A Full HIE Story In 1,411 Words
I was sitting on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Oh God, my life was so boring. So many problems and other bad stuff going on.
Suddenly I was engulfed in a bright light. I covered my eyes and felt myself go unconscious. Everything was black. I then opened my eyes to realize I was sitting in an orchard full of apple trees.
"Well howdy there partner!" A weird orange horse-like creature says at it walks up to me, wearing a cowboy hat.
"Whoa golly gee willikers who are you?" I say, standing up. "I've never seen anything of the likes of you!"
"My name is Applejack, come back to my farm with me." She says turning back towards wherever she came from. Following strange alien creatures is always totally cool, so I walked after her.
I arrive at a barn where Applejack offers me a place to stay. I lay down on a pile of hay and quickly fall asleep.
"Whoa, that was a crazy day." I say to myself as I fall asleep. I wake up the next morning, and walk out of the barn. I follow a path that leads to a town where all of the natives seem to stare at me.
I eventually stumble across a giant tree with a sign out front. I knock and a purple pony greets me.
"Whoa, by Celestia you are a strange creature." The purple pony says. She has a horn on her head the lights up and suddenly I am pulled inside.
"Oh holy fudge that was insane. Oh God magic, my grasp on reality is being shredded faster than Hillary's emails."
"Who is this Hillary." The pony asks.
"Oh politics and stuff. I will now explain my entire world to you." After an hour of talking, I come to a simple conclusion. "Basically, almost every politician is a dick."
"Whoa cool history stuff and all that. I'm Twilight Sparkle, but call me Twilight."
"Well hello Twilight, do you happen to have five other friends that I will just so happen to become good friends with in a short span of time and possibly fall in love with one of them but not realize it until the third arc of the story even though they've totally been crushing on me since the very beginning?"
"Well of course! In fact you already met one of them, Applejack! And gosh golly look at that, all five of them just so happen to be outside my door right now!" Twilight says as the door slams open, revealing five more ponies, one that I already know.
A white unicorn pony comes in and stares at my clothes.
"These are complete shit." She says blatantly. "I shall make you new clothes for free, and when you feel bad about mooching off of me, you'll want to pay me back, and I will then refuse to take your money because I am so generous." She says with a smile. "...Darling."
"And to get the money that Rarity won't accept from you no matter how much you bug her, you can work on my farm every day, slowly gaining the body figure of The Rock, and losing the figure of a nerd from a 90's sitcom!" Applejack says excitedly.
"I'm really shy." A yellow pony with wings says as she hides behind her hair. "I probably wont contribute much to the plot unless the person writing all of this thinks I'm best pony which doesn't happen all that much in these stories..." She says quietly. "Also, you make me really nervous even though you have done nothing to receive such a response.
"Okay then yellow horse, that's pretty top right there mate." Suddenly, a blue pony with wings and a rainbow colored mane flies up in my face.
"Hey! I'm Rainbow Dash, and you're going to probably hate my cocky attitude for a few chapters, then you'll start to warm up to me. Eventually, I'll start acting weird because I have an awkward crush on you, but will refuse to reveal my feelings because it would probably ruin our friendship."
"Well Rainbow Dash, if you're gonna be such a bitch. God what an ego." I say as I roll my eyes. Suddenly, a pink blur jumps on me and says some really fast words which the writer then has to squish them all together, leaving out the spaces to put emphasis on how fast she was speaking, making it hard for any person to read.
"And would you look at that, I'm throwing your welcome to Ponyville party now!" She says. I blink and suddenly the whole library is filled with ponies.
"Whoa cool! But I'm socially awkward so I'm going to go sit over here now." I say as I sit down in a corner. Rainbow Dash walks over and sits next to me.
"What's wrong Rainbow?" I ask as I try to comfort her.
"Nothing... Nothing at all."
"No, you can tell me."
"I love you, and I've been hiding it ever since I met you but I've been too nervous to tell you." She says nervously, refusing to make eye contact.
"I love you too even though I'm currently thinking in my head in italics about how wrong this is, but realize that you are a person on the inside." I lean over and kiss Rainbow, and everything just feels right.
Suddenly, a bright flash of light comes out of nowhere, and a white Jesus horse appears in the middle of the library causing everyone to stop moving.
"Human with a weird name that literally nobody on Earth has, or sometimes a very generic name like Matthew Green, I have news to tell you. Also seriously, Matthew Green, what a boring name."
"What is it Jesus Horse?"
"It turns out that when you came here, you absorbed a lot of magic because why not, and now you are basically God, and are stronger than me."
