Special Education
When she was young and silly, Twilight Sparkle thought that Princess Celestia's hoofsteps echoed on every stone in Canterlot. Now that she was seven years old and clever, she knew that Princess Celestia only pretended to touch the ground. It only made sense, with how quiet her hooves were whenever they touched the floor.
Twilight liked the word 'clever'. Kibitz always used it to describe her, and Princess Celestia had said that it was a very good word to describe her. It was the kind of word that said she had a big brain, but also knew what a smile was and how to talk to ponies. Plus, it was easier to say in front of grown-ups than 'intelligent'. It didn't have as many letters that her tongue didn't like.
Twilight Sparkle didn't like her tongue. Her tongue got in the way of a lot of stuff. Princess Celestia should outlaw tongues, she thought to herself.
Ahaha, said her evil tongue, but to make the princess outlaw tongues, you will need to speak! And I, in my villainy, shall not allow that to happen!
Nooo! Twilight wailed inwardly, but not out loud because that would be rude and she wasn't supposed to disturb the classes of other ponies. Curse you, most foul of flesh! I hate your stupid face!
But Twilight, my face is your face!
Now, as she made clear previously, Twilight was a very clever pony. And a very clever pony knew that the tongue was very sensitive, the face was very hard, and a hoof hurt a lot. The logic was sound.
"Lesson One: Admitting that We Do Not Live in a Logical World. Now, the first step to admitting that we don't live in a logical world is..." The silly tutor-pony stopped speaking when Twilight stuck her hoof in the air. "Yes, Twilight?"
Now that she had the silly tutor-pony's attention, Twilight put her hoof down and asked her question promptly and nicely, like she had been taught. "Are you sure this is the first lesson of Advanced Magic 7? Because it sounds a lot like Introductory Philosophy."
"You would be surprised how often the two coincide." The silly tutor-pony's voice was like some weird, not at all happy baby of blood and gravel, but somehow dipped in butter. Even to a very clever pony, that seemed like a strange analogy. "But you're right about one thing; this isn't our introductory lesson. It's actually the twenty-fifth lesson, but I've always held that the first lesson you teach should be the one that sticks with your students the most. And considering your current situation..."
Twilight stuck her tongue out at the silly tutor-pony, the glowing blue runes of Esurient's Salving Spell glowing brighter than electronic lightbulbs. For his part, the silly tutor-pony just smiled all the more, and even gave a little chuckle.
"Yes. Quite. Big words are difficult, and since your mind has perfect understanding of the words that your tongue consistently mangles, logic dictates that the tongue is to blame. And since you know that you will recover from the pain of being bucked in the face faster than biting yourself in the tongue, you used logic to determine that hitting yourself in the face would hurt your tongue, but with altogether less pain than employing your teeth." The silly tutor-pony's horns glowed, and his piece of chalk jabbed at the board. It was more for effect than anything else, since the board still only had his name on it for the introductions that technically hadn't happened yet. "Since your entirely logic-powered conclusion turned out to be false, we can thereby conclude that logic, whether it be true or false in a vacuum, has no bearing on events in this plane of existence."
"You're just using one isolated incident to skew the argument in your favor!" Twilight pointed an accusing hoof, a move that would have earned her no end of stink-eyes in a full classroom but which she could exercise with impunity in this setting.
"Wrong." The tutor's eyes flashed with solid gold, and he gave Twilight a grin with far too many teeth in it. "I'm using a memorable incident that you're personally invested in, as an example of my argument, because you're seven." He punctuated every few words with a jab of his chalk, and it quickly crumbled in his strange magic. All the while, his voice never rose above that buttered lilt. "I'm not even supposed to be hinting at this lesson for several months, much less teaching it. But of course, your glorious princess, in her infinite wisdom, could not resist the opportunity to shatter the ideological foundations of a child half a year ahead of schedule just because it was topical." The tutor briefly turned his gaze from Twilight to the back of the room, his voice rising by only the slightest volume. "Do you just have some kind of quota to fill or something?"
Good little ponies do not have a morbid fascination with solar lasers. Twilight Sparkle was a very good little pony, especially after that one time that she wasn't a particularly good pony and might have set her babysitter on fire. She definitely didn't salivate a little when she smelled the distinctive aroma of burning ozone from the back corner of the room, and she most explicitly did not scan the tutor's face for any indication that he was about to be blown to bits. She was allowed to be disappointed that he didn't get blown up, though. Normal ponies always dreamed of blowing up their teachers. Twilight just had more... specific dreams.
And anyway, she didn't really want her tutor to blow up. So far, he was the most stimulating conversation she'd had in months that couldn't control the sun and the country.
But Princess Celestia didn't blow him up, because Princess Celestia was a wise pony, which was like a clever pony but a squintillion times better. With that done, the tutor's attention returned to his student, as it should be. She beamed, eager to examine the tutor's clearly flawed hypothesis of a world without logic.
"Now then, I think we've delayed introductions quite enough, don't you?"
