• Member Since 8th Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen August 1st

Emperial Star


A Caribbean brony, i love drawing and creating my own MLP characters. I also like writing my own fimfictions as well are reading other's. I've also began writing my own stories as well.

Comments ( 365 )

ohh can't wait to see kmoer this is gonna be good

Honestly, I'm my opinion, try to draw out your scenes more. Your kind of rushing through each chapter.

Other than that good story so far

7787597 Thanks for your reviews, I do appreciate being critiqued. I will do my utmost best to satisfy you the readers.

Interesting, you caught my attention now I favorite this.

Great story! Keep it up!

When does the next chapter come out?

Good story so far. Hope to see more soon. :pinkiesmile:

Nice chapter! I enjoyed it very much.

I do hope luna and fluttershy join twilight side,

This is a very interesting story , and I hope to see more in the future.

Chapter 4 is almost complete, I must warn you guys though that it will be a shocker.:twilightblush:

Interesting. I'll track this for now.

Comment posted by DTMgenuis deleted Jan 10th, 2017

7856459 tho I except all good criticism given, I must inform you that this chapter has been written specifically this way for a key part of the story. And I actually like Flashlight and yes it is moving fast for a reason.

7856985 Oops. I really need to not do this on my phone. its been edited so its legible now. Sorry 'bout that.

1st Nothing against FLashLight. It's just not a fave of mine.

2nd. Just some nitpicks I had. Sorry if I seemed overcritical, but the iodiotball is one of my greatest peeves.
That said this story still has my like.
:moustache:

7857293 I appreciate the critique, It helps me to be a better writer.

7857293 To be fair, it's kind of hard not to do the idiotball with the wedding since so many things could have been done differently, especially by Celestia who should have known better. I mean, Shinning running the security on his own wedding presents a conflict of interest that negatively impairs judgement; no other unicorns were brought in to help with the shield and no backup plan was made if it failed; the wedding was allowed to go ahead despite an unknown threat that should have postpone it; the element bearers were not even given security escorts in case... you know... someone were to neutralise any one of them since it takes the whole set to activate the magic artifacts. Twilight was missing for several hours and there was no check-in at a time of heightened alert.

Also, Twilight being kept in the dark about the relationship by Celestia and Cadence (who are just as much to blame as Shinning) is baffling and counterproductive to any good relationship. Why they stayed silent is practically never brought up and it's a point that should really be discussed a lot more. (especially when they owe her for Luna's return. Biting the hand that feeds you is never a good idea) Heck, they should have expected just about anyone to react like Twilight in that situation.

How stupid could those certain ponies get?

Celestia said she raised Cadence. I mean, forget wedding stress. Shouldn't she had noticed her nieces aura has changed?

Rainbow Dash made it seem like Twilight was a selfish insane pony. I mean, she can overreact, but Rainbow Dash isn't perfect, as much she would like to believe to! After Mare Do Well and partially wrecking the Cake's entry, she really shouldn't be flattering herself.

Even worse, considering how they reacted, Twilight's Nightmare of being sent to the dungeon and Flash being exuceted seems likely, especially since they don't know they fought back. If she mentions that to them..

7859600
That's a problem this story created with Twilight being able to sense a change in Cadance's magic aura. In the show, she couldn't. She just thought Cadance was rude and that's why she wanted to call off the wedding.

Now here, by giving Twilight this special skill, it makes everypony around her stupid for not noticing. I don't think it's a good change, much like with making Celestia stupidly lashing out when this Twilight actually has more evidence than canon!Twilight ever had. It makes things so blatantly one-sided, you know?

I feel less for Twilight and her group than in the episode now, mainly because the other side is made to look so stupid.

I forsee Rarity, Fluttershy and Flash being obvious ones to leave Equestria with Twilight. I am guessing Cadence will be as well as why would she stay with an aunt who obviously only pretends to know her niece and a stallion who chose a version of her that was a total bitch over his little sister. And likely Luna as someone is gonna need to bring that Book for Twilight to become an Alicorn.

I like the story so far, but I would suggest adding an Alternate Universe tag.

Wow, that is a wall of text up there.

But spelling and grammar issues aside, I think I'm okay with this idea.

