It's just an act
Rainbow Dash sighed, as she sank into the fluffy cloud she now rested upon. This morning had gone about as great as it could have gone. For one thing, she had the day off. Something that hadn’t come around in a long time, since her Wonderbolt reserve duties or secondary weather leader job always kept her on the clock as of late. Sure she could squeeze in the occasional Pinkie Pie party or pony pet play date, but for the most part, she was swamped.
Rainbow fluffed up the soft cloud to make a pillow, letting the rays of the sun warm up her fur. She stretched out like a cat, letting out a long breath as her eyes closed to hopefully catch a few winks of extra sleep. Her attempt, however, was rudely interrupted by the sound of a trumpet, and a few small magical fireworks going off near the town square. She groaned and sat up, staring into the horizon, squinting to try and spot the rude pony that woke her up. To her surprise, she saw it was no other than Trixie herself upon her unfolded stage. Her blue coat stood out from the velvet curtain, as she was making a grand entrance.
Now on any other day, Rainbow would have simply turned over to go back to sleep, but considering the pony in question, her eyes lay upon had caused trouble on two past occasions, she just couldn’t leave Ponyville hanging. Who knows what Trixie would get up to this time?
The cloud behind Rainbowblew apart, as the athlete took to the air and dove down to catch some wind, gliding effortlessly towards the town hall. A small crowd had already begun to gather as Trixie did a few simple illusions to impress the kiddies. Rainbow, of course, was not impressed and soon came into a range where she could see what the show pony was up to. The self-entitled Great and Powerful Trixie was declaring her glory, as her magic sent more fireworks in the air. “Show off,” Rainbow mumbled, still a little peeved about being woken up. Most of the other ponies seemed unimpressed as well, although the foals seemed to be enjoying it. Despite her best efforts, the pegasus let out a chuckle imaging Trixie dressed as a clown at foal’s birthday parties. She sure had the energy for it.
Rainbow kept hovering as she stared about the group that had gathered. She didn’t see her friends around, but she was sure they would show up knowing Trixie is in town. The show pony glanced at her for a few seconds and the pegasus could have sworn she saw her smile grow a bit. Dismissing the accusation, the pegasus lowered herself down, moving towards the front and swiftly getting nose to nose with Trixie. “What are you doing back here?!” She glared at the show mare.
Trixie scoffed, waving her hoof while at the same time taking steps back for some personal space. “Trixie is putting on a show, that’s what. A show which you are rudely interrupting!” She stomped her hoof upon the stage, her horn glowing as she took Rainbow in her magic and tossed her into the crowd.
Rainbow groaned as she rose to her hooves, wiping off the dirt while glaring back towards the show mare who had just resumed her act as if nothing had happened. Not wanting to make a bigger scene of the show pony, she weaved her way through the crowd until she reached the edge, relieved to see her friends had arrived. She threw her hooves up as she spoke. “Can you believe she came back?”
Twilight's eyes showed no signs of anger as she watched Trixie cast an illusionary fire across the stage. She raised an eyebrow at the pegasus shaking her head. “Rainbow, I know she gave us trouble in the past, but I'm sure she’s turned over a new leaf by now. And she hasn’t given us any reason to be concerned, yet.”
Pinkie nodded in agreement. “Yeah, maybe she just came into town to put on the best show ever, while doing amazing things like shooting herself out of a cannon! Oh wait, that hasn’t happened yet.” She tapped her chin as the other two just shrugged.
“Ugh, fine,” Rainbow groaned. “But if she causes trouble, so help me, I’m going to do my best to show her no one messes with Ponyville or my friends!” She pounded her forehooves together. Twilight just rolled her eyes.
Unable to take her planned nap, Rainbow resumed her hovering over the crowd watching the show mare doing various magical acts over the next few minutes. Most of the acts didn’t impress the athlete since she had seen more impressive things from Twilight on her off days. Eventually, the pegasus mare had enough and flew forward. “Come on, show off some real magic, you showboat!” She exclaimed.
Trixie huffed, looking directly towards Rainbow before smirking for a second. Her expression receded into a more neutral smile as she addressed the crowd. “Oh, you want something else? Well, The Great and Powerful Trixie has just the trick. Although, she needs a volunteer, and you're probably too chicken.”
Rainbow swiftly swooped down and landed on stage, a breeze swirling around her. “Are you calling me a coward? Those are fighting words!” She snorted, ignoring the looks on her friends’ faces as she stared down at Trixie’s smug muzzle.
“So you’ll help Trixie perform her magic trick?” Trixie asked, pulling out a stopwatch with a few gemstones around the edges.
Rainbow rolled her eyes .”Pfff, yeah yeah, whatever. So why do you need somepony as awesome as me?” she asked, before glancing at the watch. “Hypnotism? Yeah like that will ever work.”
