• Published 13th Sep 2016
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Finding a Place - Battlecat



Moving to Canterlot was supposed give Silver Spark a chance to begin again. So far that hasn't worked out.

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Chapter 3 - To Hurt (R)

I was at my kitchen table eating supper when I heard the sound of crunching gravel out front. Before I could react, the front door was knocked off its hinges. Dark figures burst in and charged, reaching out for me with scaly claws. I grabbed my long sword and took a swing at the lead figure. The first one fell, but the rest of them quickly overwhelmed me. I could feel their claws tearing into my arms, back, and shoulder.

A large creature came through the door once I was fully restrained. While it looked vaguely humanoid, it had a large scorpion tail jutting out of the back of its indistinct body. It smiled, revealing a mouth with far too many teeth in it.

“It’s time to finish paying the price of your actions brat. They’ve already covered the rest of the cost,” he said, tilting his head at the front door.

My eyes followed his gesture and I noticed there were two crumpled figures by the door. I recognized the forms and a wave of sorrow and guilt washed over me.

“I’d kill you now but that’s so final. It's amazing what someone can live through. Enjoy the remnants of your short pitiful life.” Then the scorpion tail slammed into my stomach.

I opened my mouth to scream but I couldn’t force any sound out.


Thursday, September 29, 2016

I woke up screaming at the top of my lungs and sat up as if someone had shocked me. It took me a minute to realize where I was and that I hadn't just been stabbed in the stomach. I actually ran my hand across my stomach, only flinching for a moment when my fingers touched the rough skin that was usually hidden from sight. I flopped back down on the bed and gasped when my head pulsed with pain. Waking up with a headache just added injury to the insult that was the nightmare. It was only four forty-five in the morning but there was no way I was falling back asleep after that.

Dear God, that was the worst nightmare I've had in months.
No less than you deserve. Or did you forget what you brought on your family?
. . .no, because my brain won't let me forget. At least that was just a dream.
Hah. Just a dream. You're delusional.
Oh shut up, I'm thinking about something else now.
You know that never works.
Yeah, I know. I guess I just need to get ready to face the day.
Meh, just give it up. Just stay home and mope like you know you want to.
I think I need to try. Twilight might want my help.
Doubtful, but go ahead. Give it your best shot.
Really?
Sure. It'll be amusing to watch you collapse when I'm right.

I dragged myself out of bed by five thirty and threw on my sweatpants and a t-shirt. The thought of chatting with Twilight again combined with the adrenaline from the nightmare gave me a bit more energy than I'd had in a few weeks. I went downstairs, pulled on a pair of running shoes and walked out into the cold misty morning. A light fog hung over the quiet fields. The birds weren’t even chirping yet. I took a breath of the cold air and pulled on a thirty-pound backpack. Today felt like a good day just running.

I ran across the meadow to the fence and begin jogging the perimeter of the farm. The border of the farm was a bit over one mile of rough bumpy terrain. I was going to make two circuits this morning. My eyes drifted over the scenery. The meadow had some young maple and oak trees sprouting up. Spots of yellow and white were peeking out of the fog where the last flowers of fall were waiting for the sun.

As I came around to the end of my first lap I could smell the apples on the trees in the giant orchard that bordered my property. The farm was filled with orderly rows of trees with thousands of late-ripening apples waiting to be harvested. It was a soothing, refreshing smell that I never experienced in Manhattan. The rising sun was painting the puffy clouds orange and pinks.

I was breathing heavily and my legs were aching as I walked into the house. I showered, ate two apples for breakfast, and packed my lunch in record time. I threw a couple of extra apples in my bag, just in case my insane suspicion that Twilight wasn't even from this world was accurate. If I was right, she might not even have a way to get breakfast. If I was wrong, the apples would make a nice snack for the walk home.


