• Published 25th Jun 2012
  • 738 Views, 11 Comments

N.I.E. - DudeBroBrony

A tale of 2 bros who end up in Equestria. But these 2 aren't just your average joe. They're gangstas

  • ...

Chaptah 4: Poniez 'N the Hood

Chaptah 4: Poniez 'N the Hood

By: Dude Bro Brony


"Man I'm hungry. What we gotz to eat?"

The dark blue pegasus lay on his bed lazily yelling out to his brother down stairs. It had been three days since they had woken up in this land of magic and friendship. Two gangstahs that once lived the thug life on Thrasher street were now the newest residents of Ponyville. After some funtime adventures in Canterlot Princess Celestia herself gave the two brothers a home and preformed a spell that would keep them ponies until they found a way home. In those three days the brothers, Mo and Rex, hadn't even left the house. They got a daily visit from their probation officer Twilight Sparkle, but besides that they had no other interaction with the ponyfolk.

"Nuthin'. We fresh outta everything."

Rex, the taller and leaner unicorn yelled back to Mo with a hint of frustration in his voice. Adapting to living in what was basically a tree-house took some getting used to. There was no fridge, stove or anything in their home. All they had been relying on was the snacks Twilight Sparkle would bring them on her daily visits.

"Maybe Twilight was right, we should probably get jobs so we can start getting food and shit."

Rex climbed up the stiar into Mo's bedroom with that suggestion.

"No way! I ain't goin' out there! I don't know if you've noticed but everytime we go outside stupid shit happenes to us! First we end up in this gay ass town, then we get into it with some racist clerk on the train, then we get arrested for beatin' down some uppity-ass nigga in his own store, and now we're on probation for it. There ain't no way I'm gettin' out of this bed!"

With a heavy sigh Rex turns around making it seem as if he's leaving. Instead of leaving however Rex uses his back legs to buck Mo out of his bed.

"You ain't stayin' in here so you can day dream about that Fleur chick all day."

Mo crashes onto the floor getting his blanket all tied around his wings. He tries to get untangled but just can't seem to get loose. Feeling sympathy for his brother Rex's horn begins to glow a soft green enveloping the blanket in a soft green aura lifiting it up off his brother Mo.

"Shit! When'd you leanr how to do that?"

"Been practicing, what'cho think? Now get going, we're both finding jobs today. End of story."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming."

Reluctantly Mo follws Rex down stairs and out into Ponyville. Rex uses his magic once again to close the door behind him while taking out a stack of papers. He divides the stack in half giving some to Mo.

"These are all the Help Wanted ads I could find. Either find something by tonight or don't come home."

Without giving Mo the time to react Rex heads out into town for his first attempt.

"This is gay."


Rex approached a small little cottage at the edge of Ponyville. The land surrounding the cottage is similar to a farm with homes for various types of animals and critters. Using his leviation magic Rex examines the first wanted ad making sure he has the right place.

Help Wanted: Animal Care Giver. Looking for warm hearted pony who enjoys animals and can handle them well. Previous experience isn't necasary, but it helps. Please apply in person, if you don't mind that is.

Animal care? That could work. Rex loved dogs and had owned a couple throughout his life back home. Then again, that situation didn't end very well. Oh well! Rex gently knocks on the door. A timid and squeaky voice is heard from behind the door.

"Wh-Who is it?"

"I'm Rex, I'm here for the job."

"Oh, yes of course. Please come in."

Fluttershy unlocks her door and cautiously opens it for Rex. With a friendly nod Rex enters Fluttershy's cottage. With a small hoofgesture Fluttershy offers Rex a seat which he readily accepts.

"So, umm, have you worked with animals before?"

"I have, with dogs mostly."

"Oh, how wonderful. So you know how to wash, feed, clean, and care for them?"

"I did, yeah."


Rex pauses for a moment and looked away from Fluttershy.

"They...they aren't with me anymore."

Fluttershy looked a Rex tilting her head for a moment beofre her eyes went wide in shock.

