And when you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that he summoned a train
"Twilight," Discord began, "when I previously referred to our little expedition as a 'road trip', I assumed you would realize I was speaking metaphorically. Apparently it seems I have put too much faith in you." He grumpily slumped on his noticeably far too small bench.
Twilight shifted uncomfortably on her seat as well. Despite decades of trials and testing, no one had ever been able to construct a bench that ponies found truly comfortable. And cheap train station benches were a far cry from the modern standards of "at least it's bearable" benches often found in more well-to-do areas. It was on such seats that Twilight, her assistant, and Discord sat. Only Spike was really comfortable on them, but even then he shivered as the brisk morning air blew across his scales, though his furred companions were fine. And since the station was otherwise abandoned this early, literally no one was comfortable.
"And why do we even need to take a train?" Discord continued, "I'm nigh-omnipotent, you've got phenomenal cosmic powers of your own, and Spike can travel as my carry-on." He gestured to a small purple backpack that he certainly hadn't had before. "Why not just teleport there, deal with the issue, and pop back? We'll be done by lunch."
"The journey is more important than the destination." Twilight quoted. "If you really want this to be a friendship bonding experience, then we should do things properly and not rush. I've cleared my schedule for the next few days and Starlight is prepared to deal with any emergencies or if we need to stay longer."
"You sure she can handle all that?" Spike queried. "Being a princess stand-in is a pretty demanding job. I should know."
Twilight nodded, "I have complete confidence in her. If you put aside her villainous actions at the time, she did successfully mayor a small town single-hoofedly for the better part of two years. She can handle it."
Discord groaned as he slid further down his seat, practically on the floor now. "I can't stand all this waiting!" He declared before dramatically collapsing at the ground in front of Twilight. "Just put me out of my misery dear, sweet, merciful Twilight. Being encased in marble was better than this."
"It's not that bad," Twilight retorted. "The train will be here in about an hour, and then we'll arrive in Las Pegasus about noon tomorrow."
Discord's eyes widened. "Sweet chaos! You mean to say we're scheduled for more than a full day of literally nothing but waiting to be able to do the thing we want to do? This is madness! And not the variety I prefer!"
"Madness?" Twilight said incredulously, "Don't be so dramatic. It's just a train ride. You should have brought a book, like I did." She smiled smugly as she held aloft her novel.
Discord sighed in exasperation. "Fine, as much as I hate to concede a point, how about a compromise? I'll agree to ride on the dull, boring train without complaining," he stood back up, regaining a hint of his old smugness, "if, in return, you let me edit those two adjectives for something a little more to my tastes."
Twilight opened her mouth, ready to protest his idea, when she stopped. Discord has offered a compromise. A compromise. Rather than enforcing his whims with his powers or sulking off in a huff, the famously selfish draconequus was actually taking into consideration the wants of others. And without even being prompted! This was a major step in the right direction of the road to redemption. A breakthrough even! Or, on the other hoof, did the potential boredom of the impending train ride really scare him so thoroughly that he was willing to cut any deal to ease the pressure?
"I... suppose I'd be okay with that." Twilight finally admitted, "Just nothing too outlandish, alright?"
A fiendish grin grew across Discord's face. "My dear Twilight, you don't even know the meaning of the word." Suddenly, a shrill whistle echoed across the barren station. Discord glanced at his watch which certainly hadn't existed a moment prior before tossing it away. "And would you look at that? Here comes our train now."
Twilight's ears perked up at the sound as she quickly turned her gaze to the wall mounted train schedule. "What? But our train's not due for yet another hour! And I know how strict Timely Departure is about his train schedules."
The last echoes of the whistle had finally faded, to be replaced by a faint chugga-chugga-chugga noise. Discord's smile remained just as sly as before. "Oh? My apologies, I must have misspoke. When I said that our train was coming, I suppose I should have said my train."
"Discord, what does that even-" But her complaint was cut off as the train in question came into clear view. If one could even call it a train.