I was feeling apprehensive as I walked into the school forty-five minutes before class was due to start and I was regretting it already. The hairs on the back of my neck started prickling the moment I walked through the front door. I hunched down inside the hood of my sweat-shirt and casually glanced around the hallway. Normally the majority of the students would disdainfully ignore me. Now they were watching me with various degrees of mirth and hostility as I walked past. One student I didn't recognize even jostled me with his shoulder as he went past.

Why is everyone watching me? They mostly ignore me.
I told you things would get worse.
Are they actually laughing at me?
Of course. You're a total joke and they've finally realized it
Oh shut up. I'm going to find Twilight.
Why would she be any different?

The voice in my head seemed to be extra vicious today and it wasn't making my nerves feel any better. The unwanted attention from all the students in the hallway was making me feel sick to my stomach. Then I saw Twilight walk out of the library and head down the hall away from me. I watched with growing concern as the other students glanced at her and began to laugh at her as well. Twilight must have felt the same way as I did because she picked up speed and dashed around a corner. I was taking it slow, trying not to be noticed but I picked up the pace a bit to try and catch up with her before she disappeared.

I stopped short when I came around the corner. Fluttershy was coming down the hall and walked into a classroom closely followed by two other girls who I recognized as Applejack and Pinkie Pie from class. Just like most other students in the school, I'd never really spoken to them. When the door closed I started down the hall to catch up with Twilight. I wasn't intended to pay the classroom any attention but then I heard Twilight's voice inside. I stopped and slipped my backpack off so I could stretch my shoulders a bit. I listened at the door to see if there was any point to intruding.

Twilight's voice was brimming with confusion. “Why do you think she doesn't care? No, never mind. Why were you all looking for me? What's going on?”

“Oh, she hasn't seen it yet,” said Fluttershy sadly.

“Seen what?”

A nervous laugh escaped from Pinkie Pie. “Oh, it's not really that bad.”

A moment later, Sunset Shimmer's voice started speaking from what sounded like a recording or a video. “Twilight Sparkle wants to be your Fall Formal Princess. But what does it say about our school if we give someone like this . . . such an important honor? What kind of princess would associate with a dangerous criminal?”

Criminal? Who was Twilight with yesterday?
Well, obviously it’s you. Who else could it be?

Twilight's voice was shocked and I could imagine the dismay on her face. “But all this happened yesterday! At the library! Has everybody in the school seen this? Is that why they were all looking at me that way?”

“Fraid so Twilight,” replied Applejack.

“What am I going to do? No one is going to vote for me after seeing this.” Twilight sounded like she was working towards a major panic attack.

“Honestly darling we can work through this. It's too bad you spent all that time with that dreadful boy. You'll never get the crown if you associate with . . . distasteful individuals like that.”

The newest voice was familiar but I couldn’t put a face to the voice. The tone and accent painted a picture of a rich popular girl who would have all the connections that Twilight would need now. She would be able to help Twilight fix the damage I had caused by simply offering her my help. The cold lump had returned to my chest and there was a buzzing noise that drowned out the world for a moment.

See. You failed and ruined everything.
I guess that's it then. Fluttershy too.

I had missed the next few words in my stunned haze but the next words of the posh girl rang out clear as a bell.

“Who you are seen with is as important as what you have to say! Some people are just socially inconvenient at best but that boy is far more of a . . .”

I just turned and walked away before I could hear any more. The reality of my situation had just crashed down on my shoulders. What was the point in trying to reach out to my classmates when it was obvious my hand would just be slapped away? My emotions were in the worst turmoil I'd felt since arriving in Canterlot and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle my classes in this state. It wasn't the first time I'd fallen apart at school and there was only one place I could try and recover here.


“Why hello there Silver! What brings you to my humble abode today? Fancy a game of dice? Or did a toilet explode on the ground floor again? Did those lovely chaotic classmates of yours break something while chasing you again?”

I was standing at the door to the janitor’s storeroom. His room was a haphazard jumble of mops, brooms, and other cleaning supplies. In the middle, there were three mismatched chairs and a rickety table. I was standing face to face with Discord the school janitor. He stood over six and a half feet tall and was mismatched in every way possible. He wore two different kinds of gloves, two different boots. His hair was even styled differently, braided one side and loose on the other.

