• Published 8th Sep 2016
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Where No Pony Has Gone Before - RK_Striker_JK_5



Equestria makes contact with the Enterprise. Star Trek/MLP crossover.

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Chapter Eight

Uhura walked along Mane Street of Ponyville, tricorder open and whirring softly. She waved at residents of the town as they went about their day, ears picking up everything. Her tricorder recorded it all for later perusal and study.

All around her, ponies were going about their day. Shops were opening up. Open-air stalls were rolled into place by vendors, opened up, and wares pulled out for perusal and possible purchase. She stopped in front of one such vendor. An easel was set up, with a canvas on it. Several other canvases were in a neat pile on the side. The artist, an earth pony stallion, looked up at Uhura. He closed his right eye, narrowed the other, and held a hoof up. “Madam, let me paint you! Inspiration has struck!”

Uhura smiled. She placed her left hand on the back of her head and tilted her head back. “Why thank you, Mister...”

“Ponet, Miss Uhura. Please, pose for me, even if just for a moment. Your beauty is such that it must be captured for all time.” He gently picked a graphite pencil up with his teeth and held it in the side of his mouth, gripped by his teeth while his lips remained free. “With your permission, Miss Uhura?”

Uhura nodded to him, flashing a dazzling smile. “Don't let me stop you.”

Ponet spent the next few minutes glancing at Uhura, then sketching on the canvas. Several ponies gathered around him and Uhura as he worked. After a few minutes, he swung the easel around to face Uhura. On the canvas was a pencil sketch of Uhura. “Not my best work,” he admitted. “What do you think?”

Uhura reached out. “May I?” At his nod, she reached out and took the sketch off the easel. She looked it over, nodding. “It's absolutely wonderful.” She reached into a handbag slung over her shoulder and pulled out a gold coin. “I had some Federation credits exchanged for Equestrian currency.” She held it up to her eye and looked it over. “Is fifty bits enough?”

Ponet gasped. “Fifty bits? Miss Uhura, please, take it as a gift. I insist.” He looked around at the crowd gathered. Some of them had their forelegs raised and were asking about portraits. He looked back to Uhura and winked. “Besides, I think you just did my business a world of good.”

Uhura barked a laugh. She slid the coin back into her bag, waved goodbye to Ponet, and turned and walked off. She glanced from stall to stall, but her she quickly spotted a familiar-looking pegasus mare walking down the street, saddlebags half-filled with fruits and vegetables. It took a moment, but Uhura remembered her name. She smiled and waved to her. “Hello, Fluttershy. I didn't know you lived around here.”

Fluttershy's head shot up at her name, her body tensing slightly. She looked over her shoulder and relaxed as she spotted Uhura. “Oh, hello, Miss Uhura,” she said, turning around to face Uhura as she approached. “Sorry about that. It's been so busy with you and the Klingons showing up, I've neglected my animals a bit.” She waved a wing at the produce.

Uhura slowly nodded. “That does tend to happen when we show up in orbit. It can get very exciting and hectic during first-contact. Sometimes even dangerous.”

Fluttershy's ears folded down. “I wish I could say I was surprised.” She looked to the sky. “It must be so dangerous and scary up there. I know Rainbow Dash wants to fly up to your two ships and even take a flight in one of your, what did she call it, one of your shuttles?” At Uhura's nod, she continued. “I know she wants me to go up with her and Twilight, but I don't know. I still get slightly dizzy really high up.”

Uhura looked to the sky. “Well, like a wise man once said, it's a dangerous business, going out your door. You never know what's awaiting you. It's the same on the Enterprise. We never know what we'll find when we beam down to a planet.” She knelt down beside Fluttershy. “But you know what? That's what makes it worth it. Sometimes it's scary, sometimes it's not. But we'll never know unless we go.” She held out a hand. “It's the only way to meet new people, to meet new friends.”

Fluttershy's expression softened. She raised a foreleg and placed it in the palm of Uhura's hand, letting her gently grasp it. “You're right, Miss Uhura. It is the only way.” She paused. “Well, unless friends go to your door. Does that work?”

