Chapter 21: The Kingdom of Champions
Chapter 21
The Kingdom of Champions
The old mare quietly rocked back and forth in her chair. By the glow of the fire, she could see the despondent, let down faces of the foals who were huddled under the blanket on the couch. Each of the little foals was trying to fight back tears, and she knew it was because of her reprimanding them earlier when they got upset. But, it didn't stop the pegasus filly from sniffling.
"Grandma...this is a really stupid story," the earth pony colt said.
"I don't want to hear the rest," the unicorn filly whispered.
"Why's that? It wasn't even an hour ago that you couldn't wait to hear more," the old mare said.
"But, that was before Rex won," her grandson answered.
It was truly disheartening for the old mare to see her young audience so downtrodden. For their young lives, they had only known hope and peace. And it was always reinforced by the stories they read about brave heroes who triumphed over every adversity imaginable. Heroes like Daring Do and the Bearers of Harmony, who no matter what was thrown at them always wound up on top in the end. This story, however, was a completely different light for the foals.
"Now, foals, you knew completely well that the Goof Knight was going to lose. What does it matter now that we've reached that part of the story?" the old mare asked.
"Yeah. But...I didn’t want him to lose," the pegasus filly sniffled.
"Oh, honey. I know it sounds sad, but it all happened for the better."
"Better how? Nothing good can happen anymore," the earth pony colt said.
The old mare sighed again at the foals before her. She understood it was difficult for anypony so young to grasp such an abstract concept, but decided that if the foals didn't learn about it now, they might never in their lives. To begin her lesson, she stood up and walked to the couch where the foals sat.
"Grandma?" the earth pony colt asked, unsure of what his grandmother was doing.
"Scoot over. I have something I want to tell you," the old mare said.
The three foals all scooted apart, just as the old mare instructed. The old, gray mare took her seat between her grandson and the unicorn filly, before reaching to grab the edges of the blanket and huddled them all underneath it.
"Now, I know it might seem like a strange thing to think about. But, even by losing, the Goof Knight still won in the end," the old mare said.
"How?" the unicorn filly wondered.
"You see, even if he did lose to Rex, his legend still spread far and wide, and became embellished by authors the world over. You foals probably don't know this, but there's even a movie being made about his adventures too. And through his stories, he spread hope and inspiration to where there was none," the old mare explained. "Now, think about somepony like Rex. Even though he won, and became the king, he was completely forgotten. And by those he is remembered, we only think of him as a horrible, evil, contemptuous monster that nopony could ever love. The only ponies who even remember him are ponies like me, and the Trottingham royal family. In this sense, who do you think is the winner?"
The foals were silent again. They were busy trying to process what was told to them, and slowly came to agree with what the old mare was saying.
"How did he do it?" the earth pony colt wondered.
"Do what?" His grandmother asked.
"How was it that the Goof Knight is remembered so well, but Rex isn't?" The pegasus filly asked.
Clearly, the foals were on the same page.
In her many years, the old mare had a lot of time to think about such things. And it was many years ago that she completely understood why.
"Because, no matter what he was put up against, the Goof Knight always kept trying. For the sake of his son, and for all those who were downtrodden. Even after he was defeated, he never stopped trying to win. He was nothing like the heroes you read about in the stories, who are clever, witty, strong and brave. He was likely the complete opposite of all of them. But, it was his spirit, and his will to do good for others that kept him going. And through it all, he had his friends who saw him through the most difficult of times. Friends like me."
The foals all went silent. An aura of awe practically shone about them. They already knew the old mare met the Goof Knight, but never imagined she was friends with him.
"Y...You mean..." the earth pony colt stammered.
He didn't need to finish. His grandmother nodded, before answering. "That's right. I was there. I fought alongside The Goof Knight, against Theronicus Rex."
"Then, do you know how the story really ended?" The unicorn filly asked.
"I do, honey. I do."
The air hung gloomy in the lounge where Pinkie, Dash and Goofy were all preparing to fight in the next match. In spite of their best efforts, they failed to save the kingdom of Trottingham. Now, because of their failure, Trottingham was under the rule of Theronicus Rex.
Normally, Rainbow Dash would have been warming up for the next round against Rex, but after her defeat she wasn't up to much. She simply laid in her cot, holding an ice pack to her bruised stomach.
Pinkie wasn't faring much better either. As the time passed, her mane slowly deflated, until it was nearly completely limp. Periodically, it would inflate slightly, but it was only a passing happenstance.
Goofy too was feeling the heavy stress of the loss. He had hoped that defeating Rex would win him his son back, but that endeavor was long gone.
Quick Quill felt the heavy gloom around herself. Ever since Rex had abducted her, her whole life had changed for the worse. However, she knew things were worse for Goofy, who she knew was grieving over his son. Her mind went back to earlier when she hesitated to tell Goofy what had become of Max, and felt a pang of guilt for the worried father.
Slowly, she walked up behind him, knowing that this was the last thing he needed to hear, but didn't want to keep the truth from him.
"Goofy," she said to him.
"This is it, Quill," Goofy said. "It's my last chance to get my son back."
"Yes. I...I understand that," Quill sighed. "Tell me: do you have any other family back in your home?"
"Just muh dad. After my wife passed away, him an' muh boy are all I got. Whut about you? Ain't you got sumbuddy back home waitin' for yuh tuh win?" Goofy asked.
"Uh..." Quill quietly choked on her opening words, but answered as best she could. "T...To be completely frank: no."
Nearby Dash and Pinkie's ears perked up. Pinkie's first instinct was to try and elicit a smile from anypony in the room. But, remembering what Dash had told her earlier about a time and a place, she kept quiet and listened.
"I don't actually have any family back home. No mother and father. No siblings. No aunts, or uncles, or grandparents. Not even a husband and foals. And, I'm not sure my friends, however few, even know I'm gone," Quill answered. "I've given my life to my authoring career, and now look: I'm about to go off to get pulverized into oblivion. And who would miss me? Nopony."
"I might," Goofy said.
"No, no. You don't need to be polite. I don't have anything to lose or gain from this charade. Essentially, I'm just ballast on your expedition."
"Aw, come on. I known plenny o' ballast dancers whut made somethin' of themselves. An' I bet sum of 'em didn't have families either."
"No, Goofy. I mean--" Quill began.
"He means that you mean more to us than you think, Quill," Dash interjected.
"Now, how can that be? It was only hours ago that I was hoping to escape this horrible place."
"But, you're also the one that showed us how important winning this competition is," Pinkie said. "You told us how you saw firsthoof all the horrible things Rex did. Like, I've known meanies before, but he's in a whole different ballpark."
"And you helped us by rallying the whole stadium against Rex and his thugs. I mean, you got everypony watching to start attacking at the drop of a hoof. I've been watching jousting matches since I was a foal, and I never saw a squire do something like that," Dash added.
"An' yuh found muh son fer me. So, when this match is over, whether we win or we lose, I'm countin' on yuh to take me to him an' get him outta here," Goofy added.
Quill felt another pain in her chest. She debated whether she should tell Goofy about what happened or not, but was interrupted by a weasel opening the door.
"Eh-heh-heh-heh. So, who's ready for a--*GUH-HULP!!*" was all the weasel managed to say, before Goofy, Dash and Pinkie all burst out the door and trampled the weasel again.
Quick Quill followed timidly after, not nearly as boldly and confidently as her friends.
"Friends?" Quill thought to herself. In the end, if this was where she met her demise, she would go down with those who cared, and she cared about in turn. She almost started walking, but noticed a bit of dust on her hoof, which she promptly wiped off on the weasel's back, like he was a doormat.
