The balance was lost eons ago when fear and anger drove two friends apart. Recent events have lead to Equestrian secrets coming to light, and Twilight Sparkle must recover what has been lost by rejoining two halves of an eternal whole, changing Equestria forever.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like this prologue. It's a great set-up, giving the readers questions without answers. The word choices are also solid. I was surprised at some of the words used, as they aren't very popular. I'm a tad envious; I wish I'd thought to use some of these words in my own stories. Ah well. It's my own fault. Anyway, I'm not a fan of Discord/Celestia, but with a prologue like this that doesn't matter. It looks to be a good story, and that's enough to keep me reading.
If I am any judge of stories, then I must say that, so far, this has been brilliant. Not only is your diction superb - which I am envious of for my own failings at accommodating such marvelous word choice in my own far-from-finished writings - but I also like where you're taking this. Please, give us more.
Plus, I find myself wanting to see how Twilight will react to the up-and-coming
!
That was really good and I know that cause when I got to the end I wanted more story. I like how you handled everything in realistic way: Celestia acting like she didn't want them to defeat Discord- slight apathy then sadness, subtle changes in behavior and Twilight being the only one who can see these changes and her research finding nothing useful b/c text books don't show the personal side of the story. You really want to know about the origin story, get to the part when Discord forms a friendship with Twilight and renews his relationship with Celestia. I always liked this shipping cause Order and Chaos go well together to create balance.
So, good writing, no glaring grammar errors, great characterization and the beginning of something that could be truly heartwarming and happy.
Peace Out.
This is incredible and well- written, you left me wanting more. This has a lot of potencial and I know your going to make the most of it.
I really loved this, and it's starting to make me wonder how Twilight is involved in all this. Are Twilight's parents secretly the kids of Celestia and Discord and thus they're Twilight's grandparents? Probably not, but it's a thought I had. Anyway, not only very well-written, but very captivating and it left me definitely wanting more to see what happens! I've honestly never read another Discord and Celestia story before, and it intrigues me, so I'm very interested in seeing where this goes. Keep going!
Was waiting for that to happen :P Can't wait for the next chapter!
About time Discord...uh...well, in the very least, makes himself known! I was waiting for that, just like Fasaloft said above me. Naturally, the chapter itself was brilliantly executed and mostly flawless; I saw...I think...two errors? One was a misspelled word, and the other was an error in a sentence...but, I think that was it. I usually get bored with such detailed stories as this, so I fear I skimmed a few parts...but, that's just me. It was still amazing and now I'm more excited than ever to see what happens!
More please.
damn, this is good. keep up the good work. I seriously can't wait for the next chapter. I'm actually gonna hit refresh every minute to see if a new chapter comes out soon!!!
I'm looking forward to how Twilight and Discord become friends and how Celestia and Discord get back together. This story is amazing, it has just enough mystery to keep things rolling and enough heart to make you deeply care about the characters.
Peace Out.
59944 she could fail you know....but i'm hoping that dosn't happen
60045 We better hope not considering that by the looks of it her failing will lead to the rise of Celestia the tyrant.
Discord: I'm back! You mad?
Twilight: Discord, why you no leave us alone?
Discord: 'Cause you and the princess can't stop feeding the troll.
Friendship is memetic!
Wow! This rocks! You really got the speech-patterns right! I LOOOOOVE Twilight, and Spike was just perfect!
Liking this so far, style is good, and admittedly I've only seen Celecord once before, so will be interested to see how it plays out this time
As someone who knows English only as second language, it was a bit harder for me to tell, but especially at the part where you described Celestia's and Twilight's letters, I was sure that you knew what you were talking about.
You captured Twilight's character perfectly. I would say that she was about 99% IC — I only wondered why her mane didn't start to burn when she reached a point where even her books couldn't help her understand something.
52334
Ah, I'm glad you like the word choice; I always worry about whether my diction is appropriate for readers, and whether the tone is enjoyable to read it. I know it's enjoyable for me, as I write how I think, but I have no idea if others like it, or if it's too annoying. Thank you for the kind words
74119
Hello,
I'm glad the characterization was to your liking. It is the main thing I worry about in fanfiction, so hopefully I'm getting it right!
71185
Hopefully I won't disappoint. Please tell me if I do; I'm hoping to make this fic as enjoyable as I can :)
75386 Absolutely, you're doing a great job thus far though, so just keep it up
70847
Oh thank goodness; dialogue is a huge weak spot for me, so if the characters seem to be speaking properly, a miracle has likely happened :D.
60045
I'm too much of a sappy mush for her to fail; it'll just... take a while. With possibly way too much descriptive narrative involved :D
59944
Their interactions are about to start; I am honestly terrified of writing them, so any concrit I can get will be HUGELY appreciated ;).
59884
I'll try to keep updates coming smoothly; I'm on winter break now, so there's really not much for me to do by write this and play Skyrim!
