Btw, it's "Frou-Frou" or "froufrou" - see this link ('froo froo' isn't very French sounding, heh.)
A few corrections:
Applebloom shouted towards the passerbys. Missing 'l', wrong use of apostrophe. Though that sounds like a fun name for a mad scientist Apple family member, one who devised a way of making apples explosive so they could be used by artillery.
She was standing in front of Caramel's Apple Cart, the orangish colt doing his best to fill his customers' orders as the sun hit the center of the sky, signaling that it was lunch time. a) Applebloom is a filly, silly! b) his -> her
"Lam sakes As far as I can see, you must mean either "Lan sakes", "Land sakes" or "Lan' sakes". "Lam" means something quite different .. it's usually used like "On the lam" (meaning on the run from the law)
In general, you tend to go to a new line instead of doing a full paragraph break (a blank line between paragraphs). This hurts readability's feelings and makes it want to cry .
As for the actual plot and characterization, I approve and this is relevant to my interests
Haha, poor Apple Jack XD I feel for the gal.
Can't wait to see where the next chapter picks up.
Have a good one.
this is a long book but the chapters are short witch is the opposite of other tragic books i read on here
just to let you know on chapter two and other chapters will talking about applejack and rainbow dash sometimes you said he or him not her
Btw, it's "Frou-Frou" or "froufrou" - see this link ('froo froo' isn't very French sounding, heh.)
A few corrections:
Applebloom shouted towards the passerbys.
Missing 'l', wrong use of apostrophe.
Though that sounds like a fun name for a mad scientist Apple family member, one who devised a way of making apples explosive so they could be used by artillery.
She was standing in front of Caramel's Apple Cart, the orangish colt doing his best to fill his customers' orders as the sun hit the center of the sky, signaling that it was lunch time.
a) Applebloom is a filly, silly!
b) his -> her
"Lam sakes
As far as I can see, you must mean either "Lan sakes", "Land sakes" or "Lan' sakes".
"Lam" means something quite different .. it's usually used like "On the lam" (meaning on the run from the law)
In general, you tend to go to a new line instead of doing a full paragraph break (a blank line between paragraphs). This hurts readability's feelings and makes it want to cry .
As for the actual plot and characterization, I approve and this is relevant to my interests
565576
I think that orangish colt was caramel, he just wasnt names.
"She hadn't even noticed Applejack running from the library, her face the same color of the apples she bucked."
What happens if she started bucking green apples?
7582855 Interesting question Its a pretty funny thing to think about