Gluttonous Desires

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Comments ( 7 )

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UnablePone

UnablePone #1 · Aug 30th, 2016 · 2 · · Chapter 4 - Collapse ·

Slice of life with no sex tag...

Fix it before they take it down~

Purple-Smart Heart

Purple-Smart Heart #2 · Aug 30th, 2016 · 2 · · Chapter 4 - Collapse ·

I think this would be pretty good with a little work. I think your prose is fine, and you started off pretty darn strong, but your editing and formatting started to take a dive the further along the fic got. Also, your imagery really started to break down, again this was as the fic went on. The initial gain/stuffing scene was really good, but when you really went macro you started to focus a lot on what Twilight's magic was doing, or how much her giant ass was breaking stuff, but the most important thing in a fic like this, Twilight's appearance, took a back seat. I had a really hard time keeping my idea of Twilight's appearance in my head, and that was a bit of a problem, but I think with a bit of work it could be fixed.

Still, this is a pretty nice offering. Great to see another put-together fic in the fat/inflation category!

7523144

Well, it was approved. I'm guessing they were okay with it because there's no overt sexual references. It is absolutely blatant fetish-fic, so the mature tag is needed, but there actually is no sex.

Archy

Archy #3 · Aug 30th, 2016 · · · Chapter 4 - Collapse ·

7523676

Thanks, i do appreciate the feedback. I wanted to start this one with a bit of an introduction then go into descriptive detail and drop the text. I do agree though it becomes muddled towards the end. I think because in the course of writing it i made edits that i failed to work very well. All in all good points to work on for the next one!

Archy