• Member Since 22nd Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen Jul 3rd, 2012

Pencil Sketch


((I guess I should be noting that this was written in such a way as to be read aloud in a sort of radio-play-esque fashion. Each first-person chapter is meant to be silly, and read in a voice you think is appropriate. Have fun.))

Purification of Earth has come and gone, and now many of the world's converted inhabitants move out to recolonize their homes.

Pencil Sketch, formally a Kenneth Baxter, looks at his new life and what he had learned from his life as a human, and how he can use those lessons to his advantage.

Old friends and new dot his adventure, and every moment is never dull.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 39 )

The appropriate term is "knee-jerk" reactions of hate and disgust. These people vote low scores because they don't like the content without even reading the story at all. That is what I believe what he means by "trolls" as well as the impolite comments that were likely the before as well.

48972 Ah, yes. That's exactly what the prior issue was about. Hopefully, the next few commenters/voters actually read the story and make a thought-out judgement.

Welcome back, Pencil Sketch!
I am very glad to see your story again, and I am looking forward to enjoying further chapters of it. Yay!

48995 Thanks. I've been very busy with commission art, and tomorrow's D&D Day with the group... Maybe Sunday.:applejackunsure:
Anyways, planning on following the same pattern of perspective my last story had, so trying to open up to more funnies.:pinkiecrazy:

I'm chuckling at this rather heartily. You said you took it down for getting random half-star trolling and to be honest I don't blame you. I've had that, and it sucks. It's not 5-star, but it is a good 4-star of a story that needs a good going over for the few remaining awkward mistakes. The language structure is strange, but I do actually dig - in this case at least- the whimsical running commentary, it makes the story come alive in an amusing way.

I wouldn't write this way, as it can be confusing, so try to keep your external characters speaking clearly in their own lines, and keep your character's thoughts similarly separate. Other than that, run with it. I'm smiling, mostly because it's hilarious getting your supposedly-intelligent character treated with kid gloves because he can't read and write...

when anyone can just vote half star without reading the story, then yes, there is such a thing as an unfair vote. On the other hoof it doesn't change the content of the story. It's rather pointless.

Well, for the idiots trolling, not much you can do but ignore them. Stupid sadly tends to be around tell thay get bored or tell someone kick-bans there fat rears.
Story is not 'great' but its not 'bad' eather. Course, its also just starting. I will wait tell I have read a few more chapers to deside how I want to rate it, at the momant its around three stars or more.

Site Owner

Pencil Sketch, I'm gonna let this slide this one time but reposting stories because you believe you were unfairly treated just isn't acceptable. If you have issues with the comments, send me a message and I will see. If it wasn't for the fact that you've deleted the original copy I would delete this.


he has issues with me. He thinks my comment (right above your comment) is somehow mustn't be posted here, because I can't post it and it is spam or something like that. I don't get it. Am I wrong? Do my critique really didn't fit here?

sorry, english not my native language.

Site Owner

Debatable. Your comment is 90% about your problems with conversion bureau fics in general, so I can see why Pencil Sketch would not appreciate them specifically on his story. If he wants to delete it he's perfectly at liberty to in this particular case.


But I am in liberty to post it again, right? That comment about Bureau fics flaws in general, and all these flaws applies to his story too. I personalized ending for him, explaining what I also dislike in that particular story (fast adaptation without as much as second thought about his homeland). Fic used Bureaus setting, critique about this setting. So, I think I can post it - even if Pensil Sketch do not like it, it's his personal opinion, and while he can delete it (and I'm okay with that) it's not like i'm spamming or breaking any rules, right?

Site Owner

49203 If the comment was purely constructive criticism aimed only at this story, then you'd be in the right for posting it. However, as I said, you've written a massive spiel about why you dislike conversion bureau fics rather than why you don't like this. If you change that so it's aimed squarely at this story then you're fine, but if you keep reposting that particular comment then you're not.

49035 I'd honestly be fine with three stars. Having a five star vote means someone out there's a little too generous, and having a half-star vote means someone be trollin'. The only way, I think, someone deserves a trollin' vote is if the subject in question's a trollin' story. As for how he's treated. Ya, it's always been a situation that I've had in my head for ages based upon an episode from an old 90s cartoon. He's going to have to learn like Jane Goodall and the chimps.

