• Published 13th Sep 2016
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Finding a Place - Battlecat



Moving to Canterlot was supposed give Silver Spark a chance to begin again. So far that hasn't worked out.

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Chapter 5 - To Fall (R)

I ran through the halls of Canterlot High. Gilda and Lightning Dust were hot on my heels. I had to escape before they got their claws into me. The end of the hallway was getting near so I jumped and hit the window. My body blossomed with pain as I ripped through the glass. I tumbled to the ground and landed with a thump. I collapsed yelling in pain as my leg broke on impact.

Gilda and Lightning Dust dropped down next to me seemingly unharmed by the long fall. “What an idiot,” Gilda gloated. “He thought he could escape what he deserves.”

“Yeah” replied Lightning Dust. “Running is cheating. He really should just stand and take it.”

They started kicking me. I looked up and could see a laughing crowd gathering around. Fear shot through me when I spotted Twilight, Fluttershy and the other girls among the crowd. Shouts of triumph rang out as my body began to shatter like glass under the onslaught. Suddenly they stopped and everybody stepped away. The crowd faded away leaving only a single dark figure. It drifted forward and loomed over me.

I stared up at the figure only to see my own face staring back down at me. A blurry silver object was in its hand. My own voice echoed back to me. “You're useless. I’d kill you but that’s so final. It'll be over soon enough, so enjoy what little time you have left.”

I watched as my shadowy doppelganger slammed the dagger into my stomach. My mouth opened to scream but no sound came out. I looked up at myself and mouthed the word “why?” He simply smiled back and watched me squirm before he hissed out an answer as my vision blackened.

“I promised you would regret.”


Friday, September 30, 2016

I tried and failed to sit up as my mind reeled from the disorienting experience of waking up. My head was throbbing with pain as I tried to figure out where I was and why I couldn’t move properly. It took me a couple minutes to remember that Twilight and Spike were sleeping upstairs in my bedroom, leaving me in my recliner. The dream had been so real, I immediately reached down to check my stomach, confirming I wasn't actually bleeding. My hand was shaking as I pulled out my phone, only to discover it was 5:00 in the morning.

Oh gods, that was awful.
I promised you regret.
What the hell is with me? Just go away.
You can’t get rid of your own thoughts. You know what you deserve.
Ugh, just shut it. I’ve got a lot to do this morning.
Just give it up. There’s no point in trying.
Give up? Why? Things are actually looking better.
No they aren’t. You’re just a delusional fool. She’s going to abandon you.
. . . I need to put some coffee on.

There was a nagging feeling that I should be more concerned but it was quickly lost in the heavy fog that was hanging over my mind. Getting up in the morning had been a difficult proposition since I lost my parents. Today it felt like trying to climb a mountain to escape the pursuing flood of depression that was threatening to drag me into the abyss. I barely managed to force myself out of my chair and went into the kitchen to start the coffee. Then I grabbed my rapier and marched out of the back door to make an attempt at clearing my mind.

Dew had settled over the grass, and everything glittered in the dim morning light. The sun was still hours from rising and the air chilled my face. It was making me shiver but I also felt my mind beginning to clear just a bit. In a desperate moment of inspiration, I pulled off my shirt and draped it over the porch, gasping as the cool air washed over my bare chest. My bare feet and the cuffs of my pants were quickly soaked by the wet grass. I walked out into the grass and took a deep breath.

This isn’t going to help.

My head ached as the voice of doubt continued its assault but I began in spite of it. I began to methodically step through a series of attacks and steps in each of the four basic guards. After the debacle on the roof yesterday, I had to get back to basics. One precise step at a time I slowly stepped around the yard. I lost track of time as I drifted through the morning mist, alone with my aggravating thoughts. At least that’s what I thought until I paused briefly in a rest position.

“Good morning Silver! Do you do this every day?”

I nearly jumped out of my skin and my sword flew up into a defensive position. Nobody lived here with me and I’d never been interrupted during my morning sessions. I spun around to confront the unexpected visitor, fully prepared to fight if necessary. Twilight and Spike were standing on the porch. Twilight was wearing the pants and shirt I had put out for her to sleep in. She had a cup of coffee in her hand.

