Chapter 16: There's a Party in Trottingham
Chapter 16
There's a Party in Trottingham
Everything was well. The perils that plagued the world had passed many decades ago, and happiness abounded.
On a fine, noon day, under a large tree with a grand tree house in its branches, foals played in their yard. Their imaginations ran wild with fantasy and carefree play, creating a colorful cast of characters for them to become.
"Look at me! I'm Gusty the Great!" proclaimed a unicorn filly, who plastered fallen leaves from the tree over her cutie mark.
She magically picked up a stick and swung it like a sword, as she dodged and parried an imagined opponent's attack. She backpedaled up the steps toward the tree house, then jumped onto the railing, still fighting her imaginary opponent.
"Take that, Grogar! And some of this!"
Her battle took her up into the branches of the trees, where the footing was more treacherous.
"Whoop! Whoah!!"
She finally lost her balance and fell backwards into a pile of leaves.
With a sudden whoosh of wind, the leaves all blew away, revealing the prostrate filly. Her friend, a pegasus filly, landed on the ground in front of her.
"That's nothing! I'm Crash! The only Wonderbolt who ever pulled off a sonic rainboom!" said the pegasus filly, who showed off the many colored ribbons tied into her mane.
"That's impossible. Nopony could pull off a sonic rainboom!" the unicorn said.
"Oh yeah? Watch me!"
The young pegasus revved up her wings, and flew off as fast as she could. Round and round the tree she went, but she didn't get anywhere near enough speed to create a sonic rainboom. Behind her, the ribbons in her mane blew out, creating the illusion of a rainbow trail. She thought she was near a breakthrough, until her wing caught a branch, sending her tumbling through the air and plopping onto the ground in front of her friend.
"Horse apples! I was this close!" the pegasus filly said.
"Yeah. You really had some good speed going there, 'Crash,'" the unicorn filly said. "I told you it was impossible to do a sonic rainboom."
"Sure. Like a unicorn walking to Cloudsdale could really happen," the pegasus rebutted.
"That's what all the stories about Gusty the Great say. She was the greatest pony ever, and nopony could beat her!"
"Crash was the greatest pony ever! Some stories even say she was the Bearer of Loyalty!"
"A-hyuck! You're both wrong!" said a new voice.
The two fillies looked over, and saw the third member of their group. An earth pony colt, who was wearing a toy bucket on top of his head, and a feather duster tied to his waist with some string.
"Who are you supposed to be?" The unicorn filly asked.
"I'm The Goof Knight! And I was the greatest pony ever!" said the earth pony colt, as he took the feather duster off his belt and started fighting an imaginary opponent with it.
"I've never heard of The Goof Knight," the unicorn said.
"Me neither," the pegasus filly added. "Besides, how great could a knight that fought with a feather duster be?"
"The greatest! He fought every battle using nothing but his wits and whatever he had around him! This one time, he was surrounded by bad guys, and he beat them all with a feather duster just like this one! And he even saved the whole world using nothing but make-believe and imagination!" the earth pony colt said, growing more excited and energetic with every word he spoke. He attempted a backflip, but only landed on his face, just as his two other friends had.
"That sounds made up," the unicorn filly said.
"It's all true! My grandma told me it was!"
"Oh yeah? Well, let's ask her," the pegasus filly said.
On the front porch of the nearby house, an elderly mare watched her grandson and his two friends play. She had seen how they were falling and tumbling, and fondly recalled her younger days when she took such punishment day in and day out. She was somewhat surprised when she saw the three foals come trotting toward her.
"Grandma."
"Now, what are you doing over here with an old mare like me? Don't you think it would be more fun playing with your friends?" the old mare asked.
"Grandma, do you remember that book I showed you? The one about The Goof Knight? Remember? You told me that The Goof Knight was a real pony, and he really did everything the book said. Didn't he?"
The old mare looked at her grandson's face, and smiled at the earnestness in his eyes. She remembered how enthralled he became when he read the anthology of tales about a pony who was completely average in every way and conquered tasks far greater than himself. However, that book also got a number of things wrong.
"Well, he certainly did exist," the old mare answered.