Most trains have a relatively identical appearance. True, they may differ in some details; color, engine design, the number of cars attached, and other variances. But this train blew all expectations out of the water. The engine, for instance, was only recognizable as such because it was the first car in the line. Beyond that, it lacked any recognizable engine features such as the boiler tubes, piston rods, or even the steam chimney. Instead, what came rolling down the tracks was an enormous replica of Discord's head. Steam puffed out of his nostrils, sitting above a toothy grin acting as the forward grate. His oversized eyes illuminated the way ahead with twin beans of yellow tinted light. Even his horns were featured, though swept back as if facing a strong headwind. Following the head was a single long car composed of varying colors and designs mimicking the patterns of Discord's body and limbs.
As it approached, Twilight's sensitive ears picked up one more peculiar detail. The normal chugging sound of wheels spinning against sections of track was... wrong. Instead of a natural noise caused by energy lost to friction and sound, if she listened closely, Twilight could just barely identify it as the sound of Discord's voice making a train sound effect over and over. When the whistle blew, even it sounded like a vocal sound effect rather than steam being forced through an opening. The voice-like noise screeched as it pulled into a stop directly in front of the station's three occupants.
It was weird. It was gaudy. It was an affront to decent trains everywhere.
"It's so cool!" Spike gushed.
Twilight sighed as Spike rushed towards the "Loco-motive" (as it helpfully read along the side), gushing over it's features as he did. Discord leaned out of the ear of the train, fully decked out in a classic train conductors uniform. "All aboard the Discord Express! Non-stop to Las Pegasus or wherever we happen to stop at." He pulled the whistle, which let out a shrill series of alerts. Twilight sighed, but shook her head good-humoredly as she made her way to the door which have helpfully opened on it's own around the neck area. Spike, of course, had already hopped inside to explore whatever wacky interior the train was sure to have. She stepped inside and let loose a startled yelp as the door melted shut behind her, its edges melding back in with the wall.
The inside of train was shockingly normal compared to its outside. Clearly more upscale that a standard passenger train, but not nearly as opulent as Princess Celestia's private cross-country dining car, where it's rumored she once hosted a three day diplomatic conference without a single guest realizing they were even on a train.
A line of comfortable seats ran down either side of the carriage, leaving the wide center free for a series of small tables. Tasteful paintings adorned the walls at either end, and the sides had evenly spaced windows which provided a pleasant view of the distant sunrise. The tables even had a selection of local fruits and pastries available. All things considered, the train's lack of chaos made it seem even stranger in comparison to the kind of things they had been imagining.
Discord entered the passenger section as well, and the landscape past the windows slowly began to accelerate.
"Discord," Twilight began, somewhat at a loss for words. "This is..."
"Remarkable? Outstanding? Surprisingly pleasant?" he supplied.
"That last one, yes."
He chuckled. "Well, the deal was 'nothing too outlandish', was it not? Your words, if I recall."
Twilight smiled as she settled down in a seat not too far front the front. "I will admit, you can do some astounding and surprising things. When you're not goofing off, that is." She opened her saddlebags and lifted out a trio of hefty books, each thickly bound and rich with the must of decades of storage. Spike frowned.
"Don't tell me you're going to read the whole way there?" he complained.
"I'm not just reading," she defended, "I'm studying. These books contain records of known cults and other similar organizations from the past three hundred years. I'm hoping this new cult might be a resurgence of an older assembly, and I might learn something important from their history."
Spike pouted as he plopped down in a seat across the aisle from Twilight. "Well what am I supposed to do then? I was planning of getting to know the other ponies on the train, but that's not exactly an option now is it?"
His frown quickly turned to surprise as he felt a familiar paw tap his shoulder. He turned, only to see Discord's notorious up-to-no-good smile leering out from the woodwork. The diminutive dragon hopped up just in time for Discord to corkscrew his was out of the seat like a worm from an apple. "Spike m'boy, you didn't really think I'd set us out on a long trip unprepared with entertainment, did you?" With a wave of his arm, the tables cleared themselves of their ornamental fruit and merged into one longer piece. "I thought to myself, well, since we finally have some time free together, we might have ourselves a little gaming session." He shook his head as though there was water in his ear, which resulted in his eyes falling out through his ear, rolling down his scaly arm, and landing in his claw as a pair of eyeball-colored twenty sided dice.
