After the Bureaus

by Pencil Sketch

What I learned in school today...

Two hours, seventeen minutes. Two hours, eighteen minutes. Damn, I just wanted all the time to stop so I can just enjoy these moments forever. But, alas, Time is the master, and all are his subjects. There's no way in this new world that he would give me a little more to spend with my family.

Damn, how I missed them! Mum, dad, sis, it was like Christmas all over again! Dad looked healthier compared to what he used to be. Mum was about twenty percent more energized. And Amanda, excuse me, Cherry, had a faint smell of fresh cookies. Simply intoxicating!

Now, I sit by myself in a carriage, pulled by two armoured stallions bound for the land's capital, Canterlot, just me and my thoughts. I'm getting really anxious. It's been such a long time since I went to school for anything, and I find that I just so happen to get accepted into one of the most prestige in all the land on charity. Alright, I'll go with it. It's not like they're going to take me out into a back alleyway and harvest my kidneys, are they?

Boy, we've been going for some time now, haven't we? Like, hours. If I wasn't so wound up, I'd just sleep back here on these nice, comfy cushions.

Let's see where we are now, shall we. Wow... Get a look at that. Canterlot's, like, right there. I mean, not even a kilometer away. Okay, we're going through the gates now and, wow, amazing!

I remember having a very vague dream about this, like a premonition. Swirling spires that scraped the clouds, decorated with celestial symbols and royal banners. It was all rather pretty, I got to say. I don't mind it one bit.

The townsfolk seem well enough, scurrying about their daily chores, talking to their neighbours. They all seemed so happy. Back home, before the bureaus started popping up, I'd never see my neighbours doing such a thing like making small-talk.

I love this place already! I can just feel the sun through the windows of the carriage warming me under my fur. It's a great welcome to my new home.

Oh dear, that begs the question. Where in Equestria am I going to stay? Am I going to live in some boarding room sort of deal? I'm I going to live with some local family that will teach me their trade and have them sort of adopt me to a degree? Do I have to run around somewhere with the meager amount of bits that every other newfoal gets?

Actually, I wonder what the exchange rate is on Bits compared to Canadian currency. Don't want to accidentally spend it all on one place and end up having to live in a box.

Oh, here we are. Passing by some very nice, gold, gilded gates and into a garden with marble pathways leading up to a wondrous establishment. So, this was Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns? Fancy. I'd never be able to get into a place like this back home, charity or not.

The other students must all be in the middle of classes right now, so that would explain why nopony's out and around. Shame that nopony at all saw me walk out a golden carriage pulled by two guards, or I would have been the cool kid of the week.

Well, there was one pony...

A light-blue unicorn mare that seemed like she'd been waiting ages for me. Literally. Probably the first pony around I've seen with so many wrinkles.

"Are you Kenneth Baxter?" She says. I couldn't help but notice the unamused drone in her voice, like I'm somewhat unwanted.

"That's me," First impressions, Ken, make it a good one. Stick out your front hoof like you want to shake. That's normal, you've seen ponies do that. Okay, don't take it, you old coot...

"I am the magistrate of this institution for the gifted, Snow Prance. I had been given word from Her Highness that you are to be enrolled forthwith."

"Um, ya. I even got the letter right here, hey!" That's not fair, you shouldn't just grab things with magic when I'm trying to hold it in my teeth.

"That affirms whom you are. Now we are setting you up with a class where the administration had felt you would fit in best. If you exceed expectations for a, ugh, newfoal, we will see about making better arrangements. Seek me out at my office after classes and then we'll see to your quarters."

Alright, so I guess I do get the boarding room deal, not bad. What, so now we just walk on inside and head to class, just like that? Not even going to answer my questions?

Oh, wow. And I thought the outside was amazing. The inside's just breathtaking. The ceiling's so high and the halls are really wide. I could stretch my arms out four times and still not touch one side of the hall to the other, by human standards!

Kinda felt like we walked quite a ways, like the halls never ended. Down a hall, up some stairs, down another hall, down a short flight of stairs, repeat. If this was how ponies hazed newcomers, they made me envy the old days of middle school... or not, because middle school sucked regardless.

"You will attend this class until three-thirty in the afternoon, then make your way to the front of the school, where my office is located."

"Okay, Madam Prance," Please take the fancy talk well, please think I'm civilized, "Thanks, and have a nice day."

What? Not going to say that I'm welcome? Just gonna turn your nose up at me? Fine, be that way, you frigid... Oh, hey, foals... Oh... hey... foals...

Foals... I mean, young, little, foals.... This is a joke right? I mean, I, supposedly a full-grown individual, can not be expected to sit in a class where my peers are probably a quarter of my age. Oh god, err, Celestia, they're staring at me. They're stealing my soul! Make it stop, make it stop!

"Are you the new student I was expecting?" Oh thank heavens for someone that was about the same age as me...

