Fluttershonk

by MythrilMoth

Have a Gander

Princess Twilight Sparkle blinked in astonishment at her quiet pegasus friend. "You're giving a lecture? You?!"

"Yes," Fluttershy said meekly, toying with her hooves. "The Alpacapulco Society for the Study of Rare and Unusual Birds heard about my recent studies of phoenixes, rocs, and turduckens and invited me to their annual seminar as a guest speaker!" She rose a few feet into the air, fluttering her wings. "I'm so excited!"

"You're...excited to be giving a speech in front of dozens of ponies?"

Fluttershy laughed softly. "Now, Twilight," she said mildly. "Thanks to you and the other girls, I've come a long way! I don't freeze up in front of a crowd the way I used to. Besides, I'll be talking about something I love! That always helps me forget about all the eyeballs staring at me, silently judging me..." She blinked. "Oh my."

Twilight smiled and laid a reassuring hoof on Fluttershy's shoulder. "You'll be just fine," she said. "Nopony knows more about rare birds than you!"

"Oh, I don't know about that," Fluttershy said. "Well, I'd best get home and pack. The airship ride to Alpacapulco is really long."

"Have a good time!" Twilight said, waving cheerfully.

* * * * *

After a very long flight in a cramped cabin on the airship, Fluttershy was eager to stretch her wings and legs. Since she had several hours until the seminar and felt restless, she decided to go exploring.

Alpacapulco was a beautiful seaside community; as she flew over the city, she observed various waterfowl flying over the sparkling bay. She flew among them, taking note of their coloration and species. "So many wonderful birds I never get to see," she mused dreamily to herself.

From the air, Fluttershy could see quite a bit of Alpacapulco, including a lush park with a small lake in the center which looked like an excellent place to have lunch. Fluttershy's stomach growled its agreement, and she touched down on one of the many trotting paths around the park perimeter. It didn't take her long to find a stand offering hot, cheap local food, and the enticing aromas of local spices drew her in. She looked over the offerings, bought a few items off the menu, then found a bench near the crystal-clear lake to sit and eat. She had finished most of her lunch and was beginning to feel full when a goose with off-white feathers and darker grey markings on her wings and tail approached her. "HONK," she said insistently.

"Oh, hello there!" Fluttershy said with a smile. "Are you hungry?"

"HONK."

Fluttershy giggled and tore off a piece of warm corn tortilla, tossing it to the goose. "Here you go!"

The goose snapped it up and swallowed it down, then rustled her wings. "HONK!"

"You're very welcome," Fluttershy said.

A distant bell tolled the hour, and Fluttershy gasped. "Oh my goodness! I need to head for the seminar!" She finished up her lunch and disposed of her garbage in a nearby receptacle, then took wing. She failed to notice the goose following her.

It took just over an hour to find the amphitheater, located on the esplanade, where the Alpacapulco Society for the Study of Rare and Unusual Birds had gathered. As she landed, she saw dozens of ponies filling the space, milling about, sitting patiently, talking to one another, and studying books and magazines on birds. She fished her pass out of her saddlebag and slung it around her neck, then approached a pony in a staff vest near the backstage entrance. "Hello," she said meekly. "I'm Fluttershy...am I late?"

The pony checked a clipboard he was holding. "You're just in time," he said. "You're scheduled to speak in half an hour."

"Oh, good," Fluttershy said. "That gives me time to—"

"HONK!"

Fluttershy froze, eyes wide, and turned.

The goose from the park stood right behind her.

"Oh...my," she said. "You followed me all the way here?"

"HONK!"

"Well, I'm flattered," Fluttershy said, "but I have something very important to do right now, and I'm sure your friends in the park are missing you, so if you'd just..."

"HONK!"

"But if you could—"

"HONK!"

"I understand, but—"

"HONK!"

"Err, miss?" the stagepony said. "I'm afraid all pets must be caged and checked."

"Oh, this isn't my pet," Fluttershy said. "This goose just followed me here from the park. I think she thinks I have more food."

"HONK!"

The stagepony rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know it's hard to resist feeding the birds, but around here, it's usually asking for trouble."

