Part 42 - Pie In The Sky
The clear, still northwestern air erupted with the sound of thunderous wing beats as the Pegathalon took to the sky over the limpid waters of Vanhoover Bay, striking east toward the tapering peaks of the Unicorn Mountain Range and climbing as the late morning sun reflected off of the racers' wings.
Twilight and Apple Bloom stood by a small camp table, watching their team disappear toward the eastern horizon along with their competitors. Presently, they turned their attention to the map of Equestria spread out before them. The lavender unicorn ran her hoof along the topographic mountain peaks. "We'll trail the pack through the mountains just in case the colts need any assistance, then cut east here at the southwest tip of Galloping Gorge and follow the railroad to Canterlot while they make their way through Cloudsdale, which should get us to the finish line at roughly the same time if we keep our turbines at cruise speed."
The young earth pony mare smiled at her employer and friend. "Land sakes, this is gettin' downright excitin', ain't it?"
Twilight nodded eagerly, and turned to call out to a nearby canvas tent. "Rarity? Are you done packing yet? We should get a move on if we want to be there at the end of the race!"
A rustle came from inside, and the pale unicorn poked her head out between the flaps, a layer of green mud on her cheeks and her mane done up in curlers. "Packing? Darling, I'm not even halfway through primping yet."
The lavender mare brought a hoof to her face. "Rarity... we're on a tight schedule here."
The elegant fashionista raised her snout in the air with a "Hmph! And that schedule will land us in Canterlot this evening, and I simply refuse to make our grand arrival looking like I travelled by boxcar." With that, she vanished back inside the tent.
Apple Bloom let out a long breath through her nostrils as she slumped onto the elbow of one of her forelegs and cast a wry look across the table at Twilight. "Ya'd think we woulda learnt t' adjust th' schedule fer Rarity's "fussin' time" by now."
The unicorn scholar gave a sigh and a shrug and started folding the map. "Well, lets try to get squared away for launch."
***
Soarin grimaced with effort as he labored to gain altitude over the soaring peaks of the Unicorn Range, his breathing slightly ragged as he pumped his wings in the thin, frigid air.
Pip looked over at him as his flight harness effortlessly carried him along, concern furrowing his youthful brow. "I say, Soarin old bean, are you quite feeling all right? I daresay you're looking rather shagged out."
The sky blue pegasus grinned and shook his head as he leveled out into a glide. "I'm okay kid. Don't worry."
The young earth pony's ears laid back as his lips tightened into a thin line. "Here now, mate. Lets dispense with all this 'keeping up a brave face' nonsense, shall we? If you're having trouble I want to ruddy know right now rather than having you suddenly drop out of the sky on me."
He nodded toward the towering, snow glazed mountainsides that rolled past beneath their hooves. "You're my wingpony and I'm yours, and if you think I'm going to let you wear yourself out after you all but carried my sodding rump for half the bally race, then you and I can just land on one of those ruddy mountaintops and wait for Doctor Sparkle and Ms. Rarity to pick us up, because I shan't fly another hoof with a fool at my wing."
Soarin let out a sigh and waved a conciliatory hoof. "Okay, kid, okay. Cool your jetstream."
He gave a shrug as he looked back at his wings with a suppressed grimace. "I'm tired, okay. We've been flying all out for days and I'm just not as fit as I used to be. And that's not counting all the scrapes we've been through in the meantime. I'm goin' on just a couple hours of sleep, and the adrenaline rush from my tussle with the Baron is just now starting to wear off. My wings and withers are achin' like somepony's been buckin' 'em with iron horseshoes on, and yeah, I'm a little short of breath 'cos I haven't hit these kinda heights in a long time."
He met his youthful wingpony's eyes with a level gaze. "But believe me, I'm all right. As long as we don't get into anymore stupid dustups, I think I've got it in me to make it to the finish."
Pip cocked his eyebrow, giving his companion a suspicious glare. "All right, old sock. I'm trusting you to be forthright with me. If you're not than I shall see to it that you and your fiancée, and your future brother in law for good measure, have a word about it after this is all over."
The veteran flyer chuckled. "They'll have to wait 'til I wake up. Once we cross the line I'm grabbing a nice fluffy cloud and sleepin' for at least a week."
Both stallions looked up as a gruff voice called out above them. "You oughta listen to yer little ground pounder buddy and just sit the rest of this race out, sport."
The burly forms of the duo from Cloudsdale dropped down on either side of them, serious looks on their faces. Air Hammer gave Soarin' a respectful nod. "Ya done some amazin' 'tings on dis go round, Mister Soarin, but Tongs n' me can see yer startin' to fade. Just watchin' ya strain your wings like dat is makin' me feel tired."
His thickset, ice blue wingpony nodded earnestly. "Yeah, better ta quit while yer ahead. Nopony'd 'tink less o' ya, not after ya led us outta that smoke cloud, or saved us all from burnin' up in jail, or took on a loopty loopin' griffin ace casco a casco, or claw-o or whateva'."
Pip drew himself up indignantly. "Steady on, there, blokes. If my wingpony says he's good to go on, he's jolly well good to go on."
Ice Tongs scowled at Pip. "We wasn't talkin' to you, sodhoof."
Soarin' glared at the burly pegasus with a level gaze. "That's good, 'cos you call my partner 'groundpounder' or 'sodhoof' one more time and I'm gonna make hailstones out of your teeth."
His youthful companion nodded with a flick of his tail. " Indeed! This is a ruddy private conversation and we'll thank you kindly to mind your own bally business."
Air Hammer tossed his head and rolled his eyes. "Fine. If you wanna crash that's your business. Just keep the hail outta the real racers' way. There ain't many of us left."
He gave a curt nod over his shoulder at his partner as he pumped his wings to pick up speed. "C'mon, Tongs. No reasonin' with dese guys."
With that, the muscular pegasi launched forward, causing Soarin and Pip to wince behind their goggles as they were buffeted in the face with wing wash.
Pip's eyes narrowed as they watched the Cloudsdale team recede in the distance. "You know, old bean, I do believe I'm developing something of a dislike for those chaps."
Soarin let out a sigh, puffing for breath as he beat his wings to gain some altitude. "I'm just glad they backed off. I don't think I got any more fights left in me."
The youthful earth pony gave his partner a nod. "Well, then, what say we just focus on making it to Cloudsdale."
The veteran stunt flyer nodded back, reaching out a hoof to him. "Cloudsdale it is, then on to Canterlot."
Pip jinked in for a hoofbump. "Quite so, old bean. Quite so. Fly on!"
***
Doctor Insanity snapped awake with a spasm at the sound of his brother's triumphant cackle, a surge of panic running through him as he flailed his hooves in empty air. "Behold, brother! Cloudsdale! We've made it to Cloudsdale! And from there, to Canterlot and glory!"
A moment later he remembered where he was, hanging by a canvas harness from the rocket propelled flying wing he and his elder sibling had cobbled together and launched in the San Palomino desert, dubbing it the B.A.T. 20. The sallow unicorn blinked his sunken, bloodshot eyes and looked over at his mustachioed companion, who pointed a trembling hoof toward the lofty, rainbow draped metropolis drifting majestically over the fertile plains of north central Equestria.
Professor Destiny curled his hoof skyward in a gesture of maniacal bombast. "Forward! Those fluttering fools will face the fearsome force of our phlogiston flyer."
Insanity let out a groan and rubbed his temples with the tips of his hooves, sparking his horn to life and plucking a canteen from among the packs and luggage strapped above them to the wing. He unscrewed the cup and poured out the dregs of the two day old coffee inside, letting the empty vessel drop away toward the distant plains below as he sloshed the dark, acrid liquid around before tossing it back in a single gulp. His bones ached with fatigue and chill, and the cold brew, while thick to the point of being sludge, did little if anything to help.
He grimaced and smacked his lips, letting the cup drop as well, then turned a supremely weary, seething gaze on his brother. "In the interest of averting an increasingly likely fratricide, I should warn you that we have just run out of coffee, and any further alliterative outbursts will be answered with my hooves clamping firmly around your windpipe."
He was met by green eyes that glittered with manic energy. "Who needs coffee? My megalomania keeps me going just fine! You should try it, brother!"
Doctor Insanity let out another sigh and rubbed the reddish stubble covering his chin. "I guess a padded room is more comfortable than a standard dungeon."
He took a rueful look behind them, peering beneath the trailing, scalloped edge of their flying wing through the haze of black smoke in their wake. "Speaking of which, I see the bronzebacks haven't let up on chasing us at all."
As if in answer the sound of blaring horns and the distant echo of pursuit cries could be heard from the vast, living cloud of angry, heavily armed pegasi trailing about a half mile behind them. At the head of the column, a large white stallion with a slight tint of purple coloring his coat and wings forged relentlessly onward with a look of grim determination on his face and a glinting spear clenched in his hooves.
Destiny let out a giddy laugh. "Nonsense, brother! They're clearly falling behind!" His eyes bugged out behind his goggles as he fixed his sibling with a manic grin. "Lets activate two more rockets and lose these beggars in the clouds, eh?"