“Maybe another time Discord,” I replied. “I just need to go to the roof today.”

“Oooh,” he said clapping his hands with almost childish glee. His mismatched red eyes widened with excitement. “Already? Can I watch again? I do so love a good show!”

“Sorry Discord, I . . . I think I need to do this alone today. Next time, I promise.”

“Oh pooh.” He pouted theatrically for a moment before smiling again. “Fine! I’ll hold you to that though young man. Go right ahead, you know the way.”

I had met Discord on the second day of school when my locker had been turned into a trash can. He was a bit crazy but friendlier than anyone else I had met here. He laughed, strangely enthusiastic about the mess. “All this chaos keeps me employed right?” he said. Somehow we wound up talking about my status as the school outcast. Discord just laughed and said he knew exactly how I felt. He then made an open offer for me to visit anytime.

I occasionally took him up on that offer and eventually brought a few items to school to help with the bad days. He never asked any questions about my past or why I needed wooden training swords at school. I don't think he actually cared as long as he got to watch once in a while. I stripped off my sweatshirt leaving only a light t-shirt. I pulled on a pair of weighted bracers, snagged a sword at random, and climbed up the ladder to the roof of the school.

The morning sun momentarily blinded me but once the spots cleared I idly noted my surroundings. The dew on the glass dome of the library was sparkling in the morning sun. I could see half of Canterlot but I wasn't in a mood to appreciate the beauty of the town and the surrounding hills. Instead, I walked to the middle of the roof where I had marked a single spot. I tied a blindfold over my eyes and took a deep breath.

The training was the one place where I still could find peace. Steel Rain had taught me this exercise as an alternative to the more drastic solutions I had been messing with before moving. He called it shadow sparring, an exercise in focus and meditation combined with a careful series of combat moves. As I tried to prepare an out of focus replica of the school roof appeared in my mind's eye. The difference was, on this rooftop was a series of shadowy figures. I got ready and waited for the first shadow to make its move.

Useless. Creep. Coward. Failure.

As the first shadow charged I raised my sword to block the attack and then countered with an imagined killing blow. The shadow vanished into dust allowing the next one to move in. During past attempts, my mind would calm quickly but today the voice in the back of my head wasn't giving in so easily.

You're an actual criminal in their eyes. Priceless.

I made each attack and step with calculated precision. I knew exactly where I was on the roof of the school. With every strike, I had to switch stances or positions to focus my mind away from how badly I was hurting inside. Every strike felled another imagined enemy.

Worse, they haven't even see what you truly are, you worthless coward.

Normally, the mere act of sparring would quiet my mind. Between focusing on the moves and tiring myself out with the extra weight on my arms it was supposed to be easy to forget my troubles. Today was a different story. Ever since my life came apart at the seams I had been forced to contend with constant self-doubt. It had been manageable between my medication and these exercises but today it was more distinct. Almost like it was something other than me and I feared it heralded a far worse mental breakdown. I redoubled my efforts as the shadows continued to appear.

You are completely alone.
Twilight hates you now.
Fluttershy is terrified of you.
You don't deserve friends.

It was a strange feeling as the shadows began to gain the upper hand on me. I was finding it hard to ignore that voice reminding me that there really was no future for me. I had been arrogant enough to hope for a change twice in as many days. My morale sank and with it, my ability to handle the sword went as well. The strikes became sloppy and frantic as I tried to regain control over myself but it was no use. With one last scream of despair, I let out a desperate horizontal swing. Instead, I overextended and lost my balance. The roof flew up to meet my face and my sword went skittering off across the roof away from me.

Is there anywhere left to turn?
Not for you. Nobody will even care if you vanish.