"I, I guess so. I'm Kenneth Baxter, from the human world."

"Oh, so I was expecting you. I'm Miss Remedy. Please, have a seat in the empty space near the back. We're just in the middle of math class."

"Alright, I think I can keep up with that."

"Whats a hwoo-man?" Well, who's to say that this question wasn't expected from that little filly in the middle row there.

"A human was a storybook animal that had recently become real and began turning into ponies like you and me so they can live happier lives. Is that true, Kenneth?"

Oh, sure, point questions at the new kid. "Um, ya, for the most part."

"Why is he here?"

"Is that really what a human looks like?"

"He smells."

"Children, I'm sure your new classmate will be happy to answer all your questions after class. Until then, we still have some problems to solve on the board." Alright, time to reign the little pests back into attention.

This class will be easy. Seems numbers and mathematical symbols are just like back home just looking at the blackboard. two multiplied by two? Four. Two by three? Six. Looks like I found my sleeping class.

"Kenneth, would you like to give us the answers to what I just wrote down?" You gotta be kidding me. This is almost insulting. Hell, even the foals think it's funny. Basic multiplication, ending with one question in simple division... please.

"The answers are ten, fourteen, zero, one, and three."

"Good job, Kenneth. You get a gold star."

It appears I'm going to have a talk about how pointless math is to someone whose already gone through the system. Meh, I'll just let her figure out that I'm probably a whole lot smarter than what Snow Prance thinks. Until then, may as well rake in gold stars and see where that gets me. Curse gaming instincts to gather achievements!

-=-=-

Okay, not so bad. A little demeaning, but not so bad. An hour of math while having to listen to little foals ask me questions whenever they get the chance. I was caught trying to practice levitating my pencil and had a gold star taken from me because I was supposed to be paying attention. That was pretty embarrassing.

Next class, same teacher and room now. At least I don't have to move around constantly like back in high school. Art Class.

See, this is what I was waiting for. Another slack class, but this time I can actually do something productive.

So we're given an assortment of crayons, safety scissors, and paints, and told to make something creative. Well, I suck with colour coordination that I can't fix later, so ditch the crayons. Maybe I can do something with the paint and "HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

"You're pretty old to be a blank-flank, so I wanted to cheer you up and make you one..." Oh, f*beep*, waterworks. Quick, put on a smile and pretend she didn't just stamp your ass with wet paint.

"Um... thanks for the thought, though."

"Moondust, You shouldn't paint on other ponies without asking them. That's very rude!" Thank you, Miss Remedy. "Kenneth, don't shout. One more outburst, and I'll take a star and send you to the office!" Sorry, Miss Remedy...

Okay, continuing along here... Hmm... Okay, scrap that idea... f*beep*in' levitating scissors... Okay, I can do this, I know how to levitate a pencil... Mmhmm... Alright... And... Done! Alright, not so bad, if I do say so myself.

"What a weird looking creature you have there, Kenneth. That's very detailed." Oh, Miss Remedy, I did not see you there, calling my self portrait weird.

"It's what I looked like before I became a pony."

"Oh. I'm very sorry. It's very nice. I think it should go up on the wall of fame in the hallway." Now SHE'S the one sucking up. Ha! Last you need is to insult to new foreign kid!

"Um... thanks." Quickly gotta put my name on it and there it goes! Whisked away with magic and on top of a pile of papers. Oh joy, now I can pester her to make sure she makes do on her word.

-=-=-

You may as well call me retarded right now. Really, I mean that. Last class of the day, I can't even cheat off the other foals. That's just sad...

Equestrian Language Arts, the new bane of my existence! Dear Celestia, put me out of my misery!

What kind of letter is this? It's like old cave carvings or something. Great job making yourself cool on the first day of class, Ken, you're f*beep*ing clueless now. All we're doing is going around reading what I assume is some very basic story book, going from one student to the next, reading a sentence on a page and oh f*beep* it's my turn...

"Problems, Kenneth?"

"Yes, Miss Remedy. I don't understand the words in front of me." Sure, laugh it up you little schmucks.

"Didn't they teach you how to read where you're from?"

"They did. Two languages growing up, another voluntarily."

"Well?"

"Humans use different letter forms. I might as well be reading an alien missive." Please just pass me so I can stop talking...

"Hmm... I think I understand your problem, and the class is very familiar with the story already. But I think this would be a great a chance as any to have a small lesson about other languages. Would you like to come to the board and be my assistant?" No... Oh Celestia, no!

"I think that's alright..."

Please stop moving legs. Please sit back down. I don't want to get stared at by children that can suck my soul dry by staring at me.

"Alright. Now, using the chalk, would you mind writing, in your language, where you are from?"

"Um... Earth... Winnipeg." Damn, my handwriting sucks, I mean, levitation-writing... magic writing... My writing sucks.