This is going great. I can't wait to read what happens at the wedding.

Okay. Um...I don't want to be see as harsh and mean, but I do want to be critical to this story. I like the idea. I really really do. But it needs some work and an editor. (I would ask for the job, but I have other stories I'm currently editing and I would never get around to it, sorry.)

Here's the deal: One, Cadance is spelled Cadance, not Cadence. Second, There's a giant space at the end of this latest chapter for no reason. Third, I do like how the Wedding is handled for its second part here, since this is basically the second wedding episode in this chapter, but...the Chrysalis backstory felt like filler. Like...you could have still done the same beats without it.

But...I think this is a good prologue over all. (It feels like this is the prologue to the main story) There's a few bumps here and there, but it still works. I also like that not all of Twilight's friends were against her. I like that Fluttershy was there for her, and that Rarity had to interestingly be left behind. Though...wouldn't have Twilight at least listened to Pinkie? It feels like she would've, I can't imagine her being as harsh to her compared to Rainbow and Applejack. I can understand her hating those two.

Overall, not bad. Also, you don't need that giant statement over your short description of the story. You'll just get more downvotes that way. If you need any help with your story though, I'll gladly try and help.

you need an editor man

This chapter was painful to read due to the lack of editing and direction it took.

Game changer at the end, and it is fitting Rarity there to tell the sisters. and was that a love confession from Luna when she said I need her?"

Along with me are a few of the closest persons in my life; Fluttershy, Spike and Flash Sentry along with Angel Bunny. It pains my heart to leave in such a manner but my parents agreed with my decision and thus that is all the confirmation I needed.

None of the three had any purpose or attachment in their lives beyond being friends with Twilight Sparkle so there was no reason to consult with them or their parents nor was there any reason for them to leave notes as Twilight did.

Intense chapter. Great job. I love what you have done here. It was long, but awesome chapter.

7943150 Yeah, it's pretty much all over the place at the end. I mean, Celestia wants to keep Twilight as her student, rebuild her trust and makeup with her friends... but she locks her up to prevent her from leaving. Why? So that she may continue defeating Equestria's enemies. At that point she's basically saying that she needs to have her around so she could use her like a pawn for whatever mess the Princess can't solve and that she's willing to deny Twilight her freedom until she complies. Very counterintuitive if you ask me (not to mention illegal by most standards). She's practically asking her student to hate her guts and break out. Even Luna is complicit despite having a better head on her shoulders in the early parts of the story.

Now, that might be okay if this is heading down a tyrantlesia fic, but no one objects to the Princess' choices or calls out what Celestia is doing wrong. + The Alicorn appears to be trying to be a genuinely good character despite the clear contradiction between thoughts and actions. She's heartbroken at the fact that Twilight runs away due to her behaviour, but she still sends the royal guards to go after her like she's some wanted criminal in an effort to control her life. How is she supposed to rebuild their relationship if this is her response? It certainly isn't going to help any of them prepare for whatever malevolent force that's planning to destroy the kingdom.

I mean, Celestia wants to be on good terms with Twilight, but she doesn't want to acknowledge or take responsibility for the problems that have led them to part ways. Instead, she's opting for the stupid way out that is clearly not working and only serves to give readers mixed signals about her (and not in the complex character type of way).

I am really sorry for the grammatical errors, I used my phone to do most of the work and didn't know that this would be the result. I can however assure you that chapters are being edited and any future ones will be thoroughly checked before being posted. Again I am really sorry for the inconvenience.

Nice Chapter Cant wait for more!!!:pinkiehappy:

You two have a bond. But alas, this bond will not stop the faith I have in store for you all, thanks your brother's weakening forcefield!".

You probably meant fate.

Just need to clarify does this mean Twilight is an Alicorn now or going to be or not?

after I ascended to Alicorn Hood

this bond will not stop the faith I have in store for you all

These two bits made me giggle so hard because I just kept picturing this ghetto where the alicorns run gangs and chrysalis is that preacher for the corner church who wants to "take back the neighborhood."

7944561 shhhh, you're ruining my perfect headcannon!

7945072 Excuse me Sir.
Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior....
i.ytimg.com/vi/nYC5fsJufZA/maxresdefault.jpg

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