"I gotta get a different gig..." the weasel groaned, before the rest of the fighters all filed out and trampled him.
"This is it. The final push," Rex said, as he placed his rhino-horned faceplate on. "Once this is over, nobody will dare challenge the might of Yen Sid's champion."
The weasels in the room all set about their chores: loading artillery, tightening nuts and bolts, checking for torn treads and the like.
"Polish your hooves before the show, your highness?" one weasel with an oily cloth asked.
"If you must," Rex said.
"Yeah. The king's gotta look good for his subjects," the weasel said, before he spit on Rex's hoof and started shining it with his rag. "An' ya know, we all got yer back here. If ya ever need somethin' done discreetly, you know who to call."
The weasels in the room all started chuckling deviously, until Rex bucked the one polishing his hooves into a crate full of explosive shells. The weasels fumbled to keep the volatile explosives from going off, and breathed a collective sigh of relief when they succeeded.
"None of you are going to help me," Rex said, calm and collected as ever. "If I'm going to show them what force they're dealing with, I'll have to do this myself."
Goofy, Dash and Pinkie all stepped out into the brightly lit fighting area. The day had passed well past sunset, and the tiltyard had been refurbished into a grand arena. Weapon racks were set up, and for reasons not apparent it looked like barricades for cover were placed too.
All the fighters from the black door approached the center of the ring, where the crowd all cheered as best they could for them. They were joined by all of the fighters from the white door, just before the emcee took his place on the platform on the sidelines.
"Alright! Shut yer hay lickers!" he shouted into his mic. "As you all know, this ain't exactly on the regular program. It's more like a formality. An exhibition to show you why Theronicus Rex is your king."
A throng of boos sounded loudly from the crowd, and the weasel was bombed with litter.
"Aw, go suck a daisy!" the emcee said. "I wanna haul my heiney home, so I'll just cut to the quick. Comin' in to show you his real might is the indomitable, incredible, the indestructible Theronicus Rex!!"
The emcee pointed to an enormous bay door, which slowly opened. A dark shadow could be seen within, and walked out to reveal itself.
Rex walked out on all fours, his head held high as his armor shone in the lights. On his back, his headless mannequin held fast to his reins. But, that was not all Rex had brought with him.
What looked like a lance in the dummy's arm turned out to be a cannon. Attached to the cannon was the rest of the artillery. Dragged out by heavy treads, Rex revealed himself to be hitched up to a heavily armored chariot. On the side of the chariot, there was stenciled in white paint the name in enormous letters, 'T. REX.'
Quill noted that it was made of the same materials she had seen in those boxes when she was looking for an escape route earlier. This was what Rex was planning for.
Rex dug his hoof deep into the ground, and whinnied loudly enough that he shattered the lights around him.
Seeing their opponent shrouded in darkness, not one of the fighters was ready when all of a sudden Rex came bursting forth. This was where he intended to end it all, and run them down in one swift go.
"Hit the dirt!!!" somepony called from within the crowd of fighters.
There was barely any time to move as Rex plowed through the entire group.
Dash tried pushing her friends out of the way, but was too late.
Quick Quill was the only one of her friends who managed to escape, and watched helplessly as Dash, Pinkie and Goofy were run down.
Deep indentations were impressed into the ground. Quill rushed over, and felt her stomach turn when she saw a crushed washtub was all that remained of her friends.
Suddenly, the washtub popped up out of the hole, and revealed Goofy, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie all huddled underneath it.
Quill was beyond words for the mix of shock and relief she felt. Even as the four of them looked at the warped washtub that had saved all of their lives.
"Gawrsh..." Goofy exhaled, realizing he almost traded in his mop for a harp and a halo.
Rex was pleased with the results so far. He knew he had run down the goofs that had given him so much trouble before, and turned in a wide arch to face his remaining opponents.
"What the--!!?" Rex said, when he saw the goofs no worse for wear. That was no matter. He wanted a chance to test his new weapon anyway. Shrugging his shoulder, he moved the dummy on his back to aim the cannon it held. With another shrug, a lever on the cannon was pulled.
Back in the middle of the arena, everypony heard a loud whistling noise.
"Fireworks?" Pinkie wondered.
She and her three other friends turned to see an explosive shell come flying toward them, and screamed loudly before running as fast as they could away.
An incredible explosion sent them all flying. Each of them landed rolling on the ground. It was a stroke of luck that Quill crashed into a rack of weapons that two other ponies were hiding behind.
Axes, swords and spears stuck into the ground before her. She would never know how to use them, but she knew her friends could put them to good use. Quickly, she gathered the weapons and piled them up.
"We can't win like this!" Quill said.
"You're right!" said one of the ponies who was hiding before. "I was the champion jouster before Rex came! I've got to defend my title! For Trottingham's sake!"
Feeling emboldened, the pony took a sword in his teeth, and charged bravely toward Rex.
Rex was now running laterally to his opponents, and the side of his chariot opened up to reveal a battery of cannons. The cannons fired rapidly, creating tiny explosions when their artillery landed on the ground in front of their target.
The charging pony screamed, and returned to the others, where Goofy and Pinkie had already set up a barricade with the weapon racks and wooden covers that Rex had set up.
More ponies had joined them in their shelter. Some of them were huddled up next to Goofy, who used his washtub like an umbrella against any potential explosives raining down on them.
"Gawrsh! It sounds like the beaches o' Normandy out there!" Goofy said.
"We've got to get away from here! We can't fight Rex head on, even with weapons!" Dash said.
"But, what can we do? There isn't any way to get out of this place!" Pinkie said, as she covered her ears to protect them from the sound of the explosions.
"Make believe. Inspiration is the key," Quill thought to herself. As somepony who made a living off of make believe, she was now applying it to her real life, just as Pinkie taught her. "Thrown to a dungeon by a jealous lover, the heroine is trapped with a cragadile. The deep water slows her movements. The beast thrashes about, its every move meant to destroy her. Escape seems hopeless."
Her eyes went to the bay doors, which had shut since Rex arrived.
"There is a culvert that is blocked by an iron grate. The heroine is not strong enough to break it."
A shot from Rex's cannon exploded nearby.
"But, the cragadile is!!" Quill finished aloud.
"Cragadile! Where!?" asked one of the ponies.
"Don't tell me that monster's got pets!" said another.
"Everypony!" Quill said, "We need to get Rex to aim his cannon at that door!"
"Easier said than done! I could do that no problem if I could fly! But, I got nothing right now!" Dash said.
The sound of Rex charging toward them forced them all to scramble. Every one of the ponies in cover ran as fast as their hooves would carry them, just as Rex plowed through their cover.
The champ's cannon fired repeatedly over the crowd, creating panic among the fighters.
Goofy frantically traipsed over the tops of the wooden barricades that were lain out. The whole time, he shielded himself under his washtub.
One of Rex's shots blew up directly under Goofy, making him fly high into the air.
"AAAHH-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOOOOOY!!!"
Goofy let go of his washtub in midair, which landed on the ground before he started plummeting.
The washtub landed on its side, while the goof landed directly on top of it.
Goofy's feet frantically traipsed as he tried to stay atop his improvised log roll. It was only seconds later that he crossed paths with Rex, who he and his headless dummy both turned to glare at the goof, before every weapon on the chariot was aimed at him.
"GAAA--AAAWRRRSH!!!!" Goofy shouted, as he quickly veered to the side, and hopped over the multitude of ponies and wooden barricades.
Behind him, Rex plowed through every obstacle, firing his cannon to demolish the goof.
Quick Quill took advantage of the situation, and stood in front of the bay doors. She put her hooves in her mouth and whistled loudly.
