- Member Since 10th Jun, 2016
- offline last seen Wednesday
Waterwalker
I am an intelligent, learned, kind, gregarious, fun loving kind of a guy.
Waterwalker
Joined 10th Jun, 2016 ·
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What followup?
This could have turned out to be an excellent story had the idea been executed better. The character needed more fleshing out. At the beginning, you pull your readers a bit to what seemed to be a story deeper than what's in the description but then sped up the pace of the story from the middle to the end. You also ended it on a cliffhanger that unfortunately is undesirable since the story is sped up. Maybe taking some time really, really fleshed out the character would have made it a really telling piece for theme of the story.
I do get the theme of course, but I feel the story had so much more potential than what was let on in the read.^^
7660929 - Everything you said is correct, but I do not have the skill or the knowledge to fix those problems.
I have come to the conclusion that I am not a writer.
I originally wrote this for a young person who had been bullied. I already told her to seek help. But I wanted to say something more than just giving a sympathic message.
I posted this story to help some people... and find out how fimfiction readers feel about my stories.
I'm ok about this. I'm good at other things. I am happy that I found this website.
The description has errors.
it should be
After being bullied a young filly runs away… only to face mortal danger. She is saved by mysterious pony.
7668634 - done.
Thank you for the post.
My grammar is atrocious. But I can't wait for a proofreader - I need a writing drug-fix.
7660707 - I moved the second part of chapter 1 to chapter 2… where it should be. I apologize for the confusion this may have caused you.
Lone Unicorn Writer:
You make good points.
This story grew from sending a message of hope and comfort for a young girl who was suffering from bulling.
I did not go into detail about the principle character. I wanted some readers (who have suffered) a character to identify with.
In the near further I will review this story... and make it better (hopefully).