• Published 14th Sep 2016
  • 3,986 Views, 68 Comments

Data. Doesn't. Lie. - Majin Syeekoh



Twilight rushes over to Rainbow Dash's house to tell her about some important data.

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I mean, I'm pretty sure it doesn't. It doesn't have the mental capacity to, not being sapient. It's just numbers. Numbers can't think.

Twilight bit her lower lip as she stared at her computer, its lights flashing. It was currently crunching some data she plugged into it while doing light-flashy things. She picked up the tea next to her and took a measured sip.

She had almost fallen asleep before her computer made a sound like demons screeching and violently roused herself from her slumber as it shot out a roll of paper with lines and dots and other science things on it. Twilight groaned as she walked over to the computer and looked over the data, her eyes widening as she viewed further and further down the roll, gasping and dramatically dropping it as she reached the end. It was paper, though, so it just kind of wafted down anticlimactically.

A tight-lipped expression drew itself onto her face. “I have to tell Rainbow Dash.”


Rainbow Dash was roused from her slumber by loud knocking on the cloud door of her cloud home.

She groaned. “I’ll be there in a second!” she said as she rolled out of bed. She decided that whoever designed cloud doors to make loud noises when knocked upon should… well, actually, it was a pretty smart design feature but currently she found it really annoying. Rainbow trudged to the door and opened it to find Twilight Sparkle, whose eyes were wide. Her hot-air balloon was anchored to Rainbow’s front porch as she flashed a long sheet of paper in front of Rainbow Dash.

“Dash, you have to read this!” she said as she handed off the paper to Rainbow, who growled as she looked it over.

She studied it before lowering the paper and staring flatly at Twilight. “Twilight, this looks like a kindergartener’s art project.”

Twilight shook her head as she pushed Rainbow into her house and closed the door. “No, Dash, it’s data.” She leveled a glare at Rainbow Dash. “Science data.”

Rainbow handed the paper over to Twilight and rubbed her eyes. “Well, I don’t speak science,” she said as she sat down. “What does it say?”

“Well,” Twilight said as she paced around, “so you’ve been saving a lot of ponies, right?”

“Right.” Rainbow smirked. “I even saved a baby today.”

“And I distinctly remember there not being nearly as many ponies to save, so I was curious as to why there were so many ponies to save when there weren’t before, so I drew up some equations and fed them into my computer—”

Rainbow yawned. “That’s the thing that flashes and beeps, right?”

“Yes.” Twilight nodded, keeping up her pacing. “So I fed them into my computer around three and waited for the results.”

“Twilight,” Rainbow said as she scratched her side, “if it took that long, it sounds like you need a better computer.”

Twilight snapped her head to face Rainbow, her eyes slitted. “Rainbow, that computer is top of the line. It has a one megahertz processor.” Twilight took a deep breath and softened her features. “Sorry, I get kind of worked up over my pride and joy.”

Rainbow Dash yawned while shrugging. “Whatever, just get to the point. It’s two in the morning and I have a day full of saving ponies to get to.”

Twilight inhaled sharply. “That’s what I was here to talk to you about.” Twilight grabbed Rainbow Dash’s shoulders and stared her in the eyes. “The reason so many accidents happen is precisely because you’re saving ponies.”

Rainbow Dash blinked a few times. ”What?” She then gently removed Twilight’s hooves from her shoulders before giggling. “That isn’t possible. It doesn’t make sense.”

Twilight grasped the data in her magic, pointed at it with her hoof and stared Rainbow in the face cock-eyed. “Data. Doesn’t. Lie.” She then cocked her eyes in the other direction. “The more ponies you save, the more ponies are in danger.”

“I don’t understand,” Rainbow said like someone who doesn’t understand.

Twilight staggered around like a sailor who has imbibed too much yet not quite enough. “It’s simple. I have twotheories. Either the poniezh are getting more complacent and aren’t careful, or the univershe is somehow compensating for shumwun saving ponies and is causing more danger which will eventually plunge the town enter ear dross.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Into chaos,” Twilight said as she looked Rainbow in the eyes as her own fluttered. “My bitsh are on the former.” She then missed a step. She wasn’t going anywhere, but she somehow managed to miss a step.