Before Insanity could respond, his brother sent two sparks from his horn to the nacelles mounted on top of their wing, causing two of the rocket motors bundled within to flare to life in a roaring blast of green flame. The B.A.T. 20 and its crew lurched forward in a burst of speed, hurtling toward the shimmering towers of Cloudsdale like a non-acronymic bat out of Tartarus to the accompaniment of one brother's full throated scream of terror and the other's gleeful cackling.
***
The citizenry of Cloudsdale looked on in horror, pausing in mid flight or craning their necks out of windows or between rows of columns, as a winding trail of thick, black smoke wound among the rainbow cascades and pristine white colonnades like a vast, inky earthworm. Those caught in its wake began to cough and retch, bumping into clouds or each other as the dark shroud obscured their vision.
Professor Destiny hung from the scalloped, batwing crescent at the serpentine smoke trail's tip, kicking his forelegs with manic glee and bellowing and guffawing in a loud voice. "WHAA HA HA HA HAAA! GAZE UPON YOUR NEMESIS, YOU PONIES OF THE AIR! YOUR REIGN OVER THE SKIES OF EQUESTRIA HAS ENDED! OBSOLESCENCE APPROACHES ON WINGS OF... OW!"
The sallow unicorn rubbed his cheek with a hoof and glared at his brother. "Confound it, why did you hit me?"
Insanity withdrew his hoof, rubbing the knuckle as he and glared at him. "Enough! Must you antagonize the citizenry everywhere we go? Don't we have enough irate pegasi on our tails already?"
Destiny tossed his head with a bark of laughter. "HAH! What can they do to us? The poor foals can't catch us! They can only watch as we hurtle past at the speed of..."
He cut off as a cream pie struck him in the face with a truculent splat.
He let out a whinny of dismay as he began to kick and flail his legs. "Aaagh! I can't see! I'm blind! Bliiind!"
Doctor Insanity's eyes went wide with terror as he leaned his harness to evade the fusillade of pies that were suddenly flying toward them from the rooftop of a wholesale bakery populated by irate pegasi in baker's caps. "LOOK OUT! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!"
The B.A.T. 20 tumbled in an erratic corkscrew as a virtual rain of creme pies coming from a flying mob of pursuing locals struck the black canvas craft and its pilots, covering them in a thick, gooey layer of whipped cream. The sticky gunk hissed and blackened as it flowed into the rocket nacelles' exhaust vents, causing the phlogiston jets to gutter and die.
Professor Destiny tore off his white splattered goggles, staring with wide eyes at the spluttering, fizzing engines. "Aagh! RELIGHT THE ROCKETS! RELIGHT THE ROCKETS!"
Doctor Insanity kicked and thrashed in panic as he ignored his brothers cries, shouting at the top of his lungs about a more urgent matter fast approaching. "RAINBOW DEAD AHEAD! AAAGHHAAAAAAHHH!"
The careening aircraft splashed through one of Cloudsdale's many broad, multicolored cascades. The glorious hues washed over the fugitive unicorns and their scalloped canvas wing, prompting more screams from the stallions.
Destiny howled in hoarse voiced anguish as he gripped at his throat. "AAGH! I SWALLOWED SOME! IT BURNS! SWEET CELESTIA'S TITANIUM TONSILS, IT BUUURRNS ALL THE WAY DOOWN!"
Meanwhile, Insanity pawed helplessly at his eyes. "AIEEEEEEYAA! THE GOGGLES, THEY DO NOTHING!"
Both brothers fell silent as an ominous hissing and sputtering sounded from the rocket nacelles above them. With a crackle and a FOOMP, the phlogiston motors reacted with the rainbow essence and relit, their green flame replaced by a coruscating, multicolored flame that spat a cascade of gold sparks hundreds of hoofs behind them. The B.A.T. 20 shot like an arrow across the sky with a deafening BOOM, leaving a rapidly expanding ring of black smoke and the receding screams of two unicorns in its wake.
The seething mob of provoked pegasi dropped their pies and covered their ears as the columns and towers of Cloudsdale shook.
The pursuing battalion of royal guard pegasi paused, blinking in shock and awe, then launched after their quarry with grim determination writ hard on their faces.
***
Princess Celestia stood alone on the blackened, windswept platform where the stately dome of the royal orrery once graced the top of its gleaming marble tower. She peered unflinchingly at her sun, noting its position in the sky. A tapered quill hovered in her golden magic, recording the new data in a slightly charred logbook. Mercifully, five hundred years of similar journals had been blown clear, raining down upon the royal gardens, mostly not landing in the reflecting pools.
The sun princess' pristine white brow furrowed beneath the heavy, jewel bedecked crown that her servants had taken from its dusty case in the Smithponyan Institute and added to her raiment while the royal goldsmiths worked on a replacement for her melted tiara. She hadn't worn this gaudy thing since the Reneighssance era, and had forgotten how heavily it pressed down on the royal pate, not to mention how dreadfully it made her billowing, ethereal mane hang.
It was making it hard for her to concentrate on the long form notation she was currently forced to use to record the sun's progress. She dearly missed the intricate bronze model of the world and its attendant celestial bodies that both she and her sister used to visually track their daily duties, lost in her last... explosive fit of temper. It was one of many reasons she'd come to regret letting her anger get the better of her over the past few days.
Celestia let out a sigh, centered herself, and began the laborious calculations of the next few hours' solar progress. At least there would be more fresh daffodils in her salad when lunchtime rolled around.
A thunderous blast echoing from the western horizon startled her, causing the quill to drag a crazy zigzag of ink across the logbook page. The princess' violet eyes widened as she stared at a vast black smoke ring spread across the sky at the outskirts of Cloudsdale, seeming to encircle the distant city of the pegasi.
The sun princess let out a gasp, and with a glance wrenched the telescope from the balcony of her private tower with her golden magic. She dragged it close and peered through it, her dainty jaw dropping as she spotted an inky, serpentine contrail carving its way across the distant sky, a scalloped black wing at its fore. Some distance behind, a vast cloud of white winged forms with glinting armor was visible, looking like a swarm of bees from so far off.
Celestia's pearlescent teeth ground together, sending hot sparks out of her mouth as her voice came out as a growling whisper. "Fie and forsooth! 'Tis nary a thing to be believed nor countenanced!"
A moment later, the full force of the Royal Canterlot voice pealed like answering thunder over the towers of the palace. "SHINING ARMOR! ATTEND THY PRINCESS POSTHASTE!"
***
A set of thick, star speckled curtains were swept aside in a shimmer of pale blue magic, as Princess Luna stumbled out onto the balcony of her chambers clad in a half donned silk robe and fuzzy blue ursa minor slippers, blinking in the bright, slightly red sunlight.
She reared up on the railing, craning her elegant neck to take stock of the situation. She spotted her sister, then turned her gaze in the direction that Celestia was peering through her uprooted telescope. The expanding black smoke ring on the horizon told her everything she needed to know, and an expression of profound irritation furrowed her dusky brow as she blew a stray tendril of her nebulous mane out of her face.
Luna turned with a huff and stormed back into her bedroom, her clear voice shouting out as the curtains dropped closed behind her. "YO! Somepony brew me up a triple expresso, stat! It's gonna be one of those days."
***
The mood in Cloudsdale was ugly as the vanguard of the Pegathalon's legitimate competitors approached the city limits. The Wonderbolts had taken the lead in the Unicorn Range, and all three stunt flyers laid their ears back as they took in the pall of hostility hanging over the city. The rainbow cascades seemed to have shifted in tint toward angry reds and oranges, and sparks of lightning arced beneath the darkened cloud terraces.
Gathered on almost every rooftop or leaning out of almost every window, herds of angry pegasi were shouting and gnashing their teeth, waving hastily scrawled signs bearing messages like: "Ground Pounders Stay Down!", "Ponies That Were Meant To Fly Have Been Given Wings!" or "Hey! You! Stay Out of My Clouds!"
Even more alarming, large numbers of the sky city's denizens were streaming in and out of assorted bakeries and markets across town, leaving with a pair of creme pies balanced on their fore hooves.
Rainbow Dash cast a frown to her teammates. "I knew that black boom meant trouble. I've never seen so many peeved pegasi."
Spitfire's eyes narrowed as she took in the dissipating wisps of black phlogiston smoke still winding over the city. "Bits to buttercups it was those rump head unicorns and their stupid rockets. Why the hail are those two maniacs still flying free?"
Shootin' Star cast a wan look over his shoulder. "Y'know, I hate t' say it, but I reckon th' folk here ain't gonna take too kindly to anypony else flyin' through on wings they weren't born with."
Dash's maroon eyes widened as she brought her hooves to her mouth. "Oh NO! We gotta warn Soarin and Pip!" With that, she formed a U of rainbow in the air as she doubled back on her flight path.
Shootin' Star looked over to Spitfire with a cocked eyebrow. The blaze yellow mare met his gaze and nodded gravely. He snapped off a salute to his captain with a lopsided grin, as they wheeled and followed their star teammate's multicolored contrail.
