Chapter 14
Veil of Thoughts
By Starwin
Chapter 14
Due to many comments, many of which I agree with, this chapter has been significantly reworked, twice... So, uh, third time’s the charm? Apologies to everyone, minor stress breakdown. Hopefully this should be just a bit more fulfilling.
Applejack felt the world flicker into existence around her as the darkness of Death receded. For a brief moment everything was slightly fuzzy and out of focus. Bright, rainbow colored light filled the room. Applejack could see outlines of objects, but they had no color.
All at once, the roar — that Applejack hadn’t even realized was there — ended abruptly. Absolute silence pressed against her ears and the multi colored light left her vision. After a few blinks her eyes adjusted back to the flickering candle light.
Applejack found herself standing in the center of the library. She was in the exact same spot she had departed from. In fact — she glanced around the room — everything seemed to be exactly as it had been when they had left.
“Whoa!” said Spike, breaking the silence. Applejack found the baby dragon standing in the exact same spot he had been too, like he hadn’t moved for hours. “What was that supposed to do?”
“It let us travel into Death,” answered Rarity. She looked a little unnerved at her own words.
“Are y’all okay, sugarcube?” whispered Applejack to the lavender mare with the rainbow hair. The mare had her eyes closed and didn’t speak, but nodded very slightly.
“Into… into Death!?” cried Spike. “Good thing it didn’t work!”
“Didn’t work?” asked Fluttershy softly in mild disbelief. She peaked out from around the mare to look at Spike. “Oh no, that can’t be right, we’ve been gone for hours.”
“Uh, no,” said Spike, “You’ve just been standing right there. There was all this light and noise and stuff. I watched the whole time, you guys didn’t go anywhere!”
“But I felt it!” cried Pinkie, flinging her forelegs into the air and spinning around dramatically. “I was there, on the other side, flying through a field of the most amazing balloons I’ve ever seen! And there were streamers racing across the sky! It was like the biggest, bestest party ever!”
“Say what now?” asked Applejack. Pinkie had drawn her attention away from the unresponsive mare at the group’s center. “I didn’t see no balloons, just green fields of apple trees.”
“And I saw beautiful butterflies!” added Fluttershy, moving out to join Pinkie and Applejack. “More butterflies than I’ve ever seen before! Except…” Her voice trailed off uncertainly. “I got the feeling that they didn’t want to be my friends. Almost like they didn’t want me there.”
“Wow! Really? Because that’s exactly how I felt!” exclaimed Pinkie. “It was like I wasn’t invited to the party!”
“I can’t believe we just did that,” muttered Rarity, taking a few steps away from the group. “We shouldn’t have been able to do that… you can’t bring the dead back…”
“Rarity, are you alright?” asked Applejack, taking a hesitant step towards her. “Ya don’t look so good.”
“No, I am most certainly not ‘alright’!” snapped Rarity. “Do you have any idea what we’ve done?”
“Calm down,” said a voice that froze everypony in place. “It’s not what you think.” For a long moment there was silence. Slowly, all eyes turned to the mismatched mare standing at the center of the room.
“Twilight?” asked Spike, a note of uncertainty in his small voice.
“Not what I think?” shouted Rarity indignantly, before anypony else could speak. “Not what I think! We went into Death and we brought back the dead! How, exactly, is that not what I think?”
“Because we didn’t bring back the dead,” said the mare, her voice was different this time.
“Dash?” asked Fluttershy.
“I was wrong,” continued the voice that sounded so much like Dash. “I thought Twilight had given her life for me. But that’s not how it is, she hadn’t given her life for me, she had given it to me. So she was still alive inside me, more than just a memory or a thought. But some part of her was still missing. Something that we found in Death…”
“My soul,” said the voice of Twilight. “I thought that both of us couldn’t exist like this. It wasn’t just a conflict of minds but of our very souls. I thought that if I left, everything would fix itself for Dash. But I was wrong too. Dash helped me see the truth. Instead of accepting this body, this intertwined fate, we’ve been trying to find a way to fix it and that’s been pulling us apart.”
“Some things you just can’t fix,” said Dash a little sadly. “Some things, you just have to accept.”
“And you’ve, what, accepted this?” asked Applejack. Twilight Dash nodded hesitantly. “So what are you now, who are you now?”
