Young girl who had a love for ponies (G3.5) and is now even more in love with the current version!
Fitting in at a new school isn't really that hard. Neither is making good friends with neighbours! But the children on Lightning Tile and Ember Sunrise don't think that it's the best thing.
But how can they not love it?! It's a fresh start! New friends and a new life! What could be better? And even if things start out bad, they always end up being just right!
"Sex" tag added because of sexual jokes. (YES I SUFFERED THOSE FOR TWO YEARS IN SCHOOL!
TWO PAINFUL YEARS!!!
)
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I could've sworn the synopsis was different. Did you change it?
7600584
ya i did cuz the other one didnt make sense to me XD
>calling your character Lightning Tile
>my pet goanna could come up with better names than that
7600885
r u sayin dat Lighting Tile isn't a good name? cuz u know this story is just me writing about my feelings and expreiences when i moves 3 years ago. im Scarlet, and my younger brother and sister are Heaven Wings and Thunder Clap and they're twins. my mom is Ember Sunrise, and my dad is Lighting Tile. so... uh.... what do u mean by that? and with ur pet comin up with better names than Lighting Tile... im not sure if thats a hate comment or.... uh... i dunno kay? but srsly wat do u mean?!
You're honestly not a bad writer. You have a good grasp of grammar and construction and with some more practice, you could be really good. This story isn't even bad. It's not that interesting in my opinion (because OC moving to a new city, usually Canterlot, has been done to death) but that doesn't mean it's bad by any stretch. What I take issue with is that you haven't done enough to make me excited about reading it. You've also got a lot of OCs and to be honest, I had trouble remembering who was who. Name drops aren't bad but you've got to make sure they're distinct enough to be memorable. My other issue is this:
How you present yourself on this site, whether it's through your stories, comments, user page, or anything else, is extremely important. Your comment made me suspect that the story was going to be an absolute train wreck, yet I was pleasantly surprised to find the opposite (which is why I left a thumbs-up). In the future, I recommend that you adopt a more formal way of commenting and responding to comments. That will encourage readers to take you more seriously, which never hurts. I'm not saying to write every comment as if you were addressing the Queen but making an effort to sound more mature and serious will result in good things.
It's "your", not "ur".
It's "because" or " 'cause", not "cuz".
I know shorthand is handy and popular but it has its place. I would refrain from using it to respond to people in comments, especially considering how many readers might be more mature and therefore, respect and appreciate more formal vernacular.
Anyway, that's my two bits. Have a wonderful day.
7605439
But thanks for your comment! I'll try and keep my own comments written better, and about the OCS.... I practically live in an OC world. And the family that is moving is basically my family. I moved three years ago so I felt like writing a story about it with me OC and my brother and sister's OC trying to navigate a new school and niebourhood. I also am really bad at spelling though. I always double-check my stories because of my grammar.
But anyways, I had a good time reading your comment. Bye!
Heh, thanks! Sorry about that comment. I'm not really the one to use proper sleeping in my comments. I do put a lot of time and effort in my work, I get good reviews and bad ones, don't really bother me. But the thing is that with that comment, I was just confused and in a hurry since I had a dentist appointment...