***
Golden Bay turned to his tawny, blonde maned life partner with a frown furrowing his brow. "Woah... More bad vibes. This whole place feels like a total bummer waiting to happen."
Granola nodded thoughtfully. "Oh wow, fer shure. These ponies need to mellow out."
The pair reared in midair with a startled whinny as Rainbow Dash blasted between them heading in the opposite direction, her zooming rainbow contrail causing them to spin like tops in its wake.
They eventually slowed to a woozy, wobbling stop, their eyes spinning in opposite directions as they hovered in a daze. "Whoaah!"
Golden intoned reverently as his addled vision showed him multiple contrails. "Double rainbows... What does it mean?"
His life partner's head wobbled back and forth as she answered dreamily. "Just ask the axis, he knows everything... Yeaahh..."
The tawny stallion shook his head to clear it and beckoned Granola to follow him. "C'mon, babe. Lets split this downer town."
She smiled at him and fell in beside him with a beat of her wings. "Groovy."
***
Soarin was letting out small gasps of effort with every few beats of his wings as he and Pip entered Cloudsdale's airspace. His young wingpony looked over at him with concern furrowing his brow. "Do you need to stop and take a breather, mate?"
The veteran flyer gave a terse shake of his head. "Nah... Just... feelin'... the burn... kid. I'll let... you know... if I'm gonna... hit the wall..." He forced a smile at the earth pony's dubious expression. "Promise..."
Pip gave a small shake of his head and scanned the billowing terraces and colonnades around them. His eyes went wide as something whistled past his head, striking the side of a cloud villa with a splat and a clatter. He cocked a bemused eyebrow as a lightweight pie tin dropped loose from an oozing mass of whipped cream and shattered graham cracker crust running down the rough cloudcrete surface. "I... I say, looks like something else is hitting the bally walls 'round here already."
Both stallions' heads turned in alarm as a chorus of angry shouts and jeers erupted from the roof of the building across the way.
"Hit the road, groundpounder!"
"You and your fake wings aren't welcome here!"
"Who do you think you are, leaving all that smoke everywhere?"
"You pinheads aren't gonna take MY job!"
"They want to replace our rainbows with tomato sauce!"
"Won't somepony PLEASE think of the foals!"
"I'm shouting indignantly!"
Soarin spat a curse as a flock of hurled pies flew through the air in his and Pip's direction. With a grunt of pain he launched into a sprinting surge. "Come on, kid! Lets blow! There's no reasoning with this crowd!"
With a curt nod the young earth pony willed the purple and blue wings of the Luna Moth to pick up speed. The creme filled projectiles hurtled past, mostly splattering against the buildings opposite or dropping past the clouds into the wide blue yonder. His head whipped around as a squawk of pain sounded from behind him from his partner. "AGH! Wing cramp!"
The spotted stallion blanched in horror as he saw Soarin tumble into a long downward arc, his left wing held awkwardly at his side as he kicked and thrashed through the air. His youthful brow furrowed as he tucked his legs to his chest and executed a chandelle, hurtling toward his plummeting wingpony with a look of grim determination as more forcefully thrown pies splatted against his sides and battered his canvas wings.
Pip's flight path intersected Soarin's in a crazy tangle of wings and legs as more pies flew at them. A moment later the mass of whipped cream resolved into the white splattered shapes of the young stallion dragging the stricken pegasus along with his forelegs hooked around his companion's outstretched wings.
Soarin' bellowed up at his wing pony as they traced an erratic path through the air. "OW! Sleet and hailstones, kid! Let go of me! Save yourself! I'm slowing you down!"
Pip gripped him tighter as he struggled to gain altitude. "Sorry, old bean, can't hear you! Bally ears are clogged with whipped cream!"
The veteran pegasus' eyes flared in panic as he waved his frantic hooves toward another rooftop. "Look out! Here comes another wave!"
The young earth pony let out a low whistle as he watched another fusillade of weaponized whipped cream flying toward them. "Got to hoof it to you pegasus chaps, you certainly know how to make a point when you've got your dander up."
Both stallions blinked as two large, burly winged shapes dropped out of the sky and interposed themselves between the incoming pies and the Harmony Aeronautics team. One of them growled over his shoulder at them moments before impact. "Kid, you ain't even seen us get really mad yet."
With that, they flared their wings, blocking the wave of hurtling pastry even as they were driven back by the impacts.
A moment later, two sets of eyes popped open in a pair of hovering whipped cream coated shapes, glaring at the crowd of pegasi who stood with more pies in their hooves, staring aghast at what they'd done. One of them spoke up with Ice Tongs' gruff voice. "Okay. Now I'm mad."
The dripping, white figures turned their thick necks to look over their shoulders past their sodden wings as Pip nervously cleared his throat. Soarin merely hung in his hooves, staring with wide eyed amazement. The spotted earth stallion gave them a halting bob of his head. "Er... Thank you, chaps. I... I daresay you saved us from a right pie-ing, but I'm a bit boggled as to why."
One of the fluff enshrouded stallions replied in Air Hammer's voice. "Dese joiks got no business interferin' in da race like dat. Don't 'tink it's 'cos we like ya."
The other one gave a terse shake of his head, splattering some whipped cream on his partner. "We don't."
He leveled his gaze on the crowd of assailants hovering over the rooftop, fidgeting nervously with their unthrown projectiles. "We just hate cheaters n' spoilsports more."
His partner nodded. "We play rough, but we always play fair."
He scowled through the mask of whipped cream at the suddenly flighty crowd. "Lets show dis buncha mooks just how rough, Tongs."
With a mutual nod, the pegasi duo winged their way ponderously toward the rooftop, rolling back the whipped cream on their forelegs like sleeves and cracking the knuckles of their hooves. The rioters scattered, tossing aside pies in a panic as they fled from the relentless, goo covered bruisers. They fell upon some of the stragglers, vanishing into a roiling cloud of kicking hooves, flailing wings, and splattering dessert topping.
Soarin and Pip exchanged a wan glance. The sky blue pegasus nodded to his young wing pony. "Okay, lets get out of here before those palookas decide they want to challenge me to a duel in trade for saving us too."
Pip gave a wry chuckle. "Right ho! Off we go then!"
They both looked up sharply as a sandy voice cried out to them from further down the flight path. "Guys! Are you okay?"
Rainbow Dash came rocketing toward them, cutting a tight loop of brightly multicolored contrail behind her as she circled them and screeched to a midair stop in front of them. She raised her hooves to her face. "Ohmygosh! Hang on a sec!"
With that she jetted away, returning almost immediately with a grey raincloud in her hooves. She leapt on top and bounced up and down, knocking loose a torrent of rain on the two stallions and washing away the excess whipped cream. Pip and Soarin hung in the air, soaking wet and shivering as water droplets scattered from the edges of the Luna Moth's wings, before the chromatic maned mare launched from the top of the cloud, kicking it aside and spinning up a rainbow colored mini cyclone, just as quickly drying them off. They were left blinking owlishly, their manes and tails rendered into frizzy puffs of tangled hair.
The trio flying ponies looked up at the sound of approaching laughter, as Spitfire and Shootin' Star approached with wide grins on their faces. The blaze yellow mare smirked into her hoof as the young pegasus stallion let out a chuckle. "That's a right purty look for y'all, fellers."
Soarin blinked at his former teammates. "Wh-what are you guys doing here?"
The grin faded from Shootin' Star's face as he looked at the pies splattered on the building faces nearby. "Escort duty, I reckon."
Spitfire gave a terse nod. "Right. You and Dash form up and fly overwatch 'til you clear the city limits."
Dash rounded on her. "You sound like you're not comin' with, Cap."
She met her teammates' gaze. "Yeah, looks like I got my work cut out for me here."
She waved a hoof at the nearby brawl between Cloudsdale's champions and its errant citizens. "First, I'm gonna deal with that donnybrook over there, then I'm gonna go and have a little chat with the so called city watch about all the sleet that they're letting go down without lifting a hoof."
The blaze maned mare turned to face Soarin and Pip. "You guys be careful, okay? I'll see you in Canterlot."
The young earth pony gave her a nod, a spark of light gleaming off his grin, as his veteran wing pony swallowed hard, his eyes brimming with emotion as he gave his former leader a salute.
Spitfire saluted back, and wheeled toward the whirling aerial scuffle, shouting a fierce battle cry as she charged. "All right you sleet heads, break it up!"
Dash and Shootin' Star turned their attention back to Soarin and Pip. The rainbow maned mare gave a jerk of her head toward the race route. "You guys ready to roll?"
Pip looked down at his team mate with a cocked eyebrow, shifting his grip around the veteran pegasus' middle. "How's the wing, mate?"
Soarin winced as he stretched it, giving a couple experimental flaps. He looked up at his cohort with a rueful grin. "Hurts like a hailstone, but that just lets me know it's still attached. I think I can stay up with it."
Shootin' Star gave him a searching look. "Sure, but can ya keep up?"
The older pegasus gave him a nod as he shrugged loose of Pip's hooves, bobbling a bit as he dropped into a hover. "I'm gonna give it a shot."