I didn't have the energy left to lift my face off the sun warmed roof tile or even to roll over. All I was going to do was just lay there face down on the roof while the hot sun beat down on my back. There just didn't seem to be a point to getting up and moving on with my day. For a moment I even imagined that I heard footsteps on the roof coming towards me.

“Silver Spark, are you alright?!”

“Oh dear!”

Wait, that's not my imagination.

My eyes shot open behind the blindfold and I clawed it off my face to see what was going on. To my surprise, the roof had quite the crowd on it. Twilight, her dog, and Fluttershy were making the most noise as they ran across the roof towards me. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Discord, and another girl with purple hair were hanging back near the roof hatch. My vision was blurred and I couldn't make out the expressions on their faces clearly. I summoned the energy to roll myself over onto my back just as Fluttershy and Twilight knelt down next to me.

I stared at Twilight, trying and failing to comprehend why they were all here. “Why are you here? You need to be working on fixing up your reputation to win the crown.”

“That's the plan,” Twilight replied. “I'm not sure how to do it but I'm going to need all my friends to help. That includes you.”

“Me?” I said, avoiding her intensely inquisitive eyes. “Why me? I'm a complete outcast and a total liability. That video proved it. Don't waste your time or chances on me.”

Before Twilight could respond to me I experienced a nearly forgotten sensation: A hand gently touching the exposed skin on my arm. I looked over and saw Fluttershy's pale yellow finger following along one of the ragged lines of pale skin that made up the web of scars covering my upper arm. I shivered at the unexpectedly gentle touch and pulled away instinctively.

“What happened to you Silver?” Fluttershy whispered in a horrified voice. “I've never seen so many scars on one person before.”

The memory of glass ripping across my body flared through my brain. The screaming and the pain rushed forward threatening to overwhelm me as my heart began pounding out of control. I mentally slammed the door on those thoughts as best I could before I had a full panic attack. I took several deep breaths before answering.

“It's not important right now,” I finally whispered, turning my attention back to Twilight. “Twilight, you've got help from Fluttershy and those three over there. Why would you bother with me?”

“How could you say that?” Twilight asked, glancing over towards the roof hatch. “You didn't even hesitate to help me yesterday when I looked like a complete idiot. You were incredibly patient and respectful considering how lost I was. If that doesn't make you my friend, I don't know what would. Friends stick together no matter what. If I valued the crown over my friends, I'd be no better than Sunset Shimmer.”

I stared at the sky while I tried to reconcile the situation that just wasn't meshing with my mental state. How could she see me as a friend after such a short time? Finally, I found my words. “I . . . I don't know what to say. How did you even find me?”

“Spike tracked you using the scent on your backpack,” Fluttershy replied while scratching him behind the ears. Spike seemed to enjoy the attention but he rolled his eyes in a very un-canine manner when he leaned into her hand. “You left it behind outside the classroom we were in. Then Mister Discord told us you were on the roof and here you are. He's such a gentleman, isn't he?”

Twilight choked back a laugh or something.

“He's certainly one of a kind,” I agreed quietly, glancing over at him and noting the huge grin on his face. “There are some apples in my bag for you Twilight. I was worried you might miss breakfast with all your planning.”

Twilight took my hand and helped me up to a sitting position. “Thank you, that was very thoughtful. I never imagined these bodies could move like that. Whatever you were doing with that stick looked . . . intense.”

“It's called medieval fencing,” I replied instinctively. “I learned most of it from my Sensei, Steel Rain, and also from my-”

I cut myself off and shook my head before my emotions got out of hand again. I had been fighting to suppress all these memories and emotions for months now but these girls seemed to be drawing it all out. I put my arm over my face and wiped the moisture away from my eyes. A comforting hand rested on my shoulder.

“Don't worry about it right now,” Fluttershy said, her voice incredibly gentle. “We'll be here to listen when you're ready.”

I didn't manage to pull a smile on my face but I nodded my silent agreement. Before I could put together my next words, the world suddenly turned pink. A torrent of words began assaulting my senses.

