The End of All Things
Shining Armor's climb back to the castle's guest room was the single longest walk he'd ever experienced. Every step felt like a furlong. Twilight's spell had clearly done something, whatever she believed, but was it the correct something? The sky was the proper color. The grass was green under the moonlight. The delicate ice-cream stalagmite of Canterlot still clung to the side of the Canterhorn like a single frame of a fashionista performing a choreographed twirl around a lamppost. Everything looked perfectly ordinary.
He paused for a moment at the door. Then he decided that it did not behoove a stallion of action to tarry at portals. The future was the future, after all, and unless he felt confident asking his little sister to keep rolling dice with the cosmos—which he did not—it was best not to continue to dwell in suspense. Best get on with it, really. Strike while the iron was hot. Something like that.
So, after spending the time span of multiple sentences explaining to himself why he shouldn't delay opening the door, Shining Armor opened the door.
His wife wasn't yelling at the ant farm any more. That much was a heartening sign. She was not, however, immediately in view. Hesitantly, Shining pushed the door open further.
The first thing he noticed was the box.
It was huge, and dark, and contained within its depths a host of dancing arcane sparks. Near the top of the box were rows and rows of crudely depicted changeling invaders marching inexorably downward. Occasionally the box would make a little whizzing sound, accompanied by a small squee of satisfaction from the beanbag chair planted in front of it.
Draped across the beanbag was a rumpled swath of pink alicorn. She was staring intently into the box and fiddling with some buttons on a tiny panel in front of the beanbag with her hooves. A spoon was suspended in a pale blue telekinetic field spare inches above a bowl of cereal. No, wait—not cereal. To his dawning dismay, Shining Armor noticed that the bowl was full of extracted marshmallow bits from a box of Magic Charms cereal—specifically the heart-shaped ones.
The pink alicorn looked up from her wooshing, bleeping box. Her face lit up in an expression of joy.
Oh no, thought Shining Armor.
"Hail, sweet husband!" bellowed Cadance, knocking him backwards out of the room. "How fared your adventure with the destiny-alteration spell?"
Shining struggled vainly for a moment to upright himself in the hall outside the door. "Went great, honey!" he said, with the feeling of a cavern opening in his gut. "No complaints!" Shining tried again to get his legs under him, but before he could sort everything out, he felt himself being lifted gently into the air and placed on his hooves back inside the room.
"Buh," said Flurry Heart, setting him down as her aura winked off. Shining Armor's foal returned her gaze to the ant farm on the floor in front of her. Occasionally she telekinetically plucked one of them up and placed it in a location unfamiliar to it, whereupon she watched its confused flailing with rapt attention. A half-eaten slice of mushed-up angel food cake lay on a colorful baby plate nearby.
"Bah buh bah," said Flurry, to the ants, imperiously. The ants waved their little feelers around in royal deference.
Cadance gave Flurry Heart a sour look. "Look how the ants fawn upon you, dear daughter."
"Bah," said Flurry Heart, airily.
"Would that they looked upon me with such respect!" she cried. "The ants have never loved and appreciated me the way that they have you!"
"Buh," Flurry Heart replied, narrowing her eyes.
"Do not strike that tone, daughter of mine! You do not possess the power to banish me!"
"Bah," said the foal, coldly, toddling over to Shining Armor's hoof and hugging it tightly..
"Your father will not fetch you the Elements of Harmony, young filly! For one thing, they are in a tree now!"
Shining Armor watched the escalating feud between his wife and his daughter, expression blank and eyes distant. Eventually he wandered over to the ant farm and gave the collected mass of lowly creatures a brotherly pat. Shining had once read a legend that a pony who happened to become the object of an alicorn's affection would never pass from Equestria; that the powerful magic of a princess's love would sustain them through the ravages of age and keep them alive for centuries, so that they might forever experience the beauty of a relationship with one of the most noble and powerful creatures in all Equestria.
Shining Armor now found himself beloved of two of them.
He found himself hoping that the legend was wrong.
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This is fine.
So it seems that the "normal alicorn" path results in Luna.
Honestly, I thought about it sometime, because by statistical point of view, alicorns do not exist.
So, looks like she made the same statistical mistake. Or, maybe that's her honest opinion on things.
Twilight screw up a spell?
I don't believe it!
...wait. No. I do.
Eh, guess I didn't really know what to expect from the ending to this.
Kinda let down this is it, but such is the way of things sometimes I guess.
8240830
Wait for Twilights...
If you're talking romantic love, it's just one. (Cadance)
If it's familial love, it's two. (Twilight and Flurry)
If it's familial and romantic love, it's three. (Twilight, Flurry, and Cadance)
How unfortunate... for Shining.
I'd of rather seen Cadence and Flurry enacting their own personas post-spell. Not color swapped copies of other alicorns.
Well, I did hope for more of a gradual process of Cadance becoming Celestia and seeing Shining Armor helpless to to prevent it and see him having to deal with her increasing Celestia-ish quirks on the daily bases.
Eh, it started off strong but had a bit of a weak ending.