Uhura laughed. She slowly stood up, and spread her arms. She opened her mouth, and began to sing...

Uhura: "The universe is great, the universe is vast
Explore it and you will make friendships that last."
Fluttershy: "This big wide world is scary, at times it is hostile
But the friends that you make will make it worthwhile!"
Both: "The world's a scary place
But friends you meet will help you keep the pace!"

Fluttershy: "Outside your door, and into the unknown,
There are countless things to make you scared
But if you find friends, and don't go alone
Then fear is lessened as it's shared!"

Both: "The universe is great, the universe is vast
Explore it and you will make friendships that last!
The world is terrifying, but worth it in the end
If one time in ten you make a good friend!

"The universe is wide"
Fluttershy: "With forests of doom-"
Uhurua: "-And stars in the sky!"
Both: "The world is very strange"
Fluttershy: "With bisons, breezies-"
Uhurua: "-And culture exchange!"
Both: "The world is so diverse"
Uhura: "With Vulcans and Klingons-"
Fluttershy: "-Draconequus!"
Both: "Across all space and time
New friendships make discovery sublime!"

I can find the friends that I need
Near and far from home!
Fear will not stop me
As in my search for friends through the universe I roam!

There's friend throughout the world"
Fluttershy: "In Los Pegasus-"
Uhura: "-On Earth or Zakdorn!"
Both: "There's friends through time and space"
Fluttershy: "Up in Canterlot-"
Uhura: "-And back in Elas!"
Both: "Across the Galaxy"
Fluttershy: "Here in Ponyville-"
Uhura: "-Or further than Kzin!"
Both: "Those we meet on our way
Are the friends who will lighten up our day"

I can find the friends that I need
Near and far from home!
Fear will not stop me
As in my search for friends through the universe I roam!

The human and equine
Or horta, spirit, or crystalline!
The loyal and the kind
The strangers, allies, or unaligned!
The laughing ones who sooth
And those whose duty is to the truth!
The giving hearts and more
All the friends who make our spirit soar!

Life is like a song
With friends beside you to sing along!
True friends are what we need
Sometimes in words and sometimes in deed!"
Fluttershy: "Friendship is like a spark!"
Uhura: "...Yes it is!"
Both: "Across the universe
Our friends are there for us for better or worse!

I can find the friends that I need
Near and far from home!
Fear will not stop me
As in my search for friends through the universe I roam!"

Uhura's and Fluttershy's voices held the final note. All around them, ponies stood, transfixed on their duet. As their final note faded, they stomped the ground, cheering and whooping.

Uhura bowed at the waist. “Thank you, thank you!” She straightened up, but her smile quickly turned into a frown. She looked down. “Fluttershy, why did we start singing like that?”

Fluttershy looked up and winked at Uhura. “Oh, you'll get used to it.”


Scotty, Chekov, two other members of the Enterprise's crew, and two anti-grav sleds loaded down with several bottles and one large barrel, materialized in front of a two-story building on the edge of Ponyville.

Scotty looked the front of the building over, his eyes landing on the large wooden sign hanging from an awning. He smiled at the image on it, of a grinning pony standing next to an over-sized bowl filled with pinkish liquid. “I think I'm gonna like this place.” He walked up to the door, brow furrowing as he heard loud singing and banging inside. “I think Kellett and his group's already in there.”

Thelin, an Andorian male, walked up to Scotty. “Should we be expecting a fight?”

Scotty shook his head and waved him off. “No, laddie. We're not gonna be starting anything.” He brought his hands together and cracked his knuckles. “We'll finish anything they start, though.”

Chekov turned to the fourth person there, M'ress. “Things could get a little... heated in there, if last time we were at a bar with Klingons is any indication.”

M'ress nodded and patted Chekov on the shoulder. “Don't worry, Pavel. If anything goes down, I'll keep you safe.”

