Carrot Top and Apple Grove
“Alright, I concede that, maybe, it wasn’t a good plan,” said Flam.
Flim and Flam were in a hideout in northern Fillydelphia, a five-room apartment that was full of various knickknacks that they’d picked up over the years. Flam set down his bag and poured out their latest hall, a nicely sized amount of bits that they’d grifted and stolen on their four-day journey back to Fillydelphia. “Still,” the mustached stallion said, “We had some fun, made a little profit, and now we have an opening with the Duke.”
“No we don’t,” snapped Flim. “The Duke’s going to have us arrested if he sees us.”
“So we wait a few months. Then we try again. We can even just say it was part of a long con. Can’t take down an Element all at once, right?”
“I suppose.” Flim rolled his eyes – he didn’t share his brother’s confidence. “But what if somepony else gets there first?”
“Then we steal the credit. That’s even easier than stealing an Element.” Flam laughed. “Come on. I bet you our favorite bar is still open.”
“You go. I’m going to rest.”
“Fine.” Flam poked around the cluttered apartment until he found a little box. “I’ll just get dressed up, and…” He began looking through it, throwing aside a few chains and other pieces of jewelry until he found one he liked. “Mind if I borrow this?”
“What?” Flim looked at the locket that Flam was holding. “It’s not mine.”
“What? It isn’t mine; I’d remember stealing something this expensive.”
Flim walked over and examined it. The locket was gold and platinum wounded together in a tight mesh, curved into the shape of a heart and on a string of threaded diamonds. It looked enormously valuable. “From that fake jewelry scam we ran last year?”
“No, nopony we dealt with could’ve bought it even at a ‘discount.’” Flam opened up the locket. “Hey, there’s writing.”
“Maybe it’s lost. Could be a reward.”
“'To my darling daughter, Fragrant Posey. May all your days be as pure as the moonlit sky.'” Flam frowned. “Posey? Name sounds familiar.”
“Isn’t she duchess of somewhere?” asked Flim. “Didn’t you date a duchess?”
“Not that one.” Flam shrugged. “Whatever. Next time we’re in Canterlot, we can play out the old ‘private detective’ scam.”
“What?”
Flam grinned. “Royalty never remember the hundreds of servants they hire. We just say she hired us to look for her necklace, and we recovered it! We get the reward, plus any ‘expenses’ we can think up. ”
“She’ll think we stole it and got scared.”
“Not if we spin it right.”
Flim frowned. Something was nagging at his mind – something relating to the Duke. “You know, I was worried the Duke would come after us for failing him.”
“Good thing we ran so fast.”
“Yeah, but…” Flim blinked. “Wait. We’ve gotta get rid of that locket.”
“What? Why?”
“Just trust me, we—“
The door burst down. A phalanx of police ponies stormed in, wearing armor and bearing weapons. “THIEVES! SURRENDER!” roared the commander.
Flam reared up on his hind hooves. “Thieves? We’re not thieves, we—“
The commander, a unicorn, used telekinesis to yank the locket over to him. “Then how’d you wind up with the locket stolen from the Duchess two days ago, hmm? Sergeant, search this whole place! No telling what we could find in here.” He smiled grimly. “Stealing from a Night Court member could be considered treason. If you want any chance at leniency—“
“How could that be treason?” demanded Flim.
“If you intend to use your stolen jewels to influence how they vote, of course. Do you?”
“We would never!” said Flam. “We are honest and patriotic ponies, and—“
“Sir!” called the sergeant. He’d found a letter on a desk. “Listen to this! ‘We are aware that this locket is priceless, and we are not entirely without heart. We will return it to you, provided you ensure that the following measures are passed…’”
The commander chuckled as the two unicorns were marched outside. “You are never getting out of jail,” he informed them.
Flim and Flam looked at each other, but there was nothing they could do.
Meanwhile, in Ponyville, life had begun to return to normal.
“What’cha doin’?” asked Trixie, barging into Carrot Top’s home.
Carrot Top gestured at the paper she was scribbling on. “Working out if I actually made any money.”
“Didn’t you win a huge bag of bits?”
“Yeah, but then I’m deducting the irrigation system, the meal I took you and Berry Punch out for, the random incidental expenses like that bottle of dandelion wine we had to ship in from Canterlot, the TWF, train fare…”
“TWF?”