Spike eyes glowed with excitement and anticipation for a moment before they dulled back down. "That's a great idea, but it wouldn't really be fair to Big Mac though, would it? Him not being here and stuff. Plus he's our tank and neither of our characters are all that good in close combat. We'd be slaughtered."
Discord tutted. "Once again you underestimate me, and my powers of foresight." A large white sheet appeared and settled over the table, odd lumps in its surface indicating the presence of things which hadn't been there a moment before. "I present to you... my friend Spike... gathered directly from Wizards of the Hills Headquarters in Manehattan... using my completely legitimate and legal powers of persuasion... months before its planned launch..."
"Get on with it already!" Twilight yelled out, apparently having been listening in while still reading, "Stop abusing ellipses and get to the point."
Discord frowned at the interruption to his pageantry, but it only lasted a moment before he regained his showman's grin and attitude. "Presenting, from the makers of Ogres & Oubliettes..." He whipped the cloth aside to reveal a complex layout of dice, figurines, riveted metal decor, pulsing lights, and hefty reference guides. "Twenty-Thousand-Wormholes!"
The was a brief moment of silence. Discord peeked from between his shut eyes, curious at the lack of praise, applause, and general adoring thanks. Spike maintained a healthy amount of skepticism and it showed clearly on his face. "Wormholes, huh?" he offered, "Sounds like a lot of bugs and digging. This isn't going to be like that DigMake game you swore was going to take off, is it?"
"Give it a chance, it'll come into it's own in time, just you wait!" Discord snapped back, before shaking his head to refocus on the present. "Nevermind, and to answer you question, no, Spike, this game is nothing like that. This game has much more in common with Orges & Oubliettes than anything else. However, while O&O is regarded as high fantasy, this game's scenarios take place in outer space." Discord's voice echoed through the train as a brief star-field manifested behind him. "The magical aspects are significantly played down to the point where they're meaningless, and it's replaced with all manner of deliciously creative speculative science."
Spike nodded, his smile and enthusiasm returning. "Alright, I'm up for giving it a shot." He turned back to his unicorn companion. "You want in on this Twilight? Kinda sounds like it might by your sort of thing."
She waved him off with a free hoof, using magic to turn the page instead. She already had three books open and a half scroll of hornell notes written in crisp detailed calligraphy. "No, you go ahead and do your game thing with Discord, Spike. Have fun, just keep it down."
"You sure?" He offered, as Discord folded a spare character sheet into a paper crane and sent it flying to roost in Twilight's mane. She removed it without a glance, her magic instantly unfolding the page and tucking it beneath her current scroll.
"Yes really," she insisted, "You two have fun. I like to keep an open mind to new experiences, but I'm pretty sure a colt's fantasy game won't hold much interest for me."
A sudden impact struck the side of the ship, making everything not bolted down give a sudden lurch to the left. This was true as well of the green earth pony mare who, moments prior, had been contently absorbed in her spatial calculations. She growled in frustration, seeing the space-ink that had just ruined hours of work. She brushed a lock of mane away from her eyes as she slammed a hoof on the communicator.
"D'rago!" She yelled, "What the frell was that?! We hit something?"
"I don't know!" A deep, rough voice replied with a hint of panic. "Whatever it was, it really did a number on our sensors. I could use some help up here."
The ship took another hit, this one lighter and from the other side. The mare lurched again, spilling more space ink over what had remained of her calculations. "Alright!" She declared, "I'm headed up! Get those sensors working pronto! I want to know if this is a rouge asteroid field or an attack."
"On it, Triton!" The communicator cut off from the other side. With a fluid and practiced motion, Triton grabbed her three barreled blaster from where it had fallen on the floor and holstered it at her side. She ran up to the doors and stopped in front of them. She stared at the doors with an intense focus, her anger turning into confusion for a moment. He gaze drifted upward before she groaned, hit herself lightly on the head, and proceeded to push the doors open manually.