“I’m sorry,” Twilight giggled. “I didn’t mean to startle you. If you were training with my brother’s recruits, he would have been pleased by your quick reaction.”

“Every morning if I can get myself out of bed in time,” I replied, walking over towards the porch. “Some days I run and I practice my hand to hand more frequently but I’ve been fond of the rapier lately. Your brother is in the military?”

Twilight nodded, taking a deep sip of the coffee. She closed her eyes to savor the taste.

“Yes, he was captain of the royal guard for several years before he married Princess Cadance. I hope you don’t mind that I grabbed a cup of coffee. The smell woke me up and I couldn’t resist. I didn’t have any yesterday while I was sleeping at the school.”

Spike was staring at me with wide eyes. “Wow, your arm really was just the tip of the iceberg,” he blurted out.

Reality slammed back in on me when I remembered I had taken my shirt off. I glanced down at my chest and winced at the horrifying state of my body. My gray-blue skin was marred by the yellowing remnants of dozens of bruises. The kicks from Gilda two days ago were an angry purple. Those paled in comparison to the ragged web of scars that crossed every part of my torso, back, and arms. I knew there were even more hidden on my legs as well. The particularly massive horizontal scar on my abdomen ached from a phantom pain that reminded me of the nightmare that ended my sleep. I hurried to grab my shirt off the corner of the porch and quickly pulled it on.

I can’t believe she saw that.
A real life version of Frankenstein’s monster you are.
I know.
You’re just a disgusting, and now the world will know it too.

“SPIKE!” Twilight scolded. “That wasn’t very nice!”

“It’s ok Twilight,” I said once my head was through my shirt. “He’s just calling it like it is. I completely blanked when I took off my shirt to exercise. I’m sorry you had to see that disgusting mess.”

“I’m sorry Silver,” Spike said quietly. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

Twilight was staring at me as if deciding what to say or ask about the mess. Finally, she took a big gulp of coffee and put her mug down on the wide wooden porch rail. She silently stepped down and pulled me into a hug. To my surprise, her head wound up leaning against my chest. Even though I was six foot two inches tall, I spent so much time slouching down to hide, I hadn't realized that I was much taller than Twilight.

I resisted the urge to return the hug. Even though she had been kind, a little voice was screaming at me to not make her feel trapped. All too soon, I felt her release her hold on me and she stepped back. I braced myself for the inevitable comment about my scars and bruises. I was caught completely off guard by her actual question.

“Could you teach me to use that sword? I’m curious what it feels like to hold a weapon like that.”

She wants to learn from me?
She’s just distracting herself so she doesn’t throw up due to your disgusting appearance.
Why won’t you just stop?
Because you’re a failure.

I turned the sword and handed it to her hilt first.

“Sure, I guess we've got time to do a basic lesson before we have to get going. I'll be skipping a lot of details since we don't have a huge amount of time. This weapon is called a rapier. It has quite a complex hilt design due to its history as a dueling weapon. This piece that arches over the pommel is called the knuckle guard. When you are holding the weapon, it goes above your knuckles no matter what. You only reorient the blade by rotating your wrist.”

Twilight re-positioned her hand and her wrist flopped a bit. She looked over at me embarrassed. “It's heavier than it looks. Also, I'm not used to having limbs that work like this.”

I chuckled in spite of myself. “That's an unusual complaint. Most people just don’t have the arm strength when they first pick one up.”

I spent the next fifteen minutes teaching Twilight the basics of using a rapier. Spike watched with interest even though he couldn't participate. It was only enough time to go over movement and the four-guard positions but it was nice to be teaching someone as enthusiastic as Twilight. Finally, she handed the sword back to me breathing heavily.

“Sorry, that's all I can do right now. This is much harder than it looks. I don't spend as much time as I should exercising back home and it carried over to this body. I’ll have to get in better shape so I can learn more next time.”

I nodded at her. “Don't be too hard on yourself. Strength comes with time but the ability to remember the details like you do is much harder to teach. Anyhow, as much as I'd like to continue we should clean up and go get breakfast. We've got a busy day ahead of us.”


