• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen 37 minutes ago


Too much to write; too little time

Comments ( 52 )

You posted this seven seconds ago so I'm gonna be your first comment. Hope it's good!

So I take it our protagonist just got screwed over. Let's see how he gets himself out of this mess.

One tiny nitpick:

...terrible curse that prays upon the good citizens.

Apparently this curse is deeply religious and requires ponies as a component of it's religious rites. :rainbowlaugh:

(prays = prayer, preys = hunting)

Now to read what will surly be an entertaining tale, now that my internal grammar gremlin has sated his appetite and laid down for what will hopefully be a very long nap. :pinkiecrazy: :scootangel:

edit: Yep, very entertaining. Can't wait for more.

Hopefully the character picks the right skill set and becomes a dex build. Everyone knows that dex builds are the best.

Now it's time to drop in to the first boss fight without any actual preparation.

Happy now?

Well I hope we get the true ending. Because from when I saw a friend playing those fights they where jaw dropping.

Why was I not notified about a chapter 1 being released?

Now you're going to get a comment after this one because of this failure.

The good ol' Saw Cleaver. A decent dex weapon. Soon the better dex weapons will appear and the best dex build will be made.

It's time for the hunt to begin.

Dammit Senpai... I don't even play any of From Software's games and you've already hooked me... :pinkiecrazy:

As I'm replaying Bloodborne trying to avoid spoilers, I find this in my new story feed.


Featured how?

Edit: nevermind, saw who wrote it. Carry on don't pay attention to the idiot here.

Feckin character creation! Probably the best rendering I've read. Didnt even think of something like that. Good on you blackie:heart:


I love you writer.
I don't care if the story is good or not (Is, made it to home page), you made a bloodborne story, therefore you are best writer.

Anthropomorphized wolf demon princess horrors?:pinkiehappy: that's my guess!

7623600 You disgust me. :pinkiesick:

7623937 Play them. Now. No excuses. You're a waste of skin if you don't.

7624403 :twilightblush:

7624530 I'm very happy with how the character creation part of the prologue went. It feels natural.

7624686 Do not worry. Though the night, and the dream, are long, they will be concluded.


You disgust me.

what r u? casul?

Anyways. There are so few good Bloodborne crossovers here, even fewer of them are complete. I'd even go as far as to guess that none have ever been completed thus far. I hope this one ends up as a great for the Souls community on this site. Praise the Good Blood!

Sigh...another 2nd person fic I'm not going to read. It's got a neat concept, but I wish 2nd person wasn't a thing.


7625091 All the chapters have already been planned out, my friend. I simply need to write them. :twilightsmile:

7625102 That's a pity, although I don't know why you had to comment about it. If you're not going to read it, you're not going to read it. Telling me you don't like 2nd person stories isn't going to change how I write this one though.

7625118 Maybe you can explain it to me, then. What do you get out of writing 2nd person that wouldn't otherwise be available if you actually created a character with their own established backstory and history? If the idea is to insert yourself into the story, we all know what a load of cancer that is.

If the idea is to allow the reader to superimpose their own psyche onto the character, then you're going to break immersion every time you write a piece of dialogue that the reader wouldn't consider using (which will be constantly). If the goal is immersion, then dictating all of the readers actions will lose that the instant you take one that isn't something the reader would do.

If the reader is, like me, a slightly lazy writer who spends far too many hours playing Overwatch, then 'You're suddenly a character from a video-game!' with none of the talent means I'm likely to trip over my own feet, then stab myself with my own lightsaber.

Maybe I'm just not understanding the purpose here.


7625245 I wrote this story in second person to keep it in line with the game. The main character is never described except for the fact they are a unicorn. Instead, the reader decides the gender of the main character. The reader decides their appearance, their cutie mark, their history. The reader decides who they are. The reader can now place themselves inside the role of the main character, just like they can when playing the game. The fact that you yourself believe that it is a load of cancer does nothing to take away the fact that this is what 2nd person narrative is supposed to do.

No, 2nd place narratives don't take away an established backstory and history from the character. You are giving the reader the option to fill it in themselves; to make a character they can identify with. This has nothing to do with a lack of creativity on the part of the author; I have given the MC a name, a gender, and an appearance. It just hasn't been shared with the reader.

Also, if you'd actually read the story, the main character hasn't spoken a line of dialogue yet. It's implied that they speak, but the actual dialogue is left to the readers' imagination.

2nd person narratives, like all types of narrative, is a form of art. Some people enjoy it, some people understand it, while there are those that just don't see the appeal.

7625264 I...am afraid I'm one of those. It's a piece of 'art', insofar as it's a My Little Pony/Bloodborne crossover fanfiction. That's fine. All well and good. Nothing pretentious there.

2nd person narrative, 'fill in the blanks' mentality to the dialogue, use-your-imagination character development, and backstory that isn't actually in the story are all pretensions. Bad ones.

