• Member Since 28th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen March 27th

chief maximus


Why do I write? Because I can't draw! I write mainly as an outlet, and don't take it too seriously. If you like what I write, awesome! If not, that's cool too.

T

After running Trixie out of town for being all talk, one last act of spite threatens to turn Twilight's life upside down. She calls upon the only pony she knows may be able to help restore her faith in pony-kind and her faith in herself.
A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step, as Applejack and Twilight begin a trek to rescind Trixie's revenge, and save Twilight's Ponyville home.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 36 )

I'm curious to see where this goes

Do my eyes deceive me? Is this a TwiJack I see? <Tracked>

Please, by all means, continue. :moustache:


No but seriously, this is pretty good so far. I don't see any major flaws or issues. The writing is good, the characterizations are spot on, the plot is interesting... I'm actually not a TwilightxApplejack fan. But I want to see where this story goes.

My one problem, if you can even call it that, is the descriptions of Applejack's physique when Twilight's gaze is upon her and whatnot. The descriptions are great, that's not the problem. They just might be a bit... over-enthusiastic. Laying it on a bit thick, y'know? Perhaps you could slowly build up to the more-aesthetically pleasing descriptions, rather than leaping into them so quickly and heavily. I'm not saying it's a big problem, or even a minor one. Just a small stylistic observation, which you're free to totally ignore. :rainbowlaugh:

But yeah, I like it. Lookin' forward to the next chapter. :pinkiehappy:

Oh wow that is low, Trixie. :twilightangry2:

Though it makes for one heck of a premise! Definitely looking for more of this.

I thought Trixie would have burned Twilight's home down, not throw a green bottle of beer that I assume contained plant-killer chemicals, dood.

And the story started off with Applejack with the crush and Twilight oblivious, then it sorta went the other way, dood.

I am so confused by this I could favorite this, oddity, dood.

926653 where did you get AJ with the crush on Twilight?

A strange delusion i read too much into during the following text, dood:

Twilight swallowed before attacking the apple dumplings. Applejack had always given her a discount on apples whenever she sent Spike to go grocery shopping. She assumed she did it for the rest of her friends as well, but something about the apples she gave Spike seemed perfect for cooking. The flavor; always balanced, not overpowering; the sweetness playing against the tart, the texture complimenting the juiciness...If better apples existed, Twilight certainly hadn't tasted them.

Based on the fact that it's the author asking me that question, I am reading too much into this, dood.

926776 I was actually re-reading the first chap after your original comment, and I figured it was that paragraph. however, friends can still give friends apple discounts without any ulterior motives, right?

926833 I suppose so, yea I read too much into it, dood.

The fact that the apples Twilight gets from Applejack seem to great is what I was basing my suspicions on .

Big Mac...the brains of the operation? Is that just about today's planting, or is that about the farm in general?
I mean, I think Big Mac has a good head on his shoulders, too, but...I don't know, the Apple family has always seemed a bit matriarchal to me. And even though I know that so many female characters means that mares fill pretty much all of the leadership roles, (Applejack leader of earth pony team in Winter Wrap up, Rainbow Dash leader of weather team, the mayor is a mare, etc.) occasionally Equestria in general comes off as matriarchal to me. And with Applejack having proven leadership skills and appearing to be much more social/conversational - if that's a word - than Big Mac, it just seems like Applejack would be the one running the farm - though of course with deference to Granny Smith when she's not being too senile.

Anyways, this isn't meant to be too much of a criticism, really, though my brain did go "what?" :rainbowhuh: a little bit when I read that.
Maybe you could write a bit more about Applejack and her brother later on, and explain more thoroughly what the relationship is between the two in this fic. I think that would help me, at least. Anyways, carry on. :twilightblush: I look forward to some AppleTwi. I'll be tracking. :twilightsheepish:

"... the texture complimenting the juiciness."

And so the foreplay begins.:yay:

927054 when I said 'brains', I was referring to his math skills. He's better at it than AJ, thus running a profitable farm and crunching numbers is more his thing than his sister's.

I used to get bothered, really, really bothered and sometimes even angered by this type of stories...

Until i took an arrow to the knee...

It's almost rare to read a good Applejack x Twilight Sparkle story, please do continue :heart:

why this story is on hiatus? looks a great beginning! please continue it!

I may have just started being a member of this site, but I must admit that I really do like this story. :twilight smile:
If you can find it in your heart, please continue. :heart:

Well done so far, though I have to see more of the story before I can really make up my mind. My guess is that the Library becomes uninhabitable (maybe temporarily?) and while Twilight is homeless, she lives with Applejack. Shipping ensues.