Chekov's jaw worked for a moment as M'ress walked towards Scotty and Thelin. “Well, I didn't mean it quite like that,” he muttered.

Scotty pushed the door open and stepped inside, the others and the sleds following close behind. They stepped into a large room, tables scattered all over the place. A rather long bar was at the back, the Punch Bowl's owner Berry Punch standing behind it. Rainbow Dash and Applejack sat to her left, while other ponies and two or three Klingons were scattered all around, sitting at tables or standing.

Kellett sat at a piano, another Klingon standing beside it. Kellett's fingers danced across the keys, his voice booming out over the piano, hers joining his as they sang their hearts out.

Every person in the bar was transfixed on the two. Rainbow Dash and Applejack both sniffed, their eyes watery. Berry Punch slid a stack of napkins over to the two. Rainbow Dash grabbed one and loudly blew her nose with it.

All too soon, their performance wound down, finally stopping. Even before the final note faded, the ponies stomped their hooves on the ground, while the Klingons all tilted their heads back and howled.

Chekov leaned in close to Scotty. “I... didn't know they sang like that,” he whispered.

Kellett stood up and faced Chekov. “There are many things you don't know about us. Our music is but one of them.” He walked up to Scotty. “Our liquor is another, but you'll soon have quite the education on it.” He turned his head. “Worf, Tarqus, the barrels!”

Two Klingons wheeled two large metal barrels into the center of the room. Worf pulled the tops off of them, while Tarqus grabbed a pair of metal mugs. She dipped them into the barrels, letting them fill with blood wine, then carried them over to Rainbow Dash, and placed them on the bar next to her.

The liquid sloshed slightly, spilling onto the bar. Where it hit, the wood smoked and bubbled.

Berry Punch slid her foreleg into the handle of a mug and banged it on the bar. “Okay, listen up!” she shouted. She waited for everyone to turn her way before continuing. “Just so I nip this in the bud, keep the fighting or brawling to a minimum. And no trashing the place. I've got Celestia's assurance that you'll behave yourselves. Well, at least as much as possible.”

Kellett looked to her. “Captain Kang swore an oath to that effect, Berry Punch. We will not dishonor our captain, nor ourselves, by breaking it.”

Scotty held his hands up. “Same with us, Miss Punch. We'll keep it as calm as we can.” He walked over to one of the sleds, picked up a bottle from it and held it up. “Now then, Miss Dash.” He walked over to the bar and set the bottle down next to the mugs. “Would you like to try some whisky, lass? Straight from Aberdeen itself, no less!”

Applejack leaned to her right and held a foreleg between Scotty and Rainbow Dash. “Hold on there, partner. It's not just liquor from beyond the stars.” She looked over her shoulder at a door set into the back wall. “Hey, Big Mac! Pull it in!”

The door opened. Big Mac walked into the bar, towing a large keg behind him. He parked it in front of Rainbow Dash and Applejack. “This all right, sis?”

Applejack grinned. “Yup. Thanks, Big Mac. Unhitch yourself and get a seat for some.”

One of the Klingons tossed his head back and laughed. “Is it that weak cider-water I've heard about? Why bother?”

Rainbow Dash began to protest, but Applejack waved her off. “Now, darling, no need to get your feathers in a twist. I'll admit, the cider we had at that party a couple days ago wasn't our strongest stuff. Didn't want anyone getting too drunk, you see.” She patted the side of the keg. “This here, however? It's from our special stock.”

Kellett rubbed his beard. “Is this what your Granny Smith has been brewing in your barn, Applejack?” He knelt down and looked the keg over. “I will try this!”

Rainbow Dash flew up and over. She looked the keg over, then dropped down next to Applejack. “Wait, Granny Smith's been brewing this?” She rubbed her hooves together and cackled. “Oh, this is gonna be good!”

Applejack pointed back at the bar. “Why don't you down some of that there blood wine or whisky first, Dash? You've had Granny Smith's special brew before. Remember?”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “I'm a little fuzzy on the details, Applejack. Shows how good that last batch was.” She flew back to the bar and grabbed one of the mugs. She peered into the top, eyeing the red liquid inside.