This has the chance to be something pretty neat.

Since this has gone on a little longer than I thought I could without at least thumbing through the story, I figure I could give my impressions.

The prose is decent. It's not brilliant, but it's not terrible. Since I have no interest in Bloodborne, I am pretty sure I've missed some gigantic sections of the plot here. The action sequence is fine, but I've no idea what is actually going on. That can be a decent hook, though without a character to be interested in (and to be clear, the main character HAS no personality other than 'scared'.), I'm afraid I can't say it's good. Not bad from a technical standpoint, but not enjoyable.



2nd person narrative, 'fill in the blanks' mentality to the dialogue, use-your-imagination character development, and backstory that isn't actually in the story are all pretensions. Bad ones.

No they're not. They're bad in your opinion. Your opinion is not law.

Since I have no interest in Bloodborne

Then what the fuck are you doing on a Bloodborne crossover story? That's like going to a football game, complaining that all it is is 14 guys fighting over a bag of air, and when people try and explain it, you say 'oh, I have no interest in football'. This story was clearly not written for YOUR enjoyment, but the enjoyment of people who have actually played the fucking game! Seriously, the story is a 2nd person Bloodborne story, and you've clearly stated you don't care for either, so why the hell did you click on it in the first place?


backstory that isn't actually in the story

That one can be kind of an objective issue. Stories should ideally be accessible to anyone who reads them, not just people who know the crossover source material. If you need to have played the game to understand it, it's the bad kind of backstory.

7625344 7625391 Well, seeing as we are only on chapter 1, of course there is no backstory yet. Also, you don't need previous knowledge of the game in order to read this; it just makes the ride more enjoyable. Nothing will ever be answered with "if you played the game you'd understand".

7625387 Don't start shit on this story. :ajbemused:

Fair enough, just pointing it out. It's a problem a lot of crossovers I've seen here tend to have. They often implicitly assume anyone interested in reading them will already know all the terms and such.

7625401 I know what you're talking about, and I dislike it as well. This story shouldn't have that problem since, as I've stated before, I'll be explaining most of what's going on in the story itself. That being said, I might slip up occasionally as it's hard to look at the story from an outside perspective, seeing as I've put more than 24 hours into the game.

It should help that most (if not all) the characters will be from the mlp universe, not the Bloodborne one.

>implying 24 hours is a lot
>implying non-idiocy
>implying he/she still has a social life afterms playing this game

7626511 When you can beat the game in around 6 hours, 24 is more than you'd think. Also, I'm not sure why you think I'm implying non-idiocy.

I will agree with the no social life thing though... but mostly because of writing for this site.

If this goes how the bloodborne game goes, than he will make his way to the Cleric Beast, or the equivalent of it.

7627575 Or he could just go right for Father Gascoigne. Cleric Beast is optional.

Well done on making the character creation feel genuine. On to the next chapter, where the little ones will bust a move to save your ass.

Y'know, a dex build could have easily dodged those attacks. Such a shame to take all that damage.

“Hello, good Bearer…”

And thus began the long sequence of killing the doll many times over.

Well that was a sad ending for Shining Armor. It makes me shudder to think of what happened to not only his wife and child but his sister and her friends.

7640995 Read, the section after the fight again, you'll soon realise that Cadence's fate is already apparent.

If this is going where I think it is Flurry Heart will share German's youngest daughters fate. Or at least something similar to it but I could very well be wrong. She might be having tea and crumpets with Tia and Lulu in the castle! :D

Well it looks like Celestia may end up being a villain. I wonder what will happen next?

Comment posted by badninja deleted Oct 22nd, 2016

He did very well using his dex to dodge those attacks.

Although, he fucked up his dex build by having a blunderbuss instead of a pistol.

Awesome beginning, I hope its a good story.

Yikes! Happy ending for shining armor and cadence!

You might be happy about being in this situation

I would be to if I had immortality dream powers.

Listening to "Necer wake again" when I stumbled upon this :pinkiehappy:
Saving for a later read

Oh hell ya, I'm ready for this ride !!!

So I'm reading this on my breaks at work, and I've got to say, I'm really liking it so far
Can't wait to see how this goes !!!:pinkiehappy:

I suppose I'll just make a list here to keep track of the cast, and update it as we proceed. If I miss any, I hope someone will correct me.

You AKA The Bearer as The Good Hunter
Burgundy? as Iosefka
Celestia as Gehrman
Possibly Luna as Lady Maria, and therefore her look-alike as The Doll?
Shining Armor as Father Gascoigne
Cadence as Viola
The Guard as The Healing Church Hunters

Does all that sound about right?

I am loving this story by the way. I may be tying the strings together but I do feel that this diverges enough on its own, and provides a great insight in to the protagonist's mind. Also I love the descriptions of the fight scenes. It manages to capture the frantic, frenzied pace of bloodborne's combat without being to gamey and confusing for the reader. Great work!

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