“Trixie thinks you’re scared to be embarrassed if it did,” Trixie smirked again as the crowd oohed and awed.
Rainbow’s wings fluttered, she stomped her hooves as her pride took hold. “Embarrassed by you? Ha, bring it on!” She sat down in the chair Trixie had floated into the stage, staring at the watch. There no way this will work didn’t work at my six-year birthday party and it isn’t going to work here. She listened to Trixie’s words telling her to relax. To her credit she tried her best to do so, just to prove her wrong. She continued to watch the watch, as it swayed back and forth over and over, her shoulders slumping after a bit as she got into the rhythm. Eventually, the magician’s words faded away as her mind focused on the watch in its motion. The pegasus didn’t have the focus to notice her eyes getting heavy, as they continued to watch the rhythm.
Then, suddenly, she felt normal again! Rainbow blinked, noticing Trixie had moved from her spot while putting the watch away. She quickly noticed the rubbery object in her mouth and spat it out noticing it was a dog bone toy. “W-what?” She blushed fiercely as she noted ponies in the crowd snickering or clapping at the act. “H-hey, what? No way that happened!” She took to the air, hovering away from the stage while flabbergasted. “What did you do?!”
Rainbow felt a tug on her tail pull her down and upon turning around, spotted Twilight who, somehow, was still calm. Albeit, just barely. “Rainbow, calm down. It wasn’t anything that bad. It was only for a few minutes.”
Pinkie nodded. “Oh, you were such a cute puppy. You rolled over and chew the doggy toy. Hehe, you looked like you were having fun, especially when you were ripping up the fake homework.”
Rainbow groaned, her wings covering her face. ‘So not cool,” She spat out some loose paper from her teeth. Luckily no one seemed to be paying her any mind now that Trixie was doing other antics.
Pinkie smiled and petted Rainbow’s mane. “Oh come on, Dashie, you gotta laugh at yourself sometimes.”
The pegasus moved her friend's hoof away and took to the air “Ugh, I’m going to go home and take a nap. See you, girls, later, okay?” With a quick nod of their heads, Rainbow zipped off still blushing as she let the wind blow through her mane.
Rainbow let out a sigh, thankful that she could just go home and relax for a while like she had planned too. Her hooves sank into the soft surface of her cloud home as she landed, stretching like a cat. “Mmm,” She slowly smacked her lips, having a sudden craving for some milk as she entered her house. Giving a nuzzle to her pet tortoise, Tank, she fluttered her way to the kitchen, swiftly opening the magical fridge. “Oh yeah, forgot Pinkie got me some chocolate milk, sweet.” She swiftly poured herself a glass and chugged it down. She sighed in content as the cool substance ran down her throat. With a wipe of her hoof, her mouth was clean.
“Well, nothing says relaxing like Daring Do and a nice nap,” Rainbow said, as she zipped upstairs in a flash, flopping onto her bed like a filly. Her hooves swiftly pounded on her pillow to make it nice and soft before plonking her head upon its surface. Just as she was about to reach for the latest Daring Do novel, however, her eyes fell upon a sheet of paper on her nightstand. Upon a closer look, it seemed to be a letter of some kind.
She picked it up, her eyebrow-raising upon reading the first line. “Rainbow Dumpling?” She hardly noticed her shoulders slump as her eyes lazily scanned the paper. As she finished, her muscles tightened and a feeling of rage came over her. “Ugh, I’m going to give Trixie a piece of my mind!” She jumped out of bed and rushed to the door. She wasn't sure why she was mad but she sure felt like it was the right thing to do. Like impulse, she took to the air and zipped off her mind set on giving the stuck up pony her two bits on...something...she wasn’t sure what but she just needed to. She wasn’t even questioning her own confusion as she soon locked her eyes on Trixie’s wagon, now parked on the edge of town.
A trail of dust was left in her wake as Rainbow landed, skidding to a stop just before the steps. The loud pounded echoed through Trixie small domain as Dash knocked with a scowl upon her face.
“Yes, yes, Trixie heard you the first time,” Trixie groaned, as she opened the top half of her door. “Oh, it’s you. What do you want?” Her snout stuck up into the air like one of those Canterlot snobs. “Is this over that simple hypnosis act I put you through?”
Rainbow blinked, actually having to think about it for a second before she stomped her hooves. “Yeah, that why I wanted to talk face to face!” In her mind, she was thinking to herself. “How could I forget what I was so angry about? Of course, it was about that, so uncool!”
Trixie’s smug expression never changed as she glanced around for a moment. “Very well, Trixie will let you in to talk, but no funny business.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Yeah yeah I'm not a monster no matter how ticked I am at you.”