The younger stallion gave him approving nod. "Right. It sure is a pleasure flyin' with ya, Lieutenant."
Dash gave a wave of her wing. "Well lets quit yappin' and start flappin'. We're on the tail end of it now."
With that, they set out, with the Harmony Aeronautics team flying side by side as the Wonderbolts formed a V, taking up watchful positions at 10 and 3 o'clock as they soared through the skyways of the pegasus city.
***
A pair of sinuous, winged shadows streamed across the patchwork fields of upper Equestria, touching wing tip to wing tip as the verdant fields rolled past. Any ponies tilling the farmland below looked up with awe as the silhouettes of two dragons, one purple with green wings, one golden with pink, the sunlight shining through their wing membranes like stained glass.
Quillina gasped in wide eyed wonder as Cloudsdale hove into view. "Oh Spike, I do declare, it's evah so beautiful. More than I ever could have imagined!"
The young dragon gliding at her side beamed with the pride that comes with showing a familiar treasure to someone for the first time. "Wait'll you see it up close! The race route goes right down Concolor Avenue, under no fewer than seven rainbow arches, and from there its straight on to Canterlot!"
The gilded dragonette let out a squeal with a gout of pink flame from her nostrils. "Ooh! I can't wait!" She beat her wings, gaining speed as the cloud city grew ever closer.
Spike laughed and called after her. "Hey, wait up!"
Quillina giggled a silvery giggle as she craned her graceful neck to peer over her shoulder. "Catch me if ya can, darlin'."
***
The Wonderbolts and the Harmony Aeronautics teams paused beneath the seventh rainbow arch, the three pegasi landing on a puff of loose cloud as Pip hovered tirelessly nearby. They noted with a mutual nod of satisfaction that burly stallions in silver barding marked with Cloudsdale's cloud and rainbow crest were lifting off in waves from between the columns of the City Watch's fortress headquarters, spreading out over the city to begin pacifying the pegasi populace.
Shootin' Star wore a wry smile. "Gotta hoof it t' th' Cap, she gets results."
Rainbow Dash grinned. "They don't call her Spitfire for nothin'."
They turned to Pip and Soarin, looking them over with an appraising glance as Dash reached up and adjusted her goggles. "So you guys sure you're ready for the final sprint? I wanna win this thing, and I don't wanna have to come back and pull either of you out of a tailspin."
Soarin gave his wing another experimental flap, wincing a bit, then smiled at his rainbow maned former teammate. He laid a hoof on her shoulder. "You already did that for me at the start of this whole business. The least I can do is stay out of your way this time."
Shootin' Star pawed at the cloud and gave the rainbow maned mare a wry smile. "Y'all talk about it as if it's a foregone conclusion. How 'bout I cross th' line first so ya don't gotta worry 'bout it."
Dash lashed her tail and flared her wings with a savage grin. "Oh, it is on, cowpony." She gave a bow and gestured toward the open sky, where the distant peak of Canterlot was vaguely visible on the horizon. "Ladies first."
The young stallion reared back indignantly. "Hey!"
A split second later Dash was gone, leaving a rainbow contrail and a gale of merry laughter in her wake. Shootin' Star let out a chuckle, threw Soarin and Pip a salute, and launched after her at top speed, rapidly gaining sky on her as he vanished in the distance.
The two stallions flying for Harmony Aeronautics exchanged a nod, bumped hooves, and set out for Canterlot as fast as they could fly.
***
The young dragon caught up with the dragonette at the edge of the city and they leveled off, soaring down the thoroughfares of Cloudsdale. As she gazed about in awe at the pristine columns and cloud terraces, Spike's attention was drawn to the ponies milling about in hovering crowds, being herded and dispersed by the City Watch. His aural spines twitched at the sound of pony voices raised in alarm.
A cry came to his ears that sent a chill all the way to the flattened tip of his tail.
"Dragons! The Horror! The Horror!"
"Defend Cloudsdale! Attack!"
He let out a gasp as a volley of pies launched from a crowd on one of the rooftops on Quillina's side of the street, flying straight for the young dragoness.
Spike's brow ridge furrowed in rage as he gained altitude, wheeling until he was directly over her and releasing a sustained gout of green, sparkling flame into the hurled pastries' path. They vanished into swirling puffs of ash as a gasp went up from the crowd. The young drake bellowed loudly in reply. "HEY! Watch it! We're flyin' here! Geez!"
He gave the herds of pegasi a glare as city watch ponies dove into the crowd to corral the perpetrators, then let out a growl as he settled back into a parallel flight path next to Quillina. "What's up with the ponies in this town today?"
The young dragon glanced sideways as a businesslike voice cleared its throat with a rustle of wings, and saw that one of the silver armored pegasi had settled into a parallel flight path at his side. The grey stallion peered out from under the brim of his rainbow crested helmet with a steely gaze. "Excuse me. Who might you two be, and what is your business in Cloudsdale?"
Spike cast a glance at his dainty draconic companion, brushing a wing tip to reassure her before turning back to the pegasus peace officer. "I'm Spike of Canterlot, and this is Quillina, Mistress of the Delve Ender Hoard. We're participants in the Pegathalon."
The patrol pony gave him a searching glare, then craned his neck to fish a notepad out from under his peytral. He flipped it open in his hooves and looked it over. "Hmmm. Ah yes, you're on Captain Spitfire's list."
He put the notepad away and gave the dragons a curt nod. "Fly carefully sir. Ma'am. Have a nice day."
With that he wheeled away, fluttering down to join a group of his fellow guards in settling another unruly crowd of pegasi. Spike and Quillina exchanged a confused glance.
The graceful dragoness tapped her chin with a tapering claw. "What do y'all think that was about?"
Her companion shrugged. "Dunno. Probably something to do with that big smoke ring we saw while we were coming down out of the mountains. If it had anything to do with that big explosion we heard, then I'm not surprised that the pegasi are all worked up."
After they flew for a few furlongs, Quillina's sinuous neck suddenly darted sideways as she planted a peck on Spike's cheek. The adolescent drake blushed, lightly touching the spot. He gave her a sidelong grin. "Wh... what was that for?"
She smiled back. "For fendin' off those pies that those ruffians threw at li'l ol' me, darlin. What else?"
He wrung his claws bashfully as he beamed. "Aw, it was nothin'. Don't mention it."
A thoughtful look settled on the elegant heiress' face. "So where did y'all send 'em to?"
Spike's features went blank, a look of horror dawning in his eyes. He let out a groan as he slapped his forehead, muttering an undertone curse in draconic. "Oh flargleblargakk, it's the Great Sugar Cube Corner Frosting Fight all over again..."
***
Princess Celestia had been joined atop the exploded orrery tower by her sister and her captain of the guard, who'd opted for a full face helmet and a set of asbestos lined coveralls that he'd borrowed from the Royal Fire Brigade beneath his ornate purple barding. The princess of the sun was peering through her telescope with an intense expression on her face, while Luna gazed through her own silver chaised looking glass with a mixture of worry and bemusement.
The moon's regent pursed her dusky lips as she watched the black contrail with its pursuing cloud of air cavalry head toward them. "Say what you like, you gotta hoof it to those colts. They've kept ahead of that sky cav. battalion for days now."
Her solar sister answered in a low, seething voice. "Yesss... and they built that thing in a cave... out of scraps... If only they could use their ingenuity for something besides hurting their fellow ponies, damaging property, and generally ticking me off..."
Luna batted her elder sibling in the side with a wing. "Yo, chillsville, sis. Stay thy wrath and all that jazz, huh?"
Celestia let out a sigh and gave her co-regent a sidelong glance. "I'm quite in control of my faculties, dear sister."
She cast a chagrined look back at Shining Armor, who couldn't help but flinch ever so slightly as she met his gaze. The sun princess let out another sigh. "I've done enough damage as it is, much to my eternal sorrow."
The moon princess gently brushed her beloved sibling's mane with a dusky wing tip. "So what are we gonna do about these jokers?"
Princess Celestia reached up a gold shod hoof and tapped her delicately chiseled chin in thought. "Well, I think we should..."
She cut off as several bursts of spiraling green flame appeared in the air above her. Each sparkling mote condensed with a pop and burst forth a cream pie, which rained down in a torrent on the startled sovereign of the sun in a series of wet, gooey splats. The last sparkles of draconic magic dissipated as a coating of whipped cream and shattered crust oozed down the immortal mistress of the sun from her antique crown to her withers.
Shining Armor dropped to the heat cracked tiles and shielded his head with his hooves, throwing a shield spell up as Princess Luna stared aghast at her sister. The dusky younger diarch ruffled her wings nervously. "Uh... Sis?"
After a long pause, Celestia's eyes popped open in the whipped cream mask that covered her face, her pupils and violet irises shrunk to pinpricks. She folded her telescope, which was rather unfortunate as it wasn't built to be collapsible, instead compressing noisily with a crunch of twisting brass and shattering lenses, and then tossed it aside.
Her right eyelid twitched, as she cast an unnerving gaze at her sister and spoke in a cheerful voice with only the slightest tremor as the whipped cream began to braise on her head. "Yes yes, Luna. We know. We know. Worry not, for we are most perfectly calm and rational at this particular juncture we can most wholeheartedly assure you without doubt."