"Now we don't understand what you just wrote down. What do you call this language?"

"English. As far as I know, it kind of evolved from another called Latin, taking a whole lot of other languages with it."

"What other languages do humans speak?"

"Uh, I can speak a little bit of French, a little German, a phrase in old Irish. But there's hundreds of others, like Spanish, Russian, Mandarin, Braille for people that couldn't see, and sign language for people that can't hear." Ugh, listen to me. I hate getting into heated speeches, but it's her fault this time!

"Yes, Windy, you're raising your hoof?"

"If you're a human, why are you in a school for unicorns?" I can't even answer this with them understanding fully.

"Umm... Because humans couldn't use magic until this big event called 'the conversion' started happening, and a few of us got turned into unicorns. The Princess just sent me a letter and sent me here."

"Yes, another question, in the back."

"Was that drawing you were doing a human?"

"Yes. What I used to look like."

"You looked scary."

"Humans are pretty scared. That's nature."

"Why can't you read?"

"I already answered that question..."

"Are there other humans?"

"Billions. Now they all look like ponies."

"Is my aunty a human?"

Dear Celestia, kill me now...

-=-=-

Bell rings, I'm out, thank goodness that's over. Had a little chat with Miss Remedy about the whole "I can't read your language" thing, asking if there were any books I could skim through for basic understanding. Also tacked on a little conversation about how I already know several things like math and art, and should have to do them over. Of course, she wanted proof of my competence, so I gave it to her by answering some long division, square roots, and a little algebra. Bleh, all useless equations. Whatever, it sold my point. Not going to be treated like a special-ed student.

Right now, I'm sitting in the office, waiting my turn to have an audience with the current dean, Snow Prance. You remember her, don't you? The cold-hearted mare from earlier? She's giving a very long talk to one of her coworkers, so this might take a while. Oh, wait, they're coming out.

"Madam Prance?"

"Hmm? Oh, Alabaster, you're finished grading those papers?"

"I'm Kenneth Baxter."

"Oh! Oh... My apologies then. I assume you're here to be assigned your quarters?"

"Yes. I don't really have a place to sleep at the moment."

Pff, don't sigh at me like I'm an annoyance. You hardly even know me.

"Right this way, Mr. Kenneth." Alright, now we're getting somewhere. Down a few more halls, another flight of stairs. Seemed a lot shorter than when I was being led to the classroom. "Here is your room. Most colts and fillies are paired up, but seeing as you're a lot older than most students here, special arrangements have to be made. Curfew is ten o'clock, wake up at seven, breakfast at eight, class at eight-thirty."

And just like that, poof. Well, more like a crack really as she vanished in a flash of blue-ish light. Now that's a little trick I'd like to learn.

The room's not too big, but I guess this is home for me now. Walls are very bland and boring, so a little decorating is definitely in order. Perhaps I should go out and get a few supplies. Don't know how far a bag of bits will get me though. Hmm... maybe I should put a list together.

1. Get a job, because money is money.
2. Pass class, because I'm supposedly worth the effort.
3. Decorate room, because I can't work in a utilitarian environment.
4.
5. Profit.

Alright, that's pretty easy. Of course, lists often tend to grow, but this is a start.

Ya, going out right now is certainly something I have to do. I just remembered that I practically had nothing on me. I need papers and pencils, first of all. Maybe get my hand on some magic baubles and such, and something to liven up to place.

I'll be back in an hour or two.

Comments

[Midnightshadow]

I'm chuckling at this rather heartily. You said you took it down for getting random half-star trolling and to be honest I don't blame you. I've had that, and it sucks. It's not 5-star, but it is a good 4-star of a story that needs a good going over for the few remaining awkward mistakes. The language structure is strange, but I do actually dig - in this case at least- the whimsical running commentary, it makes the story come alive in an amusing way.

I wouldn't write this way, as it can be confusing, so try to keep your external characters speaking clearly in their own lines, and keep your character's thoughts similarly separate. Other than that, run with it. I'm smiling, mostly because it's hilarious getting your supposedly-intelligent character treated with kid gloves because he can't read and write...

[Alyeskabird]

Well, for the idiots trolling, not much you can do but ignore them. Stupid sadly tends to be around tell thay get bored or tell someone kick-bans there fat rears.
Story is not 'great' but its not 'bad' eather. Course, its also just starting. I will wait tell I have read a few more chapers to deside how I want to rate it, at the momant its around three stars or more.

[Mänic]

it seems enjoyable, though like midnight said thoughts should be kept separate, in italics if possible, I am not much of a writer myself, but I do consider myself a connoisseur of literature and I would give this as it stands a solid 3.8 stars it is very decent and I will track it to see where it goes from here.

[MysteryAlabaster]

Umm? That's kind of creepy...
You know, with my pony name being Alabaster Shine and all...