In the Company of Night

by Mitch H

Ponies Playing Poker

SBMS081

"OK, Holstein Hold 'em?"

"As if there's another game."

"Had to ask. Locals play some interesting variants."

"I… I grew up playing Rime Stud."

"What are the rules?"

"Two cards down for each player, four up, one down."

"So basically seven-card stud. Why 'Rime'?"

"I don't know, it was what my elders called it. You keep a few of the major arcana. The Fool, the Tower, the Empress, the World. Fool, World and Empress are wild. Tower busts every player out and the pot carries over into the next hoof."

"Huh. I like it. Gibblets, do we have a full deck?"

"Damnit, not on me. Go check the chest, there are five hundred years worth of old decks in there somewhere. Try Baba's shelf, you know how she kept things."

"Oh, yeah, I remember seeing something. If I didn't leave it for the ghouls back in Menomenie. Wasn't exactly thinking of poker at the time. I'll be right back."

***

"Ok, here. Whoever heard of playing poker with the major arcana?"

"We-well, it isn't the full arcana. But that's how they played it at home."

"I thought you were from some province east of the Inland Seas."

"They still called it Rime Stud."

"OK, Empress-Fool-Tower-World. And the usual suits."

"OK, OK."

"I never get tired of watching you shuffle."

"I never stop marveling at you horse-people playing cards. It's like I've been hallucinating for the past millennia and a half."

"Hasn't been a horse in the Company for three hundred years."

"Bah. Blind us. Sawbones, Sack. One-two sou."

"OK, I'll see a hoof."

"Call." "Call." "Call." "Raise two sou."

"Call, alicorns damnit." "So much for a hoof." "Damnit, Sack. Fold." "Call." "

The riffle of calls and raises hypnotically devoured the night. The actual play of coins, swords, wands and cups was almost beside the point. It was the back and forth that defined the game. Dancing Shadows' home-game was sort of a childish variant, but distinct in its own way, and the purpose wasn't to play our reassuring standards, but hers.

And it was hilarious to watch Gibblets grin as if he'd cleared the board, only to have Shadows turn over a hole tower and wash his princesses full of pages right into the gutter with a busted flush.

"We'll be holding actual sous to bet with next spring, if all goes well."

"Spit in one hoof and promises in the other, and you always have spit to your name."

"If you ever have anything optimistic to say, Sack, I think it'll be the day Eternal Night dawns."

"Somebody take your junk, I like to see you find bright side of things."

"I've said much the same about other promises, but the dead queen doesn't seem to care about money. It might be legit this time. It was the Bride, right?"

"Yeah, I told you so. If there's another arcane monster of that strength on this cursed mudball, they'd have come to blows long before this. If I had fillings, they'd have shook right out of my teeth."

"See? She'd kill us without thinking about it, but money promises? Probably good."

"Raise six sou."

"What the tartarus do you have to work with a three of wands, a six of swords, and a princess of cups? Call."

"Most like two wild down. Fold."

"She can't, because I have all of the wilds. Raise another half-denier."

"You don't have room in the hole for all of the wilds. Call."

"Blast it, somebody has something wild. Fold. As I was saying, money! We can start hiring carters, and maybe even stonemasons. Get somepony else to do all the heavy lifting for a change."

"This is why you'll never be rich, Sawbones. Soon as you have money, you want to spend it on something shiny, like basic necessities or fortifications."

"Pardon me for wanting to keep my squishy bits inside my hairy bits. Legates are probably still coming."

"We've got some ideas on those lines. Between our last sponsor and the Bride, I now have two data points on liches."

"I hope it isn't fire, it's always fire with you witches, and it never ends well."

"Hoo, look at that. Four princesses, she really did have two wilds down."

"Asparagus, why did you bluff into a presentation?"

"Because I thought it was a stone bluff?"

"Blind me. Think the Captain will be up to taking command tomorrow?"

"I'm not sure, physically I think she's up to it. Mentally - Yew Wall was the third or fourth friend she lost this last year and a half. Call."

"Fold. The Company really hasn't been catching it that bad, it's just that Tambelon's been tartarus on the leadership. We've been losing recruits and officers, nothing in between."

"What, you think she thinks she's next?"

"Nah, nothing that small-minded. Just mortality knocking on the door. Good hoof, Sack."

"Kept me in game. Now I have bankroll to lose to fickle cards."