She turned to her captain of the guard, the tiles crunching under her hooves as the horseshoes she wore began to soften and run. "Shining Armor, do be a dear put the palace on high alert, and put up one of your lovely shields over Canterlot, won't you? There's a good child."
With that, she slowly turned and made her way to the stairs, leaving a trail of dribbling gold hoofprints. "Your princess shall be going down to the royal kitchens. We suddenly have a craving for some strawberries. Luna, you've got the helm until we return."
Shining Armor cast a helpless gaze to Princess Luna through the eye slits of his helmet. The dusky regent of the moon huffed and dismissed him with a wave of her horn after her sister had disappeared down the stairs. "Better do as she says. Your shield ought to contain the blast if she decides to explode a couple times."
The unicorn stallion gulped loudly, scrabbling to his feet and giving her a deep bow before vanishing in a burst of white light.
Luna pursed her lips as she raised her telescope to her eye again, peering through the shimmering purple forcefield that manifested over Canterlot's gleaming towers. "She'd better not eat all of those strawberries..."
***
A murmur of consternation fell over the grandstands of Canterlot's royal parade ground as the growing crowd of spectator ponies looked up to see the shimmering purple dome of a shield spell descend over the city. The vast, professionally produced banner proclaiming The Grand Pegathalon that was stretched across the finish line ceased its fluttering as the warm, late summer breeze that moved it and countless colorful pennants went still.
High overhead, the vast, silvery, oblong shape of the T.M.S.S. Ambrosia, which had arrived that morning on a direct flight from Los Pegasus so that the passengers could witness the final results of the race firsthand, spun up its turbines to gain altitude and clear the way for the shield dome.
In one corner of the stands, a trio of mares, a pair of fillies, and an infant foal who'd all made the trip up to the capitol from Ponyville gazed skyward in consternation.
Applejack tipped back the brim of the white stetson she'd acquired at the Carousel Boutique along with a very flattering dress of green and white checked gingham and lace, replacing the outfit she'd destroyed in the barroom brawl in Appleloosa. Her brow furrowed with concern. "Now what th' everlovin' hay is this all about?"
Fluttershy stood at her side with her eldest daughter Windfall balanced on her back. She peered out from behind her flowing pink tresses and raised a hoof to her mouth. "Oh my... I hope nothing scary is going to happen..."
She turned and cast a glance at the peach colored filly. "Make sure and cover your eyes if mommy tells you to, sweetheart." In response, Windfall rolled her eyes and gave a tiny huff, but nodded in acquiescence to her mother's wishes.
Pinkie Pie stood next to her, with her youngest daughter Puddin' hanging from her chest in a foal carrier, kicking her tiny hooves and sucking merrily away on a bottle of strawberry milk, with Tootsie hovering nearby with her cherished Rainbow Dash doll in her mouth. The tails of all three Pies, mother and daughters, were buzzing and twitching like crazy.
Pinkie looked back at her jittering tail with a cocked eyebrow. "Well, I'm pretty sure something's gonna fall."
Applejack lashed her own relatively inactive tail as she gazed skyward. "Well seein' how this here is a flyin' race, that don't exactly bode well, Pink."
Fluttershy flicked an ear and gave a nod to her daughter. "Windy..." The pegasus filly let out an irritated sigh and covered her eyes with her hooves.
Tootsie looked over at her mother and muttered something through her doll. Pinkie gave her eldest an encouraging smile. "No way, sugarcookie. Your Auntie Dashie's an ace flyer. She'd never just fall out of the sky."
She furrowed her brow as her grin faded a bit. "She'd have to have some kinda midair collision, like with a flock of birds or a badly thrown frisbee, or maybe get struck by a freak lightning bolt, or a meteor. Oh, I guess those technically fall, so maybe that's what's gonna happen. You never can tell."
She glanced back at her twitching tail. "Oh wait, we can tell, but then again we never really know the specifics, so it could be any number of things that would cause Dashie to hit the ground and go splat like a poorly flipped pancake."
A stricken look crossed the little filly's chocolate brown face, and she swallowed hard and covered her own eyes with her hooves.
Pinkie caught herself with a gasp, and cast a sheepish grin at her daughter as she reached up and pulled the shivering little pegasus into a reassuring hug, stilling her tiny, buzzing wings as she held her close. "Of... of course, that's a zillion to one shot of even maybe never happening in a million months of Sundays, gumdrop... er... gummy bear. Don't you worry about it one itty bitty nibbly little bit." Her blue eyed gaze turned back skyward as she nervously bit her lip.
Applejack rolled her eyes as Fluttershy cast a disapproving frown in Pinkie's direction. The cotton candy colored mare gave a little hop, jostling her daughters as she pointed a hoof toward the horizon. "Ooh! Something's coming! Look!"
All three mares, and Windfall, surreptitiously peeking over a hoof tip, peered beyond the translucent purple of the forcefield dome, and saw a long, dark, wormlike trail of smoke winding through the air. Not even five pony lengths behind, a sky darkening flight of armored pegasi beat their wings in hot pursuit, a cacophony of ragged cries and horn blasts ringing through the heavens. The murmuring of the crowd rose in volume and urgency as both pursuers and pursued rapidly approached.
***
Doctor Insanity was shrieking at full volume, and full urgency, as the B.A.T. 20 corkscrewed through the air, the rushing wind causing his cheeks to billow out from his clenched teeth like ships' sails before a hurricane gale. "PULL UP, YOU MANIAC! THERE'S A SHIELD SPELL OVER THE CITY!"
Professor Destiny's face was undergoing similar high speed deformation, with the ragged remnants of his mustache fluttering like a hummingbird's wings. "NEVER! WE SHALL NOT BE DENIED OUR VICTORY!"
His brother waved his hooves in panicked exasperation. "WHAT VICTORY? WE'RE GOING TO DIE LIKE BUGS ON A WINDSHIELD!"
The mustachioed unicorn sparked his horn to life with a hysterical grin. "NOTHING CAN STOP US, BROTHER! THIS IS DESTINY!"
His sibling thrashed in his harness. "THIS IS INSANITY! OUR UNSTOPPABLE FORCE IS GOING TO HIT AN IMMOVABLE OBJECT!"
Destiny let out a laugh. "HAH HAH! WELL LETS SEE WHAT HAPPENS, THEN! WE'LL GO DOWN IN HISTORY!"
Insanity covered his eyes. "WE'LL GO DOWN IN FLAMES!"
Green sparks of magic blossomed from the Professor's horn like dandelion seeds blown from their stem, flying to the tips of every single rocket motor mounted in the B.A.T. 20's nacelles. They all lit at once with a resounding BOOM, shooting the brothers and their flying wing forward at ridiculous speeds.
The jet of lurid green flame extended three hundred hooves behind their craft, blackening the faces and singeing the wing tips of the royal guard battalion's vanguard. The vast flight of pegasi were all panting with near exhaustion, glaring blue murder at their quarry.
Gnashing his teeth in apoplexy, Sir Concord brandished his spear over his head and flared his smoking purple stained wings. "GET THEM! DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY! BLITZ DIVE! NOW!"
Wave after wave of his troops dropped into a steep dive as the B.A.T. 20 rapidly approached the shimmering dome over Canterlot.
Professor Destiny's voice rang out over the roar of the rockets. "I LOVE YOU, FLIM!"
Moments before impact, Doctor Insanity's voice shrieked in reply. "YOU COULD HAVE JUST SENT ME A CARD!"
A black mushroom cloud lit from within by eerie yellow and green flames blossomed from the crest of the magical shield, as the aircraft and its inventors punched through with a scattering of smoky tendrils flying in all directions on the other side.
Two gangly, soot blackened forms hurtled through the still air beneath the dome from among a cloud of flaming wooden struts, tattered scraps of canvas, and still active phlogiston rockets that corkscrewed and spiraled along their own unconstrained trajectories trailing their plumes of black exhaust. The scrawny equine shapes trailed their own smoke as they tumbled in a long, descending arc toward the royal parade ground.
Moments later, a succession of meaty thuds rung the magical structure, as the leading charge of air cavalry slammed abruptly into the shield and piled up in a groaning, flailing tangle of battered hooves and wings.
Shining Armor stood in the palace courtyard, staring wide eyed through the slits of his helmet as more and more of Equestria's finest smacked against his signature spell. He barely noticed a burst of white magic atop the ruined orrery tower, but gave a cry of alarm as Princess Luna suddenly popped into being at his side. She clipped the back of his helm with a silver shod hoof and shouted in his ear. "DROP THY SHIELD, THOU ADDLE PATED DULLARD!"
Drop the shield he did, along with the mass of half stunned pegasi that had been piled against its shimmering shell. Mercifully, the rear guard of the battalion had realized what was happening and peeled off, and were able to swoop in to catch their comrades before they hit the ground.
