• Member Since 28th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen 19 hours ago

Thunderbolt Sentinel


We are all unique individuals, of our own merits, flaws, and beliefs. Together, we create the future.

T

"After many years of exploring, I think I can share a tale or two about my best adventures. You want action, excitement, ancient temples full of treasure and villains? I've got some tales for you then."
~ Shifting Winds


These are the adventures of Shifting Winds, and explorer and artifact hunter. Tales of success and failure, friends and enemies. From the hearts of the cities to the depths of the jungles, adventure awaits those who seek it out, and nopony loves adventure like Shifting Winds.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

Definitely a good start. The foundation is good. It is pretty risky using 1st person, but I can see it working here. :pinkiehappy: Good work and I'm looking forward to reading more chapters.

Fantastic!

Good grammar, no run on sentences I could really spot, but there were a few errors.

Overall, this is a great start! Here's a thumbs up cause its awesome.

vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/disneycreate/images/c/cf/Master_-_thumbs_up.gif/revision/latest?cb=20140326011458

From skimming it over real quick, here's what I got:

"...not just read someone else's!"

You use someone in the first few paragraphs, but switch to 'somepony' later on. Choose a pronoun and stick to it.

"Hard not to be when you make a living diving into ancient temples for a living."

You already said you made a living, and then repeat it again in the same sentence. Fix it.

Also, you should put a comma after any 'however' remarks, because there's usually a pause when someone/ pony says it. If you feel there shouldn't be a comma, however, don't put it.

I hope this helps!

Login or register to comment