He Finds Another One
It had been about two weeks since my run in with the Man Comic, and things had pretty much gone back to normal. I was back at my job with no incidents, and the citizens of Ponyville had largely been mollified when they found out that I'd been under the influence of some powerful magic. Spoiled Rich wasn't too happy that she couldn't have me arrested, but there wasn't much she could do about a royal pardon. The one downside was that Cheerilee kept wishing that I'd find another one so that we could have that spectacular time in bed again. Yeah, that would be pretty nice. Oh, and there were also the occasional mares who knocked on my door asking for The Punchmaster. Cheerilee, ah, had some frank words for them. Usually followed by the two of us making love so she could "mark her territory" I guess. Let every mare out there know that I'm her man. So a decent trade-off, I suppose.
Still, it would be kind of nice to find another one. Mostly so I could punch Celestia right in the face without any repercussions. The look on her face when my fist hit her face... The bruised hand was absolutely worth it.
But yeah, it would be kind of nice to find another one somewhere. It's not like Cheerilee had been disappointed by my... performance, she was still very happy with it, but being The Punchmaster had kind of raised a bar. Oh well.
I walked into a comic shop with a slim hope that I would be able to find one. Maybe, just maybe, I could find a Man Comic gathering dust in some forgotten corner, unseen by everypony. Sure, it might be a bit rude to go around punching everything, but I didn't want it for that. More for the bedroom. Cheerilee didn't walk straight for three days.
"Hello, Mr. Powell," said the proprietor of the shop. "How are you this morning?"
I shrugged. "Can't complain. Nothing would change if I did."
"Fair enough. Can I help you find something?"
"Not unless you got a Man Comic in recently."
The proprietor gave me a sad smile. "Once again, I don't even know what that is. If I find one I will let you know."
"Fair enough." I stopped by a display stand that held the latest issues of Batmare comics. Maybe I could pick one up. I did enjoy Batman back on Earth, so it would be interesting to see more of the similarities. The ones I'd read had mostly the same plot points: billionaire whose parents are killed by a mugger, travels the world and becomes a crime fighter, dons a bat suit with bat cave and loyal butler... all that fun stuff.
Ooh, what's this one? I raise an eyebrow and pick one up from the display. The Fatal Joke. If it matched up with The Killing Joke, I'd have something to read for a few of my lunch breaks. Equestria was just as capable of producing more mature comics as Earth. I flipped it open to what appeared to be a bookmarked page. Not sure why it would be bookmarked, unless this was a trade-in and whomever had sold it forgot their bookmark.
Except it wasn't a bookmark. My eyes widened when I saw what I had just run across.
Maybe I would have an interesting day after all.
* * * *
Celestia sighed in contentment before taking a dainty, princessly bite of her cake. Day Court had been stressful as usual, there were still a few repercussions of TD's little "Punchmaster" incident. Efforts to repair the Manehattan train station, and all that. Not to mention the insanity of all of the mares he ran into. Celestia had to admit, she had never seen something like that.
The door to her dining room opened up, and one of her servants came in, his head low and his ears drooped. Celestia smiled at him, but her smile shifted into a frown when she saw his demeanor.
"Is there something wrong?" she asked.
"Er..." Her servant uneasily rubbed the back of his neck. Uh-oh. "There's a problem in Ponyville, your highness. Again."
Celestia sighed and gently placed her fork down next to her plate. "I see. And what might the issue be this time?"
"It's, um... well, it's not good. We've heard reports of some "Punchmaster", or something like that. We've heard that the human is responsible."
Celestia facehooved. Her dammit. Not again.
"Me dammit, not again," Celestia muttered. With another sigh, she stood up and began walking out of her dining room. "I will handle it."
"Are you certain, Princess Celestia? He might punch you in the face again. There's even a pool in the palace between all of the servants about when he'll hit you again."
"Oh?"
"Y-yes."
Celestia raised an eyebrow. "And how much have you bet?"
"Well..." The servant's head went even lower. "A hundred bits that he won't do it again for another month. If he hits you now I'll lose to one of the chefs, and that one is a jerk."
"And he bet that TD would punch me in the face the next time I saw him?"
The servant nodded. "Yeah, three-to-one odds. He'll rub it in my face if he's right."
Celestia slowly shook her head as she reached one of the nearby windows. "I see." Celestia opened up the window, revealing a perfectly sunny day. "Well, regardless of what happens, I must go to Ponyville to help them."