"You see? I told you," the earth pony said to his friends.
"But, I know what really happened. And, those stories aren't anything like the real thing."
"I knew it!" the pegasus filly said.
"Then, what really happened?" the earth pony colt asked.
"You see, he didn't fight off a group of enemies with a feather duster. He fought one opponent," his grandmother answered.
"He doesn't sound so great anymore, does he? Not compared to Gusty the Great," the unicorn filly boasted, showing the leaves still plastered over her cutie mark.
"Hold on there, filly. He did fight many opponents at once. But not with a feather duster. The one that he did, he was as strong as ten ponies. And twice as tall as me. And he was scarier than a manticore with a thorn in its paw."
The foals were all silent for a moment, imagining the battle that must have taken place that day. The fear the knight felt when faced with such an opponent, and what he could have done to defeat him.
"And the Goof Knight defeated him?" the unicorn filly asked.
"With relative ease," the old mare answered.
"See? I told you he was the greatest pony ever," the earth pony colt touted.
"Well, that's another thing the stories got wrong," his grandmother said.
"Huh?"
"The Goof Knight wasn't a pony at all. And his war cry wasn't 'a-hyuck.' It was...hm...let me see. It's difficult to imitate, but I think it went--" The old mare took a deep breath in, and unleashed a shrill: "AAAAAHHH-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOOOOOOOOYYYYY!!!"
When the mare stopped, the foals all uncovered their ears. The earth pony colt noticed something new on his grandmother's face. A warm, rosy glow that made her seem almost as young as himself and his friends.
"If you foals don't mind listening to an old mare, would you like to hear the real story of The Goof Knight?"
The foals all nodded, and sat down to hear the tale.
"Oh, the world owes me a livin'
Deedle dardle doodle deedle dum
Oh the world owes me a living
Deedle dardle doodle deedle dum"
"If I worked hard all day I might
Sleep badder when in bed at night
I sleep all day so that's alright
Deedle dardle doodle deedle dum"
Far, far from where any of the others were, Goofy was entertaining Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie with his own rendering of his favorite song. It had not been difficult fighting boredom as they walked after their twinkling light, since the goof was in no short supply of road games, songs, dances and general oafishness. Sometimes, two at once.
"There once was an ol' grasshopper
who could only-- WHOOP!!! WO-OW!!!"
Goofy tripped over a rock in the middle of the road, and tumbled down the path, which sloped down the hill. The goof rolled all the way to the bottom, until he crashed into the road sign at the crossroads. The signs that pointed in all different directions flew into the air, and landed on Goofy's arms, legs and head.
Dash and Pinkie ran down the hill after their fallen friend.
"Whoah! Goofy, are you okay?" Dash said.
"Do you feel queasy? How many hooves do you see?" Pinkie asked, holding up her one hoof for Goofy.
"Uh..." Goofy paused briefly to count his friends' total hooves, "...Eight."
Dash would have been worried by the miscount, but having traveled with the goof for so long, she brushed it off. She noticed a wallet on the ground, and just looked inside to see who it belonged to when Pinkie zipped between her friends.
"Eight hooves!? This goof's cracked like an egg! We'll need to diagnose further!" Pinkie said, as she looked around and around and around for something. Until she came to the realization. "What's going on!? Why can't I get my doctor's bag!? What travesty is this!?"
"Your magic's gone, Pinkie. It's been gone since the harvest festival back home. And it's going to stay gone until we get it back from wherever we're going," Dash explained, before hoofing the wallet to Goofy. "Here. This must have fallen out of your pocket when you took that awesome tumble."
"Gawrsh. Thanks fer gettin' that for me. Don' know whut I'd do if I lost it," Goofy said.
"No problem, Goof. So, who's that kid in the pictures with you?"
"Him?" Goofy said, opening his wallet to show a picture of himself and another dog who was much younger than himself. In the picture, they were in a boat on a fishing trip. The young dog was pulling a small fish out of the water, while Goofy himself was screaming at the sight of a monster salmon that had jumped out of the water and came down on the goof with its mouth wide open. "That's muh son, Max. This here photee-graph wuz taken on our first fishin' trip. Took almost th' rest o' th' day tuh get me outta that fish's gut. But, Maxie, he's a smart one. He used a bait made o' peanut butter n' jelly tuh get that sucker jumpin with his mouth wide open fer me tuh crawl out."