“Trixie Whining Fee. That’s the amount I have to pay you so you don’t whine to me about me being ungrateful for all your help.”
Trixie laughed. “I’ll have Pokey make that an official code. I think we’ll be using it a lot.”
“I’m unsurprised.” Carrot Top returned to the paper. “So, adding it all up, it seems that…” she summed the figures, then frowned. “I’m down three bits.”
The farmer sighed, but she didn’t really feel bad. The new irrigation system was making her farming life a lot easier. It was making the lives of all the Ponyville farmers easier, for that matter. Plus, business was up due to the publicity from the whole competition. Not only had Ponyville ponies who had never before eaten her carrots tried them and liked what they tasted, but a few of the local businesses and restaurants wanted to be able to say they got their food from the third-place farm in two hundred plus applicants. And, finally, the lab results had come back, her carrots were certified to be pure and organic, and she would now be selling five barrels of carrot juice a week to Aloe and Lotus.
So, yes, there was still a lot of work ahead of her, but things were up.
“Well,” she said, “I’ll look at it as me buying an irrigation system for the whole town, me included, in exchange for three bits and one very chaotic week. More than fair.”
“Here,” said Trixie. She took the pencil and drew a little ‘/2’ under the TWF figure. “Now you’re in the black.”
Carrot Top chuckled. “Great.”
A pony knocked on her door, and then Berry Punch entered. “Hi.” She sounded pained.
“Hangover tonic?”
“If you could.”
Carrot Top began to mix one up. “Thanks again for all your help.”
“No prob.”
“I really appreciate—“
“Uh, sorry, but it kinda hurts to hear voices right now.”
Carrot Top smiled a little. “Oh, sorry.”
She mixed up the tonic and gave it to Berry Punch, who quaffed it in one gulp. “Thanks,” she said, sighing with audible relief. “You’re a lifesaver.”
“No problem. And no charge for you,” she said, as Berry Punch took out a few bits. “I owe you a lot for helping me out—“
“I already told you, don’t worry about it.” She put six bits on the counter. "Now, I heard something about a Farmer's Union?"
"Grape and Lily and I were talking. It'd be a shame if that cooperation we've all been sharing for this past week just went away now that the competition's over. We're thinking of making a sort of union so we can make group decisions, help each other out more. A bunch of the other small farmers would be interested too."
Berry Punch smiled. "That would be lovely."
"Just don't bet your farm for them again," said Trixie. "Okay?"
Carrot Top laughed. "Don't worry. I'm never doing that again."
Berry Punch said, “By the way, I talked to Big Mac. I told him that I’ll consider getting a new contract with them.”
“Thanks. I’m glad at least a few places are doing it.”
“Well, Applejack still has to sign off, but I think she will.” She shrugged. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you know they won’t go bankrupt even if nopony in town buys their apples, right? Applejack was right when she said they could probably make more money by shipping all their apples to Canterlot and charging top dollar to the wealthy ponies there.”
“I know. But… I mean, she’s a good farmer. I just wish we could all work together. And the only way she’ll ever consider it is if we can pound it into her thick skull that we don’t hate her. Forget money; if we can’t help her see that we’re willing to befriend her, she’ll always be sad and lonely, and…”
Berry Punch nodded. “Don’t ever change, Carrot Top.”
Trixie smiled. “Just don’t go too far. If I hear of you neglecting your farm to save her flank again, I’ll kick your butt myself.”
The farmer grinned.
Berry Punch said, “I’d still be willing to give you cooking lessons, if you want.”
“Sure, but can we wait a week or two? Honestly, I’m hoping to eat out a few times first.” Carrot Top laughed. “I’m kind of cooked out.”
“No problem!” Berry Punch turned to go. “Best of luck with the new water system.”
“It’s working like a dream. Thanks.”
Later, the other Elements showed up to congratulate her one last time. A few farmers showed up still later, Green Grape leading them, to talk about new business opportunities, the union, and to thank her again for the risk she underwent in order to help all of them. “This will make farming in Ponyville easier for every pony, except maybe the Apples,” said Grape. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
And still later, that evening, there was one last knock on her door.
“Hello, I – oh, hi Granny Smith. How can I help you?”
“You can start by invitin’ ma inside! Fillies these days, no respect…” But she was smiling, and it was clear there was no malice in her complaints.