"If you must. Just don't let him punch you in the face again," the servant grumbled.
"I will try, my little pony." Celestia paused for a moment. "But just in case, put me down for a thousand bits."
"Damn."
* * * *
"PUNCHMASTER!!!"
PUNCH
The building that had foolishly been built in the way of The Punchmaster collapsed from one awesome punch. Thankfully it was empty, but if it didn't want to be punched down, it should have moved.
"He's back!" Bon Bon cried.
"Awesome!" Scootaloo cheered.
"You!"
The Punchmaster spun around to see who had talked, and his eyes narrowed. Somepony was going to be punched hard. That somepony was Spoiled Rich, who was glaring at him with her husband and daughter by her side.
"You assaulted me!" Spoiled Rich growled. "Princess Celestia may have pardoned you, but I refuse to accept that!" She slammed her hoof on the ground. "I am going to have you arrested and thrown in jail forever!"
"Wrong! You die naked and wrong!"
Punch
With one awesome punch, Spoiled Rich flew back out of her clothes and hit the wall of a building behind her. Her clothes hung in the air for a few moments as if she was still in them, but they were cowed as they should have been, and floated to the ground.
"What in Equestria is wrong with you?" Filthy Rich roared. He ran over to his wife and checked her pulse. "I think you actually killed her!"
"Wrong again!"
The Punchmaster ran up to Spoiled Rich and punched her again. She gasped and twitched awake, holding her head because she probably had a concussion or something.
"There is a light when you die!" She rubbed her head and glanced up at TD with a glare. "You are--"
"You've been dead for hours!" The Punchmaster roared. Spoiled Rich screamed and shot to her hooves. "Give me your teeth!"
"Let's get out of here!" Spoiled Rich shrieked. Without any further prompting, brave Spoiled Rich bravely ran away. Nearby everypony began cheering.
"That was awesome!" Lyra said.
"Fuckin' A!" Sweetie Belle squeaked.
"Just once, Punchmaster!" Sea Swirl rushed up to The Punchmaster and hugged one of his legs close. "I'm really good in bed! I can finish a stallion for ten minutes!"
"The Punchmaster already knows." The Punchmaster slid his leg out of Sea Swirl's grasp. "The Punchmaster has a wife."
"B-b-but--"
"Punchmaster."
Sea Swirl sighed. "Fair enough."
* * * *
Silver Spoon sighed as she walked down the deserted streets of Ponyville. Something was happening in the town, that much was certain, but nothing she cared about. Smart filly. She absentmindedly kicked a rock as she made her way over to the park. Maybe there would be a few classmates she could shoot the breeze with.
Nope. The park was as empty as the rest of Ponyville. Maybe the Elements of Harmony were up to something. Silver Spoon groaned and sat down on the nearest bench. Just as she sat down she noticed a lone comic on lying on the bench next to her. She picked it up and looked at the title. Maybe it was a Spider-Mare comic. She blushed a little to herself at the though. If Diamond Tiara ever found out that she had a relatively impressive stack of comics hidden in her room.
However, she found herself disappointed. The cover was completely blank with the exception of the title. Man Comics. She frowned. What the Tartarus was a man, and why did it get a comic? Her curiosity overtook her and she flipped open to the first page.
* * * *
"So, you're all set for the guest lecture tomorrow?" Cheerilee asked, walking down the street with Twilight by her side.
"Oh yes," Twilight said happily. "I did this lecture at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns and it went over fairly well. I've taken out a few of the more advanced concepts, but if I know your students, they'll get it. They're pretty smart. If they seem to be getting it, I'll start moving on to more advanced topics."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Cheerilee said with a smile. "We just need to--"
Punch
Twilight frowned and began looking around. "Did you hear that?"
"Yeah, I think so." Cheerilee tilted her head. "I'm not completely sure what it was, though."
Punch
"There it was again!" Twilight spun around looking for the source of the odd noise.
"I wonder what it could be," Cheerilee said. "Maybe it's--"
"THE PUNCHMASTER!!!"
The Punchmaster burst through a nearby building, but he was so awesome that the building didn't collapse. The Punchmaster wouldn't allow it, because The Punchmaster isn't a total dick.
"Punchmaster!" The Punchmaster roared.