"Goofy! Over here!!" she shouted.
Goofy obeyed the command, seeing that Quill was attempting to execute her plan. Pedaling his feet faster, the goof sped toward the novelist atop his rolling washtub.
This was going to be it. After the next shot, she would move out of the way, and the ponies would be on their way to freedom.
Rex picked up his pace, and slowly caught up behind Goofy. He motioned his body so his dummy activated a lever behind it.
Heavy spears thrusted forward from the chariot, surrounding Rex on every one of his contours.
The tips of the spears came closer, which made Goofy yelp as one touched his rump.
For as fast as Rex was, he was still slowed down by his heavy chariot. He aimed his cannon at Goofy, and opened fire.
Goofy hitched up his pants, which hitched up his entire body with it and allowed the explosive shell to pass between his stretched out legs.
Quill had no time at all to marvel at the magic she had seen, and quickly dove out of the way of the oncoming shell.
The explosion worked. A hole had been blown into the bay doors, which was now a door to freedom.
Again, Quill had no time to marvel. She quickly jumped back when Goofy came screaming past her on his washtub. After him, she had to press her back against the wall to avoid getting gouged by Rex's spears. For a brief moment, she saw the champ's eyes looking directly at her, before his chariot swung toward herself.
Quill had to suck in her gut to avoid getting smashed by the chariot, and exhaled deeply after it passed. She watched as Rex continued to fire at Goofy, while he plowed through the obstacles that were laid out. Rex was not simply charging blindly, or errantly firing his cannon. He had his sights set squarely on Goofy and the others.
"Alright, ponies! That's your ticket out of here! Let's get moving!" Dash said, as she hustled the ponies toward the exit.
There was an explosion nearby, after Rex missed hitting Goofy.
"You're going to be roadkill when I'm done with you!! You and those other goofs!!" Dash heard Rex bellow.
"Run, Rainbow Dash!!!!" Goofy shouted, as he pedaled atop his washtub past her.
Dash looked, and saw Rex charging straight for her. She grabbed the last pony out of cover, and dove to the side, just as Rex came plowing past her. Dash had to keep both her's and the other pony's heads low when a blade came slicing out of the side of the chariot.
"Pinkie, get these ponies out of here! I'll help handle Rex," Dash said.
"Right-o, Dashie!" Pinkie said, before rushing off to safely see the ponies to the exit.
Rex turned wide and circled to face Goofy again. Now, he was charging to t-bone the goof and take him off his washtub.
Goofy screamed loudly as the champ came closer and aimed his cannon.
A shot was fired and a blue blur shoved Goofy out of the way.
The explosive shell exploded into the ground in front of Rex, momentarily blinding the champ from all the flying dirt and debris. He turned, and saw what had stolen his quarry.
Rainbow Dash was running behind Goofy, pushing the washtub faster than the goof could keep his feet on it.
"Wo-ow!!" Goofy shouted, as he fell over backwards onto Dash's back.
Dash bucked the washtub back to Goofy's arm.
"Stick with me, Goof! I'm faster than he is, even with you on my back!" Dash said.
"Thanks! I been doin' cally-sthenics!" Goofy said.
"Get your mop ready! We need to fight that guy!"
"An' how!"
Taking advantage of Rex's slower turns, Dash made a sharp turn, while Goofy readied his mop for attack.
Rex turned wide, and circled his opponents as they turned, and opened the side of his chariot to fire his array of explosives.
"Don't this guy ever run outta ammo!!?" Goofy said, as he bounced around on Dash's back, as she wove through the explosions around her.
"Moment of truth, Goof! Chaarrge!!" Dash shouted, as she veered sharply and rushed directly toward Rex.
In a flash, Rex activated the frontal defenses, and his array of spears sprang forth.
Dash focused her mind and looked for an opening. The only spot where Rex's spears did not extend was directly in his front. She would need to run directly toward him, and find a way to avoid getting flattened. The space beneath his chariot looked wide enough to go under. If she were really, really skinny. But, if Goofy believing he was a king could make his reflection move a picture of a crown, she could do something similar.
She was performing a stunt for a crowd. She was going to pass through a smaller gap than any pegasus has ever tried. At top speed! And, for added drama, she would do it with her eyes closed!
"Dash! What're yuh doin'!? Open yer eyes!!" Goofy panicked.
Rex was upon them sooner than he knew.
The plan worked when Goofy and Dash approached the champ, avoiding every one of his spears, but nothing could prepare the goof for when his mop was caught on the bladed rhinoceros horn of Rex's faceplate. Worse still, he seemed to remain still as the bladed horn sliced right through the mop, and Dash slid out beneath him.
Dash imagined herself performing her trick for the crowd, and unknown to her she morphed herself skinnier than she ever was in her life, slid under Rex's chariot, and returned to her normal bulk on the other side.
"Wow...!" Dash said.
"WOO-OOOW!!!" Goofy said, as he clung tightly to Rex's face.
The champ finally managed to shake Goofy off.
The goof went flying through the air, and landed next to Dash on the ground. Next to him landed his mop, broken and useless. Between him and Dash, Rex's faceplate crashed blade down in the dirt.
Dash and Goofy both sat up, and watched Rex stop after he turned to face them.
The champ shouted loudly as he flexed his muscles.
As if to follow his command, the chariot behind him brandished every weapon it had at its disposal. Missile batteries popped out of the top. Saw blades wheeled out of the sides. Explosive arrays aimed out the sides. Flamethrowers mounted themselves onto Rex's yoke. Spears thrusted forward all around Rex's front. Finally, the cannon held in the headless dummy's arm aimed downward, directly at his opponents.
"Horse apples..." Goofy said.
"Gawrsh..." Dash answered.
There came a loud *ka-thunk* noise, as another explosive shell was loaded.
Dash scrambled to her hooves as Goofy desperately climbed onto her back. He only managed to get his front half on, while his legs dragged in the dirt behind him.
Rex chased after them. He knew he was slowed down considerably when he was dragging his heavy chariot around, but he had this weapon designed to fix such a flaw.
The dummy on his back moved to crank a lever on the side of Rex's hitch, and the back of the chariot opened up to reveal a jet engine. Fire flared from the engine's thrusters, and soon Rex was closing in on his opponents.
Goofy heard a sound behind him, and turned his head to see Rex's bloodshot visage growing ever closer.
"GIDDAP, STEED!!!!!!" Goofy shouted, as he used his feather duster as a riding crop.
The mouth of Rex's cannon was growing closer. Close enough to snag Goofy by his collar and start lifting him from Dash's back.
Goofy quickly pulled himself out of his shirt, and rode shirtless on Dash's back, just as a shot was fired. Quickly, he put himself back into his shirt, and unhooked it from the cannon.
Rex was growing even closer. Dash would need to get alongside him to avoid his spears and cannon. She veered to the side and allowed Rex to pass.
As they rode alongside one another, Rex swung his head to throw Goofy off of Dash's back.
Goofy took the full brunt of the force, but instead of falling off, he simply went spinning around her sides.
"OW!" the goof said, as his head hit the ground, before he spun up Dash's other side, and was spun around by Rex's head again, "OW!"
Rex was going too fast to stay beside them for long. The flamethrower on his yoke shot a blaze toward both mount and rider.
Goofy took the bucket off his head, and caught the entire stream of fire inside the metal pail.
"HOT!! HOT!! HOT!! HOT!!" Goofy shouted, as he fumbled with his bucket. He threw his bucket into the air, where the fire within blew wildly about, like the air was just let out of a balloon, until the smoking bucket landed back on top of Goofy's head. "HOOOOOOOT!!!!"