Carrot Top let Granny Smith inside and poured her a cup of scented carrot tea. Smith put her saddlebag – filled to bulging with something – to one side, then drank deeply. Carrot Top sat across from her. “It’s good to see you. Is Applejack okay?”
“She’s gotten some sleep. Now she’s doin’ like she always does.” Granny Smith sighed. “Yar a good filly, Carrot Top, fer bein’ so kind ta her. Lotta folks would’ve given up by now.”
Carrot Top shrugged. “She’s… she’s under a lot of pressure. It’s not all her fault.”
Granny Smith shut her eyes for a long moment. “Well, ah’m glad somepony in town sees it.”
The older mare finished her tea, got up, and put the large saddlebag onto on Carrot Top’s table. “By the way, this is fer you, as a token of our thanks.”
Carrot Top opened it to find that it was full of bits. “What… but I didn’t…”
“Ya saved the fields from that there Farmslayer stuff! Would’ve taken old me all night to remember how ta kill it, an’ the Trust wouldn’t have gotten anypony out till the next day. Either way it’d be too late fer a quarter of those apples. Applejack an’ ah agreed, it’d be wrong not ta thank ya.”
“I appreciate it, but I don’t need all this—“
“Horseapples. Ain’t a friend ever done ya a real big favor, an’ ya felt like ya just had ta pay her back somehow or it wouldn’t be right? Well, that’s how AJ feels right now.”
“She thinks I’m her friend?” It was a weird feeling. Carrot Top honestly hadn’t thought she’d gotten through to Applejack that much.
Granny Smith smiled. “Yessums. Cause of what ya did fer Apple Bloom. It finally got through ta her that ya'r really concerned -- ya helped her even afta the competition, when there wasn't no other motive fer ya ta do it. An' now her sister ain't mad at her, an' she really appreciates that." She chuckled. "She wants ya ta be okay. She cares 'bout what ya’d think of things she’s doin’, what ya think of her. Ah’d say she thinks ya’r a friend.” She shook her head, chuckling a little. “She ain’t neva had many of those, ah’ll tell ya. Ya’r somethin’ special, Carrot Top.”
“I’m just trying to… you know, help her.”
“Ya’ve helped her. More than ya now, an’ more than she knows either. She’s wonderin’ now. Wonderin’ if it maybe ain’t right what she’s doin’. Wonderin’ if maybe she should care more ‘bout makin’ friends an’ helpin’ folks than stockin’ up fer some future disaster that might never come.”
“But she’s still 'stocking up.' She hasn't changed.”
“She can be stubborn as an old mule, but… ah think, if ya keep tryin’, ya’ll get through ta her. Ya’ll keep tryin’, right?”
“You can count on it.”
Granny Smith smiled. “Then – far as ah’m concerned – ya deserve every bit in that bag an’ more, besides.”
“Thanks.” Carrot Top looked out the window. “Oh. Sorry, Granny Smith, but I’ve got to put in the last batch of carrots for the night. I got kind of distracted, and—“
“Ah’ll help,” said Granny Smith, rising. “Don’t worry ‘bout a thing.”
“Uh, I can’t ask you to—“
“Hey, just ‘cause ah’m old don’t mean ah don’t know how ta farm! Ah raised carrots ‘fore ya were even alive!” said Granny Smith, a twinkle in her eye. “Sides, Applejack an’ Big Mac do all the liftin’ round the farm, an’ sometimes ah just want ta get back out there an’ show those plants whose boss. So c’mon! We got carrots to plant!”
Carrot Top chuckled and followed Granny Smith outside.
The old mare proved to be every bit as good a farmer as Carrot Top, and together they worked to dig and plant the carrots. “Hey,” said Carrot Top. “Is there any actual basis to that legend? The one about the famine?”
“What legend?”
“Apple Bloom told me that, hundreds of years ago, there was a huge famine and only the Apples survived. All the other farms crashed, but the Apple farm was big and strong enough to keep going and feed all the remaining ponies. After that, the Apples were charged with, uh, preventing famine in the future or something.”
Granny Smith smiled. “That’s what she thinks? Well, color me pink, that ain’t it at all. You listen, young’un, an’ ah’ll tell ya how it really went down.”