She ran across the decks, her hooves leaving behind ringing echoes from the metal floor. The air was chill, but it was kept at bay by her well insulated black vest and leggings. It didn't take long before she reached the bridge of the ship. It was a large ovoidal room, the same bronze color as the rest of the ship. Small consoles were placed here and there and a large window-like screen displayed the expanse of space that surrounded them. One station was currently manned by a large purple being.
"What do we know?" Triton demanded as she ran to the nearest console, which also happened to be the one with the most blinking warning lights.
The creature she addressed turned away from his also blinking console to face her. It looked a lot like Spike the dragon. That is, if Spike were as tall as Princess Celestia, ripped like a minotaur, and had a series of scaled tentacles which grew from his head and face to create the appearance of long hair and a fu manchu. He shook his head. "It's not good. I just got sensors back."
"And?" Triton insisted, furiously pressing buttons on her own console.
"Definitely ship fire." His voice was stern and calm. He pressed a button and the image on the large screen changed. It now showed three small ships flying in fast pursuit.
"Prowlers?" Triton asked, tensing at even the mention of what their presence implied. "Is it Scorpion?"
"No, I don't recognize the ship design." He continued typing commands into his console. "But they're small, fast, almost definitely short range vessels. Unless there's something dreadnought class nearby, they had to have come from a planet."
"Can we starburst out of here?"
"Negative. Their first shot landed a critical hit." Another blast rocked the vessel as the occupants struggled to maintain upright. "We've been lucky since; there's only been glancing blows."
"Well can we fight back at least?!" Triton yelled, her frustration and fear coming through.
"Not at this range! They're too close for missiles and too far to hit them with an electric charge."
She slammed a hoof on the console. "Malak! So we're pretty much jick-tied! All we can do is try to avoid their shots until they get in range of something?! Why, in the juxt of it all, are they even attacking?!"
Suddenly, a new voiced interrupted their panicked shouting the the beeping of various alarms and klaxons.
"What the drek is with all this racket?" The voice was high and scratchy, like an elderly cat with laryngitis. It echoed through the corridors and into the bridge with a crispness that ignored other sounds as it made it's way to Triton and D'rago's ears.
Triton groaned as she slapped a hoof to her face. "Vega. Of course he'd be at the root of the problem."
A soft whirring sound emanated from around the corner of a nearby hallway, quickly followed by a most curious creature. If someone had taken Discord and melted him down into a loose pyramid of yellow leathery flesh, it would bear a striking resemblance. It sat on a small well-cushioned chair which hovered along the hallway, directed by a small joystick he held in his stubby arm. The other arm was preoccupied with wild gesticulations to emphasize his exclamations.
"Can't a fellow have half an arn's rest to moisturize without being interrupted by all this noise? Who do I have to pay around here to get a measly bit of peace and quiet?" His hoverchair finally made it to the bridge, where he spotted its occupants. "Triton! I should have known. You haven't been mucking about in the subsystems have you? Getting that filthy pony hair everywhere?"
"Well actually, Vega," Triton began, smile thin-lipped and angry, "If you'd care to poke your royal head outside, you might notice that we're currently under attack!"
"And from the last planet, no less." D'rago added gruffly, "Any possible idea why they might be after us?"
"I haven't the foggiest."
"Vega..." Triton prodded with a dangerous tone.
"What? I didn't do anything. All I did on that miserable little rock was pick up a few souvenirs I found in a cave." From somewhere within his many pockets and pouches he produced two small golden figurines, dangling on silver chains.
The noise of klaxons and alarms faded into the background, as did the occasional blast from their pursuers. A sound like a die rolling on a wooden table superseded all other noise. As the roll concluded, Discord's normal smooth baritone voice echoed through the air around them.
18. Intelligence check passed.
Triton's eyes flashed and she gasped as new knowledge rushed into her mind. "Cave nothing, that was a temple! Those are sacred artifacts of that planet's people. You stole the symbols of their gods!"
Vega harrumphed and crossed his arms. "Well if they cared so much then they shouldn't have left them in a dusty old room, alone and unguarded."