That was the least of their worries, as a buzzing sound alerted Dash to jump. Rex had run further past them, and the buzzsaws on his chariot threatened to take off Dash's legs.
She jumped, and spread her wings, imagining she was stunt-flying once more. Her hooves danced their way up many more blades that popped out at increasingly elevated levels on the chariot.
Dash avoided them all as if she were performing stunts for a crowd, even thrown in a loop as she walked across the flat surfaces of the many popping blades. It was almost as natural as performing for a crowd. Except, the only spectator was a goof screaming for dear life as the blades threatened him too.
Dash landed back on the ground, and the danger of the blades had passed. Now, they were faced with the explosive arrays that Rex had opened up.
Goofy screamed loudly as he took the broom off his back, and started sweeping the fired explosives away like dust.
Rex was starting to turn. However, he had not anticipated the extra momentum his firing engine granted him. Slowly, the treads on his chariot started lifting from the ground, forcing the champ to compensate for the overbalance. An incident not unnoticed by Rainbow Dash and Goofy.
Up on top, the missile batteries took aim, and Dash could see they were aimed straight toward Pinkie as she was leading the others to safety.
Rex was passing by them, and Dash veered to the side to avoid being burned by the engine on the back of the chariot.
"Goofy!" Dash said, "Pinkie needs help!!"
Goofy looked ahead, seeing Pinkie's distinctively colored coat standing out greatly from the other ponies.
He stood up on Dash's back, took his washtub, and threw it like a discus across the arena just as Rex fired his missile battery.
"Come on, ponies!! Hustle! Scram! Vamoose! There's a mad king out to get us with a mean streak like a manticore with a thorn in its paw!!" Pinkie said, as she hustled the ponies along.
In the corner of her vision, Pinkie saw a trail of smoke coming toward her. She screamed loudly, until she was hit squarely by Goofy's washtub, which shielded her just before the miniature missiles hit her.
Pinkie was spun around by the first hit, and fell on her flank.
Through her dizzy double vision, she saw more missiles coming toward her.
"ACK!!!!" Pinkie shouted, before she stood up and shielded herself with the washtub.
Pinkie spun when she was hit again, and with each spin saw the next missile coming in to blow up the ponies she was protecting.
Bravely, she scuttled forward like a duck in a shooting gallery and took the hit on her makeshift shield.
A direct hit, and she spun around and scuttled to where the next missile would impact.
The ponies she was guiding stopped to watch the spectacle, getting the feeling they were a part of some gruesome carnival game.
"Don't just stand there! The exit's that way!!" Pinkie said, pointing to the open door, before she was blown into the wall.
The washtub managed to spare her from the missile, but she was still groggy from being embedded into the wall. And had no time to react when more missiles came flying toward her.
Quicker than she knew, she was pulled out of the wall by somepony's hoof, who helped her dive to safety, just as the wall was impacted.
"Are you alright?" asked the familiar Yokeshire accent.
Pinkie's head cleared slightly. Just enough to realize she was being held in Cream Filling's hooves.
"Oh...my hero..." Pinkie dreamily swooned.
"Ah...right," Cream Filling answered, with a smile.
Any other time, this would have been a pleasant rendezvous. Now, the moment was ruined as a missile flew over them and blew up against the wall.
Pinkie quickly rolled over and covered them both under the washtub, protecting them from the debris. She popped up and placed the washtub to her side.
"Run! Before you get gooified and turned into real cream filling!" Pinkie said.
"But--" Cream Filling tried to protest.
"I'll be fine! Me and my friends can handle that monster horse!"
Cream Filling looked into Pinkie's eyes a moment, before conceding to her will. He reached into his mane and gave her the last of his personal effects.
"Right," he said, as he hoofed Pinkie the last of his cupcakes, and a half bottle of hot sauce, "That's all I got left. Put them to good use, won't you."
With one last smile, Pinkie turned and ran back to the fray with the washtub on her back.
"Wait for me, my knight in pastry armor!" she called back to Cream Filling.
Cream Filling watched briefly, as Pinkie hopped inside of the washtub, and started rolling along the edges to block more of the oncoming missiles. Wishing her the best of luck, he turned and ran out the open door.
Quick Quill waited by the door, monitoring each of the ponies as they departed. Once the last pony left through the door, she looked out to the battlefield where her friends valiantly fought against the mad king and his death machine. She knew she had done her part, but at the same time felt like it was not enough. However she felt, she knew she stood no chance against Rex as she was and exited through the door.
Pinkie spun around inside the washtub, and was spun and bounced around by the explosions that bombarded her.
The approaching sound of massive hooves made her blood run cold, as she felt the washtub impacted by something large and blunt. She flew into the air, flipping like a coin, and saw Rex's weaponized chariot below herself.
She landed hard on the ground, and the washtub fell onto her back so that her head, legs and tail stuck out like a turtle.
Rex turned wider than normal with his jet-powered chariot, and fired a ballistic array at Pinkie.
Pinkie scuttled across the battlefield like a terrapin track star, speeding along and bouncing every time her back was hit by an explosive.
Rex turned to bombard Pinkie with more missiles, and aimed his cannon at her. Until he was intercepted by a broom across his face.
Dash and Goofy rode up alongside Pinkie, as she returned to wheeling around inside the washtub.
"You holding up alright in there?" Dash called.
"How do you think I'm feeling!?! I'm running like socks in a dryer!!" Pinkie said.
"Then wouldn't ya go missin' when ya stop?!" Goofy said.
An explosion made them all diverge. They quickly re-converged after the danger passed.
"We need to take out that chariot he's pulling!" Dash said.
"How! He's unstoppable! He's like a bad egg that ruins a batch of cupcakes!!" Pinkie said.
"Me and Goof came up with something! But, we need you to keep him busy!"
"What!!?"
"Trust us, Pinkie! I got just the thing tuh throw a wrench in his works!" Goofy said.
Placing her trust in her friends, Pinkie decided to go along with the plan, just as another explosion blew them away from each other.
Through her spinning vision, Pinkie saw Rex making a wide turn to attack the others. And she was right in his path.
Pinkie screamed, and quickly rushed out of the way. However, she was still clipped by the edge of the tank treads on the side of the chariot.
Around and around Pinkie spun. It was only sheer luck that the washtub was between her and the sawblades that swung out to cut her.
Rex was continuing his major turn, the roar of his engine mingling with the beating of his powerful hooves and the terrified shouts of the crowd. The thunderous cacophony was joined by Rex aiming his cannon, and firing at Dash and Goofy.
With a quick turn, they were both easily able to avoid getting blown up.
Rex growled from having missed the two goofs. No matter. He would get them on his next turn. He started turning widely, and opened the side of his chariot. Perhaps he turned too sharply, as the chariot started tilting to the side.
Firmly planting his hooves in the ground, Rex and his carriage remained upright. His sights were reset to Pinkie, who was still spinning madly inside the washtub.
"I'm gonna huuuurl!!!" Pinkie shouted, as she spun by.
Rex clenched his teeth, and started chasing after the pink mare.
Pinkie wove from side to side as explosions rained around her. Whatever her friends were planning, she hoped they would execute it very soon.
"Turn, Pinkie!!" Goofy shouted, as he and Dash rode by.
Pinkie did as instructed, and started turning as sharply as she could. Unfortunately, she was still hit by one last fired shell.
"Pinkie!!" Dash and Goofy both shouted.
The washtub landed face down, and they both felt their chests clutch when they didn't see it move.
From underneath, Pinkie's head, tail and legs all popped out, and she resumed running like a turtle. Albeit a dizzy turtle.
