Fell in love with the show by total accident, watching the episodes at random. Shy and quiet around strangers, much more fun when among friends – that's about everything you need to know about me.
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Inspired by the cover art (by glittering-pony).
Twilight hated when her teacher did it, but couldn't talk to anypony about it. After all, who would believe her if she said that Princess Celestia – always so refined, graceful and regal – could be even worse than Twily's own mother when it came to grooming? Nopony, that's who.
Except... Cadance might actually surprise her on that one.
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I didn't see any grammar errors. Looks good to me, and it's a really cute story!
Cute.
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But, as I said, thanks for the support!
Well, thanks a lot! I just wanted to be on the safe side – I'm not a native speaker, so sometimes I might mess something up and not even notice.
Besides, we can practice levitation together, if you want…”
“Of course I want!”
Its hard to say if this is an error or not. Its a grammatically incorrect sentence fragment ("Of course I want to." would be more proper) but its also something a worked up child would actually say. I suppose it depends on how young you see Twilight in this and if she's started to develop her obsessive perfectionist tendencies yet.
7578435
Do you want to know the truth? I just didn't catch it.
Buuuuuuut, if you say that it's tolerable given the context, I suppose it can stay... right?
Also, in this chapter, Twilight is not much older than she was in the flashback in "Cutie Mark Chronicles". When I wrote that "she’d learned more [from Celestia] in a few months than she had in two years at her previous school", I meant that it literally had only been a few months under Celestia's wing.
7578469 It wasn't intentional?
I feel weird about saying this, but that line was my favorite of the story. It seemed to me that Twilight was so excited at the prospect that she couldn't talk properly and I was impressed by the "show-don't-tell" quality of that.
Either way, a good first story.
First, congratulations on making it into the "Popular Stories" section!
Second, since you asked for grammar mistakes to be pointed out:
The sentence could be either "...moon, acted towards her student like an...." or "...moon, was like an overprotective mother to her student..."
Also, I think just putting a comma after "towards her student" would make the sentence grammatically correct. That's a lot of clauses and commas in a row, but as far as I can tell it wouldn't be breaking any rules. "Towards" could also be "to" in that case, with just the added comma.
This should probably be "...still incapable of the precise manipulation of objects with her magic."
This isn't incorrect in and of itself, but it seems inconsistent with the rest of Cadence's descriptions. She describes both the preening and hair brushing as occurring in the past, but "been going through" implies something ongoing into the present. I didn't notice it the first time through, only the second when looking for errors.
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Nope, not intentional at all. The thing is, I'm not a native speaker, and in my mother tongue, the verb "want" doesn't need any prepositions, no matter the case. So I just missed this one.
Also, it's not exactly my very first fanfic; just the first for My Little Pony. I do have some experience from another fandom (namely, Scooby-Doo).
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The above said, thank you so much for pointing out the mistakes. I'm gonna fix them right now. Never heard of the "been going through" nuance, actually.
And thank you a lot for the watch. I do hope I won't disappoint you when I (eventually) publish another story!
PS. It is in the Popular section? I didn't even know! Quoth Rainbow: THIS! IS! AWESOME!
That was cute, and quite enjoyable.
I found no grammatical errors in the piece. Your English is quite good.
And kudos on hitting Popular!
I like the idea that ponies groom each other. It makes them even horsier.
Cute.
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Well, thanks a lot!
8455752
No problem.
Interesting! When I usually think about Celestia being Twilight's (or Sunset's, or anyone's) mentor, I always picture her paying attention to how her little ponies act, speak, behave, what they do in front of others and how they do it etc. Seeing Celestia taking great care of how a pony looks is new, but refreshing.
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I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for commenting!
I really liked the story I wish you well with life and with future stories.
8588804
Thank you so much!
You can has review!
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(Just a nervicited author here. Don't mind me).
Aw. I liked this a lot
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Thanks. Check out also the other stories!
Wing preening and mane grooming had been added to the eternal tower of hesd canons! So cute!