“Hundreds of years ago, there were hundreds of farms around Canterlot, all feedin’ the city. But the nobles there, a lot of ‘em thought it’d be fun ta play a game an’ see if their favorite farms could beat the rest. So they turned all the farms against each other, tellin’ ‘em that this one had conspired with that one to ruin this other one’s crops, or that Baron such-and-such hated this crop and was going to shut down their farm if they didn’t do something fer him, stuff like that. An’ all the farms began squabblin’, until no two would even talk ta each other.
“One year, it got real bad. Market day in Canterlot was silent as the moon, cause no farmer would talk ta any other. Got so bad that the academics started readin’ there – quieter than the library, if ya can believe that. An’ ferget givin’ each other helpin’ hooves! If ya broke a spade or needed an egg, ya couldn’t go ta yar neighbor. Ya had ta walk all the way inta Canterlot an’ buy one.
“But then the blight came. Hit one farm at a time, like clockwork, but nopony could figure out when each one would get it. One time it’d be a little one, next it’d be a big one, but they always did just a little more damage than the farm could repair in a day. An’ once they hit a farm, they kept comin’ back till it was nothin’ but boarded up buildings an’ dead fields. Frightenin’ times.”
“Course, a bunch of the farms decided they had ta stand alone. They drove their neighbors out of business, bought up the dead farms, an’ fortified ‘em. Figured, if they could just get enough money or a big enough farm, the blight couldn’t beat ‘em. Didn’t work. Big farm, small farm, blight still tore ‘em up. Took a little longer fer the big ones, but what did that matter if a farm collapsed in a day or a week? Still collapsed all the same. That lasted all summer an’ fall, an’ folks were getting’ mighty worried ‘bout the winter. There were fears there wouldn’t be ‘nough food ta go round, an’ in fact there were already shortages, ponies movin’, panic in the streets. Nopony knew what ta do.
“But then the head of the very smallest farm, this teeny-tiny apple orchard smack between two of the biggest farms left, had herself an idea. She said that, if they worked tagether, they could stay alive. See, if the blight kept goin’, they’d wipe out all the farms. But if the farms helped each other, then they could all stay open an’ feed the ponies of Canterlot, not ta mention themselves! Course, most ponies were ‘gainst it, but ‘bout a dozen farms decided ta try. So they promised that they’d share all their resources, an’ if one of ‘em got hit, the rest would do whateva they could ta help. That very night, that apple orchard was ravaged by the blight. Apples all rottin’ away, trees fallin’ over – like the blight knew what they wanted ta do. But ya know what? Very next day, those other farms donated a few spare tools each. They chipped in a few bits an’ got a unicorn ta stand up the felled trees. Medicines fer the apples too. By noon, it was like nothin’ had happened.
“Blight tried again an’ again, but it couldn’t crack that orchard, not with all the help they had. And while it tried, the others were makin’ food ta stock up fer the winter. When the blight figured it out, it went after the other farms in the alliance, but whenever it hit one, the others set them right back up, an’ they couldn’t do any lastin’ damage. Got ta the point where fixin’ up a blighted farm was just another brief chore ya had ta do - -wake up, fix the damage, get back home. Nothin’ more than a mild inconvenience.
“There were a few that tried stickin’ it out alone, but they didn’t make it. The big orange grove next to that little apple orchard failed, an’ so did that huge rice paddy on the other side. But the orchard, and every farm in the team, survived an’ flourished. Cause they found out they could do much better if they were workin’ tagether, blight or no blight. Even when the attacks stopped comin’ so often, they still did their best ta help each other out. The blight just gave up one day… left an’ never returned… but the farms maintained their alliance. That was how much they knew it helped them.
“That winter, Princess Luna had been considerin’ institutin’ rationin’, ta conserve food. But instead, there was enough that they threw a big feast. And the head of that apple orchard was pronounced the savior of the city, and was told that, as long as her descendents upheld her ideals, Equestria would never starve again.” Granny Smith smiled, a tear leaking from her eye. “That was Apple Grove the Third. Applejack’s distant ancestor. She really did save the city an’ the country.”
Carrot Top smiled. “That’s… that’s a beautiful story.”
“Story? It really happened! Anyway,” and Granny Smith looked Carrot Top squarely in the eye, “That’s how Equestria survived that famine. An’ don’t let anypony tell ya different. Not even ma little Applejack or Apple Bloom.”