Berry Punch carried a pair of glasses over to Applejack. “I think you two should sample the local wares.”

Applejack nodded to her. She took the glasses and filled each one with cider the colors of the rainbow, sparkling and shimmering. “Bottoms up, gentlemen!” she said, hoofing a glass to Scotty and Kellett.

The two looked their glasses over, brows furrowing. Kellett and Scotty looked to each other, locking eyes.

Scotty held his glass up in salute. “Bottoms up, Mister Kellett?”

Kellett hesitated for a second, but nodded and returned the salute. “Bottoms up, Mister Scott.”

With that, both tipped their glasses back. Silence descended over the Punch Bowl as they took a long sip. Scotty and Kellett slowly lowered their glass from their mouths, gasping slightly. Scotty wobbled a bit, but managed to stay vertical. Kellett looked his glass over, blinking rapidly. After a few more seconds, both straightened up and drained half their glass.

Everyone turned to Rainbow Dash, still holding the mug of blood wine. She held it up to her muzzle and sniffed. “Good bouquet.” She finally sipped some, swirled it about in her mouth, and swallowed. Her wings shot out and her eyes widened. “Oh, this is some of the good stuff!” She drained the mug, then tossed it to the floor with a clatter. “Okay, so how's about some of that whisky?”

Kellett's eyes narrowed. “You're still flying?” He grinned. “You're made of sterner stuff than I thought!”

Chekov walked up to Rainbow Dash and held up a square glass bottle. “Miss Dash, instead of that weak whisky, why not try some of Earth's finest alcohol?” He held the bottle up. “Here, vodka! Straight from Mother Russia herself!”

Scotty placed a hand on Chekov's shoulder. “Belay that, Pavel! The lass wants the good stuff!”

Rainbow Dash nickered. She floated over, shoved her forelegs between the two, and separated them. “Okay, hold it, you two. Who said I can't try both vodka and whisky? Hay, why don't you two try some blood wine?” She grabbed the mug she had earlier tossed, flew to the barrel, refilled it and flew back to them. “It's pretty awesome!”

Kellett grinned. He grabbed the second mug from the bar and held it out in front of Scotty and Chekov. “Well, earthers. Care for a real drink?”

Scotty sniffed. “I would, Mister Kellet, but I think I'll settle for your blood wine.” He took the mug from him, but looked to his bottle. “Care to try some whisky?”

Kellett took the bottle, pulled the stopper out with his teeth, and spat it into the air. He took a swig from it, swallowing it down. He coughed and shook his head. “Smooth...” he croaked out.

Chekov slowly shook his head. “Ooh, perhaps it would be best if you held off from sampling the vodka. If whisky does that to you, vodka might knock you out!” He took the mug of blood wine Rainbow Dash had and took a long sip from it. Almost immediately after swallowing, he dropped it from his lips and sputtered. “мой!”

Kellett barked a laugh, then handed Rainbow Dash the bottle of whisky. She took a long swig from it, then dropped it and licked her lips. “Dang, that's goooood!” She took a big gulp, draining half the bottle. “Okay, what about that vodka? Ooh, Applejack, I still gotta sample what you and Big Mac brought, too!”

M'ress, sitting at a table with Big Mac, looked to him. “How strong is her constitution?”

Big Mac chuckled. “Pretty strong, Miss...”

“Lieutenant M'ress, Big Mac.”

Big Mac nodded. “Thanks. Well, like I was saying, there was this one time last Nightmare Night she really got soused. Managed to hit a sonic rainboom while flying backwards!”

M'ress slowly nodded. “Sounds impressive, even if I'm not sure what a sonic rainboom is.”

Applejack walked over and placed a glass of zap-apple cider in front of Big Mac and M'ress. “Enjoy!”

M'ress took the proffered glass and held it up. “I wonder how the colors stay separate.” She looked to Big Mac. “Family secret?”

