.)
* In general, the story is OK, but not great. It's flat. There's a lot more 'telling' than showing. Here's a small example:

The cyan Pegasus snapped out of her thoughts when she noticed something… or someone sneaking into the Apple Orchard!

What exactly is she seeing? How is the sneaking happening? Flying? Crawling? Running? Going from shadow to shadow? Directly aiming for a barn? What? Expand things. We don't need every minor detail, but this needs just a pinch of salt to bring out the flavor. (And I think you can easily extend it out to both meet the 1750 count and to increase the enjoyment of the story.)
* Another good example of where to add some description is during the chase scene. It's a chase scene, give us some action! We don't need a 45-minute pegasi chase, but one paragraph of,

She shouted before darting above the trees. Flutterbat snarled as she continued the chase. As the game of cat-&-mouse continued, Flutterbat was still hot on her tail. Rainbow made her way into Ponyville, zigzagging through the alleyways to tire her out a bit and slowing down just enough to keep her from losing sight of her.

is kinda... dull.
* "at least twenty percent more effort" -- eh, that joke is worn and tired. I can't say don't use it if you really want it, but for me, it's more annoying. Personally, I'd just go with, "I know I was putting in more effort"

Overall, I was happy with the story: the plot is solid and the core execution is well built, but I think it just needs some polish to really shine.

Good Luck.

[Alphamon_Ouryuken]

7611583
7611615
Thank you both for the advice, I added a little extra content in certain places. Hope that helps!

[Eddy13]

Either great minds think alike, or monkey see, monkey do, cause my entry in the FlutterDash contest also deals with Fluttershy still as a batpony. Of course, like has been said, your entry is a few words short of the minimum necessary. That said, I did enjoy the jokes you made. Your story was definitely bigger on comedy than mine was.

7611615
Uh, I wrote a story with a similar premise. Have you seen it yet?

[cogwheelbrain]

“Alright buddy, you've got twm seconds to tell me what you're doing here before I-”

two

She quickly got of her friend

off

I like the additions you made. Definitely helps things a lot.

[Alphamon_Ouryuken]

7611658 Fixed, thanks again!

[cogwheelbrain]

7611660

I figure if I can't get past my own writer's block for this challenge, I might as well help somepony else.

[nebulaegalaxy]

“Alright buddy, you've got tem seconds to tell me what you're doing here before I-”

TEM??
Waaaaaiit you mean ten
Shipshipshipshipship
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipp

[Titanium Dragon]

I wrote a review of this story in Read It Now #93.

My review can be found here.

[Cursed Quill]

She quickly got off her friend

got off of her friend

[Xanni]

7698096
Only in American English. Other countries don't use the extra "of".

[Archaon]

Cute little story. I wouldn't mind seeing a continuation of it.

[Senf12]

Cute story
Maybe a sequel?

[peace corps general]

As if sensing her discomfort, gently snuggled against her chest. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes… and hugged her back. “If you say anything about me cuddling you to the others… I'm gonna withhold all those Neighponese manga you love so much…”

never expect flutters to read manga!

[Vigriff]

8280630
Neither did I.

[new55]

That was a good story.