59760
Ah, sorry for all the unnecessary text. It's been my writing style since high school, and no matter how hard I try to break myself of it, it keeps coming back! But characters have actually spoken dialogue, so that's a huge step forward for me :).
And my I ask where the errors were? I've got two betas who help me with this fic, but we admittedly just spend most of our time giggling ridiculously while reading, so it doesn't surprise me we missed something!
59847
Working on it
75415 Eh, it's fine; it's how you write. If it's what works for you and it's how you feel happiest writing, then by all means keep doing it! I was just saying, personally, that I tend to get bored when stories try to just be TOO detailed. In a way, it's kinda like the author saying, "Hey, look at me! I know way more words in the dictionary than you do and now I'm gonna prove it by painstakingly drawing out each and every sentence in this story when it really doesn't need it! In your faces, foals!" Um...okay, that sounded kinda rude, but...heh, sorry, I just like giving examples. No matter what you do, I'm still excited to find out what happens in this story, since I do like Discord and when he's involved with Twilight in some way, it's always hilarious. Plus, he's not really that evil (in my eyes), so I like seeing how other authors write him.
As for the errors...hmm...I fear I already corrected them. When I find a story I like, I copy and save it to my computer so I can read it over and over again...and, I self-correct it while I read. I often don't tell the author, though, since I figure they don't really care. I'll try and see if I can find the errors...
The voice was elegant and refined, unmistakeably Rarity's. (Despite the fact that this word isn't exactly incorrect, the REAL spelling is "unmistakably" without the e. It's not technically wrong, but this is how it's spelled in the dictionary, and Microsoft Word tells me that your way isn't right, so...do with it what you will)
Honestly, I can't find the other (if they were even there) errors. So, really, you and your editors do a very good job, so don't fret. On a scale of 1-10, this is at least a 9.6 in terms of great spelling, grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and all that rot. Believe me, half of the stories on this site that I've read barely qualify to even reach 7.0, so you're a very good writer. Oh, but...here's another error:
And my I ask where the errors were? I've got two betas who help me with this fic, but we admittedly just spend most of our time giggling ridiculously while reading, so it doesn't surprise me we missed something! (This should be "may", you see. Please don't kill me for this.
)
75575
Oh man, you're right! Good lord, it never even occurred to me that I had been spelling that wrong my whole life. Fixed; thank you!
Ah, my pinkie finger misses another "a." Brilliant.
My editors are aware of the fact that I ramble like a nut when I write, so hopefully the prose won't get too ridiculous for anyone. It's something that I've always done, and I do try to spend some time during each editing session cutting down on length where it's not needed. I just like to talk a lot :P.
Thank you so much for your input!
75587 No problem; glad that you fixed that up. And blame your pinkie finger on Pinkie herself...I don't know why, but you may as well, right?
Yeah, I can tell that you enjoy talking. Honestly, I like that. Too many times you see people give one-word or one-sentence answers, which is really annoying. Talking a lot isn't really a bad thing; it means you put a lot of thought and heart in what you say...that or you just senselessly ramble without any real purpose and all you manage to do is anger and annoy those around you. But, alas, I like how you are. Even though I don't know you, you seem like a nice person; talkative, polite, funny, talented, and all that good stuff. Everything that a person likes to see in another...at least to me.
realely love it, hope the pace quickens in the next few chapters
77562
Wow, and here I thought I was going too quickly! My concept of pacing and normal people's concept of pacing are clearly two different things :). I'll try not to let things drag, but I'm hoping that I can portray all of these relationship changes in a realistic fashion, and that sort of thing simply does not happen quickly. Not unless there is some sort of huge catalytic circumstance.
Anyway, I'll try not to bore anyone. My betas know of my tendency to just keep yapping, so I'll tell 'em to keep me on a tighter leash :D
you've got the knack, bruski. update as often as life permits you. stylized and pure, pitch perfect picks for words. i particularly like that discord is capable of eschewing a little grammar. I know there are some hardwired folks who might object, but me? i'd absolutely love it as the longer discord's perspective holds, the more rules of writing break down until it's a stream of consciousness. a concentrated smack to the face of chaos at its best.
83124
Thank you kindly for the comment :).
Third chapter is well under way. And dang, you've basically given me license to shove some run-on sentences and fragments into Discord's bit. ....which basically means that I don't have to feel guilty for all the mush I've already written.
Hope my writing continues to please!
Awesome story, wish I could write like this.
Man, i´m getting tired waiting for this damn fic! Comeon! It´s been almost half a month!
101908
My apologies; life got rather busy with finals and holidays :).
You only have to wait... oh, a few more minutes, though :P.
An excellent chapter, looking forward to the next one!
