• Published 28th Aug 2016
  • 1,920 Views, 27 Comments

Before the Solar - typervader



I'm not sure how I ended up here, but I traveled to the past. I never knew how unpeaceful the past is compared to when we live. I can't reavel that I'm an alicorn, and I have to find a way to get back to my time. But, that is easier said then done.

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Learning the ropes

I didn't get much sleep that night. I couldn't stop thinking about Spike and how worried he and all my other friends are. If they even knew what happened in the first place. I was stuck thinking about this until early light when I awoke from the sun's light. I got up and grabbed the small walking stick and made sure my cloak covered my wings before walking out of the alleyway. I noticed more ponies walking around then when I first entered the town.

"Ok Twilight. Mental checklist time. First, I am in the year two thousand B.C. Second, I seem to be the only alicorn around here. Third, I think they speak a similar language to me. Finally, I have no bits, no place to stay, and nothing to help me focus on getting home. Heck, I can't even remember how I got here. I need to work on getting a place to stay or a job of some kind." I thought to myself to get my thoughts in order. I deiced to take a look at the buildings in order to see what kind of town I was in. Before I was able to start walking, one of the guards I saw the other day came up to me,

"Cuse me Miss? Ye' happen to see this mare around town?" He asked in a strange voice using strange words. I panicked as he showed a picture, rather poor, of me. He didn't notice who I was, so I gave the stallion a reply.

"Can't say I have. I am just a traveler? What she do?" I answered, mustering what I could from oldy pony talk from the books I've read.

"Well, she seemed to have wings and a horn! We wanted to find out more about her. Personally, I think we were seeing things, but the captain said we need to find her." He explained.

"Wings and a horn? That sounds like crazy talk to me." I told him. "If I see her, I will let ye' know!"

"Thanks! Save travels to you!" He said before walking off. This cloak is doing a well enough job. I guess I should see if there are any jobs around here. I started to walk down the street, taking a better look at my surroundings. The town was very old looking, and didn't seem to large either. There were a few guards walking around, but there wasn't a big variety of ponies, which was strange to me. I continued walking for some time until I came upon an Inn.

"Ye Ponilde Inn" I read on the sign as I walked in. The Inn itself wasn't too big, but it very country like, if could call that a thing.

"Welcome! How can we help you ma'am?" The bartender asked me, and so I walked over to him.

"I was wondering if you were hiring. I need a job, and if you don't mind, room as well." I told him in my now made-up accent. \

"Well, that would be up to the boss. Let me go get him for you." The big brown and black stallion said, before walking back into the back room. I took a quick look around the Inn, and it seemed to be in good condition. It didn't seem too busy, only seeing a few other ponies around. I took a seat and waited for the stallion to come back.

"The boss would like to talk to you first. Just head behind that door if you would." He told me, pointing a hoof towards the door her walked though. I nodded and got up, walking towards the back of the bar.

"Word of advice to you." He dragged me in close. "We aren't a normal Inn." He then let me go. Not a normal Inn? I wonder what he meant by that. I went over and knocked on the door.

"Hello?" I called out.

"Come on in." I heard a feminine voice say. I was expecting some sort of big deep stallion voice. I walked in and I saw a pegasus mare sitting down on the desk. Her mane was a deep green and yellow, her fur a tan color. She had short cut hair. However, her purple eyes is what caught my attention. There was something 'off' about them, like they weren't normal.

"Please take a seat." She told me. Her voice was, I'm not sure how to put it. It was, beautiful yet scary. I took a seat, and looked at her. "So you want a job here?" She asked me.

"Yea. I'm from out of town, and I need a place to work, and if you can, give me a place to stay?" I asked her, hoping she could help me.

"Well. We do need someone to help out around here. Like cleaning rooms, severing meals, anything along those lines. I could also offer you up a small, unused room." She said. I was surprised by this, and how easy this was. I smiled.

"I'll take it. When do you want me to start?" I asked her.

"How about right now? We will get your room set up for you. And good luck." She said with a calm look on her face. I got up to shack her hoof, then stopped myself.

"I won't let you down." I told her.

"Before you leave, make sure you talk to the stallion out-front, he will lead you to where you will begin working. I did as she said, telling that same stallion what she said.

"Alright then, follow me." He said, leading me to a small room. "You will wait in here until you are called for a job." He then walked out, leaving me alone in this semi-empty room.

Comments ( 8 )

Well done! This is a significant improvement over the first chapter! Keep this up, it's sure to be an interesting ride.

A couple things though, keep working on grammar. There were a couple misspelled words and such. Also, watch your tense. I assume you want to tell this story in past tense, so make sure to turn "is" into "was" and the like.

Finally, a couple sentences caught my attention:

showed a picture, rather poor mind you, of me.

very country like, if you could call that a thing.

Try to keep "you" out of the narration. It detracts from the atmosphere of the story. If you have a character (like Pinkie for example) who is talking directly to the audience, that's different. But in normal narration, avoid expressions that use second tense. For example, in the first case, try something like "a picture, rather poor, fortunately."

Keep up the good work!

Not a normal Inn?.....:unsuresweetie:

Oh boy.... i have a bad feeling about this:twilightoops::rainbowderp:

Great job so far, first chapter caught my eye. Plus the second is a definite improvement. Just watch out for spelling errors. I did happen on a few wrong words in sentences and some sentences that could have been built a bit better. But good luck and this should be quite the interesting ride.

:facehoof: twilight!? trust you to walk into a brothel

Interesting. Will you continue this? The prompt shows promise, and the writing is not shabby either. Have a like, and I'll be following this one.

8260546
I'm planning to hopefully get back into this yes

Just another one on my plate, the hook has penetrated me once again and I'm feeling the line coming taut. I like it!

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