Fortunately, the farmhouse I had purchased was much larger than I needed. There were four bedrooms and three bathrooms, each with showers. Twilight used the one in the master bedroom while I used a different one. I leaned my head against the wall as the water poured over me. Headaches were nothing new but this one was threatening to become a full-blown migraine at this rate. I’d never had one before but there was a first time for everything.

I pulled on my usual baggy clothing and went downstairs to find some painkillers. Once I was dosed up, I laid my head down on the kitchen table and covered my eyes with my arm. It was strange hearing the sound of running water upstairs where Twilight was still showering. The sound was oddly comforting after being alone in a silent house for so long. Then I heard the clicking of claws on the kitchen floor and the jingling of a collar. There was a thump and then I felt a paw on my arm.

“Are you ok Silver?”

I turned my head and blinked in surprise when I saw Spike sitting on the table staring at me with worried green eyes. I lowered my head back onto the table.

“Just a nasty headache,” I replied, my voice muffled by my arm. “Hopefully it’ll clear up soon.”

“As long as you’re sure. I just want to thank you for tonight. Twilight wouldn’t admit it but you took a huge load off her shoulders by inviting us over. Our makeshift bed in the school library wasn’t really ideal. Also, I am very sorry for my comments this morning.”

“No problem and don’t worry about it,” I muttered. “No more apologies necessary. I know it’s not a pleasant sight.”

Spike sighed and paced around the table while I rested my head on my arm. Then that reassuring paw was back on my shoulder.

“That's not what I meant Silver. What really scares me is the story they tell. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through to get injured like that.”

“Yeah,” I groaned. “You really don’t want to know.”

“I agree,” Twilight called out. “I might ask someday but it's clearly not the time. Right now we need to be at our best.”

Lifting my head up to greet her, words failed me at the sight of purple eyes framed by chaotic wet hair. My eyes darted around, finally settling on the towel she had wrapped around her torso. I felt my face flush red when I realized that was all she was wearing. She was holding a brush in her hand and began waving it about.

“I’m sorry to bother you but I need your help Silver! I need to make sure my mane doesn’t get tangled and these hands just aren’t cooperating. I’ve never used my hooves before and these hands are even more complicated!”

I took in the frustrated expression on her face, the wet hair, and the towel that was threatening to make the situation even more embarrassing. I quickly got out of the chair and I gestured for her to sit down.

“Just let me get you something to eat while I do your hair. Sit and relax.”

I gave her an apple and then began to carefully pull the brush through her silky purple and pink hair. A contented sigh escaped her lips and she quickly relaxed. It was a relief because I was fighting a massive wave of anxiety as my mind conjured up scenarios of Rainbow Dash or Applejack punching me for daring to lay a finger on Twilight. Once it was cleaned up, I reluctantly let go.

“That’s the best I can do for now,” I sighed. “I hope that did the trick.”

Twilight ran her hand through her hair and nodded. She stood up and gave me a hug.

“Thank you so much! I’ll go get dressed and we can head over to Rarity’s!”

She hurried back up the stairs, leaving me staring at the space she had just vacated as my headache retreated. The hugs and affection over the past day were so odd. Even before I lost everything, I didn’t really have friends. For one brief moment, I felt content and the headache faded. Then the pain came slamming back even worse making me wince.

Give it up boy. This is nothing but an illusion.
You won’t even give me one moment?
Why would I? You’re a dreaming fool. She. IS. LEAVING!

In the face of the continuing mental onslaught, I did the only thing I could. I went upstairs to get my clothes from the previous day before waiting for Twilight.


Twilight and Spike seemed to enjoy watching the scenery fly by as we drove down to the city. I was hard-pressed to appreciate their reactions as I struggled to ignore my headache and the growing pit in my stomach. If it wasn’t for my promise to help out, I would be home in bed. It hurt to think about how little time remained to speak with her and Spike. I parked the car in front of the boutique and opened up the trunk while Twilight knocked on the door.

Rarity opened the door and smiled warmly at Twilight.

“Good morning darling! I wasn’t expecting you so early but I’m glad you’re here! I need to double-check my measurements if I’m going to have your dress ready for tonight! Why are you here so early?”

“Silver offered me a ride into school,” she replied, gesturing at me.

“Oh, I see,” Rarity grimaced. “Well, the boxes are inside. Chop, chop now.”

