Glassy dark labyrinth
High in the sky, Spike and Lyra were still nothing more than spectators. There was a screen in front of them that showed what was happening. They saw how Fernando trapped himself inside the building in his panic and the fighting scene. Every time someone said something, it came with a box of text, including Fernando's thoughts.
"This is bad." said Spike "If this continues, they'll end up killing him!"
"But we can't do anything to stop them right now" responded Lyra with impotence.
"I know, but if they kill him, we will be like accomplices!" he commented, exaggerating the situation.
"Don't worry. Princess Celestia will unders-" Lyra started to say, but she was interrupted by the sudden apparition of Discord.
"Hello to you two!" he greeted
"Discord!" the pony and dragon said at the same time "What do you want?" finished Spike
"You're probably wondering why you're here while the Elements are down there at the hunt of our little human, am I right?" the draconequus asked. The other two nodded in affirmation. "Well, since it will take some time for him to reach the next one, or for one of them to find him, I decided to speed up the things and make things harder for him"
"What are you talking about?" Lyra asked with suspicions "Is this a trick to make us kill him?
"You could see it like that, but I better explain it to you with an example" Discord answered, and pulled a table out of the air. He set it on the floor that was made of glass, and unfolded a map of Las Pegasus on the top of it. There were seven moving spots moving around the map of Las Pegasus. Six were red and the other one was blue, and they had the name of the pony, and human, that they represented. "This is what you will do. You'll take this pencil," he showed them a pencil "and you will draw over the map like this" he then drew a circle in the middle of a random street.
A second screen appeared and it showed the same street, but a pitfall had appeared on it.
"You will draw obstacles to guide Fernando or to force him to advance".
Spike and Lyra were paying full attention, and they thought that it was actually a good idea to help.
"Just one rule," Discord continued, holding a finger up "you can't make a dead end. That wouldn't be fun and I would just take away your role".
Spike and Lyra nodded and began to draw as much things as possible to stop Fernando.
Meanwhile, with Fluttershy, after she teleported away from Fernando, she went directly to the pony that was the closest to her, which was Twilight. She immediately started to cry and, although a little awkwardly, hugged Twilight with her front hoofs and some tentacles, searching for a some consolation.
"It was horrible Twilight. He was only there watching me, and even then he was dying. My sole presence was enough to half kill him" she sobbed. Twilight was shocked when she saw Fluttershy appear so suddenly and hugged, still not used to see her in this form, but it didn't take long for her to remember that this still was the same shy pegasus and she started to comfort her.
"Don't worry Fluttershy. You didn't do that on purpose and he is still alive, right?" she told to the faceless pegasus.
"Bu-but he almost died, Twilight! Because of me! Because of a monster!" she exclaimed still in despair
"No, you're not a monster." Twilight started to say with a comforting smile "Look at you, you're hugging me because you harmed somepony, and you feel horrible about it. Would a monster act like that?"
"I guess it wouldn't?"
"That's right! You only look different, and you're still the same kind pegasus that wants to help everypony!" Twilight exclaimed
"But how will I help you?" asked Fluttershy.
"You said that he started to lose health when he started to see you," Twilight said with a knowing tone "so you only need to stay hidden behind him, approach him and catch him! That way we will beat this game"
"That sounds like a good plan" Fluttershy said more calmly. She looked to the timer and saw that there were still nineteen hours left. "Okay. I seem to know exactly were he is every moment, so I'll go there" she said determined and with new found confidence, but as soon as that confidence appeared, it went away. Twilight watched Fluttershy go from a confident pose to hide what would have been her face behind her mane.
"What's wrong, Fluttershy?" she asked concerned
"I don't remember how to teleport" she responded sheepishly. Twilight facehoofed.
After being taken from his place in reality and thrown in another place of the city, Fernando fell head first to the floor.
"That was on purpose, right Discord?" he asked, not expecting a response
He stood up and rubbed the sore spot on his head while scanning his surroundings. He was, once again, in the middle of the street, and after leaving the proximity of where he touched the Random Power UpDown, he was once again back to normal. He looked around for a place to hide, but almost all of the buildings were in ruins, and the others had the entrance blocked.
There weren't any alleys where he could hide, so he started to walk as close to the walls as possible so he would be a little harder to spot from the sky. He walked for some minutes, glancing every once in a while to the timer, which by now read eighteen hours and forty two minutes, but stopped when he saw something strange in the middle of the street.