Applause rose from the crowd, and another stagepony rushed outside, whispering hurriedly to the one Fluttershy had been conversing with. After a round of heated whispers, they both turned to Fluttershy. "You're up," the stagepony said.

"Oh! Oh my...alright." Swallowing, Fluttershy followed the second stagepony out onto the stage. She stepped up to the podium, looking out at the sea of pony, donkey, griffon, and minotaur faces watching her. She gulped, feeling her heart race. She closed her eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath, then opened her eyes and smiled at the crowd.

"Good afternoon, everypony! My name is Fluttersh—"

"HONK!"

Fluttershy broke off and stared at the goose, which had followed her onto the stage. "Umm, excuse me," she said. "I'm trying to talk to these nice ponies, so if you wouldn't mind?" After a moment of silence, she turned back to the assembled audience, an embarrassed smile on her face. "As I was saying, my name is Fluttersh—"

"HONK!"

Chuckles rose from the audience. Fluttershy's face burned red and she sank below the podium. Turning, she gave the goose a stern glare. "Now stop that!" she chided. "It's very rude to interrupt somepony! I know you want attention, and I'll be happy to find some more food to share with you after I'm done with this very important lecture, but right now I'm going to have to ask you to be patient and quiet until I'm finished!"

The goose bowed her head and backed away contritely.

Fluttershy watched her for a moment, then clambered back up to the podium, surveying the audience, who wore amused smiles and smirks. She coughed. "I'm very sorry about that, everypony. Let me start again. My name is Fluttersh—"

"HONK!"

Fluttershy closed her eyes and took another deep breath. "Right, nevermind who I am. I'm here to talk rare and unusual birds—"

"HONK!"

"Because that's what we're here for, right? I mean, to talk about—"

"HONK!"

"PLEASE let me finish a sentence," Fluttershy said aside to the goose, who ruffled her wings and gave Fluttershy a defiant stare. "Okay! Let's start with the Lesser Turducken. Most ponies don't know this, but there are two—"

"HONK!"

"—two separate, distinct species of Tur—"

"HONK!"

"—ducken," Fluttershy bit off testily. "The Lesser Turducken lives around the Ever—"

"HONK!"

"—honk Forest—" Fluttershy blinked. "The Everfree Forest, that's what I meant to—"

"HONK!"

"—honk, and is very territorial. In terms of size, the Lesser Turducken is slightly larger than—"

"HONK!"

"OH FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE!" Fluttershy screamed. Wheeling on the goose, she leaned close and stared angrily at it. "WILL. YOU. PLEASE. STOP?"

The goose glared right back at her. "Honk."

Fluttershy facehoofed. "Will somepony please get this goose off the stage?" Two stageponies rushed up and tried to wrangle the goose, which thrashed and honked madly. Once they'd hauled it away, Fluttershy cleared her throat and faced the audience again. "Sorry about that, everypony. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. The Lesser Turducken is slightly larger than—"

"HONK!"

"—this incredibly rude and annoying goose, or roughly the same size as—"

"HONK!"

"—an average filly. Turduckens are classified as a class—"

"HONK!"

"—chimera, with a danger rating of—"

"HONK!"

"—and a conservation rating of—"

"HONK!"

"—which is much higher than the conservation status of this goose if she doesn't. Shut. Up," Fluttershy snarled. "Security, PLEASE get this—" She trailed off as she noticed that the two stageponies were sprawled on the ground just off the stage, covered in angry red peck marks.

A hoof went up in the audience. "Excuse me, miss," a mare called out. "You are Fluttershy, famed animal expert and personal friend of Princess Twilight Sparkle, are you not?"

Fluttershy turned to face her. "Yes, I am Flutter—"

"HONK!"

"—shonk," Fluttershy said. "Now, if I could just get back to—yes?" she asked as another hoof shot up.

"I'm confused," a stallion said. "Are you Fluttershy or Fluttershonk?"

Fluttershy blinked. "I'm not sure anymore," she said listlessly. "But if you could all please just let me—"

"HONK!"

"—no, I'm pretty sure I don't want to honk right now. I want to honk about Turduckens. TALK! Talk about Turduckens. Let's talk Tur—"

"HONK!"

