• Member Since 3rd Jun, 2016
  • offline last seen May 27th

ZuzuSky


a very shy christian girl with a big imagination while having so many AU's crumbling into her brain~

T

It's another year when Canterlot High goes to Camp Everfree for the second time. Everyone's excited, but one girl is particularly excited. Rainbow Dash is very excited this time around. And, she hopes for more awesome games and she hopes to meet new friends.

This year, there are 2 new camp counselors. Fleetfoot and Soarin. But, only one of them, is very excited, aswell. Soarin Skies, is a very athletic, handsome, and strong boy and he hopes to meet new people and he tries to make a friend.

When Rainbow Dash and Soarin meet each other, their bond becomes strong. But, when there's a problem, between Fleetfoot and Soarin that noone can fix, will there be a way to help the two cousins or will they forever be broken?

A screenshot from the movie, Legend of Everfree! And SPOILERS FROM THE MOVIE!!!

PLEASE DON'T STEAL OR COPY ANY OF MY WORK!!! I WILL REPORT YOU!!

Chapters (19)
Comments ( 351 )

OMG I loved it!(jumps around room while doing very bad ballet moves) I can't wait for more chapters!:pinkiehappy:

THIS IS AMAZING!!! I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!!:rainbowkiss: (btw the image wont load for me ;-;)

I love it, :pinkiehappy: can't wait for the next chapter :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

I changed the picture setting, so, see if it works.

If anybody dislikes my story, please state why? Please put an explanation. Thank you!

Pinkie's going to explode the world at this rate...


I WANT THOSE EXPLODING THINGS!!!! :pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy:

Hehe~ nice start anyway

7612655 Hahaha!!:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
And thanks!!

YUSS I love this sooooooooooo much! And hopefully I can get a new computer for better quality stories like this one!:twilightsmile:

7613709 No problem. You will get your computer!:twilightsmile:

awwwwwwwww :3 Sooooooooooooooooooo cute :rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:

7614311 Thx marshmallow!!!:rainbowlaugh::pinkiehappy:

Edit this yourself or find someone who can do it for you. At the moment, I feel like the all the conversations are forced, and that makes it annoying to read. I would also like to see waaaaayyyy more details about the scenery, the looks of the characters and the personalities of, for example Soarin. I know that you said that he was shy and sporty, but that isn't enough to get me stuck on the book. :applejackunsure:

Example:

“Hey everybody! I'm Fleetfoot. I am a super crazy girl who likes soccer and also, if you have anything funny to show me, don't be afraid to ask.” She stated as she bowed at the end. “Oh, and this is my cousin, Soarin!”

It sounds like she has known them for years. This is a situation where you could put in more details...:facehoof:

Example:

“Hey everybody, my name is Fleetfoot and I'm going to be one of the counselors this year! People often describe me as a super crazy girl who likes soccer, but personally I think I'm calm and collected. If you have anything funny to show me, don't be afraid to ask, since I'm always up for some good comedy.” Fleetfoot stated as she bowed her head at the audience, with a smirk plastred on her face. “Oh, and this stupid guy is my cousin, Soarin!”

Of course you don't need to write like this, but it gets more interesting to read, since there are more details.


I'm not implying that this is a bad story, it just needs a bit of editing and proofreading from anyone except yourself. :twilightblush:

I think that this could become really good IF you listen to my edvices. :pinkiehappy:

7615040 Thank you for the advice. I'll keep that in mind! Thank you!!:pinkiehappy:

7614253 Yup! I will get my computer, hopefully tomorrow!

7615557 Yeah, I finally get to ditch windows for a MacBook Air!:pinkiehappy:

Great storyline so far, I think Rainbow and Soarin's reactions are adorable. Hope you have a great day and keep writing!

7618309 Thank you!!! And it's night here!!

SO MUCH FLUFF!!!:rainbowkiss: KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK MY FRIEND!!:rainbowkiss:

7618744 Thx marshmallow!:pinkiehappy:

This is too much for me literally :rainbowderp::raritydespair:

7621824 Is that a bad thing?:rainbowhuh:

No it's not bad I just love toooomuch:fluttershyouch:

I can put me and my friends into this story:rainbowlaugh: Luv the fluff it's cool

Aww, Rainbow and Soarin are adorable! I can't wait until the next chapters, great job!

Wow! This is really cool! And I'm glad at least ONE of the mane six is an only child like me! I don't even have cousins my age! I met one of my half cousins at one of my cousin's wedding. But I never saw him again. And the only cousin I do know is already out of college! If you can't tell, I had a lonely childhood.

Wow. I. Loved. This. Chapter!!! And where's Soarin? Perfect cliffhanger! And I looked at your art. It's not that bad. Could use slightly better portioning, but pretty good!:pinkiehappy:

I feel like this is anime, idk why, THE FEELS:rainbowkiss:

7633607 I didn't have Soarin's skin color.

Login or register to comment