"Why is there a hole in the middle of the street?" he thought to himself while observing the same hole that was drawn some minutes ago by Discord.
He didn't have a lot of time to ponder about this, because the ground to his sides started to rise and gradually close themselves, creating a tunnel and pulling Fernando in an almost complete darkness.
For his part, Fernando was on a full new level of confusion (that he decided to call 'Equestria level') and tried to blindly move around in the recently formed tunnel. He knew the general direction of the hole, so he started to move in the opposite direction.
While walking in what he hoped was a straight line, he didn't notice that the tunnel was growing some extra walls, that turned it into a labyrinth.
Fernando's POV
I walked through the dark tunnel without knowing where I was heading. I didn't know if it was another one of Discord's twisted games or if all of this was part of the same darned game, but I did know that it sucked. I didn't walk for too long before finding the first wall.
"I thought I was in the middle of a street?" I thought while deciding if I should go left or right. That's when I noticed that instead of a street I was in what appeared to be a labyrinth, and after that I noticed the faint glow that seemed to emanate from above. Looking up, I notice that the same letters that were supposed to be my thoughts shined bright enough for me to see were I was going. "Ha! I guess my bright mind has once again saved me!" he thought and made the body gestures of a chuckle at his own pun "All I have to do is to keep thinking, so... aaaaaaah... (you know where I'm going with this)".
I continued to walk around while mentally repeating the same sound for enough time to give myself a headache. My suspicions were confirmed when I turned five more times in the tunnel, or should I say labyrinth, and now I had this sensation of being stalked.
When I turned for what I counted to be the tenth time, I found out who my stalker was, and that not only in the real life your voice can go up some octaves.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!" were my thoughts when I saw the figure of Slendershy. I was frozen in place, and she still had to make an action.
I don't know how much time I spent there, but the sound of her voice, that still was the same, made me snap back to reality.
"I know he is somewhere around here, but I just wish it wasn't so dark" she said, apparently scared of the dark. That made me remember that Discord was the only other one that could see the subtitles above my head, so I had some advantage right now that I would not waste.
Slowly stepping back, I manage to get some meters between me and the corner from where I saw her, until I bump into something that didn't felt like a wall
"Is it you, Fernando?" Fluttershy asked through her faceless head, and I could swear that the chin moved exactly like when you talk.
I don't respond, and instead start to run without a direction in mind. As far as I remember, if I look at Slenderman in the game I lose sanity, which is the equivalent of the health, which is the equivalent of me getting back to my old life again, and since I've been staring at her too long in the last minutes, I fear that I'm about to 'die'.
Looking to my health bar, I sighed in relief when I discovered that I still had more than half of the bar filled with red, but because of this distraction, I run straight into a wall.
I rubbed my forehead and look behind me. Luckily, Fluttershy is no longer anywhere close, but I couldn't get confident right away.
Continuing with my deep thoughts of the letter 'a', I walk around some more, my headache increasing with each passing second and the squeak of my steps didn't help at all.
"Wait, squeak?" I thought before looking down.
The ground seemed normal, but in closer inspection, I see that my feet are sinking a little. I got a pondering face and make a steep, and when my foot sinks in the floor, the squeak is heard.
"Well, what did I expect from Wacky land?" I thought before sensing a presence behind me. I stand still and reach with a hand to whatever is there, and I could feel fabric, some buttons, and the shape of a tie.
"Would you... if you're okay with it... um, let yourself get captured?" I heard.
"I would like to kindly decline your offer" I thought in sarcasm before starting to run again.
This time, however, I don't even get to make a turn before I get snatched from the ground by an overly large tentacle.
"I'm sorry, but I can't let you get corrupted by Discord's power" apologized Fluttershy when he was in front of her
"Wait, what?! Just what the beeping beep did you tell them this time, Discord?" I thought angrily while struggling against her hold.
An orange timer appeared above the both of them with a flashing thirty that started to count back to zero, which I supposed was my time to free myself, and I couldn't think of how to get myself free. I stopped struggling to concentrate more, but with already half of my time gone, I was quickly losing hope.
"A-are you okay?" asked Fluttershy when I stopped moving. I ignored her and resigned to my fate, which would be sealed in another ten seconds.
Even in the dark, you could tell that I was surprised when Fluttershy put me back to the ground with a few seconds left in the orange timer, which returned to thirty and disappeared.
"Oh no, oh no, oh no..." I heard Fluttershy repeat multiple times. "Maybe I was too rough when I grabbed him, maybe he stared at me for too long, maybe..." she continued to muse explanations to something unknown to me while pacing around.
