Chapter Eight — Absolution
Chapter Eight
Absolution
===============
Daybreak Aurora lounged on Celestia’s throne with a golden goblet in her hand. She occasionally glanced at the magic looking glass, where Twilight and her friends lived their false fantasies. Raising the goblet to her mouth, she took a sip and smacked her lips as she watched them fall further and further into selfish ambition.
A full complement of unicorn servitors staffed the throne room. They levitated trays bearing fruit, cake, cheese, and Canterlot's finest red wines. Daybreak gestured to one with her goblet. “You there! Your Queen requires another drink.”
The servitor scurried up to the throne, uncorked the bottle, and refilled Daybreak's goblet. He stared with nervous fear at it, not daring to overfill it by as much as a drop. As soon as this was done, he scampered back into the crowd of his fellow stewards.
Daybreak closed her eyes and took another long sip. “More food.”
A second servitor emerged. The tray beside him held plates with slices of a fluffy white cake glazed with white cream and rainbow frosting. “Cloud cake, Your Majesty?”
Daybreak scowled. “I grow weary of cloud cake.” She gave her belly an undignified rub. “Though I do have the strangest craving for gems... Rubies, in particular.”
“Rubies,” the servitor said. “It shall be done, my Queen.” He turned smartly and trotted toward the throne room's entrance.
Daybreak drained her goblet again in one gulp, tossed it at the servitors, and stood. She stalked down the stairs and strutted in front of Celestia. “It's good to be the Queen. An entire gaggle of serfs at my command, endless rivers of priceless wine, and all of the kingdom's most delectable delicacies. I wondered why it looked like your flank had put on so many pounds since we last met, but now I understand.”
With a sharp laugh, Daybreak looked back. The fiery lens that displayed her illusion showed Rarity, a manic grin distorting her features, crystallizing one of Ponyville's few remaining free structures—and a terrified family of four huddling inside it. “And the best part is... this spell has allowed me to do something that was thought impossible: I have conquered death. Even if the eons eventually wear this dragon's body into a decrepit state, I can always transfer my soul to a fresh vessel. The sun will never set on my kingdom.”
Celestia made a point of not looking at Daybreak or her illusory display. “A ruler's purpose is not to make life better for herself, but for her subjects. Your reign will not last forever, and when your false kingdom comes tumbling down around you, your former subjects will only remember you as a tyrant and hold celebrations on the anniversary of your downfall.”
A sickening crack filled the throne room. Daybreak withdrew the fist she had slugged Celestia's muzzle with. She smirked at the red blemish her blow had left. “It would behove you to choose your words more carefully when addressing your Queen—a generous ruler whose good graces are the only thing standing between you and a guillotine.”
Celestia glared at Daybreak with silent defiance.
“You know...” Daybreak opened and closed her fist. “I could transport you to the dungeons, next to your prized mules. Since you appear disinterested in my little show, perhaps you'd prefer to languish with them as they wear vacant expressions and rot away.”
She licked her lips and walked away, making a point of slapping Celestia in the face with her tail. “At least your sister has the right idea, if you can believe that. She's been quiet since our little chat.” She came to a stop in front of Luna. “Oh, how precious. Her horn is still glowing. She's been trying to break free all this time. I almost do not wish to disturb the sleeping nag, but enough is enough. Luna! Oh, Luna! Wake up!” She snapped her fingers in front of Luna's face.
“Daybreak, stop it!” Celestia said.
Daybreak sneered at her, then turned to Luna and puckered her lips like she was about to kiss her. Instead, she blew a small plume of flame that licked Luna's muzzle.
Luna awoke with a yelp, and her horn stopped glowing. “You swine! If I ever get my hooves on you, I'll—”
Daybreak tutted and clamped Luna's muzzle shut. “Such disrespect. Do you not care about Princess Twilight Sparkle and her lackeys? You've missed such wonderful drama. Or, perhaps, you secretly relish the thought of the ponies who laid Nightmare Moon low being put in their places.”
“The only one about to be put in her place is you,” Celestia said.
“What?” Daybreak turned to face her. In the corner of her eye, she saw not an illusion in her fiery looking glass, but an empty dungeon. She stared at it for a moment. And then she loosed a bellow, cancelling the spell in a burst of flame that filled the room with green smoke that made the servitors cough. “Luna...” she muttered, then spun around and towered over Luna. “You.”