“I’ll be out of your way in a minute,” I gulped, quickly scooping up the stack of boxes.

“Good. The two of us will walk to school after I am done with her.”

Twilight looked torn as she looked between me and Rarity. Before she could object, I made my way out the door.

“I’ll see you at morning break,” I said over my shoulder.

Before I even reached the car, I heard the doorway click shut behind me, followed by the thump of a deadbolt being thrown. The curtains to the shop were drawn tight. I carefully put the boxes in the car and started off to school.

See? They don’t want you.
But Twilight was-
Done with you. Simple as that.


I raised my hand and knocked on the familiar door decorated with a red cross. The day wasn’t going terribly well and I had begged to be excused from class to deal with my worsening headache. With all the incidents I had experienced I was already on a first-name basis with Nurse Ruby Redheart. She shook her head and sighed when she saw me at the door.

“What happened this time?”

“I have a nasty headache today Ruby,” I replied. “Aspirin didn’t work so I’m hoping you have something else.”

“Oh really?” she said crossing her arms. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with that black eye, would it?”

“It’s conceivable I may have gotten a concussion yesterday,” I admitted. “Just an accident is all. It wasn’t bothering me until this morning.”

Ruby frowned and walked over to the medicine cabinet. “You know that our conversations here are private. I’m well aware you haven’t admitted anything but please don’t treat me like a fool. I know how you got that injury.”

“I never meant to imply- would never-I'm sorry Ruby,” I stammered, looking down at the floor in shame.

She opened up a bottle of pills and counted out two into my hand. I popped them straight into my mouth without hesitating and after a moment of discomfort swallowed them. Ruby winced from watching me swallow them dry but didn’t comment.

“Just be honest with me,” She insisted. “I really wish you would speak with Principal Celestia about the causes of these injuries but I can’t force you. I don’t know how much more abuse your body can take.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.”


I stayed in Ruby's office until morning break rolled around. My head was still throbbing but I had to meet up with Twilight and Spike to go over the plans. I stayed close to one wall and avoided looking at any bright lights. Unfortunately, it was not to be. About halfway to the library I was grabbed roughly by the shoulder and slammed up against the lockers. The back of my head impacted the locker and for a moment all I could see were stars.

“You stay away from the girls in this school creep!” a voice snarled at me.

I squinted to try and see through my blurring vision. I could see blue hair framing an angry expression that looked like it belonged to Flash Sentry.

“What the-?” was all I managed to say before he slammed me against the lockers again.

“You heard me!” he hissed. “I don't know what you're trying to pull but you have no business going near them! And the goes double for Twilight!”

The pain and the urgency of the morning's errands ignited an uncharacteristic burst of irritation inside me. I tilted my head down to look into the face of my latest assailant. He was almost a foot shorter than me which was just aggravating.

“Fine, whatever,” I sighed. “Is there anything more or I can get on with my day? I really don't have time for this.”

Flash looked a bit befuddled by my response like he wasn't sure exactly where he was going with this. He pushed me up against the locker again. “Make time. You stay away from them you slimy son of a bitch.”

What did you call my mother!?
A bitch. Just like you.

“You leave my mother out of this,” I snarled, as much at the voice in my head as Flash. “The minute those girls tell me to leave them alone, I will. Now, unless you feel the burning need to throw a punch to round out this idiocy, you can just walk away.”

My reaction made Flash hesitate, probably because I had never reacted with anything more than resigned acceptance in the past. It looked like Flash seriously considering throwing that punch but at that moment Applejack walked around the corner on her way to the library.

“Mornin' Silver,' She exclaimed. “Come on, we're gonna be . . . what's goin' on Flash?”

“Nothing,” He relented, letting go of me. “I think we covered everything for now.”

I slumped over against the locker, holding my balance. My head was threatening to explode now and I finally understood what people said about lights during migraines. The anger I had been feeling had simply evaporated into nothingness.

“You alright there Silver?” Applejack asked, her voice concerned. “He didn't hurt you did he?”

“Nothing I haven't dealt with before,” I lied. “I have a bit of a headache but it'll pass. Let's go find the others.”

I doubt she believed me but I straightened myself up. After a moment of pulling myself together, I followed her towards the library, pushing my way through the pain. Applejack followed behind me and I heard her grumbling as we walked inside.