***
Princess Celestia's measured hoofsteps echoed from the stairwell as she returned to the leveled off top of the orrery tower, her face and mane freshly scrubbed, the latter's etherial locks unconstrained by her antique crown, which she'd left in the care of her staff for a thorough cleaning. A bowl of strawberries and cream hovered at her side, and she seemed a fair bit more relaxed as she called out. "I'm back. Did I… miss… anything?"
She stopped dead in her tracks with wide staring eyes as she beheld the bloom of black smoke and debris and the frantic rescue of her plummeting pegasi guards as the shield spell vanished into wisps of magic. She stood like an marble statue, watching as one of the phlogiston rockets wound its way inexorably toward her. In the split second before impact, a bolt of concentrated sunlight shot from the tip of her horn, exploding the projectile scant hooves from her face.
The renewed breeze blew away the billows of soot and smoke to reveal the sun princess standing in the same spot, her formerly pristine coat smudged and blackened, the etherial tresses of her mane and tail askew in jagged paisley swirls, and the bowl of strawberries merrily burning at her side. She telekinetically tossed it over her shoulder and hung her head with a tiny sigh.
***
Another rocket ricocheted off of the palace's bell tower and spiraled down toward the royal sculpture garden. It skimmed over the carved heads of the revered collection of priceless allegorical statues that dated back to Equestria's founding, leaping a hedge and bouncing off a low empty platform in a gated off section of the grounds. The impact dislodged a wooden placard that read "Exhibit Removed for Possible Reformation" and crashed among the thick briars of the hedge maze, setting it violently alight. If some kind of statue had been there, it would have been utterly pulverized by the rocket's impact as if it had been shot point blank with a cannon.
***
Prince Blueblood lounged on the couch in the Ambrosia's royal suite, his beloved circular ice bag around his horn and the blinds tightly drawn against his aunt's interminable sunshine. None of it was doing much to dull the throbbing in his head, nor had polishing off several bottles from the royal wet bar the night before.
He was still quite shaken by his conversation with Fancy Pants. The dissolute prince had lied, prevaricated, wheedled, and hedged for all he was worth, which now wasn't quite so very much as he'd somehow ended up signing over majority control of Royal Blue Airship Lines and several other sizable chunks of his royal portfolio into the distinguished elder unicorn's hooves.
Fancy Pants had also revealed that he'd been in touch via horn with Diamond Tiara's arsenal of lawyers at Flywheel, Shyster, and Flywheel, and had conveyed the news that in light of his wife's unexplained absence several clauses of their prenuptial agreement had been invoked, locking up the rest of her funds behind impenetrable, unscalable walls of legal steel and leaving him with a piteous allowance and very tightly controlled options for what to do with it under the supervision of a veritable quaray eels' nest of a law firm.
The older stallion had subtly hinted that the prince should consider himself quite lucky indeed that Blueblood's feigned ignorance of when his princess had been replaced by the changeling queen, disjointed and sometimes contradictory as his testimony was, would be accepted as fact. Otherwise, he'd be subject to suspicion of colluding with Equestria's enemies at best, or at worst being suspected of actually being a changeling himself. Fancy Pants' dry but vivid description of the so called "Sparkle Method", which would be used to disabuse the authorities of the latter notion, had given Blueblood cause to switch to harder stuff from the bar a bit earlier than he normally would.
And so now there he lay, hung over and miserable and scarcely able to enjoy the sweetness of his wife's long yearned for departure. It just wasn't fair.
His ears levered back at the muffled sounds of explosions outside, followed by a cacophony of shrilly clanging bells and whistles from the bowels of the airship beneath him. He let out a growl as he held his head in his hooves. "What now?"
With a tsk and huff, he lurched upright and stumbled over to the blinds, wincing as he caught the cord in his magic and yanked them open and faced a torrent of sunlight. His faded blue, bloodshot eyes went wide, the pupils and iris' shrinking to pinpricks, as he beheld a careening rocket trailing green flames and black smoke rise over the silvery curve of the Ambrosia's hull and then nosedive into it with a wrenching impact followed by a thunderous explosion.
His left eye twitched as he let the blinds drop back down again.
***
Down in the castle courtyard, Princess Luna and Shining Armor both stared agape and aghast at the horrible blossom of smoke and fire off of the Ambrosia's gleaming shell, that caused the massive airship to list toward the mountaintop. More of the pegasi battalion wheeled toward it, intent on giving aid to the passengers and crew.
Luna reached out a shaking hoof and nudged the Captain of the Guard as she spoke in a low, tremulous voice. "P-put up thy shield, lest we all be smote by yon calamity..."
Shining Armor nodded dully, his horn flaring to life and firing a beam skyward that cascaded a fresh shield dome over Canterlot.
***
In the time all the preceding mayhem had taken place, the two scrawny, blackened equine figures followed a long, lazy parabolic arc, whipped cream, flight suits, coats, manes and tails burning off in a trail of smoke and ash as they plummeted. They came down in the center of the royal parade grounds and bounced off of the turf once, twice, then skidded to a stop as they slid across the white painted line beneath the Pegathalon banner on their bellies.
One of them merely laid there and groaned, his skinny legs splayed out like spokes on a wheel as he gently smoldered. The other reared up his head, his bloodshot green eyes snapping open and spiraling dizzily. He muttered under his breath as the ashes of his mustache flaked away from his lip. "Ughhh. I don' wanna be Perfezzer Desdummy anymore..."
He weaved drunkenly back and forth and flopped bonelessly to the turf, as a rapid fire burst of teleporting unicorn guards and a tightly packed, hovering dome of fuming pegasi surrounded them with a hemisphere of spear points.
***
Up in the stands, Applejack and Fluttershy could only boggle in amazement at the apocalyptic carnage going on overhead, while Tootsie and Windfall kept their hooves tightly covering their eyes. The butter yellow pegasus reached out with a hoof and was covering Puddin' Pie's eyes as well, as the plump little foal placidly slurped away at her bottle.
Pinkie took a glance back at her frizzy magenta tail, noting that it had stopped twitching along with her daughters' tails, and then gave eldest a reassuring squeeze. "There! You see, jellybean? Auntie Dashie wasn't in any danger at all! Everything worked out okay!"
The two mares beside her slowly turned their stunned stares in her direction as overhead, beyond the shield spell's protective dome, the Ambrosia's hull began to cave in like a deflating party balloon against the mountain peak beneath a high plume of black smoke.
***
Miles away Twilight, Rarity, and Apple Bloom clustered around the crystal radio in the Friend Ship's cabin, eyes wide in shock and horror as they listened to the live newscast from Canterlot. Static crackled through the brass bell of the speaker as the announcer's tinny voice could be heard. "... a scene of unimaginable chaos and destruction, as the stray fireworks have damaged the hull of the Ambrosia and have apparently punctured the gas envelope. The timely arrival of the Royal Air Cavalry means that rescue operations are underway, as our brave boys in bronze work to move the collapsing airship away from inhabited areas."
A buzzing crackling thud could be heard. "Fillies and gentlecolts, the airship's lightning chamber has just breached. I repeat the lightning containment chamber has broken open. Citizens of Canterlot are advised to stay clear of tall trees or rooftops, and any unicorns be advised not to go outside with wet manes. I've been assured by the guard that Captain Shining Armor's shield will protect us but we urge you to stay indoors."
A rustling of paper followed. "This just in, several of the stray projectiles were seen headed toward the castle. Once again, the guard urges calm."
A panicked voice in the background could be heard rushing past. "Princess Celestia was hit! The Princess has been hit by a missile!"
After a stunned silence the announcer came back on, his voice edged with hysteria. "Er... R-remain calm, and s-stand by..."
The sound of hooves receding followed. "Aaagh! The sun will never rise again! We're doomed! DOOMED!"
The three mares in the Friend Ship blinked at one another for a moment, then Twilight scrabbled out onto the terrace and grabbed the telescope, spinning it toward Canterlot. Apple Bloom and Rarity tumbled out the hatch behind her, gasping as they saw what she was seeing magnified through the lenses, a boiling, rising cloud of dark smoke and the silvery cylinder of the airship crumpling and wilting as it drifted away among a swarm of gnat like winged motes.
The lavender unicorn reared back from the telescope and grasped the railing in her hooves, clenching her eyes shut as her horn began to glow a blinding white. "Hang on, girls!"
Rarity let out a piercing shriek as the entire gondola of the Friend Ship vanished in a percussive burst of white light.
A moment later, the wind howled in the empty sky as the purple gas bag emblazoned with the Harmony Aeronautics crest rose silently toward the stratosphere, trailing ropes with smoking ends beneath it.
***
Soarin's world was a wind tunnel, with nothing but his labored breathing and the distant mirage of Canterlot beyond his outstretched fore hooves, the relentless thud of his heartbeat in his ears, the roar of the wind in his face. His wings ached bitterly, as did his sides as he fought back against the pain and strove to keep his breath even, keep his pace up, keep his mind sharp from the creeping haze that threatened to envelop it.
Ahead was the goal. Ahead was his proof. Ahead was his prize. A better prize than all the medals and all the trophies and all the photo ops and autograph signings in the world. A home, a family, Applejack. To look into those green eyes of hers and see admiration and pride.