After the sigh of relief, they returned their attention to Rex, who was turning sharply again to face his opponents.
"Get ready, Goof!" Dash called to her rider.
Goofy stood up on Dash's back, and raised his broom like a javelin. His eyes carefully set upon the treads on the side of the chariot closest to him, just as the treads on the far side started to rise.
It was his only shot. Goofy spun around as he threw his broom as hard as he could.
The broom handle flew through the air, and lodged itself into the spinning wheels that turned the treads. The wheels jammed, sending a jolt through the chariot that shook its living locomotion.
The shock of it all was too much for Rex, who shouted loudly as he started rolling across the ground. When he finally came to a stop with his face in the dirt, his headless dummy limply pulled the lever on the cannon one more time, firing one last shell.
Goofy, Pinkie and Dash all converged to one spot. The exact spot where the shell landed.
The three of them were blown backwards into the nearest wall, not one hundred feet from where Rex had fallen. Each of them was seeing a mass of blinking lights, and their ears were all ringing. Slowly, their senses returned just in time to see Rex forcefully tear himself from the yoke and hitch that had him attached to the chariot.
Explosive ammunition littered the ground around the champ's hooves, but it would all be useless to him as it was now. He was going to finish this the old-fashioned way. Just as it was before, Rex removed his armor. He started by crushing his gauntlets and spaulders like aluminum cans. Then, he grabbed his breastplate by the collar and tore it down the middle like a piece of paper. Finally, he took the headless mannequin off his back, and threw it to the overturned chariot.
His eyes crossed the field to the three goofs. Three goofs who were repeatedly humiliating and besmirching his status as Yen Sid's champion. Three goofs who were going to pay with their lives for simply not dying as early as he would have liked.
Rearing up to two legs, he tromped over to them.
Goofy shook his head, and saw the gargantuan horse walking toward them all. Bravely, he picked up his washtub, drew his toilet plunger, and stood between Rex and his friends.
"G-G-G-G-Get back!!! I ain't afraid tuh use these!!" the goof stammered.
Rex didn't even stop moving when he brushed Goofy away like a dust bunny. He then drove his hoof into the ground and picked up a chunk of it, which he threw at Goofy.
The goof blocked with his washtub, only to be knocked over. Placing the soles of his feet next to his ears, Goofy quickly flipped to his feet.
"Have at ye, knave!" he said, before staggering forward.
Rex easily parried the attack with his bare hoof, took the plunger, and stuck it on Goofy's face.
Goofy retaliated by thrusting his neck back and forth, gouging Rex like a woodpecker with the plunger's handle.
Rex grabbed the handle, slammed Goofy to the ground, and removed the plunger from his nose, before crushing it into sawdust.
Goofy groggily got to his feet, and brandished his feather duster.
"Yuh had enough yet..." he asked.
Rex growled as he rolled his eyes, grabbed Goofy by his neck, swatted the feather duster out of his hands and into the crowd, and threw him back to Dash and Pinkie.
"Why don't you goofs get the picture already? You lost!!" Rex said. "You've got nothing left here! The kingdom is mine! And if you were smart, you would have packed up your friends and left with all the others! But, you just had to tempt fate! Now, you're going to be made an example for all these ponies watching! And you," he said, pointing to Goofy, "You're going to have a special place, with your head mounted above my throne, and what's left of you buried in the royal septic tank!!!!"
"Y...Yer right," Goofy began. "I ain't no genius. I been nuthin' but a goof my whole life. An' it's got me into a lotta trubble. But, goof or not: I can't just walk away from here! My son needs me! An' I ain't leavin' here 'til I get him back!" He brandished his washtub to the champ, "Now, hand him over! Or yer gonna see just what a worried dad's willin' tuh do tuh bullies like you!"
Rex smirked. The goof was more out of the loop than he thought.
"Your friend didn't tell you, did she? Your son's not even here!" he gloated.
"Huh?" Goofy said.
"What did he say!?" Pinkie said.
"You don't know it, but your friend tried sneaking off earlier. By sheer coincidence, she caught me sending your son away," Rex said, with a sadistically gleeful smile. "So, that's it. You've got nothing to fight for here, and that suits me just fine. Now, sit back and I'll dish out that quick, painful end I promised you!"
Goofy balked back to his friends with his washtub held up. Even if this was the end of him, he would meet it defending the ponies he cared about.
"Goofy!!" called a voice from the crowd.
Goofy looked around and saw Quick Quill in the crowd, holding his feather duster in her hooves.
"Catch!!" the novelist called.
Goofy reached up and caught the cleaning utensil. Though it was meager, Quill was still doing what she could as his squire.
"Come on, girls! Let's whip this horse!" Goofy said
"All for one--"
"--And cupcakes for all!!"
Dash and Pinkie said one after the other.
Three cupcakes flew from Pinkie's hooves, which were promptly eaten at once by three massive swallows.
"CHAAAAAARRRRGE!!!" they all shouted at once.
The very moment they were near Rex, the champ flexed, making his massive muscles bulge so suddenly they blew his opponents backwards.
The crowd winced at the sight. Quill winced especially hard, having seen such a feat once before.
"Oh dear! What now!? What do we do!?" Quill frantically asked herself.
"Do what you want! But, I'm backing up my mare!" Cream Filling said, as he wheeled in a concessions cart he stole from a weasel.
"Ya ain't doing dip, ya four-legged thief!!" said a weasel who tried yanking the cart away.
Cream Filling whistled to a group of jousting hooligans and pointed to the weasel next to him. "Wank alert!!" he shouted.
The hooligans all jumped on the weasel at once, and pulled in the others that all tried to break up the row.
"That's it! I say we grab what we can, an' get outta here before something really bad happens!" said one weasel.
"Let's get the others! They can help us carry more stuff," said the other weasel, before they ran off.
Quill watched the fight in the arena.
Goofy had run back, and was valiantly swinging his feather duster. However lightly he was striking the champ, he simply did not let up. Not even when Rex punched him backwards.
Dash jumped over the rolling goof and bucked Rex, while Pinkie hopped on top of Goofy and went rolling back to crash into Rex.
"Three against one. The beast is unstoppable," Quill narrated to herself. "No arrow can pierce its hide. No blade that can draw its essence from its flesh. But, for it's magnanimous power, it is still mortal, and has all the weaknesses of a mortal being."
"What are you yammering about?" asked Cream Filling, as he prepared an armful of pretzels, and threw them to Pinkie and the others.
"Quiet!! I'm on a roll here!!" Quill snapped. She looked back to the arena, and watched the three fighters leapfrog over one another to take turns attacking. That is, until they lost their rhythm and were punched away. "Though powerful as individuals, the warriors' true might comes as a single unit!!! Yes! I'm getting good at this adventure genre! Goofy!!"
Goofy lifted the bucket on his head to look at Quill.
"You need to attack him at once! All three of you!! Get him all at once!!" Quill shouted.
"All at once?" Goofy thought to himself. He wasn't sure how or what good it would do if they did. Still, it was worth a shot. "Alright, girls! Let's all get him in one go!"
They all charged him at the same time, and were picked up and thrown away at the same time.
"Some plan, Goof..." Dash groaned.
Goofy's head lay on the ground, where he had a clear view of Rex's overturned chariot. From there, he saw the tank treads that moved it. Something that powerful could plow down anything in its path, he thought.
"That's it!" Goofy said. He placed Pinkie's rear hooves in Dash's front hooves, placed his own ankles into Pinkie's front hooves, then arched over backwards to take hold of Dash's rear hooves in his hands. "Up an' at 'em!!" Goofy called.