“Ah don't like it, but ah'll leave it for now.”

The two of us were the last to arrive. The other girls were waiting for us in a small meeting room in the back corner of the library. It was one of the few places we would be able to privately coordinate the last details of this gambit. Twilight shot me a small smile as I walked in but her expression quickly became worried. I figured it was just concern about whether I'd be able to help at all in my current state. The others mostly ignored me as they waited on Twilight. I slumped into a chair in the corner well away from the others while waving away any concern.

“So where are we at?” she asked us. “Is everything in place Silver?”

“Everything is in the cafeteria storage room. I'll have all the items including the boom box in place before lunch starts as we discussed. One push of the button to start the music and the extra headbands and tails will be easy for you to snag.”

Rarity opened up her backpack and handed out some blue clothing. “Here are the school sweaters for each of you. It should add to the impact of our performance.”

“Ooh! Oooh, my turn!” Pinkie exclaimed bouncing in her chair. “I get to start the beat with my lunch tray in the line lineup! That's when Twilight will start the music with that nifty remote thing!”

I looked down and winked at Spike. He was the nifty remote that would be starting the music but none of the girls knew that. It was our little secret, just like his ability to speak.

“Thank you all so much,” Twilight said in a relieved voice. “We might have to improvise a bit but I trust you all to play your parts. Silver, we'll need about five minutes to finish up the song. Do you think you can distract Sunset that long?”

“Easily,” I replied. “She's a bit impatient from what I've seen so try to stay on schedule.”

“Ah was wonderin' about that actually," Applejack interjected. "How are ya planning on distracting Sunset Shimmer?"

“I'll text her just before noon and tell her I have critical information about Twilight's plans to win the crown," I replied. "It'll give you enough time to pull this off without interruption. Just don't waste any time getting started.”

“Why would she listen to you?” Rainbow Dash demanded, her voice turning suspicious. "Why do you even have her phone number?"

“Does it matter?" I asked. "The job is going to be done."

"You better believe it matters coming from you!" she growled. "Why would Sunset listen to you?"

I put my hand on my forehead, feeling a bit irritated with how this was going. "Fine. She'll listen because she's already expecting me to report on your plans."

Rainbow Dash exploded to her feet but she only made it two steps before Applejack caught her arm. The other girls rushed to their feet as well caught between trying to calm Rainbow Dash down and trying to read my expression. I slowly stood up, my body tensing to run if Applejack changed her mind and decided to unleash Rainbow Dash on me.

“You're spying on us for Shimmer!?” she snarled. “You son of a- LET ME GO!”

“Oh for the love of God, seriously?” I groaned as a massive spike of pain ran through my head. "You really think I'd-"

“You probably dumped all the stuff we made last night," Rainbow Dash interrupted. "Sunset already knows, doesn't she? This is just a ploy to trick us!”

"Ah don't like it, but attacking him won't fix it Dash," Applejack admonished, holding her back. The anger was clear on her face though. "You'd better have a good explanation for this!"

"I must admit this is a bit disquieting," Rarity added, her disgust showing clearly on her face. "How could we trust you if you're playing both sides like this?"

I took a few steps towards the door of the meeting room and paused with my hand on the doorknob. I could hear Rainbow Dash struggling against Applejack's firm grip. The other girls were murmuring but none of them spoke up to defend or accuse me. I knew for a fact that Twilight would be speechless. I stared at the door and just sighed.

“ANSWER RARITY'S QUESTION!” Rainbow shouted, the volume making my head throb even more viciously.

You really think these girls will help you after this is over?.
. . . No. No I don't.
There you go. Accept it. It'll be over soon.

“Go ahead and believe whatever you want because honestly, I don't really care anymore,” I said in a completely empty voice. “Twilight, if you still trust me then you know everything is set up exactly as described. Sunset will be occupied during your performance. You six have the rest of it well in hand so go knock the socks off the students of this school.”

I turned the handle and walked out the door. I closed it behind me without looking back. Mercifully nobody followed me while I made my way to take care of the final details. One cafeteria to set up and one quick text was all I had left to do.


11:51 am – I have some information for you.

11:53 am - This had better be good. Where r u?