49192 My sincerest apologies. I'll be certain not to do such a thing again. Thank you for your understanding on the situation and your neutrality in the issue at hand. Although, it's not even his comment that was posted. He's just copy-pasting the same thing he spammed on the prior posting that some guest user wrote.

The story's barely even started, so not many people should know that there is to be quite a bit of reminiscing in upcoming chapters.

49199 It's not a matter of "must not", it's a matter of "should not". Think on that for a day.

Never understood these Conversion Bureau fics. There seems to be an irrational hatred of humans in them, depicting them as somehow intrinsically evil. It drives me a bit crazy, because the whole concept is so deeply flawed.
You know, not everybody has to like every story, and whilst you have a very verbose comment, if you're giving this particular story half star votes and spamming this large comment on this story when really, it's not about THIS story, then you are being unfair.

The original fic by blaze was very, very misanthropic. This one isn't, this one basically follows a human turned into a pony. He doesn't hate himself, he's just trying to learn to be a unicorn. My fics aren't misanthropic - it has bad humans, good humans, bad ponies and good ponies in it. Last Man Standing, you could say, is all about the triumph of the human spirit. Yellowstone is about heroic humans and ponies working together.

Maybe your comment is tarring and feathering with the same brush?

Humans are omnivores, we generally need to eat meat to be healthy. There's nothing evil about it.
Name one fic where it is stated it is? Take yourself out of your little human-shaped box, however, and look at it from a pony's eyes. They're herbivores, they don't keep and breed animals to kill them. To them, it may indeed seem evil. If you're angry that a herbivorous society sees meat as wrong, then you're missing the point.

Also, the whole pollution thing is an issue, but the ponies would also have pollution problems as well, given their tech level, except that they live in a magical world that can apparently ignore such unpleasantness.
Dude, they live in a magical world. Pollution ISN'T an issue if you can magic it away. They also do NOT have heavy industry. They don't mine for gold on a global scale (so no cyanide rivers), they don't require masses of concrete on the same scale we do, nor glass, nor metals - sure, they have them, but why do you persist in forcing our world chemistry and physics on a magical realm?

Furthermore, humans are arguably the LEAST savage species on the planet, given that the definition of savage is "untamed, uncivilized; barbarous". By that definition, humans are the ONLY species currently on the planet capable of being anything LESS than savage. In fact, humans are the only species to care about other species for generally selfless reasons (with a few exceptions within other species).

sav·age (svj)
1. Not domesticated or cultivated; wild: savage beasts of the jungle.
2. Not civilized; barbaric: a people living in a savage state.
3. Ferocious; fierce: in a savage temper.
4. Vicious or merciless; brutal: a savage attack on a political rival. See Synonyms at cruel.
5. Lacking polish or manners; rude.
1. A person regarded as primitive or uncivilized.
2. A person regarded as brutal, fierce, or vicious.

If you're going to try to pull out the dictionary, be assured that everyone else can, too. Let's look at meanings 4 and 5, and noun meaning 2. They are fully valid, they also describe man rather accurately. We've murdered, plundered, pillaged, raped and destroyed our way through this world since before recorded history. We've wiped several species off the planet and are in the process of wiping many more. We've emptied the plains, emptied the seas and are defacing the forests.

Sounds pretty savage to me.

In fact, a significant number of humans even refrain from eating meat or animal products for moral reasons, in direct opposition to our omnivorous nature.

The ponies do not even face this difficulty. They are herbivores by nature, and so can hardly be commended for their refusal to eat meat (though the show hints that they DO actually eat meat. Eggs for certain, and hot dogs, if Pinkie is to be believed. If that is the case, humans might be considered MORE moral in that regard, choosing not to eat meat when it is our nature as opposed to ponies choosing to eat meat when it is AGAINST their nature.)

You are aware these are cartoon ponies, right? Not actual terran ponies? ...and that herbivores or not, I don't think anyone has made a moral judgement about eating meat OUTSIDE of a judgement BY a character, as part of that character?

It is also absurd to say that humans are evil because they are the only species to make war. Humans are the only species to make war because they are the only species that CAN make war. Animals fight and kill and eat each other all the time (even within the same species), they just do it on a smaller scale. In fact, more intelligent animals have been observed fighting small scale "wars" (see: chimp warfare). "War" is simply organized violence for a purpose, and is paradoxically due to a strong sense of empathy and community, for without the ability to work together with and sympathize with strangers, war on the scale we see today would not be possible, only individual conflicts.
Humans, paradoxically, are among the only creatures that can be evil, because we like to believe that we have an intrinsic knowledge of what is good and bad. Without that knowledge of good and evil, you cannot do evil. That makes war evil, which makes mankind evil for perpetrating it.