Trixie nodded, unlocking her door before swinging it open. She turned and trotted inside, allowing the pegasus to follow.
Upon entering, Rainbow immediately tripped over something lying on the ground. Her usual reflexes not reacting normally as she faceplanted into the hardwood floor. Her vision swam for what felt like minutes, her head having a soft thump as it ached. Now partly dazed she rose back to her hooves, seeing Trixie dropping something back in her hat before putting it on.
“So sorry about that, Trixie forgot that was there,” Trixe apologized, she seemed to have less anxiety compared to a few moments ago. But before Rainbow could say a word Trixie shook her hoof. “I do hope our little chat has gotten you to see Trixie is not a villain.”
Rainbow blinked a few times momentarily dazed again. However, the confusion quickly faded as she remembered they had a civil chat that had lasted a few minutes, although she herself had been a bit vocal at the start. “Right, yeah, sorry about that whole calling you a fraud thing.”
“Water under the bridge, Trixie will say no more,” Trixie opened her door once again. “Do have a good evening, Rainbow Dash.”
The dazed pegasus exited the wagon turning back to look. ‘Yeah, and uh good luck I guess,” She took to the air yet again and watched the buildings go by as she flew towards home. The golden rays of the sunset shined like fire upon the rooftops. “Celestia sure is showing off this time.” She said to herself.
Rainbow soon reached her house, feeling exhausted. “Been a long day,” She yawned and flew up to her bedroom again. “Goodnight Tank.” She pulled her sheets over herself, pulling her wings against her sides. As she slowly fell asleep, something in the back of her head was telling her something was wrong, but could hardly be heard over Rainbow’s sudden fatigue. Moments after she dozed off, her hoof worked its way into her mouth, a slow thuck sound filling the air as she drooled on it.
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Not bad, Zubric, you're off to a good start.
There are some issues I have, such as grammar issues, and I do feel that the pacing is going a little bit too fast, but for the most part, I'm enjoying it so far.
So, does this take place before or after "No Second Prances"? Because if it takes place before "No Second Prances", it would have to be tagged Alternative Universe.
7528751 Well it's before Starlight at least
7528045 Yeah ran it through Grammarly so hopefully that fixes some of the grammar issues, not fall considering i'm using free but still
I don't know if the dot is needed in the chapter title, but that might just be a personal grievance because dots killed my family.
As it stands right now, I like what you're doing. There's some mistakes, like:
But they're minor and don't distract all that much from the overall experience. I enjoyed the characterization of RD quite a bit, especially how it was contrasted by her friends. That's always a good thing.
The way you describe what happens flows quite well, but isn't perfect. One thing that stood out was after the first hypnosis, Rainbow Dash had a toy in her mouth, a few moments later, she also spat paper out. Didn't she notice that she had paper in her mouth until Pinkie pointed it out?
Then there's the last third, which read almost feverish. I think you intended to write it as confusing as possible, since that's how Dash feels, so I'm not going to comment on it. At least you got me interesting in what happened and what will happen. So, happy writing with the continuation of this project.
Love the concept. Really could use some editing, though.
7529367 perhaps in real world hypnosis sure but when your talking about what we perceive hypnosis to be able to do its perfectly accurate
7529594
This practically a documentary compared to half the hypnosis fics on fimfiction. The downplayed descriptions from Rainbow's perspective are perfect in my opinion.
7529367 Well literally had the thought of adding something about her listening to tapes before bed and having suggestion snuck in by the one behind this scheme just last night. I hope to work that in next chapter or at least explain it not instant foaling. It kind of a Bioshock 'would you kindly' thing mixed with hypnosis...yeah if this idea falls apart it is because i'm making it organically, like little pre plannning. yet i have the idea of middle and end
This is certainly going to be interesting...
Though I do hope it ends with whatever Trixie's plan is ultimately backfiring on her. Maybe not immediately, but as an overall effect of the consequences.
7531566 Well i'll figure some way of not making it cliche...I hope.
7531566
Trigger phrases aren't cliche, they're one of the most basic hypnosis tools.
7532139
And trigger get far too little recognition in stories and art for my taste.
7531641
Clichés aren't inherently bad. They usually become cliché because they are either good/popular, or at least a tried and true tactic. Only after they become a cliché do they get their bad reputation from too much mediocre and uninspired content jumping the train.
7533129
Can't argue with that logic.
I think you should add in a trigger word or phrase, to signal when Dash winds up falling into a hypnotic trance by Trixie...cause it's kinda clear when it happens and at the same time not clear.
7536276
I like when falling into trance is implicit rather than stated outright. Even Rainbow's slumping shoulders when reading the letter could have been more subtle in my opinion (sighing is a much more neutral way to indicate release of tension).
Do keep going I love your work