Big Mac grinned. “Yup.”

M'ress drank a bit of the cider. She lowered the glass to the table, a grin spreading across her mouth. “Smooth,” she purred out.

Worf walked over, two mugs of blood wine in his hands. He placed one in front of M'ress, the other in front of Big Mac, then waved at the mugs. “Drink!”

Big Mac's eyes narrowed. “Come again?”

Worf pointed to the drinks. “You have not had any blood wine. The purpose of this gathering is to sample unfamiliar drinks. Therefore, I offer you two the finest drink in the Empire!”

M'ress looked to Big Mac. “For a Klingon, that's rather polite.” She pointed to Big Mac's still-untouched glass. “If that's the case, would it be all right if Mister Worf has your cider, Big Mac?”

Big Mac nodded and slid the glass of cider over in Worf's direction. “Only if he sits down and enjoys it with us. That'd be might neighborly of him.”

Worf pulled out one of the other chairs and sat down. He picked the glass of cider up and looked it over. He downed half the glass, dropping it to the table. “This is a warrior's drink!” he said, eyes wide.

Big Mac looked down at the half-empty glass of cider. “I guess that's one way of putting it...” He slid his foreleg into the mug's handle and held it in front of M'ress. “To your health, M'ress!”

M'ress grabbed her own mug and lightly tapped it against Big Mac's. “And to yours, Big Mac.”

The two drank some of the blood wine. M'ress lowered the half-full mug from her lips. Her eyes crossed slightly and her head wavered back and forth.

Big Mac, meanwhile, slowly drained almost the entire mug. He lowered it from his muzzle and smiled. “Makes me feel slightly warm.” He looked to Worf and smiled. “Thanks, partner. I'll get you a new glass of cider, if you'll fill me up on more blood wine. Deal?”

Worf rubbed his chin. “An equitable exchange.”

M'ress' ears twitched. “'E-equitable'?” She purred, grinning widely. “Pretty big word there, Worf.” She suddenly giggled. “Wordy Worf!”

Worf barked a laugh. “Maybe for some of my crewmates. Not for me.” he looked to Big Mac. “I did not realize we had such a lightweight among us. The Federation is not quite as strong as it appears to be.”

Big Mac snorted. “Now, now. I remember when I had my first taste of the strong stuff. Put me on my haunches for a bit. Can't tell you the details because, well... I don't remember the details.”

Worf nodded and raised his glass in salute. “Then it was a good time.” And with that, he drained the rest of the cider. Within seconds, he dropped the glass to the table and coughed a few times.

M'ress bared her fangs in a grin. “You were saying something earlier, Mister Worf?”

Worf, still coughing slightly, waved her off. “Unless–hack!–you have that recorded, I will deny any such statement!”

M'ress' brow furrowed. “What about Big Mac?” she asked, pointing at him with an extended claw. “He heard what you said.”

Worf waved her off. “He's drunk. Who would trust his memory?”


Scotty, Kellett, Applejack, Chekov, and Rainbow Dash all sat at the bar, Berry Punch opposite them. The other patrons were all gathered around them, most of them at least a little wobbly on their feet or hooves.

Near the back, M'ress was slumped over in a chair, eyes glazed over and purring softly. Worf sat next to her, looking somewhat dazed. Big Mac was still downing shots of blood wine, although he was moving slower with each shot.

Several bottles and glasses were lined up at the bar. Berry Punch pointed to each one as she spoke. “Okay, this is for 'official' taste-testing.”

Applejack's brow furrowed. “Well, what was before?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Fun.”

Berry Punch pointed to each container. “Okay, we've got whisky and vodka from Earth,” she said, pointing to bottles with a clear liquid, and one a smoky brown. She motioned to a long-necked container with a pale, amber-colored liquor in it. “We've got saurian brandy.” She slid over to the blood wine, and a bottle with a pale, flame-colored liquid in it that had sparks dancing within. “We've got blood wine and fire wine from Qo'noS.” She looked up at Kellett. “Seriously, is that actually made with blood?”