“If I had to describe it,” said Twilight. “It’s not quite like how I used to be, before this whole mess happened. I’m still me in here but I’m also Dash. It’s like we share the same memories, like we’re one pony, but there are two of us.”
“It’s like we’re two ponies working together to make one,” said Dash.
“So who’s in control?” asked Pinkie. “Does like Twilight get that leg,” she pointed to their right hoof, “and Dash gets this wing over here?” In a flash she moved around Dash to tug at her wing. “And does Twilight only see out of this eye?” She looked into the purple eye, searching it closely as if she was trying to see Twilight inside it.
“No,” said Twilight. “And stop that!” They took a step away from Pinkie.
“It isn’t like either one of us is in control,” said Dash. “It’s like we both are.” She took a step forward. “Me and Twilight did that together. It’s like… like…” She struggled for a comparison.
“Like peanut butter and bananas?” suggested Pinkie Pie.
“What? No!” said Dash in confusion.
“Also, yuck,” said Twilight, sticking out their tongue. “No, it’s like we are one body, one mind, but two souls.”
“What have you done,” said a voice that made everypony jump. Applejack spun on the spot to find princesses Celestia and Luna landing just outside the library door. They did not wait to be invited in. Neither smiled as they entered and Celestia looked very displeased.
“We went into Death to get Twilight, and we flew through all this darkness, then this field of balloons, or apple trees, or butterflies, or whatever else Rarity and Dash saw, then we found Twilight and she was like, no I don’t want to go back, and Dash was like, we’re totally taking you back, and Twilight was like, okay, and I was like PULL, but it was too soon, so I was like PULL again, and now were all back and Dash and Twilight have finally worked out their problem!” said Pinkie helpfully at nearly in comprehensible speed.
“Did she even take a breath?” whispered Applejack.
“You went into the realm of Death?” asked Celestia, her face emotionless, but her glare fixed on Twilight Dash.
“Yep!” said Pinkie simply.
“So the fusion spell,” asked Celestia, “it worked? You are truly two ponies merged into one?” Twilight Dash nodded.
“I guess we are,” said Dash. “We’re both here, existing together.”
“I see,” said Celestia. “That is… unfortunate.”
“What… what do you mean?” stammered Twilight, their expression suddenly becoming upset.
“I was hoping it would not come to this,” said Celestia. “I did not want to have to go through this a second time.”
“What are y’all talking about,” asked Applejack, moving forward slightly. “Go through what?”
“The Elements of Harmony are balance,” explained Celestia. “They strengthen and complement each other. When they work together, they can accomplish great things. But they exist in balance, and Twilight Dash has changed that balance.
“You have no doubt noticed that your traits pertaining to your elements have faltered recently,” said Celestia. Applejack felt a flicker of surprise, how could Celestia possibly know that?
“Woah!” said Pinkie. “Do you have pinkie sense too?”
“No,” said Celestia. “I know, because this has happened before, twice in fact. The first time was with the first bearers of Harmony and the second time was to my sister.”
“What exactly happened?” asked Rarity slightly confused.
“Aurora Winds happened,” said Celestia. “She was the first bearer of Magic. But she used her gift for personal gain, to merge with another pony… to fuse with Silver Stars, the bearer of kindness. The disharmony created from her horrific act disrupted the balance between the elements.
“The powers became twisted as the struggle of two souls strained the bond between the bearers. Balance was replaced with chaos and harmony with discord. The internal turmoil manifested itself into the world as a physical being, as…”
“Discord…” whispered Twilight with a sudden realization. “They made Discord…” Celestia nodded slightly.
“My sister and I had no choice but to seize control of the elements ourselves,” continued Celestia. “We had to restore balance, to bring the world back into harmony. We were able to contain Discord but our actions had unforeseen consequences.”
“The elements must exist in harmony,” explained Luna. “No one pony may bear more than a single element. To hold more than one is to tip the scales of balance. For us, that imbalance brought forth a monster from within…”
“Nightmare Moon,” said Dash.
“So wait, are y’all sayin’ that because Twilight and Dash are joined together, they’re going to turn into some kind of monster?” asked Applejack.
“Perhaps,” said Celestia, “perhaps not. In both previous cases there were extenuating circumstances. With Aurora Wind, she brought disharmony through force. With Nightmare Moon, she manifested from my sisters own internal turmoil. But with each, did the elements play a part.”
“So… so what are you going to do to us?” asked Twilight. Celestia did not answer right away. The room was filled with an almost unbearable pause.