"Oh for Celestia's sake, not this again!" Twilight groaned.
"Yay!" Cheerilee cheerily cheered. "Punchmaster!"
The Punchmaster grinned at his wife and rushed over to her. "The Punchmaster sees his sexy wife!"
"And Mrs. The Punchmaster sees her sexy husband!" Cheerilee rushed over to The Punchmaster and leaped into his arms. She seductively smiled at him and began rubbing his chest. "Maybe we should find somewhere private? I think we won't have to see society for the rest of the day. We'll have a lot of fun."
"The Punchmaster already knows," The Punchmaster crooned.
"I am so done with this nonsense," Twilight growled. "I'm going to find somewhere safe from this stupid stuff."
"None of you are safe!"
The three of them turned around to see the source of the weird talking. To the surprise of Twilight and Cheerilee (The Punchmaster is never surprised) they saw Silver Spoon of all ponies standing about fifty hooves away. She wore what appeared to be a white marching band uniform complete with the ridiculous hat. A cardboard double Popsicle was positioned on the front of her hat. It would be a terrifying sight if The Punchmaster was ever terrified of anything, which he's not.
"The Punchmaster is not in the mood for this horseshit."
"I could resent that remark," Cheerilee pointed out.
"The night wind can always carry one more scream."
The Punchmaster gently put his wife down. He needed to handle this alone. He smiled confidently at Popsicle Spoon/Pete/Whatever. She was just another thing to punch.
"The Punchmaster will beat you."
Popsicle Spoon let out an inequine laugh and the sky began glowing red. The walls of the nearby houses and shops began bleeding. Between The Punchmaster and Popsicle Spoon, the ground opened up and fire began spewing from the opening while the voices of the damned began moaning that "none of you are safe."
"History will never know of your successes. Only your many failu--!"
Punch
"The Punchmaster never fails!"
"Don't I know it!" Cheerilee said happily.
"You are nothing but the fool you appear to be!" Popsicle Spoon snarled. "I will destroy all you love!"
Punch
"Nobody destroys The Punchmaster, you half-witted imbecile! I am the destroyer of all! I will drown you in Popsicle juice like the rest of them!"
Popsicle Spoon paused for a brief moment. Even she realized how badass The Punchmaster is and always will be.
"I don't get it either," Twilight muttered.
You will, silly purple book horse. You will.
"You will leave this place and never return!" The Punchmaster growled.
"I have always been here. Always!"
The walls started bleeding more profusely as the clouds caught fire. The ground around The Punchmaster gave way, leaning him standing on a small little island. The hooves of the damned reached up from the ground and tried to grab The Punchmaster to drag him down to the unknown terror they endured for eternity.
They tried, but The Punchmaster was having none of that. He punched them. He punched them all. Each punch freed the souls of the tortured souls that reached out for him. So see? He does a lot of cool stuff with his punching. When he finished that, he jumped from his island and landed right next to Popsicle Spoon. He swung his leg forward but stopped just before he made contact. The Punchmaster does not kick. Ever. The Punchmaster--
"Punches!"
Popsicle Spoon flew back into one of the bleeding walls, getting the unholy blood all over her. That time of the month, I guess.
No that wasn't too far!
Popsicle Spoon groaned and rubbed her head. "I will never be... defeated. None of you are--"
"The Punchmaster is done with your nonsense."
Punch
With that, Popsicle Spoon got knocked out. Heck yeah. The Punchmaster is awesome. Everypony knows this. Everybody knows this.
The Punchmaster pointed to Twilight, then to Popsicle Spoon. "Handle that."
Twilight frowned as she looked at Popsicle Silver's unconscious form. "You're not going to just punch the evil out of her?"
"NOBODY QUESTIONS THE PUNCHMASTER!!!"
The Punchmaster brought his fist back for another epic punch, but nopony really wanted that one. I guess they thought Twilight was nice enough, or something.
"TD, no," Cheerilee said in her best "teacher voice."
The Punchmaster scowled, but didn't punch Twilight. Or at least, not as hard as he could have. He slowly brought his fist forward and gently tapped Twilight's jaw. Twilight rolled her eyes.
"The Punchmaster is done with this." He turned around and threw Cheerilee over his shoulder. "The Punchmaster has somewhere to be and something to do for hours."
"Yes he does!" Cheerilee said with a grin. "Let's get out of here."