“Right.” Carrot Top nodded, then paused. “Hey, if the legend’s changed, how do you know it so well?” She replayed the story in her head. “You sounded almost like you were there when it happened. Are you…?”
Granny Smith smiled mischievously. “Keep talkin’ ta Applejack. Ya’ll get through ta her eventually. We’re all stronger tagether than alone, even if she don’t realize it.”
“I will.”
They’d finished the last of the carrots. Granny Smith said goodbye and walked off into the night. Carrot Top watched her go. She couldn’t really be that old. No pony lives for centuries, not even her.
Besides, it didn’t matter. She had to plan her schedule. There were carrots to grow, and carrots to sell, and she could use a few of those bits Granny Smith had given her to buy a couple other pieces of equipment that she needed. Plus, she had to talk to a few local business owners about ending the Apple boycott, say hi to her friends, take Berry Punch out for a nice meal to repay her for all her help, see if Mayor Scrolls needed volunteers for anything, and also talk to Applejack for a few minutes.
As she sat on her back porch and looked over her fields, she reflected on how generous she was being with her time. A week ago, she decided, she would have regretted those obligations and would have wished that she could just spend her time working her farm and earning more bits. But now she didn’t mind it. She was happy that she was going to be spending her time helping the others. It wasn’t even that it had paid off in spades – it was just the right thing to do.
“I got just the right Element,” she decided.
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So that's another version of the legend. I have to say, I like it a bit more than the previous one.
During the competition, AJ was able to dismiss all the nice things CT did as just her trying to manipulate AJ into feeling sorry or grateful to her (so she wouldn't compete as hard). But once it was over, and CT still helped AJ out, that got through to her. At least a little bit. Hopefully it'll have a big effect later on.
So much for Flim and Flam. I have to say, being framed for treason and having enough evidence planted in their rooms to make any trial very, very short couldn't have happened to move deserving ponies.
Fun fact: The Trixie Whining Fund was originally the Whiny Trixie Fund, but I figured they'd never be able to air that particular acronym.
So, this is how I see things changing in the verse after this story:
1. The union and the irrigation system together mean that the other farmers are both more closely bound and a little better off. Carrot Top in particular is no longer in quite as bad financial shape. She's still going to have to work hard, and the union farms still aren't even close to having the size or influence of SAA, but they've got a nice safety cushion for a bit.
2. The boycott is no longer a full and total boycott, and SAA can sell apples in town, but I still see them doing a bit less business than before. Not enough fewer to take them out, but maybe enough to annoy AJ (or maybe even Trust higherups later on).
3. AJ didn't learn very much, but I'd like to think she'll be kinder to Carrot Top now (and I can see them even having a weekly get together or something; AJ because she wants a friend and respects CT, and CT to try to help AJ). I don't see her being fired or even punished too hard; she still did get fifth, after all. However, I can imagine that Big Mac takes over the lead on the farm for a week or two while AJ recovers. Also, I can see her thinking a little harder about if the life she's leading is good, and if she wants Apple Bloom to have that life someday (I see the arrangement as being that, once AB is old enough to take over the farm, then AJ maybe starts moving to Canterlot to take on higher up business positions in the Trust).
4. AB probably likes CT a lot more now, given all that CT did for her and her family.
5. And Trixie probably drank Berry Punch's entire bourbon supply at some point.
Obviously, I can change any of these things if the other L!verse writers don't like them.
And that's it for the story! 47k words, the longest MLP-fic I've written yet. Hope you all liked it, and I hope it leads to some good launching points for future stories in this verse.
(And thanks, of course, to RDD for making this amazing verse and opening it up for us all to play with).
875886: I don't see them as caring overmuch about the Founding Myth, AJ excepted (Orange never brought it up, as I recall, though he didn't seem to mind AJ believing it). As long as Applejack sells apples, she can believe whatever she wants. Her particular beliefs are usually helpful, but I can't see Crab Apple, for instance, caring (or really knowing) about something that happened hundreds of years ago.
875889: Yeah, I hope they reconcile too. I picture some long conversations about the future of the Trust and AB.
I also wanted to emphasize that, as aggressive as AJ is, I don't see her as being personally greedy. She doesn't dive into a giant vault full of bits and swim around like Scrooge McPony. She has a lot of money, but almost every bit is in her farm or the Trust.