Luna wore a deadly grimace. “For somepony who claims to be as great as you, you are quite easily misled. You should not underestimate those you seek to subjugate, ‘my Queen.’”
Daybreak's fists shook. “It is of no consequence. If I can drown them in an illusion once, I can do it again. And this time, you will not interfere. They cannot hide from me forever. I will find them and make them suffer for their defiance!”
Luna gave a mocking laugh. “Who said anything about hiding?”
In a burst of magenta, the throne room's doors exploded.
* * *
Twilight and the others encountered no resistance as they charged through the halls of Canterlot Castle. The guards they passed cheered and lowered their spears as they approached. After ten minutes of galloping, they arrived at their destination. Two royal guards flanked the throne room's doors.
“Princess Twilight?” one guard hissed. “What are you doing here? Queen Aurora—I mean Daybreak said you were—”
“There's no time to explain,” Twilight said as she ignited her horn. “Call this a liberation.”
The guards dropped their spears with a pair of clatters, and fled down the hall. Twilight unleashed her magic at the doors. They exploded in a shower of splinters, and smoke billowed forth into the room. The six rushed forward until they stood in the centre of the throne room. As the smoke cleared, dozens of panicked servitors, sensing an impending battle, fled through the ruined doors.
Twilight, her wings flared, stood tall and defiant. “Daybreak Aurora, your reign ends here!”
With squared shoulders, Daybreak stood at the foot of the throne's stairs. Her eyes glinted dangerously. “I must commend you, Twilight Sparkle. You experienced firsthoof how immeasurably weak your magic is when you attempted to match your powers with mine. You witnessed those whom you address as royalty, whose magic is potent enough to bring armies to their knees, fall before me like arid underbrush before a firestorm. Your mind was prepared to spend the rest of its natural life inside the lost archive I fashioned for it.”
She made a sweeping, exaggerated gesture with her right hand. “And yet, here you stand, a brave, brave heroine—the saviour of Equestria, ready to vanquish yet another foe.” A sharp peal of laughter rang off the throne room's walls. “I cannot fathom the courage you must possess. Or, more likely, you are burdened with the stupidity of a thousand mules.”
Twilight did not so much as flinch. “We are not afraid of you. You broke into our minds and tried to seduce us with too much of what we want most. You wanted us to make the same mistakes you did, and for what? Petty revenge? You fought us, Princess Luna, and Princess Celestia, and you won—and you still felt the need to torture us like that just for the sake of proving a stupid point. You're pathetic.”
Electric crackles of magic sparked between Daybreak's horns. “Pathetic, am I? As somepony as supposedly learned as you, you must surely comprehend the concept of being hopelessly outmatched. You and I both know you do not have even a minute chance of victory against me. Perhaps my illusions have caused you to become unhinged. After all, repeating the same action and hoping for a different outcome is insanity.”
A proud smile spread across Twilight's muzzle. “You're right about one thing, Daybreak: I can't beat you with pure magic power. But I have a power even stronger than yours, a power you've never had—the power of friendship.”
Daybreak doubled over with laughter. “And for the briefest of moments, I actually thought you had a trick up your sleeve. You're still harping about the power of friendship. Didn't you try that the last time? Need I remind you where that got you?”
Twilight looked back at her five best friends, then at Daybreak. “It got us right here.”
“Only because she—” Daybreak pointed at Luna. “—helped you escape.”
Despite the danger of the situation, Twilight laughed. The obvious fury contorting Daybreak's features only made her want to laugh harder. “You really don't understand, do you? Princess Luna and I are friends. All she did was know what to tell me and what to show me for me to understand what I had to do. From there, we all helped each other break free. There was no powerful magic involved. Our friendship protected us from your temptations, and our friendship will protect Spike from you.”
Twilight's friends advanced until they stood beside her.
“All Twilight had to do was show me what you did to our rightful rulers,” Rarity said.
“You had me ruin the Wonderbolts and put the ponies I've looked up to since I was a filly out of a job,” Rainbow said. “Not cool.”