But first, he had to climb this last mountain, and he hoped his body would hold out. An alarming tingle was making itself felt down his left side, and in spite of his effort to control his breathing, he found himself gasping as he pushed himself against fatigue and the resistance of the very air ahead of him.
A sharp crack rang out, followed by a cry, startling Soarin out of his desperate reverie. His head whipped around to see Pip tumbling into a dizzy tailspin, flailing his legs and struggling to regain control of his flight path. With a sparking curse, the sky blue pegasus pulled a wobble winged chandelle and dove like a hawk toward his plummeting wing pony. In short order he grasped hold of the harness in his fore hooves, grunting with effort as he fought to gain altitude with his newly added burden. He spoke in clipped gasps as they rose. "Pip... Talk to me... What happened?"
The spotted test pony shook off his dizzyness and craned his neck with a frown, looking over the harness as best he could. The left forward vane seemed to be flapping erratically. "Bally hinge snapped a shaft. It was one of the patch jobs Doctor Sparkle and Apple Bloom did. Ugh... I can make it move but it's numb, like my ruddy leg fell asleep and I'm trying to walk on it."
Soarin let out a sigh as he tightened his grasp on the harness straps. "Okay. I guess we'll get the bosses to look at it once we get to Canterlot."
Pip's brow furrowed. "What do you think you're doing, mate? We should put down hooves and send up a flare."
The older stallion gave a shake of his head. "I'm doin' my job, kid, getting you and the Moth across the finish line."
The spotted earth pony cast a glare at his partner. "See here, mate..."
Soarin let out a chuckle. "You want me to let go."
Before Pip could reply, another crack sounded and one of the spars snapped. He nervously cleared his throat. "Er... perhaps not..."
He pulled the harness and its wearer closer to his chest with a grim smile on his face. "Just give me what lift you can. We don't have far to go now..."
***
The Friend Ship's gondola re-materialized over the royal parade grounds, smoking slightly as the trio of mares clustered at its rail stared with wide eyes out of soot blackened faces. Twilight's horn was glowing white at the tip fading through yellow and orange to deep red at the base. All three glanced upward, staring blankly at the utter lack of a gas bag overhead. A beat later they opened their mouths wide in a full throated scream as the basket plummeted earthward.
They cut off with a threefold squeak as the un-tethered gondola came to a sudden stop, enveloped in a shimmering aura of golden magic. They clung to the rail and craned their necks to watch in amazement as they drifted gently down and settled onto the blasted, scarred turf. As they sat blinking in disoriented relief, a snowy white shape with broad, gleaming wings flashed overhead and fluttered down for a landing in front of them, trailing disorganized swirls of ethereal colors.
Princess Celestia's violet eyes widened as she looked them over with concern creasing her soot stained brow. "My little ponies! Are you all right?"
Twilight practically launched over the rail, throwing her forelegs around her mentor's graceful neck in a joyful embrace. "Princess! Oh thank... thank you that you're all right!"
The eternal sovereign of the sun's voice cracked slightly as tears pooled at the corners of her eyes, and she brought her tapering wings forward to return her former student's hug. "Thank me and Luna that you're all right, my darling Twilight."
After a moment they disengaged from their embrace and pushed back to look one another in the face, both suppressing wry smiles as each saw that the other was wearing a layer of soot on their face.
Rarity let out a tremulous giggle as she spoke up, wiping a bit of the black stain on her own alabaster cheeks. "Well... we all seem to have hit upon a new style, n'est ce pas? Tres avant garde, non?"
The three mares and their immortal ruler shared a brief laugh, before Twilight looked her teacher in the eyes. "It's certainly been an... interesting week, hasn't it?"
Celestia sighed and let out a chuckle with a fond shake of her head, a warm smile settling on her face. "That it has, my ever faithful student... that it has."
Unicorns and alicorn alike turned as Apple Bloom's concerned voice sounded from down the rail. She was peering through the telescope with a her brow furrowed beneath her pink bandanna. "I hate t' interrupt, gals, yer highness, but it's fixin' t' git a mite more interestin' if'n somepony don't drop that shield spell 'fore th' racers git here."
As one they turned to see the expanding ring of a sonic rainboom in the distance.
A look of resolve settled on the princess' face as she turned, stroking Twilight's mane with a wing tip as she raised her head. "Pardon me, my beloved ponies, but duty calls."
She stepped a few hooves away and braced her long, slender legs as she regarded the shimmering purple dome overhead. With a complex motion of her blackened, tapering horn, she drew her sun shaped cutie mark in the air in a gleaming tracework of light. She gave it a gentle tap in the center, and it rose up, growing into a vast spinning glyph a hundred hooves across until it contacted the shield dome. The magical barrier flickered and vanished with a gentle fzzt sound, followed by a low, rumbling BOOM in the distance as the sound from the rainboom finally reached Canterlot.
A split second later, a cyan blur trailing a rainbow contrail slashed low across the turf, cutting twin stripes of blackened grass across the finish line. It snapped into the familiar figure of Rainbow Dash, who stood with her wings flared looking around frantically. "What happened? What's going on? Is everypony okay? Are we under attack?"
She looked up at the banner overhead, and then looked around her with dawning realization in her maroon eyes. "Did... Did I just win?"
A thunderous roar of applause arose from the crowd of ponies, relieved to have something to cheer about instead of screaming in terror. A giddy smile came to Dash's flushed face. "OhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygosh! I won! I won the Pegathalon!"
A shout came from the edge of the field accompanied by the thudding of galloping hooves. "YEEE HAW!"
They all turned to see Applejack and Pinkie Pie bounding onto the field, with the pink mare's daughter Puddin' bouncing and blowing spit bubbles in her foal carrier. Her elder sister Tootsie screamed ahead with her Dash doll clamped in her dainty muzzle and her best friend Windfall trailing close behind. Fluttershy was at the edge of the grandstands, Staring down a security pony and several bronze armored guards who'd tried to stop them from getting onto the field. They huddled back apologetically as she wheeled and trotted out to catch up with her friends and daughter.
Twilight, Rarity, and Apple Bloom kicked up their hooves with a shout of joy and galloped over to join in the group hug, the Elements of Harmony and their families reuniting with laughter and smiles all around.
Princess Celestia stood back and smiled a beatific smile as Princess Luna and Shining Armor popped into being beside her in tandem bursts of teleportation magic. As soon as they'd ascertained what was going on, the unicorn guard captain tossed aside his enclosed helmet, revealing the close cropped stubble of his formerly singed off mane over his glistening eyes and wide grin as he bounded over to greet his sister with a hug. The pale princess of the sun gave a contented sigh and laid her wing across Princess Luna's dusky withers, sharing a private smile with her sibling.
A few minutes later, another roar went up from the crowd as a dusky purple pegasus stallion with a comet tailed star for a cutie mark glided in for a landing. Dash disengaged from her friends and strutted over to greet Shootin' Star with a hoof bump up high, down low, and too slow, before leaping forward to hug him. "Way to go, Star! That's one for the record books!"
The young Wonderbolt let out a merry laugh. "I gotta get ya to teach me that move, darlin'."
They turned as the spectators set up another cheer, as the tawny, blonde maned figure of Golden Bay, with his life partner Granola close behind, sailed across the finish line with an exultant whoop.
After a few more minutes of excited chatter and horseshoe shaped garlands of flowers being brought out and hung over the first, second, third, and fourth place winners withers, another roar went up from the crowd, tinged with murmurs of uncertainy. A double pony with two sets of wings approached, flying erratically as it dropped precipitously toward the field.
Twilight galloped forward with her tail hiked, wrenching the telescope free from the wreckage of the Friend Ship's gondola and raising it to her eyes. "It's them! It's Pip and Soarin!"
The Harmony Aeronautics team wobbled in the air, the left wing creaking as they dipped drunkenly toward the battle scarred turf. Pip kicked his sturdy earth pony legs and bounded them both back into the air, sending them on a final weaving nosedive over the line.
He tripped on the ripped up sod, the damaged wing snapping loose and fluttering in a crazy spiral as he skidded face first to a stop. Soarin flipped end over end and rolled to a stop with his wings splayed and his hooves sticking up in the air. His tongue flopped out of his mouth as a gargling sound bubbled up from his throat and he eyes faded out to X's.
The Apple sisters were instantly on the move, galloping toward their beaus with a loud cry of their names.
Apple Bloom skidded to a stop and knelt down beside Pip. He reared his head up and shook it, and spat out a mouthful of sod before giving her a gleaming smile, which was quickly buried in a passionate kiss.
Applejack stood over Soarin with a frantic look on her face, tears streaming down her freckled cheeks. At the sound of her calling his name again, he stirred, the X's in his eyes rolling aside to reveal his unfocused green irises. He looked up at her, her golden tresses and the white circle of her stetson's brim outlined in gleaming sunlight. He murmured, entranced by her beauty. "Am... am I in Elysium?"
Her expression melted into a smile of boundless relief as she shook her head. "No, darlin'. Yer in Equestria with me..."
Soarin smiled through his aches and pains as he pushed himself up, his lips meeting hers in a kiss. "Even better."