"—den."

"Miss Fluttershonk, what's a Turhonkden?"

Fluttershy glared at the teenage mare who had asked that question. "Now you're doing it on purpose," she said.

"Yes. Yes I am," the mare replied with a broad smile.

Fluttershy smashed her forehead against the podium. "Oh—"

"HONK!"

"—me. Just—"

"HONK!"

"—right up and—"

"HONK!"

"—me until I—"

"HONK!"

"—and all my feathers—"

"HONK!"

"—because if I have to—"

"HONK!"

"—one more minute of this I swear I'm gonna—"

"HONK!"

"—and set a new world record for—"

"HONK!"

"—until it honking HONKS." Fluttershy's barrel heaved as she panted for breath, her eyes narrowed to angry pinpricks and her wings splayed out in an aggressive display.

A mare with a too-wide grin hurried onto the stage and flank-checked Fluttershy away from the podium. "OKAY!" she said with excessive, forced cheerfulness. "It seems we're having some technical difficulties, so we'll just postpone this lecture until tomorrow, how about that? Let's have a round of applause for Miss Fluttershy from Ponyville!"

Nervous, hesitant applause rose from the wide-eyed, shocked audience.

* * * * *

"Welcome back, Fluttershy!" Rarity greeted as a weary-looking Fluttershy staggered into the spa and plopped unceremoniously into the hot tub across from her. "How was your excursion to Alpacapulco?"

"Exhausting," Fluttershy said tiredly. "Let's just say that whole trip could've gone better."

"Oh dear," Rarity said, pressing a hoof to her mouth.

Fluttershy's expression brightened. "I brought you back a special present!" she said. "I'll give it to you later at the boutique. Have you ever had pâté de foie gras?"

Comments

[buttonbelle]

I feel sorry for the goose yet happy that it is getting eaten.

[PhycoKrusk]

I find this organization to be deeply suspicious, but I have no evidence. I want to look into them more, but I also don't want to look like an ass and therein lies the rub.

[The_Lone_Wanderer]

Have you ever had pâté de foie gras?"

Haha

[EonAon]

heh Fluttershy getting honked off, that's a thing.

[MrBirthday]

Well, interrupting Fluttershy's lecture was the last mistake that goose ever made. I have to admit that one mare screwing with her was funny.

[Enduring Man-Child]

[Sunset_Shimmer83]

Don't HONK with Fluttershy.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Wow. Not only is that last line incredibly cruel, it's also quite impressive given the usual time investment that goes into making that. Still, the goose wanted food. That's definitely what it got.

[Tatsurou]

That was absolutely hilarious. Especially this bit.

Fluttershy glared at the teenage mare who had asked that question. "Now you're doing it on purpose," she said.
"Yes. Yes I am," the mare replied with a broad smile.

[DeltaXeno1138]

HONK!

[Terabyte West]

I'm not sorry. I have to do this.vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/glee/images/1/17/Honk_omg_shoooosh.gif/revision/latest?cb=20140404193601

[Highlord Langslock]

I HONK-ing love absurd censoring sounds!

[Emtu]

"Exhausting," Fluttershy said tiredly.

Did you mean: exhonksting

[SuperSonicHeroes]

I've never liked Geese. They're dirty and violent if you get too close to them. So glad that one got what was coming to it.

[Born-From-Black-Lightnin]

So honking good.

[ShadowLDrago]

Fluttershy glared at the teenage mare who had asked that question. "Now you're doing it on purpose," she said.
"Yes. Yes I am," the mare replied with a broad smile.

I like you.

Fluttershy smashed her forehead against the podium. "Oh—"
"HONK!"
"—me. Just—"
"HONK!"
"—right up and—"
"HONK!"
"—me until I—"
"HONK!"
"—and all my feathers—"
"HONK!"
"—because if I have to—"
"HONK!"
"—one more minute of this I swear I'm gonna—"
"HONK!"
"—and set a new world record for—"
"HONK!"
"—until it honking HONKS." Fluttershy's barrel heaved as she panted for breath, her eyes narrowed to angry pinpricks and her wings splayed out in an aggressive display.