“You were like whoosh, slash, and spin and it was amazing but then you got all sad and fell down. I am so sorry I’m Pinkie Pie and I like to make people smile and throw parties but you weren't smiling cause everyone is being mean and you still aren't smiling and I was one of the meanies avoiding you and I didn't even try to help but I should have done something and now I really want to make it up to you and help make it better and maybe I can throw you a party or something and then we can MMPH!

I was simultaneously grateful and disappointed when Applejack put her hand over Pinkie's mouth. A part of me was curious how long she would have kept talking. As it was, Pinkie kept trying to talk through the hand, making Applejack shake her head. I caught a glimpse of blonde hair, tanned skin, and uncertain emerald eyes before I averted my gaze.

“Slow down there Pinkie, yer gonna overwhelm him,” she said in an amused tone. Her voice was filled with uncertainty. “Ah'm Applejack and it was right inhospitable of me to not talk to ya just 'cause of a few unconfirmed rumors. Mah sister has troubles with bullies and ah' shouldn't have made assumptions ''bout you.”

Well that's something.
You're a fool. Your optimism will be your undoing.

“I suppose I will have to give you a chance as well,” the posh girl chimed in having walked over. She had blue eyes, pale skin, and immaculately styled purple hair that I was sure I'd seen in one of my classes. “We shall see what comes of this . . . decision, given your less than . . . ideal reputation. My name is Rarity.”

I looked at the girls skeptically. “A short time ago you were all trying to convince Twilight that I was a liability or worse. Yes, I heard what you were saying and I'm not entirely sure I disagree. What did you do Twilight?”

A smug, self-satisfied expression appeared on Twilight’s face. “I lectured them” she declared proudly.

Pinkie started jumping up and down in excitement! “You should have seen it! She was all . . .”

Twilight, A Short Time Ago:

“What do you mean socially inconvenient? That's a horrible thing to say! I was a shut in bookworm a year ago. It took friends to help bring me out of my shell. They made me a better po- . . . person but it would never have happened if they hadn't reached out to me. It's possible it wouldn't have worked out but at least they tried! What in Equestria put him in that position in only two months?”

“Well, there were some rumors that went around when school was about to start . . .”

“RUMOURS?! Did anybody actually ask him? Or even try to confirm the stories? I survived a whole afternoon with this “dangerous” individual. He was nicer to me than just about every other student in this school with the possible exception of you four.”

“But Twilight, they said he’s . . .”

“I don’t care about what they said! Name one single thing he’s done wrong since he got here that you’ve actually witnessed.
If he’s that horrible, it should be easy to come up with something.”

. . .

“GAHH! I swear this is just like that mess with Zecora. I'm not accepting hearsay without proof again. Speaking of which, what about this stuff you girls are fighting about? You were friends once, remember? Have a look at this . . .”

Now:

“ . . . and then Twilight proved to us how Sunset Shimmer tricked all of us into not being friends and we all hugged and decided we would work together to help Twilight and then we walked out the door and found your backpack and Twilight figured you'd heard Rarity and then we MMMPH.”

That was seriously all in one breath. Insane.

“Ah swear she could fill a full half-hour if we let her,” Applejack said while Pinkie just rolled her eyes. “So Silver Spark, do ya feel like helpin' us throw a wrench into Sunset's plans?”

My eyes jumped quickly from one face to the next as I tried to pull myself back together. Pinkie's expression of innocent glee was brutally contrasted by the concealed disgust on Rarity's face. Applejack was obviously uncertain in spite of her words while Fluttershy just looked sad. Finally, I rested my gaze on Twilight Sparkle. Her purple eyes looked hopeful and there was no deception in her expression that I could see.

They actually think I can help.
You'll just screw this up. Just like everything else.
Maybe but this could be . . . I dunno, something?
It'll all amount to nothing. They'll just use you.
If Twilight wants my support I'm going to give it to her. What do I have to lose?
Fine. You're just going to destroy her hopes of getting the crown.