“A party's only a party if everypony's having fun.” The usual bouncy cheer had fled Pinkie's voice. “I'll never forget that.”
“If anything,” Fluttershy said, “what you did only reminded us of what's really important. If you're with those you love, you'll never lose your way. You should have tried being nicer, Daybreak. Maybe then, you'd have made some friends.”
“I don't have to see no more to know that this is only the beginnin'. I'll do whatever it takes to protect Equestria from varmints like you.” Applejack removed her Stetson and held it to her chest with respect. “Even if it means sayin' goodbye all over again...”
Daybreak surveyed them through narrowed eyes. “Here I stand, the lion before the lambs,” she said. Her larger horn began to crackle. “And they do not fear. But they should fear!”
An idea flashed in Twilight's mind. There was a procedure for performing a simple separation spell, something she had learned early in her studies. It could be used to sort through piles of objects or part two things that had been glued together without damaging them. She made a few minor alterations to the spell in her head, and summoned her power. Her horn gleamed magenta.
“So, it's a fight you want?” Daybreak turned her back on Twilight. She raised her fists, and black and yellow magic surged around them. Her hands opened, and the magic rushed for Celestia and Luna. The crystals encasing them grew. They screamed, but only for a moment—their prisons squelched their voices and froze their faces in fear. Daybreak faced Twilight again. “That is the fate that awaits you. You will be alive, but unable to act.”
Daybreak loosed a feral, draconic roar and fired a lance of magic at Twilight. The projectile had only traveled halfway before Twilight teleported in a magenta flash.
She appeared right behind Daybreak, separation spell at the ready. Twilight fired and hit the tyrant-Queen square in the back.
“Gah!” Daybreak clutched at where the spell had landed and sank to her knees. She collapsed facedown with a grunt.
The six ponies stared in shocked silence.
Rainbow was the first to speak. “Twilight, you did it!”
Saying nothing, Twilight took cautious steps forward until she looked at Daybreak. Her eyes were closed. “Strange... the spell should be working by now. I don't—”
A clawed hand shot up and gripped Twilight's foreleg tight enough to make her yelp in pain. Daybreak stood, and Twilight dangled by her leg. “An elementary separation spell. Clever. A pity I'm beyond such primitive techniques.” She leapt high and slammed Twilight into the hard tiles beneath her.
Pain exploded through Twilight's back, and her breath fled her in a violent whoosh! With watery eyes, she glared at Daybreak and fired a blast of magic into her face. Daybreak grunted and stepped backward. Twilight knew she did not have long, and she teleported back among her friends and forced herself to stand.
Daybreak's chest heaved. Her horns projected magic in an aura, and she soared into the air. She belched an immense jet of green flame that singed the air around it.
“Look out!” Rainbow yelled. Revving her wings, she bolted into the air, spread her forelegs, and swooped down on her friends too fast for Twilight to see, gathering them in a frantic half-carry, half-tackle.
Everything happened all at once. With her body aching all over and her magic momentarily exhausted, Twilight lay prone on the ground as the dragon fire hissed toward her and her friends. The next thing she knew, she was in a pile of bodies rolling across the floor. As she and her friends crashed into the left wall, Daybreak's attack burned a crescent moon-shaped trench in the tile. Acrid smoke drifted into the air.
Whiteness filled Daybreak's eyes as she floated above the heap of ponies. Black and yellow energy gathered in her palms. There was a tremendous flash, and Twilight did not have to see to know what had just happened. A hard, cold, and unforgiving substance had rooted her hooves in place, and it now climbed her legs at a rapid pace.
When her vision cleared, malignant yellow crystal greeted her. Yells of fear filled the air as the crystalline substance began to encase the others. Twilight did not scream as Daybreak let her magic subside and touched down gracefully at the foot of the throne. Her brain flew through every spell she knew, searching desperately for something—anything that might help her.
Nothing came to mind.
The encroaching crystal reached their necks. Daybreak, arms folded, strutted toward them. She wore a mad look of triumph. “And so the coup ends. Just like that. This time, there will be no escape for you or Celestia. You will all be on display to serve as an eternal reminder of what happens to those who dare challenge my rule.”
An icicle of panic pierced Twilight's heart as the crystal crawled up her face. She could not move. Air no longer reached her lungs. Her magic was not strong enough to dent the crystal. Her yellowed vision began to swim. She could not save herself. She could not save her friends.