Kellett grinned. “Does it matter, Berry Punch?”

Berry Punch tilted her head back and forth. “Hmm... nah.” She looked back down, this time at a carafe with a brown liquid. “And this is raktajino?”

Kellett nodded. “The closest equivalent would be a human beverage known as 'coffee'. It's not alcoholic, but it is a popular beverage in the Empire.”

Berry Punch nodded. “Makes sense to me. I have a feeling we'll be needing some of that tomorrow.” She paused in front of a squared-off bottle filled with blue liquid. “And this is...”

Kellett snatched the bottle and held it up. “Romulan ale?” He looked to Scotty, a grin forming on his face. “I thought this was contraband in the Federation. I knew there was a reason I liked you!” He reared back and slapped Scotty on the back, belting out a laugh.

Scotty grunted and surged forward, barely stopping himself from hitting the bar. “Oof, laddie! Watch it!” He straightened back up and tugged the front of his shirt down. “There are certain... advantages to being this far out on the frontier.” He gingerly took the bottle back and placed it down on the bar. “Miss Dash, Miss Punch, are you lasses ready?”

Berry Punch set six eight-ounce glasses in front of each bottle. She gingerly poured from each bottle into the glasses around it. “Okay. We'll each take a drink of each beverage. Don't go too quickly. Make sure to swallow it down before proceeding to the next drink. The raktajino will be last. Any questions?” At their silence and shrugs, she grinned. “Then let us begin!” With that, she grabbed the glass of whisky between her hooves, brought it up to her lips and slowly, but steadily, drained it dry. She wiped her mouth, grinned, then quickly picked up the vodka. Within a few seconds, that too disappeared down her gullet.

Applejack followed soon after. She downed the whisky. “Smooth!” she said, sighing happily. She looked down the line of drinks and licked her lips.

Rainbow Dash slurped hers down. She dropped the glass to the bar and licked her lips. “Just as smooth as the last ten!” She backstroked through the air to the next one, grabbed it and downed it just as quickly. She looked to Scotty, Chekov, and Kellett. “Come on, you three!”

Scotty and Chekov exchanged a glance. “Has she been drinking water all this time?” Chekov asked.

As the three slowly drank their whisky, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Berry Punch finished off their own drinks, finally stopping at the raktajino. They each picked up a cup, tapped them together and drank it down. Rainbow Dash dropped her cup to the bar and licked her lips. “Dang, that's good.” She looked to Scotty, Chekov, and Kellett as they slowly drank the fire wine. “What is with you three?”

Chekov paid her no mind as he stepped up to the Romulan ale. His right hand shot out, missing the glass twice. He finally leaned back, closed his right eye and managed to wrap his right hand around it, followed by his left. He gingerly brought it up to his lips, paused, then tilted it back and drank it down. He lowered the glass back to the bar and firmly placed it back on the bar. “Now, don't go anywhere,” Chekov said, waggling a finger at it. He looked back up, smiled... and his eyes rolled into the back of his head as he toppled forward.

Scotty and Kellet both grabbed him by an arm. They lifted him up onto one of the bar stools, sat him down on it and leaned him back against the brass railing. “He's well past his limit,” Scotty said. As he stood back up, he wobbled back and forth and rubbed his forehead. “And I think I'm near mine, too.”

Kellett barked a laugh. “It's been a glorious evening. We might not remember it, but still glorious.” He turned his head to the mares as they chatted, Rainbow Dash taking the bottle of Romulan ale and pouring herself another drink. “We lost before we even came into the Punch Bowl,” he said, rubbing his beard.

Scotty's brow furrowed. “What do you mean, laddie?”

Kellett shrugged. “They're much denser than we are. They can absorb more alcohol than us.”

Applejack slammed a hoof on the bar. “Hey, what's 'denser' supposed to mean, exactly?”

Kellett slowly turned to her. “It means you can drink more and it will affect you less.”