Another blast shook the ship, causing a shower of sparks to rain over their heads. A holographic communicator buzzed to life as a quiet timid voice snuck out. "Um... excuse me?" An image formed of a strange insect-like creature. It's many limbs were an almost sickly yellow color, though it's large mushroom-cap like head was tinted pink with anxiety. It's wide expressive eyes radiated worry and concern. "I'm so sorry to interrupt, but HarMoyany can't take too much more of this." She grimaced as another shot grazed their port side. "I know we can't starburst right now, and I'm very sorry for that, but anything you could do to quickly end this would be a really big help."
"Working on it Pilot!" Triton snapped, still angry at Vega's nonchalant greed and general apathy towards their situation. Her gaze quickly softened though as she realized what she had done, but before she could apologize Pilot cut the connection with a startled 'Eep!'. Triton turned back to Vega. "Look, you see what you did?! Now you made me yell at Pilot, and you know how sensitive she is."
Vega groaned. "Fine, I don't care. Just get the buggers on the communicator, I'll offer them some credits, make a nice blubbery apology, and settle this. Ugh, my lost kingdom for some quiet."
Again, ambient sounds dulled as the sound of a rolling die filled the chambers. 2. Critical failure. Not only have they rejected your offer, but they've taken it as an insult to their honor. If you'd taken the time to talk to the locals back on the planet, you would have learned that they are a warrior race with a strict code of honor and duty. Before they just wanted their idols back and a public shaming of the culprit, but now they're out for blood. All enemy ships gain +2 to accuracy.
Several shots hit the ship in quick succession, knocking everyone off balance. Vega shook his fist at the omnipresent voice.
"What?! No fair, that is completely against the rules. My charisma stats are unmatched. I demand a reroll!"
The world froze. Sparks hung in midair, missiles hovered in the vacuum of space. What did I tell you about breaking character?
"Well this is an emergency. I've been cheated, and I demand retribution." The floating thief insisted.
The walls of the ship around them began to melt away. Bronze bulkheads gave way to wallpapered wood, as sparking consoles shriveled down into finely upholstered chairs. The only thing to remain out of place in the rapidly re-emerging train decor was a single gunmetal table, around which sat four figures. Twilight sighed as she shook the green color out of her mane. It splattered like rainwater on a rapidly shrinking Spike before disappearing without a trace. Pulling her straw closer with her magic, she took a long draw of her wildberry cola. "Really Discord, can't you keep your characters under control? This is the fifth time he's pulled us out of the game!"
The lord of chaos groaned from behind his GM screen, equally fed up with his duplicate's antics. "I said I was sorry, alright? I told you making him a separate entity was a bad idea, but noooooo you insisted that I couldn't be both Gamemaster and a player without a full disconnect between the two. And now we have this." He gestured to the Discord who sat across the table. He looked identical to the original, except all of his colors were changed and he retained his grumpy frown. "A copy is never as good as the original."
"Well maybe," the yellow Discord complained, "If you hadn't kept the 'good sportsmanship' attribute for yourself..."
"I told you, I need it to make sure I GM justly and fairly." The original insisted.
Twilight and Spike sighed. This was not the first time these two unstoppable forces had met their respective immovable wills. Luckily, before their spat could devolve into a full row, the train's PA system crackled to life. A tinny rendition of the Westminster chimes rang out, immediately drawing everyone's attention. As soon as the chimes ended, with a slap to the back, Discord reabsorbed his palette swapped twin into himself. "It's just as well," he mused, "Not the best stopping point, but I suppose it will have to do."
"Stopping point?" Twilight asked as the entire table and gameboard began to repeatedly fold in on itself. "Why do we have to stop? I was just about to reveal my cunning plan to rescue us from certain peril!"
"Why Twilight, didn't you hear the chimes?" He pulled the cord on a nearby window curtain. It shot up quickly, spinning rapidly on its spindle. It was late at night, or arguably very early in the morning as it was nearly time for sunrise. In fact, Twilight could just barely make out the glow of Celestia's sun over the western horizon.
Wait... the western horizon? Impossible. But then, if that wasn't the sun...
"We're about to reach our destination." Discord concluded.