But, she realized, perhaps they were not the ones who needed saving...
With the last of her power, she reached out to the only one who could still oppose Daybreak.
* * *
Twilight Sparkle and her friends floated in a place existence itself did not seem to inhabit. Only absolute, endless blackness surrounded them. No air nor gravity nor sound nor scents nor light could reach them. Somehow, Twilight's lungs did not cry for air, and she could see her friends, as if their bodies themselves were light sources, though if they provided any illumination, it was impossible to tell.
In the distance, a familiar green and purple figure floated lifelessly, a derelict ship adrift in the middle of the sea, its sails long torn from their masts.
“Spike!” Twilight yelled. “Spike!” She flailed her legs and wings, but could not tread the nothingness she floated in.
“Twi... where are we?” Applejack said.
“Wait a minute,” Rarity said, “if we're here, and Spike's here, then...”
“Are we dreamwalking?” Pinkie asked. “Did you do the thing you did to talk to us in Daybreak's illusion?”
Twilight looked to her awestruck friends. “I think so. But I don't know how.”
“Spikey-wikey is right there!” Rarity said. “He clearly can't hear us. How do we wake him up?”
“I have an idea.” Twilight tried to call upon dreamwalking magic and make her friends appear next to Spike. Without as much as a flash, it worked.
Rarity hugged him tightly. “Spike! Spike! Wake up!”
“Don't hurt him!” Fluttershy tried to pry her off, but lacked the strength with nothing to dig her hind hooves into.
“Get back,” Twilight said. “I know what I have to do. Everypony, hold onto me.”
Rarity complied and placed a forehoof on Twilight's shoulder. Rainbow, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie followed suit. Twilight closed her eyes and tapped her horn on Spike's temple.
The same ethereal rush she had felt when she tapped into her friends' illusion carried her into the depths of Spike's mind. When she opened her eyes, she found herself and her friends standing on an invisible platform. It felt solid enough, but it looked like they stood on air. Around them, a maelstrom of memory churned like a thousand film reels in a blender.
Spike, who stood before them, gave Twilight a listless stare. “What do you want?”
“We've come for you, Spike,” Twilight said.
“So what? Not like you care.”
Fluttershy stepped forward. “You have no idea what we've been through to get here.”
“She's right,” said Applejack. “All of us had to give up somethin' we wanted.”
Rainbow gave the back of her head a sheepish scratch. “Actually, it was pretty awful.”
“But at the time, we didn't think so,” Twilight said sharply. “When we were in that moment, it was our greatest desire come true—and we rejected it. All of us.”
Spike folded his arms. “So what? I'm nothing to you—just a servant you can kick around. I guess you miss having me to step on. What's the matter? Can't feel high and mighty without me?”
Tears filled Twilight's eyes. Seeing Spike this way brought pressure crushing down on her chest. “You've forgotten, haven't you? Do you know where you are?”
“A better place. A place without oppressors.”
“No!” said Twilight. “Your mind and body have been stolen. Daybreak Aurora—the one who promised you everything—took it all away instead. You remember that, don't you? This little corner of your mind is all you have left.”
Unable to hold back any longer, Rarity rushed forward and threw herself around Spike's legs. “Spike, please! Come back to us.”
Spike gave her a savage kick. “It's you. A word from one of Twilight's moldy old books describes you perfectly: succubus. All you've done is lead me on and never give back what I've given you.”
Rarity quivered at Twilight's hooves, tears streaming down her face. “I-I-I do value you! Remember the Inspiration Manifestation spell?” she choked. “‘Only when true words are spoken will you be finally set free.’ I practically destroyed Ponyville.”
As she spoke, the swirling images around them stilled and solidified into a vision of gold roads and crystal buildings. “It was you who set me free,” Rarity said, forcing herself to stand. “When you told me the truth—” A ghostly shade of herself appeared in the landscape below. Green magic fled from her eyes and into the book from where it came. “—I was released. I truly value you and your friendship, Spike. Otherwise, what you said on that day wouldn't have worked.”
Spike stared at the scene. He staggered backward and rubbed his head. “What... what are you doing?”