“I know what I must do,” said Celestia, her eyes fixed on Twilight. “But I would hear your answer first, Twilight Sparkle. Why did you do this?”
“I did this to save Rainbow Dash’s life,” said Twilight seriously, her own eyes locked with the princesses. “I gave up myself so that she could live.”
“I see,” said Celestia softly. “So if we were to separate you,” Twilight’s face paled, “Dash would not survive the process.” Twilight shook her head slightly. “I would also hear from Miss Rainbow Dash then, what do you want?”
“I want…” said Dash, they looked away.
“Dash no!” shouted Twilight, her eyes panicked for a moment. “She’s fine, we’re both fine with this! We’ve accepted this!” Celestia seemed to grow slightly larger, her towering form causing Twilight to shrink away, looking a little afraid.
“Speak Dash,” urged Celestia seriously. “I would hear your thoughts.”
“I want… I want to give Twilight her life back,” said Dash. “I know what she gave up for me, what she’s done for me… and I don’t want to throw that away. But… this doesn’t feel fair to her. It doesn’t feel fair to anypony. No matter how you look at it we are still two ponies trapped in a single body…”
“Then there is still uncertainty within you,” said Celestia. “You place a difficult decision before me. My sister and I cannot put you back as you were, not now that I know the truth of why you came to be. But I cannot leave you as you are, with your heart filled with uncertainty. In such a state the deterioration of your elements will only become worse.”
“Our elements are fine!” lied Applejack, then closed her mouth quickly.
“Exactly my point,” said Celestia with a sigh. “It is only a matter of time before your harmony collapses and a new blight is unleashed upon the world. I am afraid there are few choices left to us…”
“What… what are you planning to do?” asked Rarity. Celestia looked away, but did not answer.
“Thee can relinquish thy elements,” said Luna when her sister did not speak. “And balance can be restored.”
The four friends gasped in horror. But Twilight Dash did not react.
“The only other option…” said Celestia. “I do not wish to consider.”
“Twilight… you can’t,” pleaded Applejack.
“It’s the only way,” said Twilight. “Because the other option is banishment… isn’t it?” She looked pointedly at Celestia and saw the momentary flicker in her mentor’s eyes.
“What?” asked Pinkie slightly confused.
“You are correct, Twilight Sparkle,” said Celestia. “That is the only other option.”
“Then I will give up my element,” said Twilight. “All throughout this mess, Dash and I have been loyal to each other and magic has only made things worse.”
“Dash, what say you?” asked Celestia. Twilight Dash nodded, but there was a frown on their face.
“Dash agrees with me,” said Twilight. “But she doesn’t want to admit I’m right.”
“Very well,” said Celestia. She looked to her sister, who nodded.
Together the princesses’ horns began to glow, white magic mixing with black energy. The strands of magic swirled through the air, wrapping around Twilight Dash. The other four ponies backed away. The light raced faster and faster, spinning like a whirlwind. The strands passed around their body and through it and then there was a brilliant flash and the room went dark as the candles flickered out.
The shadows remained for only a moment before a pulse of light briefly illuminated the room. The light had come from a glowing gem that hung in the air, spinning slowly. It was shaped like Twilight’s cutie mark, the large purple star that adorned her left flank. All eyes were on the newly formed gem that glinted and twinkled, just like a real star.
“Is that what the elements look like?” asked Fluttershy. “It’s beautiful.”
“What, what will happen to it?” asked Twilight, finally able to pull their eyes away from the gem.
“It will be kept safe,” said Celestia. Her horn glowed and a protective bubble wrapped around the gem. “Until the two of you have found true harmony within yourself.”
“So… you’ll let us stay like this?” asked Dash.
“Well that is up to you,” said Celestia. “You may have finally accepted how you are, but it may be some time before you can accept who you are.”
“The hour grows late,” said Luna. “Sister you should return to rest, or you will miss the sunrise.”
“Yes, you are right sister,” said Celestia, for the first time looking a little worn out. “When you are ready Twilight Dash, when you have balanced yourself, your element will be waiting for you.” Twilight Dash nodded.
Celestia and Luna departed back to Canterlot, carrying with them the Element of Magic, held protectively between them. Twilight watched it with sad eyes. It felt like she had lost a bigger part of herself than when she had merged with Dash.