My 'a's changed to actual thoughts when I tried to explain her actions to myself. "She probably can't see my health bar, and she thinks that I'm dead. Knowing that everything in this place is far too innocent, she probably thinks that she killed me... aaand that gives me a chance!".
Veeery slowly, I move along the floor, not putting too much pressure as to not trigger the squeaking sound of the floor, and manage to turn a corner without her noticing me.
When I think that I was out of her sight, I stand up and start to run away. To my relief, I soon find a light at the end of the tunnel, and triumphantly I ran to it. At first, the light blinded me, but I didn't stop. I was too lost in my ecstasy to fully care where I was going, and for the second time in a hour I hit a wall.
Rubbing the exact same spot from the last time, I notice that there appears to be no wall in front of me, but when I extend my hand, I found that there was a solid piece of glass that blocked my path. Looking around, I notice that there's another me some meters away!
I approached myself, and I try to touch me, the other me trying the same thing, but instead of feeling another hand, I feel a cold wall, meaning that it is just a mirror.
A horrible memory of my past returns to me from the time I entered that glass house at a local fair, and I was stuck in there for five hours until the people there remembered how to get to where I was.
"That was bad enough, but with a Slenderman after me it's as if someone was controlling this" I thought with irony, knowing that somewhere else, perhaps sometime else Discord was laughing at me with whatever strange creatures he called friends.
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Will this ever get better for him?
All he wants to do is go home...
For a soul lost in Equestria...:forever alone... ajsleepy:
Ok, this is just getting annoying. You've already excessively padded the story out past one ending with the extremely stupid addition of Discord with almost no foreshadowing or warning and now it's just more and more horrible things getting dumped on the main character. Guess what? That's not fun to read. Chapters like this don't advance the plot at all and are basically the literary equivalent of filler. Some actual progress in the story would be nice.
1819100
The unicorns write using their magic, so in my thoughts all of their handwriting (magicwriting?) is practically the same
So when are you going to continue this?
1823049
.
, not to mention that I don't know anyone with the time to proof-read this.
Constructive criticism please
I know that I'm bad at writing. The english is not my native language and I was only fourteen years old when I started to write this
1822805
I will have another chapter when the time is right (here's a hint: before the week ends)
1823888That could mean 2 different things. By Sunday, or by Friday. I consider Friday the end of the week (school man... fucking school)
But hey, if you need help thinking of ideas, give me a call (obviously not literally) and I'll try to help brainstorm.
1823927
Luckily, I'll have vacations since this thursday, so I'll have more time to write, and I already have planned all of the story, but I if you want, you can help me to edit my chapters before publishing them and give me some tips on what to write
1823951Hey, whaddya know. Thursday's my last day of school before Christmas break.
Oh god, this makes... I think 5 now. Okay I can only think of 3 others at the moment, but I have a gut feeling I'm forgetting one. Well, I accept anyways. I do so enjoy helping others out with their works. By the way, I can tell I'm going to be "working" on your chapters a lot. Trust me man, I noticed a LOT of mistakes in this story. Though the one downside to being an editor is that I usually end up reading a chapter on a word or google document instead of on fimfiction.
And another editing job?
Wait a minute, just remembered. Remembered the fourth story I'm editing. Here's the list:
Finally at Las Pegasus by Alicornian
A Feline's Point of View by Zman537
D Reincarnation by Emma Iveli
The Element of Willpower by Redwolf15
Note, I didn't start editing most of those until the most recent chapters. Still, I am editing those, so check 'em out if you want.
1824342
Thank you very much!
Um... This is the first time that I have an editor, so should I send you the chapters in a .doc archive or with Google Docs? Or you will point out my errors directly on Fimfiction?
1825053I'm used to people emailing me google or word documents. I fix the errors on my computer, then send them back fixed. I'll pm you with my email address. But be warned that I don't normally check my email, what with it being spammed with notifications from fimfiction, so please pm me when you send it to me.
1825380
Ok, as soon as I finish the next chapter I'll mail to you the google doc.
1826404And also pm me on this site, so I know to check my email.
An Interesting story so far. The grammar and spelling mistakes are pretty had to look at sometimes. If KnightmareKnight doesn't have the time, I could also help with that. I'm not really doing anything right now either other than working on my story.
1851936
Really? Thank you very much! I think NightmareKnight is probably grounded, so I would like the help