Twilight sighed as she watched the two of them go. She would be glad when all of this "Punchmaster" nonsense was over with. On the other hoof, though, she could see how TD's hyper-masculinity could be attractive to mares, and maybe she... Twilight shook her head. No, no she couldn't think about that. She wanted nothing more to do with it. Which was too bad, because there was still Popsicle Spoon to deal with. She groaned and walked over to Popsicle Spoon, who seemed to be waking up. Popsicle Spoon groaned.
"None of you are--"
"Yeah, yeah, I know."
* * * *
Celestia landed in Ponyville to see relative peace. Yes, there were a few buildings with giant holes in them and a hoofful of mares that were fighting over the pieces, but that was relatively normal for Ponyville. All things considered, it wasn't the craziest Ponyville had been when she had arrived.
Either way, the first goal was to find her student.
She flew over to the library and found Twilight walking inside with a filly dressed in a bizarre outfit floating beside her. She landed beside Twilight and frowned at her.
"What has happened, my student?"
Twilight groaned and opened the door to the library. "I don't want to talk about it. TD went home with Cheerilee. If you see their house shaking, just try to guess why."
"I--"
"I'm going to figure this out then I'm going to go to sleep. I'm done for the day."
"It is only three in the afternoon, Twilight."
"Don't care."
Twilight entered her home and slammed the door behind her. Celestia heard no less than five locks close, followed by a shield around the entire library.
"I'm going to free Silver Spoon from this possession and then no more equine interaction!" Twilight yelled.
Celestia sighed and shook her head. Twilight clearly needed time. She spread her wings and flew over to TD's house. She noted the oddity of the bleeding walls all around her, but didn't put too much thought into it. She's give Ponyville some money for a few paint jobs. Maybe some hoses, or something.
She landed outside of TD's house. As Twilight warned her, the house was shaking slightly. The Punchmaster and Cheerilee were gettin' it on. Bow chicka bow wow! With nothing more to do, Celestia materialized a couch and a stack of newspapers and sat down to wait.
And wait.
And wait.
And wait.
After three hours the house stopped shaking. She nodded and put down her twelfth newspaper and sent them and the chair back to Canterlot. She waited a few minutes then opened the door to TD's house. She walked up to TD and Cheerilee's room and opened up the door. The two were in their bed, as expected. Both were lying under the covers, looking absolutely disheveled and exhausted. TD glanced up at Celestia and waved a hand at her.
"'Sup. What'r you doin' here? We aren't open to threesomes."
"I am merely here to see if you alright, TD. I heard you found another one."
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Lucky for me," Cheerilee said, snuggling up close to TD. "That might have been even better than the last time."
"The Punchmaster already knows," TD said with a grin before giving his wife a peck on the lips.
"It might be a few days before I can walk at all again, but that was totally worth it. Always."
"As lovely as it is to see true love between a married couple, I must insist that you cease searching for any more Man Comics. They are causing considerable problems here."
"Speak for yourself," Cheerilee said.
"I understand how this has been an overall positive thing for you, Mrs. Powell, but for the rest of us, we are not quite happy with how things are going." Celestia motioned to the door with a wing. "If we could have this conversation somewhere better for all of us."
"Oh, I guess," TD said with a sigh.
"Very good." Celestia waited for TD to get dressed and Cheerilee to take of the bracelet to return to her pony form. When they finished that, she moved to leave the room at the same time, bumping into TD. TD frowned at her as Celestia stepped aside.
"Oh, my apologies, TD."
"Um... no worries?"
As the three of them made their way down the stairs, Celestia decided to strike up the conversation early.
"So, where did you find this one?"
"Comic book store. Hidden inside an issue of Batmare."
"Ah, I suppose that might make sense. Though I am curious as to why reading one changes you into this 'Punchmaster' character."
TD shrugged. "Dunno. Not sure why it happens."
"I question whether or not you could find another one."
TD's eyes narrowed and he swung around, punching Celestia right in the face.
"Nobody questions The Punchmaster!"
"Excellent."
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This was beautiful! Excellent bet by Celestia by the way.
Another adventure, another punch.
Quality entertainment as always.
All clowns are the minotaur. It will never be you birthday again.
So I guess there is something TD loves doing more than punching Celestia.
Cheerilee.
A Popsicle Pete/MAN COMICS/MLP crossover... Thank you, sir! Thank you! You have no idea how long I have waited!