Fluttershy's expression brightened. "I brought you back a special present!" she said. "I'll give it to you later at the boutique. Have you ever had pâté de foie gras?"

I swear you can read minds because I was going to make that joke!

[B_Munro]

"Iron Will says, Goose gets in your way, crush him into pâté!"

[DOTB21]

First the Turducken, now a chatty goose. I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that you don't particularly like birds.

[King Kenya]

the goose wanted food? The goose got all the food it could ever want...

[MythrilMoth]

7606679 I like birds just fine. It's just that birds are inherently hilarious.

[DreadedCandiru2]

You screw with the bull....you get the horns.

[DOTB21]

7606970 No argument there.

[Fireheart 1945]

Geese are evil.

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/c7/57/fe/c757fe0170bf1ce772b53af3e357aece.jpg

[Apple_Crack]

Fluttershy smashed her forehead against the podium. "Oh—"
"HONK!"
"—me. Just—"
"HONK!"
"—right up and—"
"HONK!"
"—me until I—"
"HONK!"
"—and all my feathers—"
"HONK!"
"—because if I have to—"
"HONK!"
"—one more minute of this I swear I'm gonna—"
"HONK!"
"—and set a new world record for—"
"HONK!"
"—until it honking HONKS." Fluttershy's barrel heaved as she panted for breath, her eyes narrowed to angry pinpricks and her wings splayed out in an aggressive display.

I can't be the only one who thought of this.

[MythrilMoth]

7607625 *screams and screams and screams and keeps screaming and runs and hides in the bathroom and screams into the toilet*

[Fireheart 1945]

7608042 Whoops sorry. I thought it was fitting.

[jedi_master_brony]

Alpacapulco Society for the Study of Rare and Unusual Birds

Well played on that acronym, Moth

[Overmind]

7607625
Ahhhhhhhhh! Holy SHIT WHAT THE FUUUUCK IS THAT!

[Yarael-BJ-Poof]

HNK

[Fireheart 1945]

7608387 A goose... at it's most evil

[metroid_freak]

"Talk to me, Goose!"

[NocturnalLillith]

7607625

Luna's feathers, does that thing have teeth?

[Crystal Moose]

That escalated quickly. Also, foie gras is disgusting.

[strangephantasm]

Listen here goose, you shut your *HONK* mouth when Fluttershy is talking!!!!!

[WanderingPony]

One of my favorite stories on FiMFiction is Ponyville being invaded...

....by Canadian geese. Evil. Creatures. EVIL. This too shows the *HONK HONK HONK* of geese everywhere.

[Manly Man]

7611630 Eh, I would say otherwise about foie gras, but then again, I've had a thing for sweet meats from all kinds of animals pretty much my entire life.

Never had sweetbread or brains before, though.

[Crystal Moose]

7652183 I am very much a meat lover, but foie gras has never appealed to me. I have had sheep brains before, can't remember if I enjoyed them or not, as we're going back some 20 years ago.

Also, stop staring at me so seductively with those kissable, kissable lips!

[Manly Man]

7652850 I can't help it if I'm so beautiful! It's a gift from God Celestia, little darling.

[HarmonyRapids]

I'm guessing that Fluttershy cooked the goose.
Just cook away all your problems, little kids, take advice from the very nice, animal loving pony who in her free time ironically killed a goose.

[Chaotic Ink]

7608042
y'all never seen a close up of a spider staring you in the face, have ya?

[Penn Hooven]

.....Ten Points!

[Phantom Dragon]

This was honking hilarious !

[Ookami88]

7702182
Pâté de foie gras is a dish that's made from a goose's liver, so yeah, Fluttershy did reach her limit with that annoying bird

[son_of_heaven176]

Just came from DrWolf. This story was indeed hilarious.

[MitchellTF]

7623454

THE ONE BY ESTEE! I know that one! They're actually even WORSE then Canadian Geese.

[RandomPen]

Wait why didn't they just stun the goose with a spell? Or use the stare on it?

[Lady Star Shadow]

`Have you heard of pate de foi gras?'

BEST.ENDING.EVER!

[Jake Witt]

7605564
I was 3 years too late for this joke.

[Azure Magician]

What a classic.