11:55 am – I'll meet you at the statue in ten minutes.


I peered through the glass of the front doors of the school while holding my phone in my other hand. Sunset Shimmer was leaning on the statue at the front of the school looking impatient. When it was exactly five after twelve I started the timer on my phone. If all was going according to plan the girls were starting their performance in 1 minute. I pushed the door open and began to walk across the courtyard. The bright sun immediately created spots before my eyes thanks to my headache and I felt like I was going to throw up. It took every ounce of my strength to cross that courtyard.

Why are you bothering for those ingrates?

“Well?” Sunset growled as soon as I was close enough. “What is it you couldn't tell me over text?”

“Twilight figured out how to win the school over,” I reported evasively. “I thought it would be best to tell you in person.”

“Spit it out then!” She commanded.

I pulled out my phone and examined it just as it began beeping. I pushed the stop button and faced Sunset. I could barely see her face through my blurring vision.

“There we go,” I said wearily. “Twilight and her friends are planning to do an impromptu pep rally in the cafeteria to bring the students back together.”

“At lunch today,” she stated flatly.

“Exactly,” I responded. “They should be wrapping up in a couple more minutes. It's a pretty catchy song with a good message.”

Sunset's fists were clenched so tightly her knuckles cracked. “Did you intentionally ignore my warning?” she snapped. “Are you a masochist or just too much of an idiot to recognize a good thing when it's offered?”

I could barely see the blur of red and gold that was her hair through my unfocused eyes. I couldn't stay here much longer. I needed to get to the nurse's office.

You aren't going to make it that far.

The voice almost sounded like it was right over my shoulder and I twisted to try and see it. Then Sunset grabbed the front of my sweatshirt.

“Seriously?” she screamed, making my ears ring. “You sided with that prissy little nerd and her friends over ME!? I guess it was foolish to think a dumb stallion would prioritize self-preservation over an easy bit of tail. Was she good at least?”

I flushed angrily when an image of Twilight in her towel popped into my mind. “That has nothing to do with my decision!”

“Oh, I doubt that. You're a boy. That's all boys ever think about. You know, it was child's play to turn those five girls from best friends to enemies. It was even easier to convince every student in this school you were a monster but I can improve on that. When I'm done, you'll be running for the hills covered in tar and feathers.”

I opened my mouth to respond but no noise came out. My body was feeling sluggish and tired. I just stared at her blankly but she wasn't even paying attention to me.

“Unfortunately, right now you're a liability,” she mused.

Next thing I knew, my head was ringing like a bell from her open hand slapping me on the side of the head. The sidewalk came swinging up and smacked me in the face. I heard her laugh out loud as I fell but it wasn't a kind laugh.

You're on your way now.

My vision was graying around the edges but I saw her heavy boots in front of my face. She crouched down and picked my head up by the hair.

There's nothing you can do.

“I just want you to know, I already knew about Twilight's little plan,” She gloated. “A bit of free advice: if you want something to stay secret, don't talk about it in a public coffee shop. My contingency plan is already underway and you'll even get credit for capturing pictures of Twilight in the act even if you were too chicken to actually step in and stop her before she destroyed the fall formal.”

Enjoy the taste of failure.

She stood up and kicked me in the chest, knocking the wind out of me. I tried to breathe but my lungs weren't working. I managed to force out one last squeak of pain before my entire body went limp.

Oh god, it hurts. Not again.
Don't move. It's time to give up.
Make it stop hurting.
I will. Just let go and give in.

I dimly heard Sunset's voice one last time. “It’s really too bad. You probably would have made a good minion if you’d just obeyed properly. Now you just need to go away.”

I saw a purple and black blur coming straight at my face. I tried to move my arms to protect myself but they refused to respond. There was a burst of pain and everything started to go dark. Something grabbed my leg and started to pull me across the concrete but I could barely tell what was going on. I heard a quiet, menacing whisper in my head as everything faded out.

Finally.

Author's Note:

There's not much I can say without risking spoilers. I'll have to let the next chapters speak for themselves.

There are some excellent instructional videos on youtube. The one through this link is a brief instructional explanation of foot movement when fighting with the rapier. I included it since he is also using the basic stance Silver is trying to describe to Twilight.

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