This is so punchtastic, wounder how long you can keep this rollin.
Awesome... Just so much beauty...
In the next issue of MAN COMICS!
Punchmaster finally meets his match... In the Orange Farm Horse, Buckmaster! Will he survive? Will an unlikely friendship be forged? Will Celestia get punched in the face again? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!
...weeps tears of joy...
Punchmaster...Popsicle Pete...so beautiful!
7603581 The Punchmaster can keep it going forever! Nobody questions The Punchmaster!
7604188 Touche.
I'm crying... that was so beautiful
*slow clap*
So Punchmaster CAN take on Popsicle Pete, always wondered what would've happened if those two met, because Punchmaster is level 10000 amounts of impossible masculinity, whereas PP is what would happen if a marching band fell into the void between worlds and came back warped by the horrors waiting there, forever resembling a combination between a drill instructor and a mistake by God.
Punchmaster vs. Pennywise.
Make it so. XD
PUNCH!!!!
I always wanted a series like this but never realized it until now...it's so...AWESOME! PPPUUUUUUUUNNNNNCCCCCCHHHHHHMAAAASSSSTTTTTTTTERRRRRR!
I loved Popsicle Spoon. Next chapter needs Spike Whiskey, drunk cop.
OMFG there's another chapter.
7610639 So, um... answer me honestly: are you a JonTron fan?
7611257 Ỹ̩̦̮̘͎̞̀ͬ͊̽ͯͦͨ̑̃́̃͒͝ē̶̝͓̌͒̀͞sͫ̽̋ͤͣ͗̍͢͝͏̷͎͈ͧ͑ͮͪ͟ͅͅ ̝͊̓͠͏̥͉͔̟ͨ̂͗̊́͟S̡͙ͤ̆͑ͥ̿o̷̢̧͎̞̜̞͛̐͒̕̚͞ͅṙ̢̻̞̰͒͏̰̙͉͆̌ͧ́̉̏̈͜͝͠ṱ̳̣̳̫͌̂̎̈́̋̕̚ȁ̎̚҉̨͍̿ͪ̋̋̒ͣ҉̢̽.̻̲̦̭̳͈͕́ͯ̉̾̊҉̢ͤ ̗̺͇̖͈͖͍͓͈̳͓͂̓̋̀̄̒̐͠Í̩̓̽͛ ̈́ͭ̉l̋͆̈́ͥ҉̴̧͙̗͓͔̹̏ͮ̏ͥͬ͢i͔͂ͣ̿k̵̫̖̖̳̾̎̇̎̍͐͋̔e̸͙͚̞̮̙̰̘͚͙͗̔̂́̊̓ͤ͆͂͠ ̟̌͏͘҉̰̯̄̎̎̚A̛̓̑̅҉̭̽͊ͩ͢VG̹͇͍ͦ́Ņ̗͖͉̹͙̭̺͌̀̌ͨ͐ͤ̚͜͞ ̢̧̣̤̜̝̾̀ͣ̽͞ͅb̶̸̡̠̱͔̘́̊̅͊ͪ̌̇ͮ̀͘è͇̯̖ͩ̈ͦ̆̍̔̋̆͏̼̬̋̑̐̌͑ţ̯̞̳͙̙̗̐́̈́ͥ̄ͣ͆ͦt̴̸̖͔̝̤̜̟̜̟̏ͬ͊ͫ̋̀̎er͏̧̭̗̒͑ͤͯ̎͒̐̚͝r
The first was better imo. But this was still quite enjoyable.
SAXTON...HALE!!! would like to have a word with you, please.
wallpaperswa.com/thumbnails/detail/20121130/team%20fortress%202%20gorillas%20saxton%20hale%201200x1611%20wallpaper_wallpaperswa.com_24.jpg
...More time to
killpunch?The Punchmaster vs Kickmistress
I need more of this in my life.
Well, at least I got here before the Saitama comments...
pm1.narvii.com/5836/1fb9d5a1f260f1c0c7af62d7d366dd051ac5b8e5_hq.jpg
when TD gets back to earth, play this
She'd
Well. That happened.
And this is what I was listening too when I found out this had an update.
Cheerilee cheerily cheered...... well if that’s not a tongue twister i dunno what is, but yea, nothing’s impossible for the.....
PUNCHMASTER!!