Also, in an interesting note: Human violence has actually been DECREASING throughout recent history, once one accounts for the rapidly increasing population. That is, while the quantity of violence has increased, that is primarily due to the increase in the size of the human population, as the amount of violence per person has actually decreased.
Yes, this is true. And?

So far you've not made any salient points, and none of them would have applied to this story even if you had. That kind of makes it spam. It would be far better to post this comment on your blog, and then post a link to your blog entry, saying "I have something to say about this story".

So go ahead, I'll wait, and then we can investigate the rest of your claims.

don't yank stories because of troll votes. I think if it does become a problem then votes should just be clearable.

I wrote a story once with a single, commentless half-star vote 30 seconds after it went 'live', with a story that garnered something like 4.5 stars on EqD.

Some stories deserve them, some 'readers' are just trolls. Yanking the story does nothing useful.

it seems enjoyable, though like midnight said thoughts should be kept separate, in italics if possible, I am not much of a writer myself, but I do consider myself a connoisseur of literature and I would give this as it stands a solid 3.8 stars it is very decent and I will track it to see where it goes from here.

We've been at this for a week, malicious Guest user... Just give up. I'll keep deleting your comments as they come. As for Gapoat... well, he's doing a great job of keeping record for the admins of harassment. Your comments are defamatory and disparaging in nature, they do not aid in anything, and this is pretty much becoming the Special Olympics...

Your comments will be deleted, and I, nor anyone else, should give them any mind.

49681 Thanks for pointing that out. I'll be sure to keep that in mind in upcoming chapters! Though, the first two stories are typically written in his thoughts, though I should use italics to separate spoken dialogue with mental dialogue within the same paragraph.

The writing style is strange, but it's done for a reason - it's called "stream of consciousness". The fact it sounds at times like it's supposed to be in a diary changes it to a sort of hidden camera video-diary, which is admittedly confusing at times. I think it's messy and it does hold the story back, but I can still understand it. More to the point, I think it's done with a reason.

Quite apart from your terrible English, you seem to be missing the point of this story, and if you've been posting these tirades which really have nothing to do with this fanfiction again and again, I can see why he's fed up with you. If it's as boring as you say it is, why the hell are you reading it at all, especially commenting on chapter 3?

This story is no epic, it's fluff from beginning to end, oftimes badly structured but it's amusing enough. It's short, it still makes me giggle and doesn't overstay its welcome. If I didn't like it, I don't think I'd have read past chapter 1. It sounds like instead of wasting your time on tirades that do nothing, you should be writing your own stories.

Call it a weakness for silly, not everything has to be Gilgamesh.

The creed of the Brony, I would like to reiterate, is Love and Tolerance. Kindness and Friendship.

That's what we're here about, doing Friendship Is Magic fanfiction. It doesn't matter if the fiction is shipping characters or writing Conversion Bureau stories or doing Grimdark or writing Clopfics. What matters is being nice to each other. That is what makes a Brony a Brony. Being nice, even if we can't or won't understand something.

The points made by Gapaot and Intellectual Compass are lost, because they are not being nice. Maybe they don't know how to be nice.

That's OK, it's simple enough to learn. I'm willing to help.

Being nice is simple: if you don't like something, that's OK, just leave it alone and go find something you like. Don't rag on anyone, don't say harsh things, just... go on your way. Just go find what you DO like, and forget you even saw the thing you didn't like. Simple!

If you want to be REALLY nice, then, even if you don't like something, it costs you nothing to offer encouragement. If you absolutely must say something, find anything you kind of liked at all, and thank the writer for that. Anything, even if it is only that they spaced their paragraphs well. You don't say it backhandedly, like "I don't like your story, but at least you do punctuation well". Don't do that. Just say something like "I really appreciate your attention to punctuation." Leave it at that. No one needs to know you don't approve, that is your business. Yours alone.

That is how to be nice. It's actually quite easy, and has countless rewards. It's the magic key to being a Brony, too!

I know, the world teaches people to be critical and harsh and tough and mean. We don't have to be that. We can choose a different path. That's the subversive little message of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. We can be kind.