Okay, so let me start by saying the only reason this fic is updating is because I've had this chapter just sitting here and figured I might as well release it because I took the time to flippin write it. Please understand that to me, this fic is a giant mess and will need to be re-written at the very least. When that will happen is anybody's guess. Anyway, there ya have it.

a TwiJack fic?

Haven't seen that before...

I like the concept of the story, so please update more regularly than once every three month ><

Hmm, there was no milk tower. It was a water tower, Twilight filled it with milk in the barn.

Not sure why you think this fic is a mess, even though have read both chapters so far and seems fine to me. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png Yeah, I guess might not be as good as At Home on the Range was written, being an Adventure Romance fic like that one, but seems fine, even though you probably want this to be a good work like most of your others. But then again, could just be me being neutral cause sorta reading for the hell of it, even though I still enjoy reading a good fic or otherwise one previously started from time to time (not saying this isn't my taste, but just eh, hard to explain). Anyway, onto a review, even if this chapter will be taken down (I assume, but hopefully, not the whole story)!

Well, seems the thing from first chapter spread fast, probably no doubt from being directly inserted into the roots. Interesting timeline you've set up, having (I think) Boast Busters episode take place after the Secret of my Excess and Lesson Zero ones, at least that're confirmed. Though I seem to notice you once again (hadn't in the first chapter's original reading or commented) mixed up the tower's original purpose. As originally, it was a WATER tower that Twilight repurposed into a milk tower, for the use in calming down the Ursa Minor. And Twilight had a time spell book or one that had at least one such spell? :twilightoops: Seems kinda weird maybe, but eh, I'm not the author, so will keep quiet. :fluttershbad: And pony puns(?) on town names and disease name seemed kinda clever.

Well, curious to see when it goes from being as it is now to the rewrite you plan on doing at some point. Hopefully, you don't give up on it before that happens. Or you'll make Fluttershy cry! :fluttershyouch:

1444332
Must not do a lot of reading or browsing. While not the most popular of Twilight ships (to my knowledge), TwiJack is still done a bit (and probably not just on here), though probably not as much TwiDash, TwiMac, TwiSpike, etc. Again, to my general knowledge as far as the heavily done Twilight shipfic pairings, even though I do my fair share of reading on this site at times.

1444469 You're right! Ack, I havent watched the episodes in forever.

1444254

We'll take mess! You've got a great premise set up here. Even better, we're two chapters in and the Good Ship TwiJack hasn't even left the dock, which is a refreshing change in itself. So do, please, grace us with more mess-in-need-of-a-rewrite. We, your adoring public, might just prefer it messy!

Good to finally see an update on this fic. I certainly hope Twilight and Applejack make it in time and that Trixie is brought to justice for her crimes.

1444473

Though your rewrite will probably take care of this, I figured it can't hurt to point out an edit -
"It was as though and earthquake were shaking her house apart, but the ground remained still."
Should be "an earthquake"

I agree. It seemed like an interesting enough story back when you released the first chapter back in July and it still seems well written and moving along at a steady pace. For what it's worth, I found it to be an enjoyable read so far. :twilightsmile:

Mistakes or not still a fun read regardless, then again maybe I'm just happy this is a good story with nice pacing and so forth when I been going through other stories that kinda rush stuff and so forth. Either way hope more updates will come in the future for this.

Oooh, pretty good so far! Yeah there are some minor issues, and the tower thing, but they're certainly not enough to make this not an awesome fic. I'm definitely interested in seeing where this goes!

Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

Hmm. A little editing may be required here. When discussing the disease, AJ states she headed up to Norleans to help her cousin out with it a couple weeks back. Shortly afterwards, Twi asks AJ if she's ever been to Norleans, to which she responds 'Once, when I was a little filly'.
Other than that, this seems to be progressing quite nicely.

The concept of Twilight connecting with AJ over nursing her sick tree library is a really strong one. Whether you rewrite this or not, do continue it!

Own genetic quirks... you're saying that Twilight wouldn't be the least bit interested (and possibly worried) in a tree (especially hers) that's losing it's leaves WAY too early ?

...

Yes this has been a very enjoyable read :twilightsmile: Please continue it I think you are doing well may have to rewrite some but all in all I think it is done well. I WANT MOAR :flutterrage:

Twilight had always questioned how keeping milk in a metal tower at room temperature or worse was even remotely sanitary, but the mayor was usually quite evasive when she brought it up. Perhaps it was built for just such an emergency.

It was a water tower, she grabbed it with her magic and spilled all that water, everywhere, and filled it with milk from the Apple family's cows.

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