Pinkie hopped forward. “Remember the time you had us charge after the Diamond Dogs to rescue her?” The landscape around them swirled into the badlands. Twilight, with Spike on her back, led the charge as she, Applejack, Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow galloped toward the Dogs' lair. “Well, maybe not the best example, but you were ready to give anything to save her.”
“So what?” Spike shook, but did not look away. “I was foolish.”
“Hey, why are you lying to yourself?” Rainbow circled over him. The land again shifted, revealing the forest where Spike, Rarity, Rainbow, and Twilight confronted the three adolescent dragons. “You turned them down because you realized you liked living with us—ponies—better.”
Spike sank to his knees and clutched his head. “Stop it! Get out of my head!”
“Spike,” Twilight said, resting a forehoof on his shoulder. “You love us, and we love you. If it weren't for you...” Forest gave way to cityscape. Spike clutched the Crystal Heart and charged through King Sombra's bleak, withered Empire, prepared to sacrifice anything to return the Heart to its rightful place. “All would have been lost. Not just for us, but for an entire people. Perhaps all of Equestria as well.” Glimpses of the statue of Spike and the Crystal Heart window in Canterlot flashed in the vision.
Spike covered his eyes and began to sob. Their surroundings faded into blackness. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. W-what have I done? This—it's all my fault. If I didn't eat that diamond—”
The six surrounded him and embraced him. “Spike, don't let it eat at you,” Twilight said. “Daybreak tricked you, and she tricked all of us, too. But we rose above it. You can rise above it.” She waited until he lowered his hands, and she gave him the most loving, sincere look she could. “Only you can save us. Nopony can save Equestria, but a dragon can. What are you going to do?”
“I won't let her win.” Spike rose to his full diminutive stature. The ponies took a step back. “I won't let her win. I won't let her win!” He loosed a mighty roar so loud it shook the surrounding abyss.
Twilight and the others staggered as the surface beneath them trembled. A sharp crack! split the air, followed by another and another. Spike's roar pealed on, until another, mightier crack! drowned it out.
Whiteness exploded in Twilight's vision, and she felt herself reeling. Her head throbbed like it had just been dealt a hammer blow. Finally, a resounding shatter pounded her eardrums.
Twilight opened her eyes. She and her friends lay groggily on the Canterlot throne room floor, yellow splinters of their prison strewn about around them.
Daybreak stood over them, shock contorting her face. “Impossible! How did you—? No matter.” Magic crackled around her horns. “If freezing you wasn't enough, then I'll have to resort to something more extreme. Just as well. Your friendship sickens me, and this world will be better off without its blight.”
But Daybreak lurched. Her cheeks bulged, and she covered her mouth. The power around her horn fizzled as if she had to concentrate on not retching. She gave a hard swallow. “Wait... what have you done?”
Twilight and the others stood. She held her head high and proud. “Showed a certain special someone the magic of friendship.”
Horror stretched Daybreak's eyes wide. “No... No! He is mine. He belongs to me!” Her chest puffed out, as if she had just swallowed a beach ball. She staggered backward, clutching at it and pounding it with a fist. The lump forced its way up her throat. Her cheeks expanded again, and she fell backward onto on her rump.
Daybreak writhed and grasped her mouth. Yellow fumes jetted between her fingers. Her limbs shook in a violent seizure as her cheeks expanded wider and wider. With a thunderous belch, more of the fume escaped Daybreak Aurora's throat in a strained whoosh.
The rancid yellow smoke billowing forth took the shape of a unicorn.
Pure terror covered the smoke-unicorn's face. It pawed at Daybreak's mouth, but another violent belch sent it soaring toward one of the throne room's windows. A shrill scream that came from everywhere at once rang off the walls. In a blinding flash punctuated by the shattering of glass, the fume was gone.
When Twilight's vision cleared, she beheld not the dragon-unicorn abomination of Daybreak Aurora, but—
“Spike!” Twilight bounded toward him and scooped him up in her hooves and hugged him fiercely. She hardly noticed her friends forming a close circle around her. All the anguish, fear, doubt, and guilt that had been an anvil around her neck evaporated in the warmth of their embrace.
Spike hugged her back.
“You did it, Spike! You saved us all,” Twilight said, her voice giddy.