Applejack nodded and smiled. “Well, then! Not so bad.” She took another swig of Romulan ale and sighed happily.

Scotty's eyes narrowed. “That's pretty... intelligent of you to say, Mister Kellett.”

Kellett spun around. He raised a hand, but dropped it to the bar to steady himself. “Ooh, too fast.” He sucked in several breaths before speaking. “Does that surprise you, Mister Scott? Does a Klingon having knowledge beyond how to kill and scheme shock you?” His expression fell. “I cannot blame you if it does.”

A shadow seemed to fall over Kellett. He leaned heavily on the bar and waved a hand at the table Worf sat at. “That is Worf. He is smart, deductive. He thinks about what the consequences of his actions will be. He is bad with a disruptor or blade. His weapons are words. But in the Empire as it is, the only real way for him to advance is through battle and killing.”

Kellett patted his chest. “I love my engines. I love tinkering with them, making them more efficient. I'm fair with a blade, but I much prefer a tricorder.”

Applejack leaned in. “Is... thinking really not all valuable in your empire? I mean I'm not exactly one to talk, but seems a bit extreme, the way you're describing it.”

Kellett leaned against the bar, almost letting it support his weight. “I suppose, Applejack. The warriors and fighters hold most of the political power in the Empire. It was not always so, but that is how it's become.” The ghost of a smile crossed his lips. “I am lucky that Kang is my captain. He values thinking. He knows that not everyone can wield a blade, not everyone must fight and kill and die. Everything in life is a battle. You, Applejack, fight hunger. You, Rainbow Dash, fight bad weather. How you do such things I am still unclear on, but you still fight your own battles.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I'm just that awesome, Kellett. And a pegasus, so weather-management is part and parcel of my package.”

Kellett nodded. “And you, Berry Punch, you fight unhappiness and thirst.”

Berry Punch smiled and raised a glass of blood wine in Kellett's direction before downing it in one gulp.

Scotty glanced down at the floor. “Never thought I'd... hear a Klingon speak like this, Mister Kellett.”

Kellett looked down at his empty mug. “I never thought I'd be in a bar with an earther and not punching them out.” He raised the mug to his nose and sniffed it. “Did you ponies put something into this when we weren't looking?”

Berry Punch nickered. “I'd prefer not to lose my liquor license, Kellett.”

Applejack spoke up. “That sort of thing happens in Equestria, Kellett. You make friends. I mean, Klingons make friends, right? Captain Kang seemed pretty friendly when I met him at Pinkie's party. He argued a bit with Captain Kirk, but it didn't really get too bad. Hay, I've had worse rows with Rarity and Rainbow Dash.”

Scotty and Kellett exchanged a rather uneasy look. “It is different with us, Applejack,” Kellett finally said. “Our nations have been on the brink of outright war more than once. The Federation hems us in, denies us much-needed resources.”

Scotty straightened up and jabbed a finger at Kellett. “And you Klingons have run roughshod over innocent species all over the place. If it-”

Rainbow Dash flew up, over, and dropped down between Kellett and Scotty. She unfurled her wings and thrust her forelegs out, separating the two. “Not here, you two. And not now. Just... clink glasses together and don't fight. You two, make the choice not to fight. Just be cool with each other here.”

Scotty and Kellett locked eyes with each other. After a moment, Scotty held out his mug. “Here, we won't fight. Like back on the Enterprise.

Kellett snorted, but he clinked his mug with Scotty's. “Rainbow Dash... is right. Here, now, we are not enemies. We shall drink, get horribly hungover and tell very tall tales of our exploits!”

Scotty raised his mug to his lips, but before he could sip, the Punch Bowl's front door slammed open. A sextet of yaks muscled through, spreading out. “Yaks thirsty!” the leader bellowed. He trotted up to the bar and slammed a hoof onto the bar, rattling it and sending everyone jumping into the air. “Yaks want cider! Hard cider!”