Good little ponies did not let their jaws drop. That just caught flies and looked unseemly. Instead, Twilight decided to let out an anguished cry. "But what about the lesson?"
The tutor stared at Twilight as though she had suddenly started wearing a very silly hat. "That's Lesson Twenty-Five. And we will discuss it in depth when it is time to teach that lesson. Right now, it is time for us to introduce ourselves. Consider today a teaser for what you're in for if my lessons don't melt your brain first."
That sounded promising. Twilight resolved to behave in class and be a good student. "In that case, hi! I'm Twilight Sparkle! I'm a student at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, and I want to grow up to be a really awesome wizard like Starswirl the Bearded!"
"Oh, yes, he was fun." The tutor seemed far-off and wistful for a moment, but he returned to normal before Twilight could draw attention to it. The twin horns upon his head glowed as red as blood, and when next he spoke it was in a voice that burned itself into Twilight's memories. "As for myself, my name is Malachi Maganti. I am a demon, bound in service to this school as a private tutor for incredibly advanced or otherwise not-commonly-known magic, until such a time as I have taught everything I know to the destined Savior of Equestria."
With every word since the demon's name, the room grew ever darker and his horns glowed all the more. It was as though shadows were leaking out of the stones surrounding them, a hundred thousand little dark spirits tantalized into being by whatever outpouring of power the tutor was manifesting. One of the shadows stood up from the floor on newly formed legs, and Malachi Maganti grinned. His aura encircled the shadow, lifting it off the floor and turning it in the air as the light slowly bled back into the room.
"Meet the evil little voices in your head, Twilight Sparkle." He could not have sounded more like a rabid murderer. "These are the temptations, the little urges to solve all your problems with magic. You've probably stared them down more than a few times already, sometimes without even knowing it. But today, you'll learn how to defend yourself against them."
Twilight stared, struggling to find the words. "I don't think this is part of the curriculum."
"This is Advanced Magic 7, Miss Sparkle. Your curriculum is simple; survive me."
Well, where did you think she learned the Want It, Need It spell? Princess Cadance?
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Does FanOfMostEverything know about this?
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Does your mother know about this?
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See, I can get that's a 'your mom' joke, but I'm unsure as to the logic behind it.
7609372
Haha, sometimes there is no logic. For example, I was about two fired neurons away from responding with, "Your mother's unsure as to the logic behind it."
Also while I'm here, this is a fine first entry, Moriarty. A fine first entry indeed.
On another note, yes actually. Cadence would be a good source for the Want It Need It. Remember, Equestria is a bit more lackadaisical with mental magic then humanity is.
Oh my. I adore little filly Twilight, though her difficulty with pronunciation comes off as an informed attribute. Still, her tutor is a most charming fellow. Tartarus is good for more than just sealing evil in cans. Definitely looking forward to what else you have in store.
7609329
Know about it? I made the cover art!
Alright, I'm onboard with this.
I decided to recuse myself from One-Shot-Ober this year, but I'm glad to see that someone's giving it a go.
This should be fun.
7609516 It was either that or add in a lisp or weird dashes as she carefully enunciates. I chose the narrative flaw over the eyesore.
7609413 I couldn't think of anything else to put in the author's note. So I put a joke.
I must confess that I know nothing of Magic the Gathering, but I'll be keeping an eye on this if that's okay with you. I don't want to offend through my ignorance. This is an interesting start. A lot of descriptions stood out, giving the story this eerily wicked and mischievous atmosphere throughout while having an intriguing line along Twilight's eduction. I find it interesting how you used the demon in the way you did; it would actually make sense, if the show were a bit darker.
7609770 You do know about spoiler tags, right? Open a comment, and look at the bat at the top. Two icons over from Youtube, there's a black box that says Sp. Press that to this is a secret message and if you can see it you're a nerd. Welcome, nerd. spoil the text, which you can then see by mousing over the black bars.
A little more convenient than that eyesore of giant red text, don't you think?
And don't worry about offending anyone with your ignorance. Just focus your comment on the story and ignore the card and nobody will suspect a thing.
7609911 I was familiar with spoiler tags, but you have a point. It has been removed.
I can tell this will be interesting! Lovely dovely.
The lack of genre tags means I'll be taking a miss, but this is a cool idea and I applaud you for undertaking it.
7611268 Because it's definitely possible for thirty-one stories with randomly chosen prompts to all have the same genres before they've even been written.
Considering the way the bridesmaids went after the bouquet of flowers in A Canterlot Wedding, The domain of said princess, and the fact that Cadance argument-healing spell functions similar to above mentioned spell...Hell yes!!!!!
7612234 So maybe the demonic tutor taught Princess Cadence how to cast that spell. Remember that the tutor, much like the Princesses, is immortal.
What the hell. XD
An excellent start to this story. I did have to read it a couple of times to fully grasp some parts, but overall, I enjoyed it. I would be interested in seeing this story play out as I find the concept of survival as the curriculum fascinating.
Magic the gathering and ponies. This gonna be good. Especially with a first chapter like that.
Teacher of the Year, right here!