Twilight had wanted to start working to put the library back in order, but Dash had suggested it could wait for tomorrow. The princesses had been right, there was still turmoil within them. Their problems might have been sorted out for their body and mind, but they were still having problems being a single pony, no matter how much Twilight didn’t want to admit it.
Their friends had insisted on staying the night. Dash had wanted to refuse but Twilight welcomed the company. In the end they had compromised with themself, if somewhat reluctantly. Their friends could stay, but there would be none of that girly sleep over stuff, just sleep.
With a cheer, Pinkie Pie produced several sleeping bags for them, seemingly out of nowhere. The friends laid the roll out sleeping mats on the floor in a circle so that they could all see one another.
“I always keep some sleeping bags stashed nearby, just incase there is an emergency sleepover party, which there is!” cried Pinkie, blowing on the paper trumpet she had gotten from some place. “So what game should we play first!”
“I said none of that girly stuff!” insisted Dash.
“Yeah, I don’t think we are gona play any games tonight,” said Applejack wearily. Pinkie’s ears drooped a little. “There will be time later, once we’ve recovered from all this excitement.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” said Pinkie a little sadly. Then her face perked up. “But there is time for cake right? There is always time for cake!”
“Sure,” said Twilight. “I guess we could do cake before we go to sleep.” She could feel Dash’s reluctant thoughts give a little to the idea of cake.
“Alright!” cheered Pinkie. “I’ll be right back!” With a whoosh, she vanished in a pink blur.
“Where is she going to get a cake at this hour?” asked Dash, settling down into their sleeping bag.
“Oh, you know Pinkie Pie,” said Rarity, “I’m sure she has an emergency party cake some place.” The room went quiet, while they waited for Pinkie to return. No pony seemed to know what to say, or what to ask. Finally, it was Fluttershy, of all ponies, who broke the silence.
“Dash, are you really unhappy fused with Twilight,” asked Fluttershy.
“No… not unhappy,” said Dash after a moment. “Uncomfortable maybe? It’s really kind of strange, not in a bad way, just, strange. It’s like having somepony else in here with me. I don’t know… it’s like Celestia said, we might have accepted how we are… but I think it’s going to take more time for us to accept who we’ve become.”
“I promise I’ll do everything I can to make this better for you,” whispered Twilight to herself.
“We’ll do everything we can,” corrected Dash. “We have to do this together.” Twilight Dash smiled.
“So what’s it like in there?” asked Applejack. “Can you hear each others thoughts?”
“Sometimes,” said Dash. “Sometimes its just murmurs, but when Twilight is really thinking hard about something, its like she’s whispering in my ear.”
“I keep remembering things,” said Twilight. “It’s hard to tell if they were things I did, or things Dash did. Like there is this one memory, where I was trying to show off to this colt I had a crush on. I was trying to get as close to the ground as I could before pulling up.” Twilight smiled and Dash frowned.
“Wait!” cried Dash. “That’s my memory!”
“So what happened?” asked Applejack slyly.
“Nothing happened!” said Dash defensively.
“I ended up crashing into him!” said Twilight with a giggle and a blush. All of the girls couldn’t help but laugh.
“Oh yeah! Well I can find embarrassing memories in here too!” said Dash. They were quiet for a long moment, their face strained as they searched. “Wow Twilight, your childhood was really boring! It’s all just studying and more studying! Didn’t you have any fun before you came to Ponyville?”
“Of… of course I did!” stammered Twilight. “Reading is lots of fun!”
“Who wants cake!” cried Pinkie Pie. The party pony had reappeared with a six layered cake that wobbled slightly as she held it. The frosting was colored to each of the ponies, although two of the layers were still blue and lavender. “It’s actually six different cakes that I combined into one! It’s no cake-pie, but it’s still super awesome! Do… do you guys like it?”
“It’s perfect,” said Twilight Dash together.
END
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So... yeah... attempt 3 at this... hopefully it is more what people were looking for in the ending. Apologies to everyone who's comments went poof I wasn't entirely sure what would happen when I put this back up and it seemed like the only way to let people know things have changed.
Also, no more re-works, this is the final ending (short of some additional spelling / grammatical edits)
I realize I cannot please everyone (because everyone wants something different) but at least this is closer to what I wanted the story to be and feel significantly less depressed about it.
No sequel is planned at the moment.
