Love to write whatever comes to mind and enjoy Brony stuff.
Aerin had always been nervous to fully try out his hobby that to most would be taboo. Although after finding a magazine and a special ad inside he decided to give it a shot. Turns out he was a hatchling inside all along.
Written for a friend of mine, it's his OC(Aerin) and mine (Gold Rush)
Contains adult foal(or hatchling in this case) themes with usage, but nothing too descriptive.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The story was quite good. It worked the typical babysitter/baby angle in a way that you don't see very often in ABDL fiction. A mail order babysitter isn't something you see every day and I personally felt that single change breathed new life into the concept.
Pacing seemed decent, however I would have liked more descriptive details added in to really flesh out the story. Colors, smells, sounds, and sights can really help the reader immense themselves into the world you're trying to tell the story in.
However, I feel that the mistakes in grammar robbed the story of its full potential. It can still be figured out what's being said with most of the mistakes, but it might ruin the reader's experience if they have to pause, thinking about what you're trying to say, and then fill in the blanks themselves. Like all problems of this nature, an editor could help solve it quite nicely.
7517143 I'm glad it came out as well as it did. I'm not stellar at noticing grammar mistakes, but youre probably right about adding more details
I think t was a good story
7517143 Yeah I guess I should have gave it a once over. I don't have an editor though but i'll do my best to touch it up a bit. Should have gone through it before posting.
This was a really nice fic. It's so nice having a griffin as the main character rather than a pony, definitely a breath of fresh air. The grammar wasn't really a problem for me. Thanks for the nice read