“Ok,” I finally answered. “Ok, I'll do what I can.”

Twilight's smile lit up the morning in a way I never thought possible. “Thank you. Thank you all so much. I'll meet you all at the front entrance at lunch break then. We'd better get to class.”

I got up to my feet and walked over to retrieve my training sword while the girls began making their way down the ladder. They had started chatting while they went down the stairs and I heard Discord's over the top greetings to the girls. Strangely, the angry voice in my head had quieted down. It almost felt like it was sulking of all things.


As much as I wanted to find the girls at morning break, I really had no clue where they were going to be until lunch. The only two I counted as anything more than acquaintances were Fluttershy and Twilight. I couldn't risk being seen with Fluttershy though and I had no idea what Twilight's class schedule looked like. So I walked through the halls, doing my best to avoid trouble. I saw Gilda and Lightning ascend the stairs ahead of me so I ducked into the hallway with the burned out lights to hide. I stayed out of sight beside a locker and started to sit down.

“Well, well, well, if it isn't Sparkles new pet. One pathetic loser deserves another I suppose.”

I looked towards the entrance to the hallway again. Sunset Shimmer was leaning on the corner at the entrance to the hall with a smirk on her face. I scrambled back to my feet in a panic and got ready to run. She didn't make any immediate moves towards me so I paused a moment and waited. I honestly had no idea what to do.

She looked me over from head to toe and snorted derisively. “It's amazing what students in this school will believe isn't it? A few words here, a rumor planted there well in advance and boom, you have a worthless social outcast. Rumors are amazing, aren't they? You never know when one will pop up out of nowhere.”

“What are you implying?” I asked nervously after a moment of silence.

She didn't answer immediately and walked towards me with a slight sway in her step. I looked straight down at the floor and avoided making eye contact of any sort. She stopped just a few short paces from me.

“Nothing at all,” Sunset said, though the vicious tone of her voice suggested otherwise. “Just pointing out the facts of life. Reality is meaningless; it's what people believe that really matters. A few words in the right place and everything could change. Sympathy or hatred, it's really up to you.”

“Everyone already hates me,” I replied without thinking.

Sunset's laugh sent a chill down my spine. “Oh, you poor, fooling, unimaginative boy. You really have no idea how much worse things could get for you.”

I couldn't make myself move even though I could probably outrun her. She began to walk around me, trailing a finger along my shoulder. “It could get so much better for you though. All you have to do is follow orders.”

Oh god, what do I do?
You don't have a choice. Obey her.

A defeated sigh escaped my lips. “Fine, you've made your point. What do you want from me?'

“Why just keep doing what you're doing. Be a good lapdog for Sparkle and her allies. Stay close and find out their plans. As soon as you know something, contact me. If you help me win the crown I will make all your pain go away and more.”

She gently trailed her finger down my front in an almost seductive manner. Suddenly her voice went cold as ice. “Cross me and you can't imagine the horror I will visit upon your life.”

Why me?
You're weak and easily manipulated. Twilight and Sunset are no different.

“Fine.”

She wagged her finger at me in a scolding manner. “Yes, Miss Shimmer.”

I felt degraded but I gave in. “Yes, Miss Shimmer.”

“Good boy,” She said brightly, giving me a pat on the head before handing me a card. “Here's my number so call me when you know something useful. See you soon.”

I watched her saunter off, leaving me to come to terms with my terrible options. Another shot of pain drifted through my head, warning of my reappearing headache. This was going to be a long day.

Author's Note:

I've been trying to figure out how to work the events into a normal school day. I am assuming they don't make a habit of skipping their classes so I'm working that in a bit. This one was particularly challenging to write. Silver Spark isn't exactly in a good place and he's still actively avoiding thinking about the reasons.

Here's a video of longsword sparring. It's a good example of the sword style Silver was using on the roof. Well minus the real opponent of course.

Also, I stumbled across this picture which was my inspiration for Discord's appearance. The link goes to the artist's deviant art page.

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