"... except who we've become" - should be "... accept... "
Felt a little less polished than previous chapters, but overall I think it's good. I hope your writing isn't part of what caused you stress. You've done an amazing job and should feel very proud of what you've accomplished. If this is truly the end I'm a little disappointed, if only because I've come to look forward to your updates. I eagerly await whatever comes next from you, as long as you enjoy writing it and don't let it wear you down.
Great job, great story.
I still wish you continued with the Harmony idea, as much as others disliked it, but this is the next best thing. Awesome ending!
Hmm.... I liked version two better, but that is because it was happier.
This works better since it covers the whole "Elements gone opposite" thing.
Lovely ending chapter, glad it all worked out
hmmm... still enjoyed it!
This is a much better ending than the previous ones. Good job Starwin, I think you can have a well-deserved break from Twilight Dash now
.
So, it's a bit of the first version and a bit of the second version mixed together? And it also leaves you room for an eventual sequel if you feel like writing a story about getting the Element back... I guess this is a fair compromise, although it feels slightly cheated. Nevertheless, good job finding the "perfect balance", as it were.
hmmm... still enjoyed it!
This strikes me more as a bonus ending... but It would of been interesting to see how Harmony would of been defeated, since the elements of Harmony should be right out for obvious reasons.
Ok, repeat with me 'fair' ok? again, 'fair'
EDIT: Better ending, i liked it
rclol.com/img/thumbs-up-obama-not-bad.jpg
Man, how do you find three extremes? In the first draft there was a villain for no reason, in the second everything wrapped up far too nicely and quickly, and in this the end just happens. There's no resolution, no satisfying conclusion to the story. It just sort of... leaves off.
-Tricondon
This... really doesn't change much. In fact, it offers even less closure. If I were you, I would have stuck with the first option, because this story ending the way it is now... Just isn't working. At some point you have to realize that if it is taking this many attempts to make this ending work, then maybe this scenario isn't where the story should end. I'm not saying it's bad, it just seems sudden, forced, and downright out of place, not to mention slightly cliche. This story is remarkable man, and it deserves an ending to match. This... This ain't it. Good attempt, but my recommendation: Expand the story a bit to build up to a more satisfying conclusion.
If you rewrite this again, I'm going to laugh. Believe in yourself, I personally thought the second version was good, this one took a sad turn and then went back up again so you made up for the emotional drop. I wish to see more writing out of you.
I've liked all the versions so far, but this one's my favorite! Great story!
(Also, "fare" should be "fair" in a couple places)
Fair*
Honestly, if you keep this latest version of the story, I'd love to see a followup.
applejack.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/134768427599.png
I think you're getting entirely too much constructive criticism here. Give yourself a very long break and then come back to this. You're an amazing writer and you've gone in very creative directions in this story. This ending resolves the central conflict of the story, and I think that's what's important. Even if you think that this should be changed, that can wait.
Well, I guess this chapter kinda leads into an epilogue and/or a sequel, but not only is that your decision, it's not as important as you just de-stressing about this wonderful story you've written. I think, as the writer, you should be the one must fulfilled by your story.
Now Celestia isn't screwing things up anymore! Thats always good. Me thinks the true trauma is just beginning. ..
This flows a lot better then the first version I read, which was the second attempt, I think Celstia's part played out very well here. She was was imposing yet understanding as I figured the mentor goddess who jettisoned her own sister to the moon would be.
1334975
Corrected, brain still not firing on all cylinders...
I like this version the best. It has a happy ending, but not an unrealistic one. It neatly wraps up the story with knowledge that their lives do go on afterwards.
So, trying to work it out so that Twilight and Dash can be separated is out of the question? ...because I don't like this ending.
1335011 Np, btw i was just joking. :P
Works for me. Glad to see it tie up the unbalanced Elements thread, and in the end a little sacrifice is the price you have to pay sometimes.
Honestly, I think you should just stop trying to fix this. You're more than likely gonna go crazy trying to please everypony, and I think we all know how easy that is. <_<
EDIT: that said, I definitely find this ending better than the second. As for the first, well, that doesn't have a real ending, so I have no opinion on that one.
Better ending. Bioware only tried once.
It's your story, and you can end it however you want. But next time, please put a bit more effort into proofreading for errors.
1334964
Yeah, as many readers pointed out, and to which I agreed with them, a fairly major plot point just couldn't go unresolved... So the end result is a blend of attempt 1 and 2... how fitting that this story end with somewhat of a fusion...