"Whoah! Back up! You have a son?" Dash asked.
"A-yup. He's muh special pride n' joy. Always suh-prizin' me with sum'n new he learns, an' sum'n he duz tuh help his ol' man out..." Goofy sighed quietly as he looked at the picture in his wallet. "He's grown up so fast. I hardly even noticed how big he's gettin', 'til just now. Just part o' bein' a dad, I guess. But, no matter how big he gets, he's always gonna be muh li'l boy."
Rainbow Dash didn't know how to respond to that, but it seemed like Pinkie knew what words to pick.
"He's not going to be so little when he gets to high school. And when he starts driving. And when he's old enough to vote and go off to college, he's gonna be huge! Like gargan--"
Before Pinkie could continue with her inappropriate ramblings, Dash stuffed her hoof in her friend's mouth.
"I think what Pinkie means is that you and your wife must be proud of your boy," Dash said. However, it seemed that she said something wrong, when Goofy looked suddenly forlorn. "What's up, Goof?"
"Nothin'. Just...Max ain't got a mom no more..." was all Goofy answered.
"But, what--oh..." Dash's ears drooped slightly when she realized exactly what Goofy meant.
Again, she wanted to say something to her new friend, but Pinkie had no trouble picking words. Before Pinkie could even inhale, Dash covered her pink friend's mouth and whispered in her ear.
"There's a time and a place for silliness, Pinkie. This is neither!"
After giving Goofy an appropriate amount of time, the goof stood back up and put his wallet back in his pocket.
"Well, no point stickin' 'round here any longer. I gotta get home in time fer when Maxie gets back from vistin' his granddad." Goofy said. He stood up straight with his arms outstretched, presenting the many road signs that had plastered themselves onto his body. "Now, which way tuh where we're goin'?"
Goofy proceeded to try and read each one of the signs on his body, only to twist himself into a horrible knot, before the twinkling light that guided them appeared in front of Goofy.
"Huh?" the goof wondered, before the light drifted off toward one of the paths on the crossroads.
"Looks like that's our next stop. Let's head that way, before you end up in a square knot," Dash said, as she pulled Goofy's leg, making him flop around until he was set right.
"I just hope wherever we're going, they're in the mood for a party! I've been in the mood for a good party miles ago," Pinkie said, as she hopped by.
Goofy stood up, taking off the signs that had taken such a shine to him. He hopped up and down as he took them off his legs, and nearly toppled himself again when he tried to take one off of his back. Finally, he was free of the signs, and ran after his friends.
"Uh, hey! Wait fer me!" Goofy called after the mares.
They rounded a bend, and came across a wondrous sight. There, not half a mile away was a town with a grand castle in the background. Tents and booths had been set up. Game arenas were present. The chattering of the ponies could be faintly heard even from where they were standing.
"Trottingham!" Dash said.
"Trottingham!" Pinkie repeated.
And it wasn't only a model.
"Gawrsh. I wunder whut's goin' on down there," Goofy said.
Goofy was clueless (as usual), but this had been exactly what Pinkie was hoping for.
"It's a party!!" Pinkie shouted, though with none of the usual fanfare of party horns and confetti that normally accompanied her outbursts. "This is it! This is why that twinkling little star brought us here! So we could show these ponies how to have a good time, even without magic!"
"Yeah! I bet that's exactly it! I could show these guys how to crush it in a competition without using magic. I mean, who says you even need wings to be a stunt flier anyway?" Dash added.
"I still ain't too sure why me an' my pals were brought here," Goofy said.
Then, there came a sound behind them all. It didn't take a Pinkie Sense to recognize the sounds of approaching hooves and squeaking wheels rapidly approaching behind them.
"Move!!" Dash and Pinkie both shouted at once and ran to either side of the road.
Goofy, however, was still standing in the middle of the road.