Rainbow flew over to Twilight and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Twi, you look beat. Why don’t you catch a few z’s here before you crash your balloon into Sugarcube Corner or something?”

“Not poshubul.” Twilight yawned. “If I fell asleep right now, my cloudwalking spell would—”

At that moment Twilight passed out and plummeted through the floor as her cloudwalking spell wore off.

“Twilight, no!” Rainbow Dash Rainbow Dashed as she pierced the floor of her cloud home to find her friend asleep in freefall. She’d have to pick up the pace to catch her, which she did.

The wind whipped around Twilight and Rainbow Dash, Twilight blissfully asleep and Rainbow’s heart pumping a mile a minute as she inched closer and closer to Twilight’s form resting in the land of Nod as it sailed into Ponyville’s airspace.

Rainbow Dash grimaced. If I save you Twilight, I’m never saving anyone again.

Twilight’s body fell past the treeline as Rainbow approached her. She fell past the roof of Sugarcube Corner before Rainbow swooped in and caught her, the sudden stop jostling Twilight awake as Rainbow carried her into the air. She smacked her lips, then looked up and smiled at Rainbow. “I thought I…” she said before yawning, “... told you to stop saving ponies.”

“Just shut up,” Rainbow Dash said curtly as she deposited Twilight in front of her home and whizzed off back to her home, the adrenaline causing her to shiver. I’m never saving anyone again.



Twilight wavered and waved at Rainbow. “Remember to, stop saving…”

Twilight hit the ground and started snoring in front of her library home, which was scientifically the best place to fall asleep right now.

Comments ( 68 )

I... um... no, I got nothing

Why was this story written? I don't know, but I like it anyways. Have a thumbs up.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7562663 I just can't seem to avoid that comment ever. Oh well.


7562664 It was written for a contest.

No Granny Smith?

7562672

Twilight staggered around like a sailor who has imbibed too much yet not quite enough. “It’s simple. I have twotheories.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7562693 That's slurring two words together.

7562717 Uh...okay, sure. Let's go with that.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7562679 Ficus, when I write a story about Granny Smith you'll be the first to know.

“Twilight, no!” Rainbow Dash Rainbow Dashed as she pierced the floor

She's a verb now!:rainbowkiss:

Twilight, you need to keep your magic pills together. How is a organized joker like you gonna last without your sleep pills? :derpytongue2:

Um... well... okay then. :rainbowderp:

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7562785 Rainbow Dash fought extremely hard in court to be legally recognized as a verb.

It was a triumphant day for everyone who wanted to be part of the language.

I have a feeling this was written around the same time as Mysterious Mare Do Well aired or was inspired by it cuz it would make since that Twilight was still living in the library, wasn't an alicorn, and Rainbow is saving a bunch of ponies constantly and that makes the universe go unstable hehe :rainbowlaugh: Anyways if this was done for a contest I bet it did well it was short but sweet, I love how u made sleepy Twilight sound and how "advanced" the computer is what with all the flashy lights and sciencey stuff :twilightsmile:

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7562880 Don't forget its ONE MEGAHERTZ PROCESSOR

7562880
7562884

WITH A FULL EIGHT-BIT LOGIC UNIT AND FAST ZERO-PAGE MEMORY ACCESS

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7562903 DON'T FORGET THE 64 KB RAM AND 16 KB ROM

7562884 Yeah I know no wonder it took all night for just a slip of paper with some dots, I always thought of the technology in the show as being around 50s and 60s also I noticed the carts in Applewood in the friends forever comic were styled like classic cars from the 60s. Sorry it took me so l long to reply my browser's acting funky cuz of this damn slow processor :facehoof:

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7562930 Technology in MLP is really hard to pin down in general, I find.

7562938 Well we sure won't be seeing laptops or cell phones anytime soon. Although it would be pretty neat if Discord used a cell phone styled like ones used in star trek. I guess with magic technology's not really that much of a necessity

whoever designed coud doors

This is decent quality, but it doesn't really feel like a fixfic.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7562954 Well the intention was to cut off the whole Mare Do Well incident before it even started by Twilight examining the issue from another angle.