Still not perfect... but at least I am happy with it.
I think that this is what would happen. none of the characters are out of line, they act as they should and the friendship between them carries them. I could see more being written as the two adjust to become one, but i think a lot of the readers have taken this as though it was a directed story, with a definite closure and the story written to meet it, whereas it is obviously (and wonderfully!) a situation based story. The characters are guided by what happens, the ending is unsure. In real life closure only comes every once in a while, some never at all. I like this story a lot, and think that it must have been a huge challenge to write but I hope you can look back on it and see how great it has become.
This was a kind of disappointing ending. It just ended, like it was dropped off of a cliff. There's not really a resolution
I hope there is a continuation coming along, like the first comment said, they're still one pony, and very little is resolved.
I can accept this final (egocentric: I'm pretty sure was not for me that you changed),
however I'll miss Harmony (could be one of the greatest villains of all times
)
Well, now nether is a happy easy end or hard closure,
Now, I really wanted to see, even if oneshot, slice of life twilight dash
This is the crucial turning point. Take that as you will.
UHHHH! Why can there be no closure I mean the first one a Villain was created out of nowhere the second wrapped up nice (my favorite) and this one just kind of..... ends I guess. anyway I think the rest of the story was brilliant and I knew from the beginning that this would be a hard one to write an ending for but I see you have attempted (three times at that) and for that I applaud you good sir
I usually like a happy ending, but it almost seems like you forced this. I was intrigued with where you were going with that Harmony idea.
No matter. The way that you ended this, I hope you have some kind of sequel in place ^.^ it seems like it could flow nicely.
While all three of the endings are good, I think the problem is that you wrote yourself into a corner and have no real idea how to get out. I've done that a few times myself and had to scrap multiple chapters to fix it. (You won't see the fic because it hasn't been uploaded) It's really hard to get out of them otherwise. I'm not saying you should scrap the fic or any previous chapters, they're good. It's just that your desire to have a happy ending with the current set up is causing problems. Again, the ending is fine and you don't need to change it. But if you by your own choice and not the readers heckling want to change it, I suggest that you put them through a few more trials until you get to an easier let off point. Either that or find some way for Dash to live.
Now I speak solely as a reader and not a fellow writer.
Amazing fic. I really enjoyed reading it and the whole thing shows that you put a lot of passion into it. I can't wait to see another story from you.
1334935
Sometimes the difficulties they'll have to face make it a better story, though. Especially if there's a sequel.
Hint.
Hint.
Aha! This is it.
Good ending.
1335054
This is a good ending - I think that issue is better off resolved in a sequel. Not enough room.
At least you're trying harder than Bioware.
oh no. again.
TO EVERYONE SAYING THERE'S NO RESOLUTION: What was the central conflict of this story? Twilight Dash was tearing herself apart from the inside. This ending resolves that conflict. No, they're not separate and everything's back to normal. No, Twilight Dash isn't 100% balanced. Stories don't have to end in perfect harmony to end satisfactorily, and I think you're all being way too picky.
Anyways, this is kinda perfectly positioned for either an epilogue or a full-blown sequel, but one's a time-skip and the other is it's own story. And if there is a sequel, then we know what the central conflict of that will be: Twilight Dash learning to be Twilight Dash.
I think this works better than try #2, but it would also be neat to have known where it was going with try #1.
Answer: Alternate ending or such!
Anyway, I think it worked great. It was a bit sad for Twi to lose her element, but it worked out well. (Do we get to find out ever who the new Element of Magic would be?)
The first ending was too dark. The second too light. This one is juuuuust right. Could still do with some tweaking and maybe an extra concluding chapter or paragraph (The ending seemed to sudden maybe end with the morning after? New dawn and all that jazz)
If you did decide to continue this it could become a really epic story... and its already pretty awsome.
There we go -- that was a lot better. Glad you picked my idea about element relinquishment.
The element of magic goes psycho and escapes AND THE STORY CONTINUES!!!
1335177
bad idea. for good ending they must be separated
and no sequel
At the very least... this story is not some annoying Journey into My Imagination villain.
Decent ending. And leaves room for a sequel.
I had fun
hmm... i suggest an epilogue, perhaps a few years later. Still, I like this ending better than the last one I read.
I missed out on the first two endings but this one turned out well. The victory came with a price but left no one dead. although I kinda wish I had seen the first two. In any case thanks