"Ohmygosh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I- I-"

"It's okay, really, Miss?"

"My names Fluttershy. Your's was Rex correct? Wait, you're Twilight's new friend right?"

"I guess you could so we're friends."

"That's perfect then. Consider the job yours. Since you say you've worked with dogs beofre I'll get you started with Applejack's dog Winnoa."

Fluttershy happily trots out the door leading the way for Rex. Job number one had been a success!



The deafeniong shreik of Pinkie Pie could be heard throughout all of Ponyville. After the scream came sounds of a brawl of epic porportions. The door to Sugar Cube Corner would slam open revealing Pinkie Pie grasping Mo Kong by his mane and tail and literally kicking him out of the culinary shop. Unable to grasp flight in midair Mo would soar from the kick and land in a puddle of mud.

"And don't ever come back! EVER!"

Pinkie Pie would slam the door behind her and try her best to console her poor poor cupcakes. Mo however would rise from the mud and start shaking it off the best he could.

"Grrr! I hate this place!"

Mo grumbled more obscenities as he looked down at the stack of Help Wanted ads his brother had given him. So far none of them had worked out. He was no good at apple bucking, couldn't sell anything in the market square, he had no idea how to fish, absolutly nothing was working! And that job at Sugar Cube Corner was his last paper too. Mo had become desperate now. There was no more hope of getting a job. No hope of earning money. And that's when Mo got his next brilliant idea. Who said he actually had to 'earn' this money?

With a quick dash back to his house Mo began formulating his plan. In less than twenty minutes Mo was back out on the streets of Ponyville. This time he was set up with a card board box and three playing cards he had made himself. They were all identical in size and shape, but only one card was the White Princess with a crude drawing of Princess Celestia.

"Whats good fillies and gentlecolts? Step on up! I got three cards here, place down your bits and try to find the Princess. Pick the right card and double your money, but pick wrong and it all goes to the Mo Needs New Shoes Fund."

It didn't take long for the ponies to start lining up for this new game.


Meanwhile at Fluttershy's cottage...

"No! Nonononononononono!"

Fluttershy's normally calm voice became loud and fearful after seeing Rex with the animals. The grey unicorn had Winnoa and one of Fluttershy's pet snakes in a small makeshift arena. The two animals were starting to go at it with Rex cheering them on! Fluttershy watched in horror as the two animals began to fight each other and was even more disgusted by Rex's cheering.

"No stop! You mustn't let them fight like that!"

Rex looked away from his fun over to Fluttershy. He looked around for a moment trying to look innocent.

"Uhh...it's a training...exercise...yeah."

It was just like Rex and the dogs he used to have. He loved them and trained them both to be champion ass-kickers, but of course the ASPCA would have none of that and ended up taking his dogs away. Looks like he didn't learn that lesson. Fluttershy jumped inbetween the two animals and looked up at Rex angrily.

"Just go please...the job has already been filled."

Rex gave Fluttershy the stink eye before galloping away from her and the stupid cottage. It was working out well until she got all over protective. Despite the fact that Rex's first try had been somewhat successful his morale had been hit hard. Now he wasn't sure if a nigga like him could really make it in Ponyville. He looked down at his Wanted Ads and heading toward a round fancy looking building back toward town. He didn't even look at the name or job description and instead just walked into the Boutique.

"Hey, I'm here for the job."

Rex took a moment to look around not seeing anyone around. However a voice rang out to Rex shortly after his enterance.

"Just a moment!"

It was a happy voice that had a little melody at the end. Seconds later the beatiful white unicorn came out to the story front. She looked as if she was about to speak before she stood frozen looking at Rex. He seemed...familiar.

"Have, have I met you somewhere before?"

Rex lowered his golden shades to get a better look at the unicorn with the flowing purple mane.

"I...I think we saw eachother a few days ago in Canterlot. My name's Rex."

Rarity raised a hoof to her chin pondering before her eyes lit up in excitement.

"Oh! Yes! You were that ruffian that was arrested after assaulting Fancy Pants, right?"