"Huh? You gals say sum'n--WO-OOO-OOOW!!!!"
The goof was bowled over from behind, taken off his feet and tumbled over the top of an enormous, metal carriage.
The carriage passed quickly, leaving Goofy on his back in the dirt. Pinkie and Dash both quickly rushed to his side.
"Yeah, keep moving, Sunday galloper! You better hope I don't get my hooves on you!" Dash shouted at the driver of the carriage.
Despite her brave words, she didn't think that she could take on the driver, who she saw was by and large the biggest equine she had ever seen. He was at least six times the size of Big Macintosh, and had eight times the muscle. But, she couldn't worry about him. She had to tend to her injured friend.
"Uuuuhhhhhhhhh..." Goofy moaned, as he sat up. "Sumbody get th' license plate on that land-train..."
"Jeez, Goof! How are you still conscious after a hit like that!?" Dash wondered.
"Aw, it ain't nuthin'. I get hit on th' head all th' time."
"This requires further diagnosis!" Pinkie said, as she grabbed Goofy by his head, but was once again surprised by her lack of props.
"No magic, Pinkie. Remember?" Dash reminded her friend.
"I didn't. Thanks for reminding me," Pinkie answered, dropping Goofy to the ground.
"I'd hate t'think whut ya'd do if ya had them doctorin' tools," Goofy said.
"Don't worry about it, Goofy. This party will do you all kinds of good," Pinkie assured her friend, as she helped him up and guided the way to the town in the distance.
Upon arrival, there were almost too many sights for them to behold. It was even grander than their own festival back home. There was a covered area, where many booths had been set up to sell their wares like a miniature marketplace. Cards flipped, dancers twirled and balls flew in an entire area that had been cordoned off to performers. Dash was particularly taken by an exhibition by two dueling stallions. Nearby was the massive food court, where cuisine from around the world was put onto display by the chefs who anticipated the visit to the festival all year. Pinkie ran between the various sample platters that were placed about, but found herself unable to stuff her mouth beyond the normal pony capacity. Instead, she ended up having to eat her food in small bites, which nearly made her mane deflate.
There was a high dive exhibition, where ponies would perform aerial feats into a deep pool of water. Dash paid her bits and jumped off the diving board with an impressive combination of aerial twists, flips and turns. Her dive was impressive, but her entry left much to be desired, as she created an incredible splash that soaked many of the surrounding ponies.
The audience applauded anyway, thrilled to see such a performance. Dash surfaced, and waved to the crowd, just as the pool shook with an awful thud.
Dash looked over the side, and saw that Pinkie had run face first into the side of the pool. Pinkie had hoped that she would surface underneath Dash and hold her aloft for the crowd. But without her magic, it hadn't worked out the way she had hoped.
However, not everything was all fun and games. During their exploration, they saw two ponies carrying a stretcher that had a broken and bandaged pony laid out on it. They had no idea of how that pony could have ended up that way, but he kept hysterically repeating something about 'the games.'
That aside, they were enjoying the sights. But, they still hadn't learned why the magic light had brought them to this place. The light itself had disappeared shortly after they arrived, leaving them to their own devices. At the moment, Goofy was looking at his various reflections in several panels of stained glass artwork.
"A-hyuck. I didn't think I'd looked so good," Goofy said, as he admired his reflected image that was superimposed over a stained glass artwork of a pony that looked suspiciously like himself, but was dressed like a king, complete with a cape and a crown. Goofy reached his hands up, and his reflection lifted the image of the crown enough for the goof to fix his hair, and put the regal headgear back on.
The mare who was selling the glass that she had painted looked in shock at what the goof had done, and fell over backwards from the sight of it.
"Whoah! Goof, you gotta teach me how to do that!" Rainbow Dash said.
"Well, uh, it's real easy. Yuh just gotta stand here, an' yer wearin' that king's fancy pajammers," Goofy answered.
"But, how'd you get that crown to move? That was some crazy magic! Like, Discord meets the Royal Sisters!"
"Hm...If'n I had tuh think about it: yuh just gotta think like yer really wearin' that crown. Yuh know. Imaginate it."