With the sound of a revving motor, the three of them started spinning like a wheel, before they took the more defined shape of one of the tank treads on Rex's chariot.
With a loud screech, they peeled out, wheeled forward, and crashed into Rex with the force of a runaway freight train.
The champ was taken off his hooves, and was struck over and over by his spinning opponents. Finally, he was run down and driven into the dirt.
"Did you see that!" Quill said, as she grabbed Cream Filling by his head and thrusted his face toward the arena.
The three fighters all wheeled away from the champ and dispersed onto the ground.
"I got out of that washtub to stop spinning, Goofy!" Pinkie said, as she wobbled to her hooves.
"A-hyuck! Sorry, Pinkie. But, look whut we just did," Goofy said, pointing to Rex.
Pinkie looked, and saw the result of their effort. Rex had been pressed into the ground, as if he were just hit by his own chariot.
"Dashie! Do you see that?" Pinkie said.
Dash said nothing, but smiled deviously. New ideas were popping into her mind, and warping around at a mile a minute.
"Let's dog and pony this sucker!" Dash declared.
Before her friends knew what she was doing, Dash bucked Pinkie into standing on her back, then bucked Goofy onto Pinkie's back.
Rex rose from the ground and paused when he saw his opponents. As ridiculous as he thought they looked, he wasn't going to stay to laugh. They had to go down.
"Here he comes! Get ready!" Dash said.
She bucked her back like a bronco, sending her friends into the air.
Even though they hadn't planned or even choreographed their attack, what they were doing felt as natural as breathing.
Goofy grabbed Pinkie by her waist, spun forward in the air and hurled her at Rex.
Pinkie impacted Rex with a force that felt like a meteor, and bounced off his head to safety.
Dash jumped into the air, grabbed Goofy by his head, performed an aerial loop and threw the goof forward.
After he hit Rex and bounced away, Dash forcefully flapped her useless wings once, rocketed toward Rex to attack him lastly, and bounced her way between her friends. She landed on her hooves, but quickly fell to her flank for the sheer marvel at what she had done.
"Dashie! Your wings!" Pinkie said.
Dash was in awe. She had no magic whatsoever, and she had still managed to perform a loop and a dive. What she had done was nothing more than a moment of inspiration, and she knew it. This was what Goofy was talking about when his reflection moved a picture. She dreamt it, and she accomplished it.
"E...Easy as lickity-split," Dash said, hyperventilating through a beaming smile.
There was no time to celebrate. Rex was already back on his feet and charging toward them.
For their effort to dodge him, one of Rex's massive arms grabbed ahold of Pinkie's waist and started squeezing the life from her.
Goofy nearly charged with his feather duster, but knew he would need something stronger to save his friend. He picked up Rainbow Dash by her back hooves and whipped her like a sheet so that her wings fluffed up and pointed forward.
"En garde!!" Goofy shouted, as he swung his living feather duster at Rex.
Rex was taken off guard when he was struck by something soft, yet incredibly forceful. His head was knocked back and forth, yet his grip on Pinkie remained.
Just when Pinkie felt she could take no more, she felt something crack.
Her friends both gasped loudly and stopped fighting. Their hearts stopped when they saw something red and thick trickling down her body.
"My hot sauce!!" Pinkie shouted.
Now that her body was lubricated, Pinkie was able to slip from Rex's grasp. Now on the ground, she stood next to Goofy, who placed Dash on the ground. Dash shook her feathers back into place, before both mares bucked Goofy into the air.
Dash took the front, Pinkie took the rear, and Goofy landed face down on both of their backs. Goofy recognized this. He, Mickey and Donald did this once to break down a door when they took a job as firemen once. The old 'allie-oop,' they called it. And it was aimed right for Rex.
This time, Rex was prepared for the assault. He stood firm, and caught Goofy's head just as it impacted his chest.
The champ was pushed back, his hooves digging deep into the soil beneath him. And he was pushed until his back slammed into his overturned chariot. His hoof accidentally stepped on the lever that fired his cannon and sent a shell sailing past them all.
The crowd screamed loudly as they took cover from the oncoming explosive. The shell impacted against the wall in front of Quick Quill and Cream Filling, destroying the concrete wall and sending them both tumbling into the arena.
"Aw, horse apples! Try writing us out of this jam!" Cream Filling said.
Quill rolled her eyes at her companion's sarcasm. However, sometimes the plot just wrote itself. There was Rex's cannon. There were the explosive shells lying about. And there was Rex, battling with her three friends.
"You can start by helping me with this shell!" Quill said, as she used her head to carefully roll the ammunition.
Cream Filling hesitated at first, not wanting to risk being blown up. His eyes darted over to Pinkie, who was fighting her hardest against Rex. The champ had already knocked Dash and Goofy's heads together with enough force to dent Goofy's helmet, then picked up the ground Pinkie was on to lift over his head.
Goofy and Dash both charged, hand-in-hoof, and took Rex's legs out from under him. Rex dropped the chunk of ground with Pinkie on it directly on top of his head, and Pinkie hopped to safety no worse for wear.
Seeing Pinkie fight so bravely made Cream Filling go with Quill's plan, and start to roll the shell forward with her.
Rex bellowed loudly and grabbed Goofy. He picked the goof up and started using him like a hammer against the mares.
Pinkie and Dash were both driven deep into the ground, popped out of another unoccupied spot, and punched down again with Goofy's head. Like a mad game of whack-a-mole, the three of them were quickly becoming overwhelmed by the ordeal.
By chance, Dash popped up underneath Rex, followed by Pinkie popping up beneath her. Dash hit her head against Rex's rock-hard abs, and knocked herself dizzy.
After that, Rex took Goofy like a golf club, and whacked both mares for a long drive. Right into the nearest wall. After them, Goofy was thrown headfirst like a caber, right into the ground by the mares.
Quick Quill and Cream Filling both reached the cannon, and tried to turn the chariot upright. The thing was as heavy as a house and just as difficult to move. Unknown to them, Cream Filling's hoof nudged the headless dummy's arm, and made it press one of the many levers on the machine.
A jack sprang out of either side, and jolted the chariot upright. Now that it was taken care of, Quill climbed onto one of the treads, took the shell that was passed to her by Cream Filling, and loaded it into the cannon's battery. Then the cannon was dismounted from the chariot, and the two slowly carried it to the field.
Back by the wall, Goofy was planted headfirst to the ground, his feet straight into the air. His feet fell limply to the ground, and he rolled to a sitting position.
"It ain't over yet..." Goofy said. As long as his son was still missing, the fight against Rex couldn't end. He tried to stand up, but couldn't keep his balance. Instead, he fell forward with his head on the ground. "Push me, girls!"
Dash obliged, and took the initiative to buck Goofy forward.
The goof rolled like a ball, and Pinkie bounced off of her rolling friend's back to attack Rex.
"Okie--" Pinkie said, kicking Rex in the face.
"--Dokie--" Dash said, jumping off of Goofy's back and attacking next.
"--Lokie!!!" Goofy finished, springing from the ground like a piston, and launching Rex into the air.
Rex landed hard on the ground, his four legs sprawled out to his sides. All around him, he could hear the crowd cheering loudly. That would have to be fixed. He knew that the only reason for them to be cheering was if they had any hope of him losing. But, there would be no way he would lose to three goofs. It was time to pull out all the stops. Time to stop them from unifying for attack before they could start. Time to start anticipating their next action before they had a chance to move.
A loud, familiar *ka-thunk* noise drew his attention. Rex looked, and saw his own cannon aimed squarely at him, and the goofs' friends ready at the lever.