Soooo......Applejack twisted what Granny Smith did up all in her head so that it meshed with her pride, stubbornness and need to be indispensable. Sad but consistent with any Applejack anytimeline.
Wow. This story was epic, and I can't praise it highly enough. I still really, really love your characterizations of both Carrot Top and Applejack. Very interesting rendition of the Apple Trust legend at the end, there - it reads like a retelling of the Hearth's Warming pageant, with a plant blight instead of a blizzard. And Granny Smith is an enigma, and she likes it that way. Wonderful story.
So she did "teleport" away, but she did learn a little and she's still just down the street.
Still close enough for Lunaverse tradition!
Flim and Flam. Well, just 'cause they're in jail doesn't mean they can't come back. Heck, they might be amazing swindlers and capable of negotiating their jail time significantly down.
Granny Smith is old....
875970: I have a feeling that this is one of those legends that twists and turns gradually, until a few hundred years later, Applejack heard the distorted version from her folks, who heard it from theirs, etc. Granny Smith knows better, but they don't always listen to her.
876201: Thanks! I'm glad you liked the characterizations of CT and AJ. And, yes, Granny Smith plays her cards close to the chest sometimes.
876206: Heh. Yes, once again the villain runs off and learns nothing. Tradition! :-)
That's why I left F&F the way I did -- they've been punished, they get their just desserts, but they're still in play for later if someone wants to bring them back.
And yes, Granny Smith certainly is.
Carrot Top is bestp ony! She can make friends with anypony! She's probably better at it than Pinkie Pie!
I write one story about her and read yours and BAM! She's my favorite! Heck I feel bad when bad things about to M!Carrot Top in fics completely unrelated to the Lunaverse, its kinda silly.
Thanks for another great story GrassAndClouds, I feel like I'm not even in your league
I'll work hard to catch up to you! 
Man, this story is some kind of epic.
Great ending, there. As for Granny... zap apples are wonderful things, eh?
I like the idea of the smaller farmers getting together. And yeah, right Element for Carrot Top.
Very nicely done! I particularly love the whole bit with Granny Smith.
Hah! Called it! And what are the bets that Carrot Top gets voted in as the head of the Union?
Loved the revised legend. Much better in my opinion. Heck, that would make a superb mane-verse legend with a touch of tweaking to match the flavor. Though it does make you wonder just what, or maybe who, was behind that blight.
Loved Granny Smith too. She seems like the kind of character that would make the bigwigs of the Trust grit their teeth just a little harder when dealing with because they know they can't actually get rid of her, and if they tried it would alienate a prime money earner of theirs.
Excellent work on Flim and Flam too. So that's how the Duke works. Sneaky bastard.
876888
Agreed!
Nice to see what happened with Flim and Flam espicially cause it meant we got to see what the Duke was capable of. That's important because even though he has only been using proxies, too many failures and he runs the risk of losing credibility as a villian.
I didn't expect AJ to have learnt very much but the seeds have been planted and the rest of her family are pretty cool so that will do for now.
Also I'm glad the boycott is lightening up. Applejack needed to be taught a lesson and shown that the town wouldn't put up with her crap but trying to cripple Sweet Apple Acres completely would not only hurt her but also her family, her workers and cut off the towns supply of apples (not exactly an essential resource but still not something you want to completely kill off).
This evolved very nicely. The start was a little shaky and nowhere near as nicely evolved as where this story ended. Very nice work taking us on this journey. Overall a very entertaining story. Do wish the "honesty" part of canon Applejack was a tad more evident but overall was a great bit of characterization for the Apple's in this universe. Also some nice added mystery what with Granny. Excellent work all in all, look forward to seeing more from you. Saved to my Kindle.
877119: "And your reward is... more work!"
I don't think it'd be Carrot Top. She was the catalyst, but I think Grape (who had the idea for the particular terms of the bet in the first place) would be in charge. CT's voice would probably be highly respected, though.
Excellent story.
Well I finally got around to finishing this, unfortunately, I can't say Ch12 helped any of the problems I brought up last chapter, actually it sort of made it all worse. Hearing Granny Smith's version of the legend only makes AJ sound even more pathetically deluded, even in the Lunaverse I can't imagine her being that ignorant if she had her grandmother to set her straight.