Also thanks for the catch.

uh why would twilight fall through the clouds she is an alicorn

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7563019 because this story takes place before she was an alicorn

A perfectly logical :pinkiecrazy: explanation of how Ponyville suddenly became a remarkably lethal place during the Mare-do-Well episode. Bravo.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7563090 I always find it interesting how so many incidents seem to happen around heroes, super or otherwise.

This gives off the vibes of a story that wants to show off an interesting idea, but doesn't really go anywhere, rather than a fixfic.

Also, my general reaction to this thing ya made:

s2.quickmeme.com/img/ff/ff19cb68a995fe85c3b962fc32690aa59827a6158b202a70ae44383fa7be5cd8.jpg

7563096 Or fictional detectives. Really, the appearance of, say, Poirot or Jessica Fletcher at a house party should cause the more intelligent guests to flee into the night and not stop running until they get to Bulgaria or Peru.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7563116 I'd like to think what counts in the end is that I had fun writing it and people seemed to enjoy reading it.

Anything else is just icing on the cake.

7563150 I think the biggest plus I can give this story, is that it's not what I expected to come out of the prompt. Only wish I saw it sooner, so that I could have participated.

I'd like to think what counts in the end is that I had fun writing it

Never lose that enthusiasm, it's very important to have in this line of work.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7563161 Thank you. I always try to keep it interesting.:twilightsmile:

Also if you join the Rage Reviews group, you'll get clued in on the next time this contest rears its head.

Twilight staggered around like a sailor who has imbibed too much yet not quite enough.

You make just some of the best similes, you know that? :rainbowlaugh:

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7563233 I certainly try, that's for sure.

So Twilight's computer isn't even comparable to a 286? Wow, that is slow.

Correlation does not imply causation, but being up all night waiting for that awe-inspiring ONE MEGAHERTZ PROCESSOR to crunch the numbers did Twilight's rationality no favors. I think she actually managed to find a solution worse than Operation: Darkwing Dorks. The story itself, though, was amusing and more than a little sweet.

7563571
Ha! Science laughs at your silly "logic." Clearly, data does not lie.

The numbers don't lie, but the ponies making them up certainly do.

Well, ain't that quite the conclusion you've come to, Twi. That 1MHz CPU (that made me laugh more than it should, considering my own runs at 4500x the frequency) sure has some good deduction logic.

Fun read though!

You never really explained what the alternate universe tag was for. Nothing distinctly different from canon was involved that I saw.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7563803 It's implied to take place during the events of the mare do well episode and is an alternate resolution to the episode.

I probably could have made that clearer, but I was kind of running against the clock when writing this and just assumed people would pick up on it.

Today is the day we learn fimfiction can't read my mind.:twilightblush:

Funny, but ends a bit too abruptly...Rainbow Dash has no real reason to BELIEVE Twilight...(Especially since she's, you know, barely conscious)...

And the Correlation/Causation error is one of my MAJOR pet peeves. (She's making the Ice cream rape fallacy).

7564537 But what if ponies is not save?

7563862
Ice cream rape sounds oddly arousing.

What. Did. I. Just. Read? :rainbowhuh:

7564594


Not raping ice cream...

The fallacy goes like this. As people eating ice cream goes up...rape goes up. Obviously, this mean ice cream causes rape, right? Or, if you want to be a sexist pig...that rape causes people to eat ice cream. (Which is a seperate, important fallacy, reversed causation).

...BOth, however, are incorrect. What happens...is that both take place in the SUMMER. It's also known as the third variable fallacy.

Twilight took a deep breath and softened her features. “Sorry, I get kind of worked up over my pride and joy.”

Twilight is definitely a "PC Master Race" type of pony isn't she?

7563522 Think their technology is somewhat behind ours. Maybe the abundance of magic reduces the demand for technology there.

7563808 I mean, I kinda started suspecting that somewhere near the end, but I still thought it could stand to be a bit clearer. And wasn't the episode supposed to be about Rainbow Dash's ego anyway? Somehow I imagine Rainbow would still find things to brag about even without saving ponies from horrific accidents.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

7565426 Look it made sense in my head alright?:twilightblush:

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