Quill was using her back as a stand for the cannon's barrel, and covered her ears.
Cream Filling pulled the lever with vigor.
He had no armor, and his arms and legs were useless to block, but Theronicus Rex was not the king of Trottingham for nothing.
Staring down the cannon, he bared his teeth and focused his mind.
There was an incredible explosion as the cannon fired.
The explosive shell flew through the air, directly toward Rex's head.
Rex opened his mouth and loosed a fierce shout, which soon muffled as the shell passed through his teeth. He chomped down hard, but even Rex’s great strength was not enough to spare his explosive fate.
In the halls just beyond the arena, the weasels were all frantically packing everything they could carry. From their ill-gotten money, to Rex's spare artillery, to even the chairs at the table and the calendars on the wall; nothing was spared.
"We gotta get outta here! Now!" one weasel said.
"If it ain't nailed down, take it with ya!!" another weasel said.
But, for all their hurrying, nothing would prepare them for what happened next.
The wall before them burst open, and in flew the champ. And he was headed straight for the crates they had loaded with the stolen artillery.
One of the weasels had only a fraction of a second to see what Rex was holding in his teeth.
"SWEET JUMPIN' JELLYBEAN!!!!!!!"
Outside in the arena, the fighters all dove to the side when an explosion blew out a bigger hole in the wall than the one Rex first made in the bay doors.
The rubble fell. The dust settled, and a metal washtub rolled around on its side. It soon fell, wobbled on its lip and rattled to a stop.
Absolute silence followed. Not a pony in the audience breathed, or even blinked.
Slowly, three pairs of eyes peered out from underneath the washtub.
"D'yuh think it's safe tuh come out?" Goofy whispered.
A thunderous cheer rang through the stadium. Dash, Goofy and Pinkie all slid out from underneath the washtub, and saw the crowd of ponies throwing streamers and confetti about. One group of ponies held up a card each. Together, they formed a picture of the three fighters. The cards turned and spelled the words 'OUR HEROES.'
"That's...This is..." Quill said. For a mare who made her living off of words, she was at a complete loss. Nothing could have been so wonderful in that moment. Not a thing.
Cream Filling quickly jumped down from the tank, stepping over the headless dummy to rush over to Pinkie.
"Pinkie!!" he called to her.
"Creamy!!" Pinkie responded.
They met partway, and knocked their heads against one another's. After they shook the pain from their craniums, they returned to their greetings.
"Pinkie, you were amazing! You took on that monster horse and won! Why, you...any stallion would be lucky to say they're yours!" Cream Fillling said.
"But, what about you? You finished him off! You took him out in a blast of fireworks fit for a king!!" Pinkie said. She suddenly stopped hopping up and down, when a realization occurred to her. "Sweet Celestia and Luna...You're the new king of Trottingham!"
"I'm what!!?"
"Rules say the winner o' the hassly-tude is king. So, yuh better find out where they keep them snazzy royal duds," Goofy said.
"I know this isn't like me, but I'm so jealous right now," Dash said.
"Are you going to sulk because you weren't the winner?" Quill asked.
"No. I'm jealous because Pinkie's new coltfriend is the king!"
Goofy looked, and saw Pinkie with her forehead pressed against Cream Filling's. For all the happiness around him, he still felt the pang of sadness for not finding his son.
A pony jumped down from the stands, and rushed over with his camera to take a picture of the group of heroes. This was a moment to be remembered by all. However, it may have been a moment too soon.
Movement was heard from inside the room that had been blown open, and a terrified gasp rang through the audience. From down in the arena, ragged breathing was heard, and a massive shadow appeared within the smoke inside.
"No way! Nopony could have survived that!" Dash said.
"G-G-G-Get behind me!" Goofy said, pushing the mares behind him, and raising his feather duster and washtub.
They all stood shaking as an enormous hoof stepped into the arena grounds.
Quick Quill saw the danger, and clamored for a solution. Her eyes shot to the last shell, and to Rex's cannon. Next to the cannon was one last able stallion.
"Cream Filling!!!" Quill shouted, as she rolled the last shell over to the baker.
Cream Filling caught the shell, loaded it as quickly as he could into the cannon and took aim. But, he knew that would not be good enough. Rex had barely survived the explosive payload of at least thirty other shells, and would surely survive one more. He was going to make sure that Rex would never get up again after the next shot.
Once the cannon was loaded, he started pushing it forward.
Rex's head came onto view. Before, his presence alone brought terror to the hearts of brave ponies. Now, he had a face to match. Many of his teeth were missing, his face was bruised and burned, one of his ears had been blown off, and one of his eyes was swollen shut. But, for any who could see his one good eye, there was nothing but wrath and ferocity burning hot in it. Even if it was the last thing he ever did, he was going to destroy every survivor in the arena.
The champ started by limping into the open. And that was all he had time to do.
Cream Filling thrusted the cannon forward like a battering ram, shouting loudly as Rex had before.
Rex shouted back as he thrusted his head forward, ready to knock the cannon away.
In his weakened state, he could only stop the cannon from moving by stuffing his head inside the mouth of the barrel.
It was the perfect setup. Now, there was no way he could miss. Wasting not a moment, Cream Filling fired the cannon.
There was another incredible explosion. One that was contained within the inside of the cannon, and enveloped completely on Rex's head. For a moment, the champ stood still. In the next, he fell over to the side.
Nopony in the audience dared to cheer. Rex seemed as unstoppable as he boasted, and they were not about to get their hopes up. From where they were, they could see no signs that Rex was defeated.
Quick Quill was the only one in any position to see Rex's condition. Her face turned sickly green, and her stomach filled her mouth when she saw that Rex now matched the look of his dummy. She quickly staggered back to the other, unable to look any longer.
"What is it? Is he..." Pinkie asked, though she didn't dare finish.
Quill said nothing, but nodded emphatically.
"Yuh mean..." Goofy said, with a hopeful smile.
Quill nodded again.
It was like the dawn came after a terrible night. For all the suffering they endured, Theronicus Rex was finally down, never to rise again.
"We did it!!!" Dash cheered, as she, Pinkie and Goofy jumped for joy.
Their excitement spread to the crowd. There was no mistaking their elation. This was the freedom they were seeking from their would-be tyrant.
Seemingly from nowhere, the magical light that had guided them to Trottingham reappeared next to Goofy.
"Oh. Hey there, little feller," the goof said.
The light started drifting forward, and stopped for the others to follow.
"Uh, yer highness," Goofy greeted Cream Filling. "I don't mean tuh take advantage o' yer new status or nuthin'. But, uh, could yuh get us a ride tuh where we're goin' next?"
It was to be a disappointing leave. Before the coronation ceremonies even started, Cream Filling had arranged for a farmer delivering hay to another trading post to give the newest heroes of the kingdom a ride.
"Alright. This should get you blokes off to a good start," Cream Filling said. "Hopefully, I can say the same about my reign as king. This is a big step for just a baker, after all."
"Don't sell it short. You're not just a baker. You're the pony who took out the worst tyrant this kingdom ever saw! Twice!" Dash said, as she climbed into the wagon.
"Yes. And I promise, the history books will have a very special place for our friend Rex. We'll see to it that the next time troublemakers like him pop up, the royal guard can punt them back into place," Cream Filling said, indicating the group of jousting hooligans, who were now wearing royal armor.
Goofy struggled to climb into the haywagon. His feet kept slipping, until Quick Quill used her head to overturn him into the back.
"A-hyuck. Thanks," Goofy said.
"Not a problem. Here's hoping that's the worst challenge you have to face," Quill said. "Goofy," she began, "Thank you. I don't think without you I could have learned so much of myself. It seems that even a perfectly ordinary novelist can do something extraordinary, given the chance."