"Whoa, that's a lot of power." I say. Suddenly, a loud explosion goes off outside. We run outside to see a bunch of black bug-like creatures attacking the town.
"Welp, I'm not strong enough to do this because if I was there would be no point for you to have magic so peace out dickholes." Celestia says as she suddenly falls over dead.
"We aren't strong enough!" Rainbow says as she walks up next to me. "Please, use your magic to stop the changelings, because we totally haven't done it before and are capable of doing it again!"
"Don't worry babe, I got this." I say as I pull a pair of sunglasses from nowhere. I put them on and begin running really super fast because magic. I find the leader of these changelings and approach her.
"Ha ha ha, You are too weak to kill me." She says maniacally.
"You're right... I am too weak." I can feel my magic draining. Oh God no, not my magic! I'll never make it in Vegas now!
"But... I have friendship!" I yell as a bright glow engulfs my body. Every changeling screams as it is defeated by my magic because again, magic.
"Noooo! I've been defeated! Now I'll need to return in a sequel that will probably never be written!" Chrysalis yells as she flees.
"Yeah! Go guy with weird or very generic name!" Twilight and the other cheer as they approach me.
"Finally, we can be at peace, together, as best friends." I say as we gather in a group hug.
And so, generic guy and friends lived happily ever after... Until the sequel comes out and suddenly generic guy has to come back to save the world.
But that's another story.
*I'm so sorry for this* -BombShelter
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I'll be perfectly honest, I started skimming real quick.
hum I am thinking you should be sorry for this. no it is a descent story trust me I have tried reading way worst to tell the truth it is a good story.
A few spelling errors and such aside (which could easily be argued after the fact as intention to emulate HIE fanfictions even more closely), this was great. I think I probably would have had him waking up in the Everfree Forest and being attacked by a timberwolf or manticore instead of Sweet Apple Acres, though. Twas an enjoyable mockery of the HIE genre.
7594714 How's that any different than most other HIE fics?
This is pretty much the standard 100k word HiE, condensed down.
Pretty good :)
7594747 It's different in that I actually read a few paragraphs before I started to skim.
Usually, I skim so fast I don't even click into the story.
Got to say....this story does summarizes most HIE stories
This was perfect
7594777 Indeed it was. :D
7594721 Ah dude, I haven't seen you in forever! Glad you're still around :)
I will use this as a reference on what to do and what not to do under any circumstances.
Thank you.
My god... Was this done 4 deh lelz?
Before I read this, can someone plz tell me what HIE means?
7594865
Human in Equistria.
Take all of the wins.
Try reading the dialogue with really stupid\ ridiculous voices
*snickers madly* Somehow this was even more amusing than I expected, and my expectations were pretty high.
I had to take frequent 3 minute breaks due to the pain in my cheeks. Good stuff!
Holy black on a Popo...
7594788 I am still on site and have ben watching for up dates on Cryogen.
if you get a chance you should check out my last too blogs.
That moment when you thought of an idea to make the most cliche human in equestria story but someone just made one a week later
(Don't forget the human got here because discord and basically almost every story has "hijinks ensue" with an interlude where the protagonist plays pranks on everypony)
Wow... that was pretty cringy. Visually this would probably be acted out with cardboard cut-outs and someone who didn't get enough coffee in the morning. 10/10 best story!
Well this was something....I don't know kind of something but it was sure something.
Okay from a serious point of view this was pretty bad but beleive it or not compared to some other stuff oc read this is really good if one tries to take it seriously.
Of course this is not meant to be serious it's meant to be bad and cringe inducing. In that regard it's a pretty good and relatively successful.
Oh and this made me laugh and smiel quite a few times. Good job.
-BFBL
I laughed really hard at the These are complete shit XD I'm a fan
FALSE! No one deletes emails faster than Hilary! (or her interns) Take my like!
edit. I can't stop reading that in the most passive/not caring voice I can imagine.
Absolutely hilarious!
Thank you for making this!
What! RD would never love a lowly human!
*completely serious and generic rant about how bad this serious story is*
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8380-dashie_table_flip_by_tomdantherock-d5e46om.gif
read story,
print story,
sett the printed story on fire,
piss on the ashes, go have a pint of beer, piss on the ashes again.
but seriously, it's a funny parody story about HiE.
You call that stereotypical?
It doesn't even have a scene where the human appears in the Everfree forest, rescues the Cutie Mark Crusaders by fighting off a manticore and/or timberwolves, and immediately gets knocked unconscious by Rainbow Dash and/or Applejack, for his trouble.