"So, new Lieutenant. Elections are waiting on the epidemic burning itself out. Which it is."

"Do we really want another cohort commander? The current ones are barely seasoned. Their seconds need to simmer on the stove for another year or two before I'd trust 'em to fold laundry. Fold."

"Are you cooking the officers, or dry-cleaning them, Asparagus? Fold."

"Not much difference between cooking a stew and doing laundry. Both are judicious applications of fire and water to plant and animal matter."

"No wonder this last week's commissary-offerings all tasted like a mouthful of my caparison."

"That was the flu, you quack, and you know it. My kitchen is awesome, and always has been."

"Gah! Tower! Ok, ponies, toss in your cards, new hoof."

"I swear that card shows more often than you'd think."

"Five players. Seven cards. That is more than half the deck. Odds support it showing often."

"That's only if everypony stays in the hoof, Sack. Normal distribution's more like… hrm."

"About one third to one fourth of all hooves, I think."

"How are you not winning more with that kind of analysis?"

"Fate hates me, you know this."

"No fate but-"

"What we make!" chorused the table.

"Shuffle up and deal, goblin."

"You want to deal, witch doctor?"

"Nah, the pony with fingers can deal as long as he's in the game."

"Pony, yeah. How can you play against a stallion that crazy? It's just not fair."

"S-so, if not the commanders, who?"

"Doesn't have to be an officer. Tartarus, could be you, if somepony nominated you."

"Please don't, I'm not a soldier."

"We should put you in with the recruits and foals. The exercise would help you recover more quickly. And didn't you say you had militia training?"

"More l-like playing around and polo. The rich amuse ourselves and call it training."

"Eh, military training is a sort of play. With edged weapons."

"Ought to be Tickle Me. Raise six sou."

"Damn, colt, Sack has a hoof. Fold."

"You have to learn how he bluffs, Asparagus. Call."

"Fold. Why Tickle Me? She never has the vote, what with the first cohort always being short-hoofed."

"Maybe that why she is well-seasoned? Been in job for a long time. Raise another six sou."

"Call. Haven't been that many elections since she got her cohort."

"Dunno, before my time. But I like her for Lieutenant. Raise another six sou."

"Can't argue with that. And on the plus side, she'd finally shed that silly name. Call, I'll see what you have."

"Damn. Was bluffing. Three pages."

"Better than my two pair, I thought you had nothing or a tower. Your hoof."

"We going to see the foals down here before they get their marks, Gibblets?"

"Call. We were going to bring them down with the fair weather, and then the flu swept the camp. Maybe if we get another week of sun, we can finally march 'em down here. Sawbones, will it be safe enough then?"

"Yeah, should be. Almost nopony new is sick, and the holdouts like Shadows here are mostly just weakened. Tower!"

"Gah, this game is murder on the dealer. Tower, tower, tower… more blinds for the tower!"

"You know you love to show off. Raise three sou."

"Yeah, I really do. Call. I've got some new tricks I'd like to show the junior witch scouts. I've been stuck down here, too, you know."

"Don't bitch, you see your foals constantly. I've seen my Rye a total of six days in the last five months. She's gonna be a stranger at this rate. Raise half-a-denier."

"Raise a denier."

"What, you were still in the hand, Shadows? Fold."

"The what?"

"Sometimes the senile old ape forgets himself and calls a hoof a hand."

"Whatever, you damned striped pony. Your bet."

"Hmm. Call."

"Fives full of lords."

"Four knights."

"Grogar damn it! Why is it that the wilds are always in the hole?"

"Because nopony bet against wild in the open."

"Damn your cattle logic."

"Why were you worrying about money, Sawbones? You know you'll just lose it all at the poker table."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, the lot of you. Remember this the next time I have to dose you for the next round of the crud, your plot will be green for a week. Except you, Asparagus, you'll be puce."

"Another hoof?"

"Yeah, I'm not completely busted yet. One or two more."

"You know, you ought to write up one of these sessions for the Annals. I've been reading your stuff, it's grim as buck. You make the Company sound like a joyless lot of sloggers."

"Who wants to read about ponies playing poker?"

Author's Note:

Asparagus only pony at the table, Sawbones.

Sack, what did I say about you and your cattle logic?

Comments

[Dorath]

[Steakthedog]

Quite a few beings Sawbones.