Nearby, Rarity sidled up to her partner's side and let out a sigh as she laid her forehead against the lavender mare's neck. "We did it, darling. We did it."
Twilight nodded, beaming with satisfaction. "Yes! Harmony Aeronautics' team tied for fifth place. Which is rather good considering nopony's ever done it our way before."
They leaned on one another as the majestic figures of Spike and Quillina could be seen making their final approach, with Flies Like Thunder and Long Range wheeling over the hills in the distance, bearing the end of a very eventful Pegathalon on their wings.
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first. BWEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Why must you update the best fic on the site with a long chapter at 4 am when I have work in the morning!
Oh well, sleep is for the weak and lack of it is worth it for this story
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Aw, don't sleep deprive yourself on my account.
It'll still be here tomorrow. Go to bed!
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Plus it's just short of 11:00 PM on a Friday where I'm at, but your schedule and time zone may vary.
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Okay okay, y'all convinced me! Nighty night!
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Sleep tight.
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Earth & Sky > sleep. Fact
Soooooo much goodness in this chapter! I don't even know where to start. From the Flim Flam brothers, to Soarin' and Pip, to the finish of the race. This story still gets better and better with every chapter. I'm can't wait to read more, but I'm sad that it seems to be coming to a close.
And thus the great race ends, but alas the fun is just beginning
I would've liked it better if Destiny or Insanity had ended up being flown right at Celestia and she just put a hoof out and let them run into it and stop cold.
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Well, I had other plans, but then all the rumors about the upcoming episode "Keep Calm & Flutter On" came out, so I decided to play it cagey.
I'm dying with laughter here. My neighbors must think I'm insane.
MOAR! so many plotlines still unresolved!
Hm, personally I have to think that Flim and Flam should still get credit for having finished the race first. True their cheating and general dastardliness has been a point of constant conflict and frustration over the course, but the fact remains that their invention DID get them across the finish line before anypony else.
This was the point in this chapter where breathing became difficult due to laughter.
Well. I can't wait to see the fallout of. Well. Everything. If you have ever heard of the curse "May you live in interesting times" I think that poor Celestia has had quite enough of "Interesting Times".
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Aw shucks.
Still, y'might enjoy it more with well rested braincells. YMMV.
That was AWESOME!!
I was hoping there would be a pie fight before the end.
Flim and Flam might be headed to jail, but those two unscrupulous thimbleriggers DID win the race. SWEET!
God... Celestia... She got so mad, she slipped into Old Equestrian and Royal Canterlot Voice...
Another awesome chapter, even if the Destiny Bros did somehow manage to crash their way across the finish line first. I still want to know the full rules of the race, seems rather weird.
at this scene here, the Driver of Catch Can would have BURIED The Throttle in an attempt to catch up to Pip and Soarin.
Welllllllll.... I want more. True story.
On an related topic: This is a good story.
On a different related topic: Have a nice holidays. Don't feel the need to write story just for us.
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Wow just wow ok where do I start.
K well first the accents of everyone were just glorious.
Second it's about time those two morons blew up.
Third pissed off Celestia is best Celestia
And forth who knew pies where such an effective weapon
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THIS GUY
Did Spike just send those pies to Celestia? Oh my god he did...
Poor Shining Armor, this just isn't his day. Or maybe month. In fact it's little a little dim for pretty much the whole of the guard.
I'd like to think that just about all of Equestria is better off with the majority of Blueblood's assets under Fancy Pants' control. Holy crap the airship!
And Dash wins! As it should be.
Yeah, that about sums it up.
"At the sound of her calling his name again, he stirred, the X's in his eyes rolling aside to reveal his unfocused green iris'" in this sentence iris' should be irises.
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Fixed. Thanks!
1869812 It's what I do. I noticed another mistake halfway through but I forgot what it was and I am too lazy to go look for it. You can if you want to.
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Not quite. Remember that Celestia utterly disqualified them from the race.
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Plus an astute reader might note that the terms of the challenge for the Royal Charter was first flight harness across the finish line.
The B.A.T. 20, or the charred, scattered remains thereof, are went pretty much everywhere except the across finish line.
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Yes, that too.
Okay, not having read this, this chapter title is really awkward, because it's also the title of... a chapter.
From Four of Two.
Which is hilarious, but, well...
It's rated Mature for a reason...
edit: Mr. Hutch rightfully reprimanded me...
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You're welcome to point out the similar title, but I'll thank you to remove the link to a clopfic from the comments of my Everypony rated story, please.
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Eh... Heh, heh...
Sorry...
I changed it.
Sorry 'bout that, wasn't thinking.
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No problem. Carry on.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's my new Gaia sig. Maybe it's just a bit of lack of sleep getting to me (you update so late!), but that's the funniest thing I've read in a while.
Now that's a climax if I ever read one!
Knuckles? On forehooves? Seems legit.
Oooh poor, poor Celestia, she just can't catch a break no matter what.
Now with the race wrapped up, let the mushy stuff begin!
Guh, i can't get the image of sooth covered Friendship crew plummeting down and screaming their heads off out of my head.
My God, this chapter was GLORIOUS!
I have no words left to describe the awesomeness of this story, so have a pic:
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Holy crap. Do you have any idea how glorious this was? Probably the best chapter, yet.
And it's unfortunate that this will soon come to a close. Regardless, it's been one hell of a ride/flight!
Did you just turn The Flim Flam Brothers in to........Pony Starks????
So who, are Twilight and Rarity going to get?
Excellent chapter! Looking forward to the denouement, where loose ends get tied, the heroes get the girls, and the dastardly villains get their various comeuppances. The Flam twins are looking forward to a long time in the Gray Bar Hotel (and crossing the line first doesn't count; they got disqualified by Royal Edict).
Pies and Professors = a Great Race, indeed!
Well, that's the race wrapped up, I guess! Chaos, of course; nothing else follows in the wake of the the Mane Six. That said, there is a lot remaining to be wrapped up. What happened to Diamond Tiara? Where is Chrysalis? What will happen to Destiny and Insanity?
The answer to latter is probably 'nothing good'. As well as all the other charges, they can now add multiple counts of criminal damage and reckless endangerment... or possibly even terrorism arising from the Canterlot Fiasco. They'll need funds for a lawyer... I recommend that Twilight buy up their phlogiston reaction process. Add what they now know about its interaction with liquid rainbow, then a controlled, regulated reaction may yet prove to be Equestria's equivalent of the Internal Combustion Engine!
Meanwhile, I think that Celestia needs a cup of tea...
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Which is a pity, in a way, because the technology works! It needs to be refined a lot but it works!
Hmm... Flim and Flam are going to be needing a revenue stream to pay their legal costs. I wonder if Twilight has some bits spare to do some buying at the Destiny-Insanity Brothers "Going Out of Business Fire-Sale"? With refinement and filters to deal with the high carbon- and sulphur-content pollution by-products, you could add some of those rockets to a standard HA harness and give it a near-supersonic dash capability! I'm sure that the Royal Equestrian Post Office might be interested in that innovation. I also think that a controlled phlogiston reaction might be used to power turbines on airships and large locomotives. Destiny and insanity are probably going to end up in jail, but their legacy might yet turn out to be surprisingly positive.
BTW - I'm not sure that they actually did 'cross the line first'. The BAT-20 had totally disintegrated and they contacted the ground before crossing the line. I'm pretty sure that, disqualification or no, that's a "did not complete course". Soarin and Pip were still airborne and crashed on the other side of the line, which makes a big difference.
Considering the Flim Flam Brothers arrived ahead of everyone else, could their defeat count as an example of "Dick Dastardly Stops to Cheat"?
Holy crap long chapter.
How could chapter 42 not be awsum?
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Between the level of pure loathing the two share, and the fact that they essentially only married for their own personal convenience, plus how utterly self absorbed they both are, the likelihood of them even initiating the process of producing an heir is somewhere south of nil.
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Just one knuckle. I guess the proper term would be pastern, but (MLP)pony forelegs exhibit such arm like characteristics half the time I used the more human term, in order to invoke the fist like imagery of cracking one's knuckles after slugging someone.
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Quite indubitably so!
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My original plan had been a little audience fake out. The rocket would have hit the statue around the neck area with a loud crack, then cut to ol' Ramshackle letting out a big "Mua hah hah haaa! I'm free!" Then he'd look over, and a bit up, to see his still petrified body with a smoking, unoccupied neck, and look down and see he was just an animate head. He would then utter a family friendly equivilent of "Aw crap."
Later, the gardener would find him, turn him over to the guards, who'd take him to the sisters. They'd take pity on him, and set him on a cushion in a quiet alcove with a window, a glass of chocolate milk with a straw, and a stack of magazines.
As they made to walk away, he'd plead with them. "Celestia, Luna, please! I'll go crazy like this!"
Luna would give him a deadpan look and say. "You're already crazy."
And he'd settle down, saying "Oh, right. Hey, is that Hoof Beat magazine? I can't wait to read about Sapphire Shores latest divorce!"
Or I might have come up with something else. I'm pretty much making this up as I go.