“Indeed you did.”
Twilight looked in the new voice's direction. Princess Celestia, wearing a broad smile, strode toward them with Luna at her side. “You may be the smallest among us,” Celestia said, “but within you, unmatched tenacity resides. Through an admirable display of fortitude, not just from you—but friends who truly cherish you—you have vanquished a foe beyond any of us and spared Equestria from her flame.”
Twilight glowed with pride, and Spike's cheeks glowed with embarrassment.
“Having seen the world Daybreak forced you all to contend with,” Luna said, “you standing before us is a feat worthy of Equestria's finest ballads.”
“That may well be,” said Twilight, failing to suppress a chuckle. “But after what I had to do to help everypony find their way back... remember to never let me try to do your job again.”
Celestia chuckled and pointed her horn skyward. “Now, I think it's time to set things right.” She closed her eyes, and a beam of golden light shot from her horn, enveloping the throne room. Every surface shimmered and spangled as her magic played across it.
When the light faded, everything had been returned to the way it was before Daybreak’s coup, with one exception. The window that Daybreak's gaseous form had shattered was not only repaired, but bore the image of Spike, standing in the middle of a heart and shooting a great plume of yellow flame into the sky. Below him, Twilight and her friends knelt, their hooves stretched toward his feet.
“For... for me?” Spike said over the chorus of “oohs” from his friends.
Celestia nodded. “Indeed.”
“Hey, Spike.” Rainbow gave him a playful nudge. “If you ever feel down again, remember that you've got two stained glass windows in your honour. I'd like to see anyone who's worthless get even one.”
Spike beamed at her. “You're right. I kind of did save Equestria this time, didn't I? I had help, of course, but it was me who got rid of Daybreak.” He turned to Rarity. “So, since I'm the decorated hero of the day... how about that date?”
Rarity covered her mouth with a forehoof and gave a charitable giggle. “Oh, Spike...” She gave him a serious look. “I do think we should have dinner together. Tonight.”
Gleeful awe began to cross Spike's face.
“All of us friends,” Rarity continued.
Spike's face fell.
“Spike,” Rarity said, her tone apologetic, “if there’s one thing all of us can take away from this ordeal, it is that nobody—even heroes—can have everything in the world.”
A glum Spike stared at her for several moments before he closed his eyes and nodded. When he opened them again, his expression changed.
He wore a smile.
“You’re right.” He turned to Twilight. “Do you think we could go to the Hayburger?”
Twilight chuckled and ruffled his spines. “I thought you’d never ask.”
“A wonderful idea,” Celestia said. “I will join you. Being imprisoned gave me quite an appetite, and I think we could all use a treat.”
Luna frowned. “What, pray tell, is this Hayburger?”
Spike failed to suppress a chuckle. “Let’s just say it’s one of Twilight’s guilty pleasures. I think you’ll like it.”
“Good thing Daybreak didn’t put her in there instead of that musty library,” Pinkie said. “We’d have never gotten her back!”
Everyone burst out laughing, their merriment ringing throughout a throne room filled with bright, radiant sunlight, and not so much as a wisp of miasmatic fog lingered to taint the new, clear morning.
The End
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7692744
Well, funny story about that...
oi67.tinypic.com/15x7hbq.jpg
Nobody really... addressed Spike's issues. Or did they and I just disagree that it was a good addressing?
Like, everything they said that is evidence as to why they love each other... was all about what Spike did for them. About how useful he was to them, and how appreciated he was for his service.
This only changes whether or not they're "oppressing" him in that oppression is outwardly cruel and they are not... but the same thing where the focus is still on what he does for someone else.
Was that what you were going for? That Spike didn't really want to not be a servant, or to not be primarily good because he is useful, but to be reminded he was a good servant and his service was appreciated?
7706886 I liked this story, but you have a point. Spike was all "you guys don't appreciate me" and the Mane 6 were like "no Spike, remember all that stuff you did for us?" Applejack didn't even mention the time she saved Spike from Timberwolves.
There's a psychological rule that people like you more after they do you a favor then after you do them a favor, this is clearly on display here.
7711528
I think I overall liked the story, too. Good tension, good buildup and characterization of the other characters' traps and how to shock them out of them, a few surprises of what exactly was going on in the buildup with what Aurora had planned.