Rex took a big gulp before responding to that.

"Y-yeah...that was me. I don't normally get angry like that, but..."

"Oh you don't have to explain yourself to me. I know how Fancy can get on peoples nerves. But if takes quite the stallion to stand up to him like that."

There's a little blush on Rex's face now. He can't help it really.

"Oh, you were here for the job, right?"

"Uhh, yeah."

It took Rex a moment to remember the whole job application thing. He didn't even know what the job he was applying for.

"Good! Well you look stong enough, and I'm assuming you know at least some basic magic skills, sooo congradulations! You're hired!"

Rex smiled at that! Then again he had been immediatly hired last time as well, and it didn't end well.

"Can you just run me through the job description again?"

"Oh of course dear. You're my new delivery boy! See I've been having trouble with our local mailmare, packages havn't been getting there on time, sometimes not at all. If you ask me she seems a bit too Ditzy to be delivering all the mail, but I suppose everypony must have a job. Just comeback tomorow and I'll have your first delivery ready to be shipped to Canterlot."

With an excited nod Rex would readily accept the task. He could deliver dresses and other outfits, no problem! Well maybe a little problem. Something about parole violation. Whatever.

"Okay, great! I'll see you tomorow then Mrs...?"

"Miss Rarity. I'll see you tomorow Rex!"

With the job secured Rarity returned to the back of her store and began to work away. Rex left the store with a swagger in his step looking back before Rarity's Boutique became completely out of view.


"Ouch! Sorry, lost again. Next!"

During Rex's escapdes around Ponyville Mo had remained at his makeshift cardboard table still playing these ponies. So far he had taken in some major coin, at least up to one hundered bits. Not a bad haul for a few hours worth of work. Of course every now and then he'd allow a pony to win just to keep'em playing. Mo didn't know much but he certainly knew how to hustle.

"Here's the Princess, you got it? Good. Now keep yo eye on the Princess, keeop yo eye on the Princess. Is she here, is she there, bitch could be any where."

Even with hooves Mo was a master and throwing those cards around. His speed was impressive and the way he worked way nearly mesmerizing. The rainbow themed pony he was currently working with was doing her bes to get an airal view of the cards to hopefully increase her chances.

"That one! She's there! I know it!"

Rainbow Dash slammed her hoof down on the center card. Mo just looked at Dash giving a sly smile.

"You sure?


Mo flipped the card revealing a crudley drawn Twilight Sparkle. That was the third time in a row Rainbow Dash had lost out on her bits. As Mo looked out at the crowd he noticed Rex heading over toward him. Not good.

"Sorry girl, but I'm done for the day."

"What! No! you can't be done!"

Mo took his cards and his box and made a run for it back to the house. Rex made his way over to the now disapointed corwd and began laughing. Rainbow Dash looked at Rex sternly, insulted by the laughter.

"What are you laughing about!?"

"You just got hustled. Nopony can deal cards like Mo. Chances are none of them we're the winning card."

Rex snickered once again before heading back to the house. Rainbow Dash's jaw hung open in disbelif that she had just gotten ripped off like that.


Rex and Mo sat at their little table counting out the bits Mo had made during the day.

"I gotta admit, you made a nice haul bro."

"Damn straight. Those little ponies didn't even know what hitt'em."

"Ya know, they'll probably catch on to what you're doing."

"Probably. But not for a while. That's another reason I miss home. If you needed money all you need to do was a little dealing. Doubt they got glass here in E.Q."

Rex's eyes shifted from side to side at Mo's comment. He leaned in close as if he was about to share a secret about some Pony drug they could start peddling. Mo raised his ear and leaned in to Rex as he began listening.

"Mo. Shut the fuck up."

To Be Continued...

Comments ( 2 )

For those of you that aren't being Haters: I might be able to get Chaptah 5 out in the next day or so. However it might be a week or more til Chaptah 6 since I'll be away at Bronycon. Who knows, maybe Lauren Faust and other writers will give me some tips on how to make it even more offensive. =D

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