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"Loco-motive"
hah, if you know spanish this is funny
Well, I got the Warhammer 40,000 and the Wizards of the Coast reference, but the one in the Author's Note has me stumped...
8048686 Huh... You managed to catch two of the little references, but not the thousand word long one. Nice try though.
Weirdly enough, while looking up that company I found that they're owned by Hasbro.
Farscape, yes?
8048697 Yeah, a few years back they got bought out (long time D&D nerd here)...
8048591 YOU DELIVERED. YOU ABSOLUTE MADMAN.
But seriously though, thanks.
Great, now I want a Farscape/My Little Pony Cross over...would love to see Rigel interact with the Princesses...
And you get massive points for referencing Farscape.
Dear God Do I love Farscape.
This Kind of feels in the vein of Stargate SG-1's "200" skit, too.
Not in for your little contest, mind you; I just wanted to give the props as it's not often you see the show mentioned these days.
Woohoo! I think this is the first Farscape/MLP crossover I've seen, and it's hilarious.
8048916
Oh yes this so much. I miss that show, might be time to set a weekend aside and rewatch it.
Also, this chapter was great fun.
Okay, somepony please, make that space game a module for D&D! I'd play that like crazy!
8049294 No, you got it right the first time, it loosely was Hatman inspired. The name was just too good to pass up in this context.
Plus, the other Turing is best toaster-pony.
Lying here, sick in bed, decide to check my feed, and behold, a new chapter! Made my day with the Farscape reference. Knew what it was the moment you described D'rago/Spike
You derped the derp.
8049323
Toaster pony needs her memories back, call Toaster Repair pony!
8049248
Check the unofficial books for 3.5 there are quite a few for in there for the sci-fi genre. Such as Blood and Space.
"All manor" should be "all manner" unless you're talking about real estate.
8049248
They already have dnd in space, its called spelljammer
Is that a Game Grumps reference?
8071279 At last, finally someone who gets the reference! Excellently spotted.
rogue
Let's see, Twenty Thousand Wormholes looks like it might be a Warhammer 40K reference... As for the other reference? Not much to say except "INIFINIDAGGER! Infinidagger! Infinidagger..."
8248835 You mean something like this?
Coming soon to a station near you....
*sniff* Farscape. I love that show. My dad and I watched it for a good while. And it helped improve my writing by inspiring new things in me.
Spike is best pony XD
This story has ensnared my mind so far. I only got pulled out of the story when my brain insisted that it didn't have enough energy to run at acceptable levels. (I was reading before breakfast.)
I could see the roleplaying game being a great side story.
I kinda half expected Discord to summon a bullet train, but I guess that would create a bit of resentment with Twilight for getting out of the long journey, and abusing her trust. His loco-motive would probably make an interesting combination business venture of themepark amusement ride, and standard passenger train; making it a fun alternative to riding the normal train for people that want to change things up.
Edit: I just thought that maybe the influence for the roleplaying game might be in the title. Also, I kinda imagined the game itself with a pulp-sci-fi flavor. So I'm thinking late 18th and early 19th century influence. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea seems about right. Mmm… I do love me that particular aesthetic. Copper alloy metals, with brass and black rubber thrown in. Steam and early electric devices, too. I think that was right around the same time period that Tesla was working on things, and influencing the world. He knew his electronics! He even patented some liquid and gas related things, like the tesla turbine, and a differential one-way valve with no moving parts.
Farscape? oh what a great choice, still one of my fav Scifi shows ever.
You now automatically get a Like, a Favorite, and A Track on this story for the Farscape references,
This is the first time I've seen any sort of reference to my favorite science fiction space faring series on this site.
You did all of it quite well, I've yet to read any farther at this moment in time, but, if I find any other Farscape references,
or even if this was a one time occurrence. You are still getting all that I said, and deserve more.
One game sequence later...
Nerdhorse can't resist hyper-realistic tabletop dungeon games, I think. Well, I don't blame her. I think Discord would be a lot more popular if he were to host a lot of Ogres and Oubliettes games, considering he can make it VR-esque in scope.
Discord DnD sounds like a lot of fun.