Goody! I was hoping you'd update again; I missed this. The text walls were very annoying; don't you think you should maybe break them up sometimes? Plus, at the beginning and at the end, it just seemed like it was rambling on and on with senseless details that weren't really needed. Seriously, do we NEED to know every little millisecond of what Twilight and Discord were thinking? I suppose that, thanks to your stunning vocabulary and your attention to detail, you would think so. But, still...it just got SO winded. I think you could get the point across just fine without having to write SO much and trying to be SO perfect. Either way, though, it's still really good. I really like how you have Discord "talk", since it sounds just like him! Twilight is so cute and annoying; our favorite unicorn is just the same as ever. I don't really get Discord's "plan", but I'm sure I will later. This was a great chapter. Please continue.
in relation to the prior comment above mine: the text walls being annoying was part of the point. the early walls needed to be irritating even to us so we could really get a firm grasp of the chaotic nature of discord's brain.
i knew this would be a bit of a chore, but now we have the structure by which the events can proceed wonderfully; we even have obstacles to dance around. keep on truckin' muchaco.
I have to say, I am intruiged. Discord is flawlessly in character, and Twilight is as confused and uncertain as I'd expect her to be. Now, the pace seems to be a bit on the slow side, but that might be me being impatient. I understand building up things is very important.
If it weren't for the absence of dark/tragic/sad tags, I would be worried about events going very dark, very quickly. I'm not really a fan of grimdarkness. As it stands, the possibility of things going sideways without resorting to an excess of dark themes has me fascinated. I genuinely want to see where this is going and I'll be watching closely for updates.
This was an amazing story, soooooo looking forward to the next chapter
And then we were all *ed. Oh well, at least we get Chocolate Milk! 8D
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
For one that only has Romance as a tag, this story is certainly very interesting! Can't wait for the next chapter! I love how you write DisQord's thoughts, feelings, ect. Awesome!
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
Woo. Awesome stuff this.
102150
Oh, I'm glad you liked it; it was difficult for me to get through, and I still don't like how it came out, but at least it's made someone happy
102287
Ah, yes; the text walls/pointless meandering/on and on and on.
I'm glad someone's calling me out on it :P. So, let me tell you that I still don't like this chapter. I'm not sure I will ever like this chapter, and I have been writing and rewriting it for nearly a month with not even vague success in sight. Eventually, I gave up and threw it up here because... well, I think I'd done all I can do.
I will say that the Discord introspection bits are rambling and ridiculous because they are supposed to be. They were annoying as all hell to write, and I still can't really look at them without wanting to tear my hair out (which I think was the goal; I think). Reviewer beneath you has it right: I was trying to convey something of a chaotic mind that has trouble focusing on any one thing for more than a second. If it read in an annoying, hard to follow fashion, then I succeeded. For better or for worse. ....probably for worse, really. If not... well, I'm not that good of a writer, so failure is failure. I'll keep trying til I get it right.
As for the rest: agh, I just hate all of it at this point, and I can't really say why. My editors and I sat together for hours trying to figure out what to do with it. Both are very different writers, and one ended up liking it, while the other didn't. So in the end, I chalked it up to personal taste. Or something. Main thing was, this chapter was basically... two people talking. And the people talking were not physically together, so any sort of writing involving anything other than pure dialogue was going to have to be about thought and emotion. Nothing much else happening. I can say that we went through this silly thing multiple times, over multiple days, and regarding information tied to the rest of the fic, decided that nothing was really all right to throw away without resulting in missing info or messed up flow.
Not that the flow is that good now. It kinda sucks. Gah. I don't know. I'm going to read it again a few times myself (even though I sort of just want to kill it at this point
), and I might alter some things once I figure out what those things are.j
Thank you sincerely for your comment, and I hope it wasn't so bad as to turn you off the silly thing forever :).
102491
Well, it's good to see my attempt at that sort of writing somewhat worked. And yes, as far as I can tell with my limited skills, this was a necessary, if dull, chapter for the sake of later. Things should be picking up soon, though :).
Thank you for your comment!
104426
I'm glad you enjoy it :)
103005
I hope I did an all right job with Discord; writing his parts made my brain itch, and I'm still not sure I like them. But if it came off all right, then I guess it's okay :).
This story will get... I hesitate to use the word "dark," because in this fandom, that tends to mean gore and crazy violence and whatnot. There will be some violence eventually, and things will get serious, but it will not be without reason, and it will all resolve positively. I sort of wish they had a "drama" tag, or something similar, because that is the best way I can describe it, I suppose.
In my headcanon, which is essentially what this fic will be exploring, things between our two mains got very... unpleasant in the past. Unpleasant enough that they will not mend simply or quickly. It'll be a tough road, but hopefully we'll get there intact :). Well, if my pacing ever decides to normalize.
Next chapter should be more... plot-forward-y. Yes, that is a word.
Thank you for your comment!
103820
I am happy that you're enjoying the story so far!