"Imagin--Come on, Goof. That's only good for writing books and drawing pictures. I want to know how your magic works."
"Well, it ain't just good fer that. After all: yer a stunt flier, aintcha? I always thought performers got their ideas from daydreamin' an' lollygaggin' all day."
Dash wanted to rebut, but Goofy was right. All of the stunts she had come up with were dreamed up when she was malingering on her job as a weathermare. Every stunt was the product of practice, and hours of daydreaming and lollygagging, just like the goof said.
"Alright," Dash said, turning herself toward the stained glass, so that her own reflection appeared to be wearing the king's clothes. "Let's give this a shot. I'm a king, and I'm wearing a crown..."
Goofy almost laughed at how hard Dash was concentrating on her reflection, when he noticed Pinkie sulking nearby.
"Uh, sumthin' wrong, Pinkie?" Goofy wondered.
"No..." Pinkie answered. One look at Goofy's puzzled, oafish face, and she simply couldn't stand lying to him. "Yes! I'm at a party, and I'm miserable! This doesn't happen to me ever! All I want is to make everypony have a good time, and I'm powerless! And it's not the first time it's happened! Back home, I didn't know how the new party guests liked to have fun! I didn't even know that you were coming! And if my Pinkie Sense was working like it should have, I could have saved everypony from those weasels and their boss!!"
Pinkie staggered to the side, and laid her head down on a nearby booth's counter.
"Hey, now what's wrong with weasels?" asked the booth's attendant, who happened to be a weasel. "I don't know what those guys did to ya that was so bad, but I'm just a humble peddler, sellin' my wares."
The weasel placed a bucket and a stack of sponges on the counter next to Pinkie's head, making the pink mare jump backwards.
"Here ya go. Some household deterginatin' products, guaranteed to expunge the greasiest stain. An' I guarantee, it'll put a smile on yer face an' a spring in yer step, or my name ain't Cheet Ripov," the weasel said.
"Gawrsh. That must be some mighty fine spongin'," Goofy said, as he examined one of the steel wool pads.
Behind him and Pinkie, Ripov watched as several other weasels approached Rainbow Dash with a burlap sack, ropes, bits, bridles, chloroform, and a blackjack.
"It sounds promising, but it just can't wipe out the stain on my cutie mark!" Pinkie said, before she noticed something. "Heeeey! Wait a minute! This isn't a real booth! You just set up some tarps and wood in front of a janitor's closet!" she said, pointing to the door at the back of the booth that said in big, bold, black letters: 'JANITOR.'
"Eh-heh. I can see you're a mare who really knows her cleanin' supplies," Ripov said, putting one arm around Pinkie's shoulders.
"Forget it, 'Ripoff!' This is one mare who won't be taken for a fool!" Pinkie declared, removing the weasel's hand from her person.
Behind her, Dash was jumped by the gang of weasels. She tried to call for help, but the bit and bridle were slapped onto her mouth.
"Aw, c'mon Pinkie. Let's go try an' enjoy the party some more, 'fore we get tuh doin' whut we need tuh do," Goofy said.
"But, I can't enjoy the party, Goofy! I can't enjoy anything, now that I don't have what makes me special! Without my magic, this thing on my flank's just a decoration," Pinkie said, indicating her cutie mark.
"But, I don't got no mark on my keister. An' I always had a certain sumthin' whut made me stand out from th' crowd," Goofy said, leaning his hand on the counter, and placing it on a bar of soap, which made him fall forward, his chin landing on the counter top. "I was just talkin' tuh Rainbow Dash 'bout this."
Goofy indicated with his thumb to where Dash was the last time he saw her. Currently, Dash was fighting against the weasels who were tying her legs up.
"I told her it don't take a spell or a magic wand tuh make a spectacle o' yerself. Yuh just gotta know whut yer doin'," Goofy said, as he tried to get up, and slipped on the soap again.
Behind them all, Dash had just been stuffed into the burlap sack, and was still struggling against the group of weasels.
"Easy as pie...Hey, that's yer name, ain't it?" Goofy asked from the ground.
"Is that really all it takes?" Pinkie wondered.