Berry Punch's eyes narrowed. She cantered over to the yaks. She stood up and placed her forelegs on the bar, allowing her to stare into his eyes. “Is there any chance you could phrase that a little more polite?” she asked, a brittle smile forming on her muzzle.

The yak growled, his bushy beard bouncing on the bar. “That was polite! You want yaks to be rude? Yaks can be rude!” He slammed both hooves on the bar, splintering the wood.

Scotty, Kellett, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack all walked or flew over to the yaks. “Laddie, you're paying for that,” Scotty said, cracking his knuckles.

One of the other yaks spun about. “Keep out of this, strangely-shaped thing! We yaks want cider, and we get cider!”

Kellett's hand went to his belt, but stopped before he unsheathed his d'k tahg. He instead jabbed a finger at the yak. “You would be wise to apologize to Berry Punch and pay for damages caused.”

The yak snarled. He slammed a hoof into Kellett's chest, sending him stumbling back a bit. “We yaks get cider!” he bellowed.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash maneuvered behind Kellett, stopping from falling and hitting the floor. He nodded to them. “Thank you, friends.” He looked to Berry Punch, who merely nodded. With a loud shout, he hurled himself upon the yak, fists swinging and managing to punch him right between the eyes.

Berry Punch shrugged. “Well, they did start it.” And with that, she leaned over, grabbed a bottle with her mouth, and smashed it over the yak leader's head.

Scotty grabbed his mug tightly in his hand. He rushed the yak Kellett was tangled up with and swung at the yak, hitting him square in the side of the face. The yak's head snapped to the right, a tooth flying out.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack exchanged a look. “Well, guess all bets are off!” Applejack shouted. She reared back and shouted, “Yee-hah!” before galloping forward towards the yaks, Rainbow Dash following.

The two ponies surrounded one of the yaks, separating him from the others. He swung at the ponies, but they danced around him. Rainbow Dash flew up and over him, landing right on his helmet and pushing it down over his eyes. As he stumbled about, Applejack pulled a lasso out of her saddlebags and flung it, wrapping it around the horns of his helmet. She yanked back with all her might, sending the braying yak into a spin the that sent him crashing into a table–the table Big Mac, M'ress, and Worf sat at.

M'ress woke with a jolt. She let out a hiss and raised her hands, claws extending from them. As the yak grunted and struggled in the splintered remains of the table, she raked them across his flank. Big Mac, meanwhile, turned and kicked the yak hard with his hind legs. The yak flew across the bar, hitting a wall and bouncing off of it.

The other yaks let out bellows and shouts. They stomped and pawed at the floor, but the other patrons soon surrounded them, shouting and waving hooves or hands in the air. One of the yaks charged forward, tossing her head about and knocking several ponies about. Thelin and Worf flanked her, ducking her horns. Thelin tackled her, knocking her legs out from under her while Worf swung a chair at her head.

The fighting continued for several more minutes, a few other tables and chairs being demolished. The front door opened once more, this time five unicorns clad in the armor of the Royal Guard galloping in. They spread out, their horns lighting up. Within seconds, everyone was enveloped in their magic and floated into the air, separated from everyone else.

Scotty looked to Kellet and chuckled. “Well, party's over, I guess.”

Above the bar, Chekov suddenly snapped awake. He rubbed his forehead. “Oh...” He blinked and looked around. “What did I miss?”

Author's Note:

1. Thanks to Darkstarling and sun tzu for pre-reading.

2. REALLY BIG THANKS to sun tzu for writing the duet between Uhura and Fluttershy. AlchemyStudent, if you ever do a reading of this fic, you better credit him for that!

3. The duet's set to this song:

4. Tarqus is based off Crewman 6 from Day of the Dove. She, along with Mara, are the very first female Klingons we see in the franchise. Unfortunately, the name of the actress herself is unknown, so I cannot give proper credit.

5. Worf is a young future Colonel Worf from Star Trek VI.

6. Thelin is from the Star Trek Animated Series.

7. M'Ress is also from the Star Trek Animated Series.