I do think the part of the climax interacting with Spike's inner conflict and his relationship with the people in his life was weak, though, and a stumble in the climax is a pretty big deal.
About the psychological "rule", do you mean it's on display by how they used examples of Spike's prior favors to convince him he was appreciated and that he still liked them?
My favorite part was definitely the exploration of the dark side of the desires of the Mane 6, especially Fluttershy and Rarity.
7711816
Yup, that's it exactly.
Just realized something: Spike is officially a member of the friendship court, according to the Tree of Harmony, since he got his own chair. But he's never been sent on a friendship mission. I wonder if he ever will.
That climax reminded me of Breath of Fire 2's, a lot. Wouldn't mind an epilogue with more details on what happened to Daybreak, and maybe some final doubt on Spike's part.
So to convey that the ponies have learned to express their love for Spike more openly, Rarity continues toying with his emotions, only this time intentionally disappoints him.
This reads very much like an MLP episode, or one of their comics, really. Very polished story with a moral and clear good and evil sides. None of the characters sounded...well, out-of-character.
Personally, for the sake of more depth and complexity, I would've wanted Daybreak's spell over the Mane 6 to have been more "persuading", so it would've been harder to make, say, Rarity break out of the spell just by the sheer force of talking at her. But then again, this is magic, and it's not like Daybreak's specialty is empathizing with others.
This is great! I loved it.
Especially for somebody named after the most obnoxious character in almost all of Pokémon except for Ash Ketchup himself...
Okay, no. I'm not going to touch on that. Bad joke.
But anyways, while I'm thinking about it, do you think it would be really strange of me to cross MLP and Five Nights at Freddy's?
Man this was good
A gripping adventure from start to finish. Glad I finally read it.
This feels like a love letter to quite a few episode plots, particularly Spike and Rarity stuff. I didn't see anything technically wrong with the story, and the pacing just breezes by.
But the story itself is where I found some of the flaws. If I wanted something beyond simple, show-accurate fair that tips its hat to a lot of show-type things, I'd be a bit disappointed. What really seemed to hinder the story was your antagonist. She's in the same line as Sunset Shimmer, Starlight Glimmer, and she just... isn't any different from them. 'She's arrogant' is used as the main thing that makes her evil, and it just wasn't convincing, not like her power-hungry stuff. It just didn't really work? There's really nothing that all that sets her apart from any of the previous characters, and she really does feel like a Sunset-expy. That wouldn't have really been a major issue if she had more time to shine and bring something new to the table, I guess?
But she was also... extremely powerful for no reason? Nothing about her character and what was said and explained about her (she's a dead unicorn's spirit residing in a gem) makes sense to just how she would be able to do all these things and have her 15 minutes of fame on the Equestrian throne (which was really what she had compared to other villains). She's just a talented unicorn... and somehow all this happened? Here, it's just confusing, but still fits in with your story and how it nods to a lot of old fandom stuff, in the case of your villain, and show stuff, in terms of things like tone and Spike, etc. So, there's not really any worry about her being a Tempest Shadow... but she's still the biggest flaw in your story. With how things turned out, I'm wondering why you devised Daybreak instead of maybe just doing something really cool with more established artifacts that had a similar effect and could be used in a story that kept the same tone, length, and genre? Either way, I like your story and you get an upvote, but I really didn't like Daybreak.
Was kinda hoping they'd pull out Rainbow Power again, given how season 4 this is. :B
I wish there was a epilogue where spike can actually do magic because of what happened
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Ignoring the fact that sweat glands are primarily a mammalian trait, they are activated by a combo of the hypothalamus registering that the body's core temperature is too hot and the areas of the skin registering that they are too hot. Secondly, the thermal conductivity of air actually DECREASES in higher humidity [at 62C from 0.0290 W/mK at 0% humidity to 0.0275 W/mK at 100% humidity] (aka it's harder for things to get hotter when there's more water in the air) , which is contradictory only because in order for sweat to cool you down, the water in it has to evaporate into the air, and the higher the humidity, the harder it is to do so, as well as the fact that lava transfers heat MUCH faster than even air's best case scenario [at 1200C it's 0.6 W/mK]