Even from inside the sack, Dash continued to buck and bop the weasels. Until one of them uncorked his bottle of chloroform and poured out the contents onto Dash's sack.
Slowly, Dash stopped fighting and went limp.
The weasels dragged the sack away, while the one with the chloroform gave a thumbs up to Ripov.
Ripov responded with a wink.
"Don't worry about it, sweetheart. I think you, er...got it in the bag. Heh-heh!" he said.
"You're right! I never needed magic before to know how to have fun at a party! I just have to remember how!" Pinkie said. "Come on, Goofy! You're going to be my new party pal, and help me make my life a party again! Let's get Dashie, and--"
Pinkie cut herself off when she saw that her friend had disappeared.
"Dashie? Dashie?" Pinkie called.
"Hm...Mebbe she looked at her ruh-flection a bit too hard?" Goofy said, poking the stained glass Dash had been looking at, remembering how he ended up in Equestria in the first place.
There was a ground-shaking thud that made the stained glass fall off its display and shatter on the ground.
"Rainbow Dash! Speak to me!" Goofy said to the broken shards.
"Don't worry, Dashie! We'll have you back in shape in no time!" Pinkie said next.
They tried to rearrange the shattered glass back into its original shape, only for another thud to shake them into disarray again. Then another thud, and another and another.
"It's an earthquake!" Goofy yelled, as he collected a dustpan and broom from Ripov's booth, swept up the shards of glass, and took cover with Pinkie.
In a moment, the tremoring stopped, and the two of them came out of hiding. Once they had, Pinkie noticed something that was quite odd.
"What's going on here? How come nopony else ducked from that monster quake?"
"Mebbe they just didn't notice?" Goofy suggested, as he cradled the dustpan full of broken glass.
"Heh heh heh. That there was the joustin' champ. Theronicus Rex. He's the guy what added all the new er...sportin' events to the festival," Ripov explained from his booth. "He's probably just taken out the next unlucky sucker over at the tiltyard."
"A jousting match! I bet that's where Dashie's gone. She can't ever get enough of watching ponies beat each other up for fun! Come on, Goofy! We've got to find our Dashie!" Pinkie declared, as she boldly hopped off to find their missing friend.
Goofy was dragged off by his hand, while Ripov watched them the whole time.
"There goes the next batch o' suckers. Heh-heh-heh-heh..." the weasel chuckled.
Pinkie and Goofy wandered through the festival grounds, asking for directions to where the tiltyard was. They followed the directions they were given, and found themselves facing the outside of a gigantic coliseum. Inside, there was the sound of clattering metal and falling bodies.
"Well, if we're going to find Dashie, this would be the place," Pinkie said.
She and Goofy both walked up to the box office, which was manned by another weasel.
"A-hyuck. Hiya feller. Uh, how much fer admission?" Goofy asked.
The weasel put down the magazine he was reading ('Thug Weekly') and looked at the customers before him.
"Well, lookit this. Some late arrivals comin' to the show," the weasel said.
"Late? I didn't know we were s'posed to be here on time," Goofy said.
"No, stupid. The matches have already started."
"Hey! Nopony calls my party pal stupid! Who do you think you are, anyway!" Pinkie said, pressing herself against the front of the box office. She had hoped that she would have popped up inside of it, but failed to do so.
"Me? I'm the guy who decides whether I should let shnooks like you in. Which I will, 'cause I never pass up a chance to make a buck,” the weasel replied.
"Grrrreat! I guess Ripoff was right when he said not all weasels are bad."
"Yeah, yeah. Ten-thousand bits to get in."
"Ten-whut!?" Goofy exclaimed. "That can't be right! That's..." he started counting on his fingers. "Gawrsh! I ain't even got enuff fingers tuh count all that!"
"There's a late charge for folks tryin' to get in durin' the middle of a show. Ya either pay up, or ya keep walkin'."
"This is extortion!" Pinkie shouted.
"Yup," the weasel affirmed.
"You're a robber!"
"And how."
"You're a big, fat, meanie-head with sour candy in your heart!"
