• Member Since 5th Jun, 2015
  • online

Snuffy


Injection molding technician from Sweden that owns stocks in Hasbro—because ponies.

E

Meeting new people and cultures tends to be a very problematic endeavor, doubly so if you add ponies and changelings into the mix.


Artwork by: HoodwinkedTales with Speedpainting.
Edited by: Snakeskin Ducttape and Eckaji.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 20 )

It felt empty?
It was a very okay work, and stuff happened, but there was no point, no style, just a scenario. The writting was direct and clear, so you could easily follow the action, but I couldn't find any emotion in here and we had no way to form any kind of emotional connection with your characters.

It wouldn't be too bad if this was a way to place the setting for a longer story, but as a stand alone, It was incomplete.

I suppose if I took the time to read it more carefully, I may have been able to enjoy it more, but the "human absorb magic" cliché got too much on my nerve. It is not how void work.

Anyway, if this was a pratice before moving on to bigger work, it was fine.

It felt empty?
It was a very okay work, and stuff happened, but there was no point, no style, just a scenario. The writting was direct and clear, so you could easily follow the action, but I couldn't find any emotion in here and we had no way to form any kind of emotional connection with your characters.

Yup, my editors said something similar, so it was kinda a conscious decision on my part as I wanted it as fast-paced and short as possible. It probably made the story worse, but I know at least one person found the straightforwardness to be refreshing.

It wouldn't be too bad if this was a way to place the setting for a longer story, but as a stand alone, It was incomplete.

I could have it ending with him coming home and going to sleep while dreaming of ponies, but such "real" endings often feels more anti-climatic. I know this felt like a sequel-bait, but it isn't.

I suppose if I took the time to read it more carefully, I may have been able to enjoy it more, but the "human absorb magic" cliché got too much on my nerve. It is not how void work.

Tropes are always a double edged sword, but didn't see the story working without it. Some people for example are tired of human turned foals, but I can't get enough of them.

Anyway, if this was a pratice before moving on to bigger work, it was fine.

Thanks for the feedback.

7616457 Straigthforawrdness is fun for a longer work, with action, or for something that goes from point A to point B. It does work, but not well enough beacause it doesn't add anything to the experience, so you need to rely exclusively on a very good and surprising scenario and/or solid dialogues.

I could have it ending with him coming home and going to sleep while dreaming of ponies, but such "real" endings often feels more anti-climatic. I know this felt like a sequel-bait, but it isn't.

From a scenaristic point of view, the story is complete. It was a good moment to end it. But your story have yet to do anything. No humor, no emotion, no lesson, no message... It's why I feel like it is still incomplete, I have yet to figure what the story was suppose to do to me.

Tropes are always a double edged sword, but didn't see the story working without it. Some people for example are tired of human turned foals, but I can't get enough of them.

Human turning into foal don't go too much againts common sense.
Human just estinguishing magic without any effect or consequence aside from tiring a pony does go against common sense.

Ah, you released it. Too bad you're not turning it into a larger story, people like the language barrier-thing, and I think older protagonists could be a bit refreshing to read about.

7617133

Human just estinguishing magic without any effect or consequence aside from tiring a pony does go against common sense.

Does common sense even need to apply to make-believe? :raritywink:

7617133

Human turning into foal don't go too much againts common sense.

Not sure about that. :twilightsmile:

Human just estinguishing magic without any effect or consequence aside from tiring a pony does go against common sense.

It actually never drained them, just electrocuted. I based their reaction on some personal experience, when a damaged cable gave me a heavy shock at work and I had to spend a day at the hospital under observation. I find the premise that humans are a sort of electric eel to magic to be funny.

this was very good. hope youll come up with more.

I really liked this, and I'd love for it to transition into a full story.

7617471 Gotta agree with you there. So many forget, or don't even care, that there is with an extreme high probability that there's a language barrier since the chances that they have a similar enough language to understand each other are so astronomically low that you're more likely to find someone with the exact same genetic makeup of you.

Also agree with the older protagonist thing, haven't been done really, as far as I know.

7624359 I'm guessing that it's more that people don't care than anything else. Although since it's fantasy, and not hard sci-fi, I'm not gonna hold it against anyone. Especially since my own story doesn't have a language barrier, or an older protagonist :twilightsheepish:

7624395 Haha, though I don't think that just because a story has something, like an older protagonist, makes it automatically good, it's how it's done that matters.

7624621 Agreed, which is why I never partake in all those 'these are the terrible cliches'-threads :unsuresweetie:

I look forward to marking up all your future stories. It isn't that I think you'll never improve, it is that I'll continue to find something I can obsess over.

Good it end it here.
Writing a non-communicative drama is very difficult.
Reading a non-communicative drama can be confusing.
You wrote this one shot with good quality.
Upvoted.

7650740

Thanks man, always happy to get that kind of feedback. Something I didn't realize mattered that much until I slowly started writing myself.

I noticed that some people wanted a continuation, so I was kinda tempted to add another two chapters with the same theme. But like you said, odds are it would be continuously harder to both read and write the story the longer it goes on. The end result would probably not make it any better. It's a silly adventure one-shot and should stay that way. Still, I'm surprised it has gotten this much attention.

I like to think it was because of a compelling presentation. So shout-outs to Hoodwinktales for the picture and Eckaji for coming up with the title name.

This was a great little story. I have to agree with some others about this being the right length. Much longer would detract from it. I think you could maybe do a sequal where you could flesh it out, him figuring out how to adjust and communicate. If you were to do another chapter, my advice would be to do it from Twilight's perspective.

Saw these two things while I was reading:

The cave that had just ventured through seemed to be the culprit

that he had

Lucky the ponies left standing were to disorganized to stop him,

too

7768555

Aight, fixed the typos, and I'm glad you liked it.

Hope we get more. This was very nice.:pinkiehappy:

Is that all?

I just want to know if the changelings were friendly. I like friendly changelings.

8420602
Yes, I would say that the changelings in my stories are much nicer than in other fics.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!