875891
That list of changes you mention is really another problem I have with this fic. Some people have said this fic was epic and I agree, but I'm seeing that as a bad thing. It's not that what you wrote was bad, rather I simply find it to be of far too grand a scope and scale for a mere episodic installment (where while some change can happen, mostly in the form of seeds for future stories, but there should always be a general sense of a return to status quo by the end).
Maybe it would be okay as a season 2 fic (where things would be expected to start changing), but here in season 1 it feels like we're losing too many of the Lunaverse's founding premises. The introduction of the farmer's union and AB gaining respect for CT are both things I can approve of (as the former was already hinted at in Boast Busted while the latter goes a long way to alleviating that L!AB is a rotten kid problem the the Lunaverse has been having), not so much the hit SAA is taking in the aftermath of the boycott. Most objectionably though is that CT gaining some measure of respect for AJ has destroyed the Unknown Rival trope that was going there, before we ever really had a chance to fully explore it.
I can appreciate everything you were trying to do with this story, but can't help feeling that you overwrote portions of it. Turning what could have been a great installment in the CT -vs- AJ rivalry into something of a canon killing wrecking-ball. I feel like you just tried to accomplish too much in one go, not only bringing the rivalry to a heat but basically putting an almost permanent end to it, as no future story trying to play that angle will ever be able to feel the same.
I feel like this is what the original mane six ponies are based on in this universe dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
img.ponibooru.org/_images/8bbf23e6d6987b5ca05890773a16c04b/66159%20-%20applejack%20Envy%20fluttershy%20Gluttony%20greed%20Lust%20pinkie_pie%20pride%20rainbowdash%20rarity%20sin%20sloth%20spike%20twilight_sparkle%20Wrath.jpg
It occurs to me, after a while, that Lunaverse AJ seems a lot like Lunaverse Celestia immediately prior to going full Tyrant Sun. They both have this same perception that they are the only ones who can be trusted with the fate of Equestria/Ponyville, which they have turned into an irrational possessiveness of their position. While Applejack's version might be milder, the two definitely have a lot in common.
Granny Smith is best zompony.
I really enjoyed this fic. A great read before bed, thanks.
(Thinking on the Windigos from other peoples comments way back when: Headcanon is their founding taught the crowd "So the Windigos look for fear and anger, we learned you need to pretend to be cheerful, even when you're planning on how to overtake your enemies, to fool this preternatural threat. The end."
This was definitely a real game-changer of an installment. There was a huge amount of character development, and the story was very suspenseful. I think the only problem I really had with it was the Apple Family accent. Reading Applejack and her family's dialogue phonetically, I don't get the idea of a southern drawl as hard as I try. You seem to have taken an expedient shortcut to indicating the accent by throwing a bunch of "a"s on the ends of words, dropping initial vowels and terminal consonants. This get's you a close approximation, but then you get stuff like using "ma" for "my," which I have never heard any southerner say before. Also, while plenty of southerners use "ya" in place of "you," there are times when it sounds inappropriate. Like when Applejack says accusingly, "Ya... ya..." She would definitely say "you" (or if you want to indicate more clearly the drawl, "yew"). Personally, I never liked the whole phonetic spelling to indicate an accent. I usually write in standard English and put in a few distinct southern grammar uses, trusting that anyone who's ever heard a southern drawl (which, if they've watched the show they have) will be able to pick it up just fine. I would especially recommend that for those who may not have a grasp of all the intricacies of the phonetics of a particular dialect, because it's really easy for the phonetic writing to get disruptive.
The story Granny Smith tells must be the true origins of the Apple-Trust.
Octavia and Lyra Heartstrings could have easily shared the fate of Flim & Flam. I do not feel bad for Flim & Flam because although they did not commit the crime, they are guilty of many other serious crimes. No matter how one cuts it, they deserve a long prison-sentence.
First things first: "ma" is not an appropriate spelling of "me" regardless of the accent.
More importantly, this story had excellent character development for Applejack. It showed how the mostly mild differences between this and the canon universe could produce such a seemingly drastic change in her personality, included at least a little specific evidence from the show that supported the interpretation, and ended with a chance at redemption from her mostly villainous past in the series. Great work.
This is easily one of the best Lunaverse stories I've read so far.
Grass, you did it first with music, and now you're doing it with food. You've again managed to take something that is difficult to portray in a written medium and made it seem interesting and engaging and made me more than a little hungry reading it.