"That's why my girl loves me," the weasel said, showing a picture that was hanging on the back of his station of him and a lady weasel picking each other's pockets as they embraced.
"D'ooooohhh!! If I had my magic, you'd be in big trouble mister! I'd have the biggest party ever, and you wouldn't be invited!" Pinkie snapped.
"Not a problem, sister. I'd just crash it," the weasel answered, before he noticed something. "Saaaay, what's that dipwad got in his dustpan?"
Goofy looked at the shattered stained glass in the dustpan he held. "That. It's just--"
The weasel reached through the box office window and grabbed the dustpan from Goofy, carefully examining the colorful crystals within it. "Where's a goof like you get rocks like this?"
"Rocks? But, that's--"
"Tell ya what: you let me have these appraised for ya, and you and yer girlfriend can pick any seat ya want in there."
"Uh, okay. Thanks."
Goofy and Pinkie left, while the weasel packed up the glass to have it appraised.
"Folks are easier to con here than back home," the weasel chuckled.
Once they were inside the coliseum, they found the scenery to be rather typical of the sporting event. Vendors selling peanuts and popcorn. Competitors set up in their lanes for a joust, with their lances affixed to their sides. And most of all, the fans. Rows upon rows of cheering, hollering fans.
Goofy and Pinkie both walked right up to the front row of the seats and watched the two jousters get ready.
A bell rang, and the crowd roared loudly as the contestants charged one another, their lances set to meet in the middle.
One pony had the upper hoof, and knocked his opponent down. Despite his victory, he looked nothing but nervous.
Another weasel, this one dressed in old-fashioned Renaissance clothes, stood on a platform that was set up near the jousting lanes.
"And Rootin' Tootin' is the winner!" the emcee declared into his mic. "Alright, all you bug-eyed mini-horses! This is what you've been waiting for! A one-on-one duel with the champ of champs! Theronicus Rex!"
Two more weasels opened up a gigantic set of double doors, allowing in the enormous horse that had run Goofy down earlier. Now, he was wearing armor on his back, hooves, neck and head. The faceplate the creature wore was adorned with a horn like a rhinoceros, and the rest of his armor was studded with spikes and bolts.
On the equine's back, there was an equally enormous rider. The rider was some sort of bipedal creature, but it was impossible to determine what exactly they were, given they were covered head to toe in heavy armor. On the rider's back was a sword with enough metal to make a big rig truck out of it. On the rider's arm was a shield that could have dammed a river. On the rider's side, there was a lance the size of a telephone pole.
"Sweet cuppin'-cakes! That's the biggest pony I ever saw!" Pinkie said.
"That ain't no pony. That there's a draft horse. An' a big one, too," Goofy corrected.
The enormous horse tromped into his lane, the brick wall that divided the lanes practically rattling loose with every step he took.
The challenger trembled like a leaf in the wind, his armor nearly rattling off his body at the sight of his opponent.
The bell rang, signalling the start of the match.
The champ rode forward, the hoofsteps of his mount shaking the ground so much that Pinkie and Goofy jumped with every step he took.
The challenger hesitated, merely shaking in his greaves.
"Get movin' already, wimp!" a weasel shouted, poking the challenger's flank with the toothpick he was chewing.
The challenger yelped loudly and bolted forward. He knew this was going to be the end of him.
The end it was, as his shield was struck by the champ's enormous lance. But, that wasn't all. Instead of being knocked down, he was carried backwards by his own shield. When his opponent stopped running, he was thrown off and flew backwards screaming, right through a wall, which left a pony-shaped hole in it.
"And whaddaya know? Theronicus Rex remains the undisputed champ! The master who's your disaster! The equine that squashes you fine!" the emcee announced.
The horse reared up onto two legs, and waved to the crowd. The rider on his back went limp, revealing it to be just a mannequin.
"Who here thinks they're man enough to take on the champ, huh? I'll take you on all at once, if that's what you want!" Rex boasted to the crowd.
"And all at once it'll be! Be here for today's battle royale, where it'll be the best fighters in the kingdom against the champ! An all-for-all-brawl for the ages!" the emcee announced.