Even to people who write things, or draw things, or think things we don't approve of.

Please be nice. It's nice to be nice! :pinkiesmile:

all I can say is that some of your middle english is terrible, I would suggest trying to learn German to help improve it, the formal 2nd person singular works almost exactly like it did in middle english(so Thee=Sie and Thine=Sein) if you look at the forms of the formal 2nd person singular and how the verbs tend to react together it should greatly improve the dialogue involving Luna

Amusingly enough, the show writers got the middle english wrong in "Nightmare Night" almost constantly - but then it's taken that Luna is more putting on the accent than really using it, and I can forgive them anyhow. It's interesting how modern English has only "you" and "yours", whereas older English had thee and thine and a few more.

50936 the older english's were more germanic, it's the french influence that has gotten rid of most of our formal dialogue and added some of the more confusing tenses like the continual tense

go comment on the latest entry in my blog, if you wish, since it's likely your unwanted comments will be deleted from here. As long as you don't use personal attacks, I won't delete.

you can come too, but I suggest you get an account.

The one problem I have with this approach is that it doesn't encourage writers to get better. To an extent, if reviews and criticism aren't requested, then giving harsh words can seem overly negative. On the other hoof, if you do not, writers can get lazy and complacent and puff up their own sense of accomplishment far beyond what it deserves. You have to strike a balance between constructive and criticism, as blank praise is what you give a six-year-old when s/he comes home with three blobs on a piece of paper and proudly proclaims it to be mummy, daddy and child.

At that age, you don't tell them off for forgetting feet, or toes, or necks, or even faces, but at some point, you do.

53893 No on asked you to read this, Trill. If you wanted to watch a porno, you've come to the wrong site.:trollestia:

Umm? That's kind of creepy...
You know, with my pony name being Alabaster Shine and all...

54435 Any similarities to any person/character, living, dead, or fictional, are purely coincidental. Kinda.:moustache:


Hah, your arrogance amuses me. To be blunt, you victimize your own species, and you constantly rely on the great sources of power that are the other conversion bureaus writers, which shows you lack any type of strength or confidence in yourself. Furthermore, you censor anything that you don't like, you fucking communist. Go away.

55191 I'm not relying on anyone, although their assistance is appreciated. In the story, sure, I victimize, though only to aid plot. It's a story, plain and simple. Personally, I'd choose fingers over hooves anyday.

As for being communist... Sure, I do believe everyone deserves the exact same treatment.
I think the real term you want to use for me is... *puts on shades* ...A Bureaucrat. Pun not initially intended.:trollestia:

And no, I'm here to stay. I'd suggest you deal with it by living and let living.

Every body can have their own opinion hence the character in my story has a friend who is a pony he may not agree but he accepts
the fact that they have their own choices to make for good or bad hence yes my character wants to save man but he Absolutely hates the HLF/PER because they take away peoples free will to live or to die

hence I am on pencil sketch's side with this.

I think you did fine, maybe a little rushed in places, but still a solid effort. Don't sell yourself short :twilightsmile:

yay! :yay: I have been looking forward to this being updated. Keep up the good work.
Also try Microsoft Word, it works well. (Most of the times[When it doesnt want to update])

yeah, this chapter was light on plot AND exposition, but it was harmless enough. Call that damning with faint praise if you will, but as long as you're having fun. Personally, I far more enjoy this more normal storytelling mode than the haphazard (if entertaining) stream of consciousness format.

You should tell us more about the music, the scenery, the hows and whys of the trip rather than just "there was a trip, X and Y happened", and whilst you put Kenneth in as a chaperone, we hear literally nothing from him.

Remember, conflict - be that action, physical or mental - drives drama, and timing drives comedy.

183642 Yes, all due apologies. Due to conflicts with school and work, I've lost focus on this story, and I'm considering canceling this while I partake in actually working on a non-pony related webcomic.

This chapter was more a focus on Remedy, the teacher, which I now find to be an irrelevant character I should have never mentally conceived...

However, I should just re-imagine Kenneth, AKA, Pencil Sketch, and work him somewhere else. The stream of conscience writing style was starting to become a bore as well, I admit, as I find it limits any attempt I make at editing.

Ya, this story, cancelled. Screw it. Might consider writing another Conversion Bureau story with a more solid style.

Wow, this poor story is cancelled. Nice!

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