Gotta have that scene that establishes your protagonist is a special blend of heroic badass, and poor, wrongfully-persecuted everyman. Just like every other HiE.
So, how is the weather on the moon? Cuz magic?
7595406 It's shit, send help
You missed the part where Celestia's a bitch and turns him to stone for no reason.
You nailed everything except for 1 small detail. The human must burst into tears over literally nothing a couple times to show he's actually a scared, whiny, little man baby who has:
A) Been alone for multiple years after the only person he's cared about died in some tragic event and, despite having said multiple years to accept and move on that fact, is so emotionally unstable over it that any form of memory makes him become an emotion wreck or;
B) Literally never been alone for a single day in their life or experianced any form of loss because they've always had a parent or friends with them constantly and now that they are gone and he's alone, he literally can't do a single thing by himself because said persons did every single thing for that person resulting in the character being a whiny, man baby who doesn't know how the real world works and expects everyone to do everything for him and justifies that as friendship despite the character having zero reason to like said whiny, man baby
7595263 You forgot getting splattered by a car to start off.
The punctuation started eating my soul after a handful of lines. Just because you are making a joke, or a parody, doesn't mean you should ignore good writing habits.
And then the tall sentient ape and flying rainbow horse banged. The End.
7595870 SAPIENT!
7595945 they both work
HiE is my favorite type of story. But after a decent amount of 'MURICA FUCK YEAH HiE, badly-written HiE with or without good potential/ideas/scenarios, HiE that prefer to bash on canon characters, I lost faith in them. I will try to read them but will quit pretty soon if some of these hated tropes of mine come up:
"You're in a new land that have magic? You MUST get super denial and depressed"...EVERYONE REACT DIFFERENTLY TO THINGS!
Or the trope of "Human protagonist is always right and ponies is always wrong." Despite the fact that most of them couldn't have done things better without the plot armor.
And my "favorite" *deadpan* "I can be a jerk to everyone and they will love me because ha ha I am superior to all those lowly animal ponies."
Or a general man-child attitude despite being of proper age with way too much pride and arrogance and anger issue.
Oh and another one "Human are scary, hate and fear them despite the fact that Equestria have much much scarier monsters and sapient species. All just to have meaningless conflict that shouldn't have happened in the first place.
To quote from TV Tropes: "It is often said that "conflict is the soul of drama"; without some form of conflict to fuel things, there's no engine to drive the story and thus little reason to engage with it. However, we here at TV Tropes would like to propose an amendment to this phrase which includes something important but sadly all-too-often forgotten: Meaningful conflict is the soul of drama."
And these are only the few among the many problems that I have with HiE despite it being my favorite Genre.
7595952 No, no they do not! Both have different meanings. Sapient points to something with human or higher level of intellience while Sentience points to something with cat or dog or even dolphin level of intelligence
To simplify: Sentience is the ability to perceive and to adapt while Sapience is Wisdom.
7596000 Ok perfectionist. Wait, humans can percieve and adapt. So... don't they both count?
7596022 Doesn't mean it is Sapient with only Sentient.
Animals can adapt, sure. But they are more or less restricted by natural selection and natural cycles..
Where as we have a certain level of understanding and we put it into good use to make sure we don't waste away or forced to move when the weather changes.
XD Wow! Hahahah, Every HiE Ever! It's totally like that....but as much as this made my guts explode, it's kinda sad to see a lot of HiE's falls in this trope....but then liked during the second half. Although breaking the stereotype in this types of fic are rare (in my opinion), the stereotypes are like 'an oldie, but a goodie' type of phrase. I actually thought of a short idea in my head out of boredome: a human who is a brony (yea this one's typical) who read a lot of HiE fanfics and tries to avoid as many stereotypes as he/she can....hilarity ensues.
Whoa! Fluttershy's breaking the 4th Wall??
*faints*
7596057 a.k.a adaption
This was exactly what I needed to brighten up my day. I can't stop smiling! This was so... good? bad? goodly bad? XD Was very hilarious, 10/10. And would you look at that--you're on the front page of FIMFiction!
This is like watching a Nostalgia Critic sketch.
We need Santa Christ!
Thank you for posting this valuable guideline on cringey tropes for Fimfiction writers to avoid. I also enjoy HIE stories, but find said tropes detract from the immersion/enjoyment of an otherwise good story.
7596034
if the timestamp feature doesn't work, start @ 5:16
edit : yeah, the timestamp doesn't work. does anyone know how to make the video start at a certain time>?