There were some cheers. But, they were considerably more restrained. It seemed that even though everypony enjoyed a good jousting match, not everypony was keen to see that kind of slaughter.
"Gawrsh. A brawl against that buh-heemoth. I sure hope Dash didn't sign up fer that," Goofy said.
He looked around the arena, as the champ beckoned cheers, and what he found shocked him.
"Rainbow Dash?" Goofy wondered aloud.
There, at an open doorway was Rainbow Dash, decked out in armor and being pulled away from the door by a rope, which was held by a weasel.
"You found Dashie? Where is she? Is she getting ready to fight these guys? Is she already prepping to be the champ? Or is she working her way up from the bottom and selling peanuts!?" Pinkie said.
"This ain't thuh time fer that! I think she's in trubble!" Goofy said.
"Trouble!?" Pinkie said, before saluting like a soldier. "Never fear! Staff sergeant Pinkie is here!" She declared, before groaning when she realized that she didn't have any of her props that would help the joke along.
She followed Goofy to where he saw Dash being pulled away, and found what looked like some kind of loading room, where all the fighter's supplies were kept. Armor and weapons were laid out to be used, but there was no sign of Dash.
They went to the next room, and saw a horrible sight. The metal carriage from earlier was parked outside a large door, and ponies were being led off of it by the weasels who were in the room. They only saw the carriage from the side, but it seemed like it was full to capacity, from the sheer number of ponies that were pulled off.
"What de heck? Where'd you find dis wimpy lotta joiks?" one weasel asked.
"We didn't pick 'em. The boss did. He said he wants to make real warriors outta them, 'fore they get too soft," said a weasel, who walked into the room from outside.
"Ah, pooh! I say jus' get'em while dey're already fightahs. Dat blue chicken-horse we nabbed oy-lier tudday was de bes' pick we got in forevah."
The last pony was led off, and one of the weasels walked into the carriage to get any lingerers.
"Not him. Dat kid's special. De boss wants him sent somewhere else," said the weasel, who was apparently the boss, as he shut the carriage doors and locked them.
"They got Dashie!" Pinkie whispered.
"Ah-yup. That we do," said a voice behind them.
Goofy and Pinkie turned around to see a group of armed weasels.
"Nice o' ya to drop by," said the weasel who was leading the group, as he brandished a switchblade.
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Goofy sure proved his comedy genius so far....can't wait to see more soon
Nice.
And with that aside:
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We're knights of the Round Table
We dance when e'er we're able
You know the rest.
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Genius is a bit of a strong word where I'm involved. But, there will be more soon. There will be a new development or two. Maybe Goofy will even get his new costume.
For the record, Leslie Nielsen did have a villainous role in a horror based anthology film called "Creepshow" where he plays a psychopath who tries to drown his unfaithful wife and her boyfriend. They come back as zombies and bury him up to the neck at the beach and the segment ends with Leslie's character laughing hysterically at the incoming tide and screaming "I can hold my breath for a long time!"
I'd say we'd have a villainous pony this time...but given his size, he's probably more a full-out horse instead of a pony, and potentially also not of Equestria, the way that all the other villains aren't as well.
Twilight Sparkle is the obvious pony who's at a crutch without her magic, but you never quite seem to realise how much it affects Pinkie, now that she can't do her regular Pinkieisms. If anything, though, I'd have expected Rainbow Dash to be moaning every minute about not being able to fly! Of course, she lives up to trying to do some stunts anyways with her diving, but up against Theronicus Rex, Dashie's going to need an intervention.
I fully expect the old mare at the start of the story to be Pinkie Pie. Mostly because she has to be one of the two ponies on this adventure, and if it was Rainbow Dash I don't think she'd allow for some pony to be calling her 'Crash'. That and the mare's grandson is an Earth pony.
This is so awesome right now! The bad guy is a horse! I love horses! I'm betting because of the silly scream, the grandma mare is Pinkie Pie, right?
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That grandma pony could be anyone. Who knows? Well, I do. And so does everyone who read through this arch. So, just keep reading.
A switchblade? Those are illegal in America. I wonder what the princesses have to say about it.
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Probably not much, given the position they're in at the moment.