"I told yuh it just takes a bit o' inspuh-ration," Goofy said.
"Yes! And I'm going to inspire others! I'm going to start writing tales of the adventures of a perfectly average hero who saved the kingdom! And why stop there? I'll write about the chronicles of Gusty the Great! And commission to write the next Derring Do novel!" Quill said, laughing heartily at the possibilities her future had laid out for her.
Pinkie almost climbed onto the haywagon with her friends, but stopped to take one last look at Cream Filling.
"Pinkie," he said. He quickly produced a bottle of hot sauce for her to hold, "Something I just whipped up for the road. Now, you take care out there. Because, I expect to see you back here as soon as your quest is over."
"Thanks," Pinkie said, hugging the bottle of hot sauce a little tighter as she climbed aboard.
"Alright. Clear off," Cream Filling said to the driver.
The driver of the carriage pulled away with his passengers in tow. Pinkie's eyes never left Cream Filling's as she rode off, and she would remain looking wistfully until the last moment he ceased to be a dot on the horizon.
She cradled the bottle of hot sauce he had given her. To her, it was more than a simple parting gift. It was a promise that they would one day meet again. One that she planned to fulfill the second her magical quest was over. They would see each other again, she knew.
Pinkie's shoulders slumped as she sighed deeply.
"Hee hee hee..."
"A-hyuh-huh-huh-huck..."
"What's so funny?" Pinkie asked.
Instead of a clear answer, Dash and Goofy continued to giggle. Until Dash got a hold of herself.
"I see somepony sitting in a tree," Dash said.
"K-I-S-S--Uh...Shoot, I used tuh know this," Goofy said.
"You guys!" Pinkie said, before throwing a hooffull of hay at her friends.
Dash and Goofy retaliated by throwing hay back.
The glittering light briefly looked over the friends as they carried on their hay fight. It would be a brief reprieve from the turmoil that they had encountered, and was yet to come. For the time being, they could forget their troubles and enjoy the ride.
"The end," the old mare said.
The foals all watched in awe. The story they had just heard was greater than any they had read in a book, and left them wanting more.
"Is that the only story?" asked the earth pony colt.
"Can you tell us another?" the unicorn filly said.
"Of course that's not the only story there is. There are dozens of stories about the Goof Knight and his friends. But, my old brain's starting to feel addled from remembering so much at once. Maybe some other time," the old mare said.
The foals smiled, knowing that one day they would hear another story. But, there was one nagging question the earth pony colt had to ask.
"Grandma," the earth pony colt began, "You said The Goof Knight had a lot of friends. But, you only told us Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash's names. Who were the others?"
"Well..." the old mare said, with a mischievous smile. She reached up to the mantle above the fireplace. "I know it's up here somewhere..." she said.
Outside, the clouds parted, and the sun started to shine through the window, illuminating the mantle for her to see.
"Ah. Here it is."
She had retrieved a picture. One that was placed to the back of all the pictures of her family, but just as clean and cared for as all the others.
"Take a look at this. See if you can find out," she said to the foals.
The foals all looked at the picture and stared in awe of the Goof Knight. The stories were right about one thing: he did not look strong, and his face did not carry a trace of intelligence. But for what he accomplished, the foals felt the old mare was right. He was one of the greatest creatures they had ever known. Even if they didn't know just what creature he was.
Next to him, they saw a pink mare with a pink mane, and three balloons as her cutie mark. Most definitely, that was Pinkie Pie.
The pegasus filly excitedly pointed a hoof at one of the other mares.
"That's Crash!" she said. Even though she had never seen Crash without her Wonderbolts costume, the sky-blue face and the rainbow mane were all the tells she needed.
"Crash was friends with the Goof Knight?" the unicorn filly said.
"You see? I knew Crash was greater than Gusty the Great," the pegasus filly said.
"What makes you think that?" the unicorn filly asked, slightly irritated.
"She didn't even know the Goof Knight," the pegasus filly giggled.
"I'm not so sure about that," the old mare said. "You see, even after The Kingdom of Champions, he had many adventures. And they were all carefully followed, documented and, well, dramatized by a certain friend of his."
"Which friend?" the earth pony colt said, before turning back to look at the picture. Not even a second passed, before he gasped loudly.
The sun shone brightly on the picture he was holding. There in the picture was a cinnamon-brown mare with a red mane who the colt knew, oh very well indeed.
His head slowly turned to face his grandmother. Sure, her coat had faded and her mane had turned white. But the cutie mark of a quill in an ink pot next to a blank page stood out just as clearly and brightly as the day it was shown in the photograph.
"G...Grandma..."
The old mare only smiled and winked.
There came a knock on the door.
"Yoo-hoo! Miss Worry Worryson! Let's get going!" called a voice from the door.
Of all the luck, it seemed that now was the time for her and her friends' once a month visit to their other friend's home. What perfect timing.
"Is that...?" asked the unicorn filly.
"Yes. Just because she has a royal husband, she thinks she can order others around like that," the old mare joked, before guiding the foals to the door. "So, who here's ready for a trip?"
The foals practically dashed out the door, greeting the pink and blue mares that were present. The old mare walked to the door, and introduced her grandson and his friends, who were all more than thrilled to be meeting the heroes of legend.
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Yeah, nice job! But what about Max? Will Goofy even get him back???
So... Who was the mare telling the foals the story? It was Pinkie Pie, right?
8887720
You might want to read the end of chapter 21 again.
8886619
Sorry, friend. But, I can't answer that question. I can say, however, that Goofy is on the right track to finding him again.
It would seem that Pinkie is well on her way to regaining her "Toon Physics" powers. She just needs to get over this learning curve of using a different power source. Come the final fight, she will be the most powerful of the Mane Six.
...and short of regaining her normal magic or major a-ha moment, Twi will be the weakest. She's coming off of a strong adherence to a(n implied) hard magic system, and that is costing her when it comes to this slapstick based soft magic system. Then again, if she does have that a-ha moment, that the laws of physics in her world are merely strong suggestions, that one can fly by throwing oneself at the ground and missing, then she will be up there with Pinkie Pie again.
And with the end of the chapter, all's well that ends well.
And it looks like that's the end of this current arc. It was never really flat-out said if Theronicus Rex was an actual horse or merely a very, very big pony, but considering he was Yen Sid's champion, it's possible he was from wherever all the other villains came from, instead of one of Trottingham's residents. Still, he certainly loomed at large a lot more than the previous villains did. He may not have been as out-and-out a threat like the Massster perhaps, but he was certainly more intimidating and able to keep an entire city in line. Of course, I fully expected him to come back from the first cannon blast, but he's finally down for good.
Hah. Of course Pinkie would pick up a coltfriend on the middle of a battlefield. And given the ending, it would seem she kept him instead of the relationship falling apart later.
9129683
Actually, at the beginning when Pinkie and Goofy see Rex for the first time at the tiltyard, Goofy says that Rex is a draft horse. And a big one, too.
And even though you caught on to how the mares turned out in the end, you did miss one pretty crucial detail. Won't say what, though.
This was the best boss fight in the whole story! Disney doesn't know what they're missing out on by not giving Goofy any action scenes! He's like cartoon Jackie Chan! I can't wait for the rest of the weasels to get what's coming to them!
On a side note, I knew it! I totally guessed who the grandma is!
9407527
I've always thought that Goofy was perfect for action scenes.
Holly Buck...
That was crazy Cool.
I need to stop reading 📚 right now
Or I won't be able to sleep since it's literally
3:16AM I should be asleep but Nope.