8240959
Before Flurry Heart, I had actually come up with a theory tying the four Princesses to the main 4 Greek words for love.
And then they messed up my headcanon with another alicorn.
That was hilarious. Well done!
I'm afraid that there is no such thing as a 'normal' alicorn. The best you can hope for is an 'average' alicorn, which still has several chapters in the DSM.
I saw this coming, but it's still hilarious. And hopefully now Shining can feel attracted to his wife without it being quite as squicky.
Meanwhile, as I've said before, I suspect Twilight's charting a third path and paving it with her copious neuroses, though it's entirely possible that she just hasn't hit her second puberty yet. Of course, that makes Flurry Heart a freakishly early bloomer, but it's not like there was much that was normal about that filly to begin with.
This was a very enjoyable pile of silliness. Thank you for it.
8240830
Normal according to Luna. Everyone's normal from their own perspective.
Cadence becomes Luna, Flurry becomes Celestia... Now I'm curious...
RIP Shining, married to a hot crazy goddess forever.
this is absolutely the best father's day fic ever.
thank you, great and exalted j c wells
You are absurd, friend.
I am curious if this was the original intended ending or not!
8242153
Pretty much.
8242173
You madman!
And yet, yet, it is still golden. Flurrestia shall rule all with a benevolent hoof that can shatter crystal.
It could be worse, Cadance could have turned into Twilight.
A little short, I was expecting something more...
8242583
EPIC QUEST
8242717
Epic Quest to Fluttershy hut to ask Discord to rewrite Cadence and turn her normal. And if he can make Flurry a normal foal instead of baby Celestia, better.
8242720
Sounds like an awesome fic. Let me know if you write it.
8242731
Nah, I leave it as a surprise ending for anyone that decide to read the commentary
I was honestly expecting Cadance to be the one panicking about all this, but yeah, this was OK. Good jorb.
Looks like this took a turn for the better for Cadence. Much better than being another Celestia and I find this version of Cady a bit smarter too.
I suppose this was the best possible outcome to expect...
I wonder if that spell has changed the destinies of Celestia and Luna as well, to make them more like Cadance and Flurry, like the first spell did.
8244688
It'd be less internally consistent with what Luna said earlier, but it'd probably be funny. This isn't a super-serious piece with lots of internal congruency after all (no, really?)
Best. Ending. Ever!
8245540
Thanks!
Interesting premise, amusing bit of Twily just going "spell, must CAST"…but didn't stick the landing, Seemed like a sudden "IT'S OVER!" and leaving the problem technically resolved…but only because a new problem has taken its place.
8250808
Would it have seemed less brief had I combined the last two parts into one chapter?
8251855
I don't think that would change much?
8257242
Enh, just thought I'd check. It was always going to be a fast end on this one, and I figured it wouldn't give closure to some.
So, Flurry Heart's turned Celestial and Cadence has gone Luny; can we expect Twilight to be lying on her back while she lovingly gnaws on a paperback novel?
8258938
That would be awesome, but she seemed cogent enough at the end of the spell...
8259446
*blinks*
I can't believe I didn't think of that.
So Twilight's going to start obsessively shipping her friends with each other-
-giving Rarity a run for her money-
-while Shining Armor's sister is suddenly reminding him an awful lot of the mare he fell in love with?
8259681
I think you've just invented a fanfic! Not one I'd probably read, but still.
8259921
Well you've already written the first part.
8260790
Hmmm...
8281856
Also possible?
8281934
I've actually tried Chips Ahoy when I was a kid. And no, it does not hold up well at all. The cookie starts to disintegrate after like a couple minutes, probably less. That's why you gotta eat fast or else it'll be more like cookie soup than cereal 😁 I think Cookie Crisp is coated in something and that's why they don't outright disintegrate, but then again, Cookie Crisp has more in common with actual cereal than actual cookies. Teddy Grahams appear to be coated in something, too. Gives them a bit of a shiny look. I'd expect them to last a bit longer than Chips Ahoy maybe?
As for the end of the story. Uhh. I guess it's better than what would've happened if Celestia were to experience second Alicorn Pubescence and become one with Twilight Sparkle. Imagine how many meltdowns. How many broken desks and faceplants. How many horribly eaten hay burgers. Damn, Twilight's eating habits are bad. I think she's worse than me. Now imagine the upsized scale with Celestia.
I do have to wonder where they'd stuff her into. I think the result would be both anatomically improbably and very, very uncomfortable.
8310862
That describes most of this story, actually.
8311164
...well, it hasn't been anatomically improbable, so there's that.
Then again, there was that whole thing with the cragadile, so I guess maybe.
I would like to purpose an alternative ending. Twilight asks Shinning Armor to help cast the spell.
He is transported to another relem and finds he has wings added to his body. It is revealed that Cadence tricked him into becoming a aliacorn, so they can be in love forever. Celecsia is non too happy with her portrayal, but forgives her cadence. Twilight revels plans to make the main six, aliacorn as well.
There's no escaaaaaape....
9436053
Nope!