More importantly than that, however, you went well over my expectations with the strength of the character interactions and development. Almost everypony gets a chance to show their true colors and how they hold up under pressure and punishment.
Better, especially for an installment of this length, the plot had a lot of twists and turns that kept you from getting burnt out on any one thread.
Best of all, however, it introduced consequences. At the end of the story. Something permanently changed for the better, and you can't sneer at that.
If I had any negatives, it's that the use of 'ma' as a replacement for 'me' lands like a brick almost every time it's used. I seem to recall Applejack and Apple Bloom being capable of using the word 'me' in the show.
Gotta say I really enjoyed this 'episode'. I have been pleasantly surprised by all the Lunaverse fics that I have read so far and this has been one of the best.
I rather enjoyed this.
I think what I really love about this story is your characterization of Applejack. It shows how someone can act like a total asshole while still being a decent pony and having the best intentions; and it extrapolates on her canonical flaws (pride, taking everyone upon herself) to create a kind of tragic figure, what Applejack would have been like without friends. Just like 'Boast Busted' showed us the tragic figure of a Twilight Sparkle without friends, and how it extrapolates and magnifies her flaws.
Also, I loved how Carrot Top showed Apple Bloom what kind of work she had to do. Also, that what made Applejack see Carrot Top as a decent pony was rescuing her sister; because no matter her flaws, she deeply cares for her family. It was also a good idea to have the other farmers gather together, to actually DO something about their situation that doesn't involve hurting anyone else.
Flam set down his bag and poured out their latest hall, a nicely sized amount of bits
1. Haul.
I have absolutely no idea how I missed this last chapter. Just went browsing today and, BAM! right in my face a chapter of a story that I thought I finished reading after all the chapters were published. Darn
Before I started reading, I was coming up with a Lunaverse story about Flim and Flam working against the Apple Trust/ Sweet Apple Acres.
Much to my surprise, they appeared in chapter two.
Now to see how Inspiration Manifestation comes out in the Lunaverse.
My headcanon: Trixie gets the book, and Snips helps her out of it. Because we all know how much Snips adores Trixie.
I really hope that happens.
4961900 Wait, did that idea get used in a later story? I haven't read a lot of the newer stories, so I wouldn't know.
Same fix as 4005573 pointed out.
It's a wonder that Granny Smith knew how the tale went, and yet Applejack has not been corrected yet on that front.
But at least there's hope now. Hope that she won't stay in that delusion forever.
For now, though, I suggest a round of Mr. Bourbon for everypony!
5177820
Apparently it wasn't in an episode, but if it was, I would have imagined it to have been in the Family Appreciation Day one.
Ok, I reallly liked this one. Maybe one of my top 10 episodes for this whole dang series.
I don't know what it is, maybe its the AJ development/this goes to show you just how much she needs the other Mane six as they need her. Maybe its the fact that I feel that Carrot was recieing the least amount of screentime at this point. I don't know and probably will have the proper answer when I do the live read/review. But I love it.
This was fantastic. It is very rare that any story gets me emotionally invested in AJ in any way, but you managed to not only get me interested in her but also play with my feelings towards her over the course of the story which is an absolutely amazing feat.
This easily will go in my top 10 most favorite lunaverse stories. Hey you know what I will post my top 10. ^^
Dang it, I already said everything I neede to say in the comment above.
Oh well, here's the link to the first chapter
5915677 Either that or she's 1/4 sheep and was adopted by pirates.
7185607 Yeah.
One question. What does Aj kicking the bucket in coverart mean exactly? Is it some kind of symbolism?
7934202 Yeah. That's always a plus
For those who've never heard of Shokugeki No Soma.
Manga Link.
http://ww3.cartooncrazy.net/watch/food-wars-shokugeki-no-soma-episode-1-english-dubbed/
and the Abridged Series.
After that series. This fic is even better, although kinda sad that nopony has explosive orgasm cooking skills. But still this fic makes me think of that series.
7936401
Just saw this reply. And yep, it's one of my top 3 AUs. (This AU; Savage Skies; and LAB's The Hive series are the best AU's on this fandom IMO.).
At the end of this wonderful story I got horribly disappointed.
I wasted my like in the middle of it.
9149816
Why did you get disappointed?